Chapter Thirty-One
Cooper
Kissing Kate had been a mistake. Not because it wasn’t amazing, because it was. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I wanted to do it again and again and never stop kissing her. But the stabbing jealousy I experienced every time I saw her with Mick made it hard to breathe or think, slicing so much deeper now that I knew what her soft lips felt like against mine. How it felt to hold her in my arms and have her cling to me as if she never planned on letting go.
For a few amazing minutes last night, I’d convinced myself she felt the same way I did, because otherwise the kiss wouldn’t have overpowered me like that. But when I saw her in the hallway with Mick first thing this morning, his arms around her as he whispered in her ear, reality came crashing in. I was the guinea pig guy. Practice for the real thing.
When it came to deciding exactly what I wanted to do with my life, I struggled to make a solid decision. Partially because Dad already made it for me, but honestly, committing to one thing for the rest of my life made my chest squeeze too tight. It seemed so final, and with most of my life stretched in front of me, I didn’t want to choose wrong and end up living with regrets. The only thing I’d ever fully committed to was rowing, which had to do with my love for gliding through the water more than team spirit.
For the first time in my life, I was completely sure of one thing I wanted, no second-guessing, no fear over thinking in long-term scenarios.
I wanted Kate.
I wanted her sitting next to me in the cab of my truck, or in my boat, or on the foot of my bed—or really, wherever, because it didn’t matter where we were when I was with her. I wanted to listen to her babble on and on about couples she shipped in that dreamy yet passionate tone, and to show her constellations as we laid out under the stars and laughed and talked until both of us were too hoarse to speak. Then we’d speak in other ways, kissing until her breaths were mine, and mine were hers.
I’d tried not to hope—even shut my emotions off the best I could the instant the kiss ended—but after a night of tossing and turning, I’d decided I was going to tell her how I felt. With my attraction moving into the consuming range, simply avoiding her wasn’t going to be enough to repress it, and I knew I couldn’t hold back how I felt anymore.
Or that was what I thought before I saw her with him.
I’d detached myself the best I could this morning so I wouldn’t explode when she’d tried to talk to me—no doubt about how successful kissing practice had been at helping her be more comfortable with Mick. I’d felt so ripped open and raw, I couldn’t even look at her. I kept telling myself I couldn’t get mad at her when she’d been crystal clear about the point of our deal and I was the sucker who went along with it, but I was angry all the same.
Then she was with him at lunch, too, which only rubbed salt in the wound, and I’d had a pointless day of classes where I couldn’t focus for shit.
Stupid me, I’d still kept an iron grip on that tiny glimmer of hope that called to me and said once we were alone in my boat, I could do something to make her see me and how amazing we could be together, and get her to change her mind. Get her to pick me instead.
While staring at the door of the school, holding my breath as I waited for her to come out, my phone had chimed with a text from her.
Then it became painfully clear I needed to face the fact that she didn’t want me the way I did her.
I’d lost her, but even worse, she hadn’t ever been mine.
I looked down and re-read the text.
Yeah, space from me so you can get with Mick. I’d mildly disliked the guy before, but that’d just been upgraded to loathing with a fiery passion.
I climbed in my truck, slamming the door shut, and peeled out of the school parking lot. The lake would only make me think of Kate, so I went home to wallow.
The second I stepped into the living room, I kicked myself for not going to the lake. Or at least checking the garage before coming inside.
Dad sat at the table, dozens of legal documents spread out in front of him. He looked at me before I could attempt to dart up the stairs unnoticed. “Hey, son. I just got this new case. You should come take a look. Get a taste for the files you’ll be digging into this summer.”
I moved over to him and the words on the multiple files blurred together. Evidently knowing what I wanted with Kate—even though I couldn’t have it—unlocked the part of me where all my desires lay, and they wanted to burst out and make themselves known. I’d already had it with today, and I figured it couldn’t get much worse.
I cleared my throat and looked at my father. “I don’t want to be a lawyer. I want to be on the rowing team and study marine biology. I’ll probably minor in astronomy while I’m at it.”
“If rowing’s that important to you, you can be on the team. But that’s not a good bachelor’s degree to help you get into law school. And they certainly won’t be impressed by astronomy as a minor.”
Frustration bubbled up inside me, threatening to burst free, but I knew yelling would only drive this conversation into explosive territory. “Well, if you listened to the first part of that statement, I don’t want to be a lawyer, so going to law school would be a waste of time.”
Dad’s eyes lifted to mine, anger simmering in the brown. “I know it’s a lot of school. But Callihan men are lawyers. It’s in our blood. Hasn’t it provided a nice life for you? My work is what allows you to be out goofing around on that lake all the time.”
I ignored the goofing around jab, still trying to keep our discussion civil. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me, I do. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to live the rest of my life working a job I don’t want.”
Dad rose and leaned over the table, his posture all intimidation. “If you think I’m going to pay your tuition so you can go dink around, you’re wrong.”
I straightened and looked him square in the face. “Then I guess you’ll have to get used to the idea of your only son going to community college.”
A muscle flexed his jaw and he narrowed his eyes. “Where is this coming from? Is it that girl you’ve been hanging out with? Your mom says you two are close—don’t tell me you’re going to give up college to be with your high school girlfriend.” His tone made it clear how laughable and pathetic that’d be.
Steel filled my lungs, leaving them too heavy. “If Kate was my girlfriend, I just might. But she’d never ask me to give up what I wanted to do—she’d encourage me to go for my dreams. The truth is, I’ve felt this way for a long time. I didn’t want to disappoint you, or to make you mad enough to lose your temper.” I threw up a hand. “Mom and I tiptoe around you, trying to make sure there’s no noise and no mess here to keep you happy. But I can’t live like that forever. More than that, I shouldn’t have to. And neither should Mom.”
Red flooded his face, his anger reaching the boiling point. “If you think I’m just going to let you throw away your life—”
“Paul.” Mom stepped into the room. “Can you just listen to him? Listen to what he’s saying. Just for once, listen.”
“You’ve babied him too much,” Dad shot at Mom before pointing his finger in my face. “You’re doing the summer internship, and you’re getting your law degree. End of story. Now, it looks like I’m going to have to take this to the office instead of spending a quiet night here like I hoped to.” He swept his files off the table and tucked them under one arm. “I hope you’re both happy.”
With that, he stormed out of the room. The slam of his office door echoed through the hall.
I ran a hand through my hair and let out an exhale. “That went well.”
“He’ll calm down, and then hopefully he’ll be more open to a rational conversation,” Mom said, moving over to me.
“We’re talking about the same guy, right? He’s going to come up with three hundred arguments to prove his side, and there’s nothing you or I can say to change his mind. I appreciate the support, but you should just save yourself his anger and agree with him next time.” I turned to walk out of the room, but Mom stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.
“If you can be brave, so can I. We can’t tiptoe around him all the time. One day he’s going to have to learn that having a family means there will be people who live here and make noise, and occasionally even messes.”
I shook my head. “I’m not brave.”
If I were, I would’ve told Kate how I really felt, despite having the odds stacked against me. I wouldn’t just let her go to prom with some idiot who didn’t even know what a lucky bastard he was.
…
“Cooper?”
I spun around to find Amber. Since she and I had barely exchanged words this year, I fought the urge to scratch my head over her sudden appearance at my locker. The anxious body language confused me even more. “Yeah?”
“Do you have a date for the prom?”
“I’m not going to prom,” I said.
She glanced down at her feet. “But if someone asked, maybe you’d change your mind?”
“Who? Paris? Whatever mild flirtation she and I had ended long ago.”
Amber frowned. “I don’t do everything for Paris. I’m asking for me. I hoped you’d go to prom with me. I figured since Kate’s going with Mick…”
My stomach bottomed out. “She asked him?”
“I’m not sure who asked who. I just heard that they’re going together.” She leaned in and whispered, “Paris is super pissed about it.” If I wasn’t mistaken, Amber looked a little gleeful over her supposed friend’s anger.
But I couldn’t concentrate too much on that, because all I could think about was Mick and Kate. She asked him to prom. It’s really over.
I didn’t think I had any hope left, but the gut-punch, heart-clench combo made it clear I’d been holding on to something, and it’d just been ripped from me and squashed like a bug.
Kate and Mick. At prom. He’d push for more than kissing on a night like that, and I wanted to do something to stop it, but it wasn’t my place, and she’d made her decision.
I hated her decision.
It’d be torture to be there and see them together.
“So? What do you say?” Amber flashed me a big smile. “Will you be my date for prom?”