PEOPLE YOU CANNOT AVOID

THE BANK MANAGER

The bank manager is arguably the most powerful person in the world of the smaller business.

The bluffer will immediately grasp that the key is to convince the bank manager that you have tons of money, and don’t really need to borrow more, but would like to do so anyway. There are, of course, two slight problems with this:

1. Any sensible person (and bank managers are always the most sensible of people) will wonder why you want to borrow money if you say you already have enough.
2. Your bank manager probably has a better idea of how much money you have than you do.

So trying to bluff a bank manager is a bit like trying to out-eat a sumo wrestler: it is theoretically possible but just not very likely. But there are steps you can take that will put you at less of a disadvantage:

1. Think big

The same bank that sends you emails or letters if you are a few pence over your overdraft limit seems to be more than happy to lend millions to some of the most dubious businessmen in the world. This is because banks assume that someone who asks for £100,000 is used to dealing with such sums and is not worried about paying it back, while someone who asks for £100 is obviously a smalltime loser. So it pays to overestimate your needs.

The bank manager will wish to demonstrate his control by giving you less than you ask for. So if you want £10,000, ask for £30,000. (He or she will halve the sum, but you will inevitably find that you need half as much again as you thought you did.)

2. Exploit your business plan

The figures in your plan should support your position that you are doing very nicely and expect to be doing even better as a result of the business, but can foresee times when you might, under certain circumstances, have temporary cash-flow difficulties. You want a secure credit facility just in case. Bank managers adore cautious people.

3. Increase your credit rating over time

Borrow money when you don’t need it in order to demonstrate your ability to pay it back. Having proved your ability with small loans, gradually increase their size. Your record will not save you if things go bad, but a large loan facility may help to keep your options open.

THE ACCOUNTANT

A good accountant can be defined as one who saves you almost as much in taxes as he charges in fees.

Most entrepreneurs treat their accountants as their Father Confessor – friend, guide and Fount of All Wisdom. This can be true, but don’t follow any advice blindly. When choosing an accountant, beware of the type who when asked the sum of two plus two answers ‘how much do you want it to be?’

THE CONSULTANT

Businesses are increasingly using consultants in every functional area. Their role is to deliver specialist skills from a different perspective, supposedly. If you need help in any aspect of your business, then it’s a certain bet that there is a management consultant hanging around in reception who can help. As a bluffer you might find a consultant rather convenient – someone who can actually do the bluffing for you. It not only works quite effectively, but also helps you to learn from a master of the art... which is of course the problem.

Consultancy is an occupation that attracts more than its share of BS artists. Even the good ones may overcharge and may waste a lot of time ‘learning about your business’ (which you are paying for). You could end up with results that are of no use at all, and a long, wordy, vague report that requires a PhD in cryptology to decipher. God forbid that you should find yourself involved in any sort of litigation, but the barrister’s ‘counsel’s opinion’ is an example of the most advanced sort of all of these cryptic exercises. Rest assured that it will identify the problem by plumbing hitherto unexplored depths of prolixity, but will it offer you a solution? You’ve got more chance of knitting fog.

As a bluffer you might find a consultant rather convenient – someone who can actually do the bluffing for you.

Hiring the right sort of consultant, however, could still be the answer to a lot of problems and is usually a better option than hiring new staff on permanent contracts, with all the legal and administrative hassle that it entails. You just have to keep your consultant on a tight rein. Define exactly what you want and then get the consultant to repeat it back to you very slowly so you can be sure that you are understood. Do not allow consultants to go wandering off, giving you what they think you need rather than what you want. This is what they like to do. Your job is to keep them on track.

THE PERSONAL ASSISTANT

You might, if you’re very good, bluff your banker, your accountant, even your family, but you will never bluff your personal assistant. Nor should you try. He or she must be your ally in carrying off your bluff.

All contact must be made through your PA. You must be unavailable much of the time, even if you’re not actually doing anything. This will mean much more work for you since, for example, you will have to return the calls (via your PA) because you were ‘not there’ at the time. But the impression will be that you are devoting yourself almost exclusively to the serious business of making money.

Routine administration takes up a great deal of time since it has to be done whether the business is making a lot of money or not. By relieving you of these tasks, the PA lets you get on with what you are supposed to be doing, even if this means that you end up helping your PA to do the work, rather than the other way round.

THE REST OF THE WORLD

Everyone else falls into one of two categories:

1. people who give you money – customers and clients; or
2. people you give money to – suppliers, employees, advisers.

Both should be dealt with in exactly the same way. They must be approached with a display of self-confidence so absolute that they are forced to assume you must have something to be confident about.

If you can convince enough people, you may one day really have something to be confident about. On that day, when your small business is the big business it always pretended to be, you can admit how small you once were, and how you built your giant multinational from a shed in your back garden.

Just make sure you don’t tell anyone about the garden shed until it is safely buried in the concrete of your glass tower head office.