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Jasmine
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I was greeted by the delicious smell of frying pork chops when I unlocked and opened the door after coming home from church. I walked in and glared at Toni in the kitchen, who must have read my mind since I was staring at her wondering what she was doing here.
“I decided we needed to talk,” Toni said, wiping her hands on the dishcloth she had draped over her shoulder. She’s about to mess up the sermon I just absorbed this morning. The devil is still busy.
“You decided? Toni, we don’t have anything to talk about. You’ve been gone for three damn weeks. I was beginning to enjoy the peace and quiet,” I said calmly.
“See Jazz, I came back home to make peace.”
“Peace? Puh-leeze. And we’re doing that because you decided it’s time? I’ve been callin’ you, worried about you, and you don’t even have the decency to pick up the phone, open your mouth and say ‘Jasmine, I’m fine, I need some time, I won’t be comin’ home, don’t stay up waitin’, kiss my ass, nothin’!”
“What did you expect me to say? Obviously, you been occupied, I’m supposed to just ignore that?”
“Where the hell you been for more than three weeks?”
“That ain’t important, I needed some space,” Toni said, turning back to the frying pan trying to act like she was deeply engaged in cooking.
I felt my neck whirling around like the Exorcist. “Have you lost your mutha’ fuckin’ mind?” Yep, teachings from my good gospel sermon were gone and it was on. At which point Coco came into the kitchen sensing tension between us. Toni was taken aback—she knew I only used language like that when I was really upset.
“Are you serious? You’ve been gone damn near a month, and we’re supposed to have a good Sunday dinner?” I said walking towards her.
“I’m not doing this again Jazz,” Toni said when she pushed past me after taking the pork chops out of the grease. I was glad she did, the kitchen wasn’t a good place to fight, we had too many heavy pans and sharp objects.
***
“Tension.” That was the title of this family drama starring me and Toni. It was an uneasy truce as we existed under the same roof. Since she decided to come back and claimed she wanted to make us work, neither of us got too close or raised our voice for fear of adding fuel to a growing fire and a deteriorating relationship. But as my gut told me, Toni couldn’t miss too many weekend activities before she showed her ass again.
I had a Saturday seminar on “Teaching Adult Living Skills” and came home during the lunch break since the community college was close to the house. I didn’t really feel like networking; I didn’t have the energy to pretend to care.
I ran into Toni on the front porch preparing to leave the house with a packed bag. I looked long at the bag and then at Toni.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“I’m going to watch the Mystics game,” Toni responded matter-of-factly.
“And?” I gestured to her bag.
“I’m hangin’ out afterwards, so I’m taking a few things just in case.” Toni side-stepped me.
I turned around. “Toni,” I called out, “let me make sure I understand...it’s two in the afternoon, you’re going to watch a Mystics game that comes on at four at some mystery location, and you’re taking a bag ‘cause you aren’t sure if you’ll drink too much or smoke too much and won’t be able to make it home?”
Toni said, “Yep, that’s about right.”
My head was about to explode. “That sounds premeditated. It doesn’t sound like something a person, who is part of a couple or wants to be part of a couple, does to enhance their relationship. I thought you came back home because you wanted to be with me.”
Toni huffed loudly, dropped the bag in the middle of the walkway, and folded her arms.
“Before you leave Toni just one last question. Knowing my seminar is over soon and I’ll be home by four-thirty, is not enough to keep you home so maybe we can watch the game together and do something afterwards?”
“Jazz, I’m not saying I won’t be home tonight, it’s just in case.”
“You didn’t answer the question. But it doesn’t matter, I’ll see you tomorrow. Enjoy your evening.” I turned towards the door and could feel Toni glaring at me. I heard her huff and turned around to see her picking up her bag and walking away... again... towards her spotless car with perfectly dressed rims without saying a word. The damn thing’s glare almost hurt my eyes. I didn’t stay on the porch to watch her pull off. My appetite suddenly gone, I made a quick cup of tea, flipped through the mail and returned to a painfully long afternoon of lecturing and group exercises.
On my way back home, I called Stephanie to vent. She instead, invited me over. I didn’t want a lecture or pity, I just needed someone to listen, and Stephanie was good at that without interjecting or offering advice.
I stopped by my house to get Coco first since I might be out for a while. By the time I got to Stephanie’s house, she had ordered pizza and wings. Not exactly what I needed for my girlish figure, but what the hell. We drank wine and watched the Mystics game. Stephanie listened and pretty much hung her shingle out for an impromptu therapy session. It was my good fortune to have one of Maryland’s leading psychologists as my closest friend and ally. I talked, cried, and talked some more. In the end though, the remedy for the course of my relationship was my decision. It always was.
I woke up trying to remember why I wasn’t in my own bed and instead was in one of Stephanie’s spare bedrooms, which had become my refuge over the years. I looked at the clock—it read four thirty-six. Not that I was surprised, but I thought perhaps Toni would have called my cell if she didn’t get an answer at the house. No dice.