The bath didn’t help. Neither did the cup of herbal tea. Diane just couldn’t fall asleep. She lay alone in the darkness and wished that tonight, more than any night since he’d gone, Philip was lying beside her.
She turned over and pulled the pillow from his side of the bed, holding it close.
Visions spun through Diane’s mind, things she hadn’t thought much of when she noticed them. Michelle’s recent preoccupation with exercise, her insistence that she get her run in every day, along with making sure she followed the instructions on that exercise video she always seemed to be playing. Diane had written it off as simply a teenage girl becoming more aware of her figure.
The container of ice cream that had been sitting, unopened, in the freezer for months. Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey, Michelle’s favorite. For years Michelle had requested it every time Diane went for groceries. Again, she hadn’t been concerned, knowing that what a kid loved wasn’t always what a teenager preferred.
Diane hugged the pillow closer as she thought of Michelle’s garlic bread in the trash and tried to recall her daughter’s eating habits of late. There hadn’t been enough family meals since Philip went to prison. Many evenings she’d gotten home from work and Emily and the kids said they’d already eaten. Truth be known, Diane guiltily admitted to herself, she’d been relieved on lots of those nights. It was easier to pour a bowl of cereal or scramble a couple of eggs for herself and eat in solitude with a magazine, not having to expend the energy to engage in conversation. The stress of having her husband away in such disgrace along with the pressures at the office left Diane wrung out at night.
Though she had been making it a point to avoid speaking engagements, dinner plans, and anything else that would keep her from being at home with the kids in the evening, Diane mentally berated herself. Being there physically didn’t mean she’d always been there emotionally. She realized now that perhaps she had been so wrapped up in her own heartache and worry, she hadn’t been paying enough attention to her daughter’s.
But she had damn well better start paying attention now. Diane punched the pillow resolutely. If this was the start of an eating disorder, it had to be dealt with immediately and decisively. It would affect Michelle’s health and could lead to even more destructive behaviors. Look at Leslie Patterson. How ironic that just this morning she had been feeling sorry for the Patterson family when Diane could be facing the same problem herself.
Thank God, Michelle wasn’t cutting herself too, or at least Diane didn’t think she was. Her heart beat faster at the thought. She wondered what had come first for Leslie Patterson. Did the cutting follow the eating disorder or vice versa? Did the two destructive behaviors go hand in hand? Diane squeezed her eyes shut tighter and concentrated.
Dear Lord, please help me nip this in the bud.
She felt a bit of ease as she silently prayed, but in the back of her mind, she knew that asking for God’s help was only part of the solution. Diane was going to have to stay on top of this.