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My phone beeps at ten in the morning, and I smile when I see it’s a text from Courtney.
What are you up to? she asks.
Baking lemon squares so I have something to feed my family when they come over, I reply.
Your family’s visiting today? You didn’t tell me.
They didn’t say anything, but I know they’re coming.
There’s a zero percent chance I won’t get a surprise visit from either Vince or my mother today, if not my entire family. I suppose it’s not really a surprise if I know it’s coming, but I don’t know when it’ll happen, and I intend to be ready. As soon as Courtney left for work, I looked up a bunch of recipes online then headed to the grocery store to buy ingredients.
By lunchtime, I’ve made lemon squares and lemon rosemary shortbread. When Courtney texts to check up on me again, I send her a picture of the baked goods.
Marry me, she says.
I stare at the text message, wondering how to reply.
I’m kidding, she adds a moment later. I can’t believe you baked all that when you’ve only baked once before in your life. How are you so good at everything?
Save the compliments until you’ve tried them. Want me to bring a lemon square to the lab now?
You already packed two chocolate chip cookies in my lunch. I think that’s enough.
Yes, I did pack her lunch this morning. A sandwich and carrot sticks and the cookies we made yesterday.
I’m becoming quite domestic, much to Elena’s amusement.
I really do want to visit Courtney at work, though. First of all, because I’m running out of ideas for how to entertain myself. And second of all, because I desperately want another kiss.
I was pleasantly surprised when she kissed me goodbye this morning, and although it was only a brief kiss, it was hardly chaste, and I’ve been replaying it in my mind all morning. Normally, I’d be able to wrestle control of my thoughts, but I can’t seem to do that today. I have no work to occupy me, and Courtney Kwan captivates me like no one else.
* * *
At two o’clock, I’m reading on my rooftop patio, a couple of lemon squares—I really did a great job with those, if I do say so myself—and a beer on the table beside me.
“Hey.”
I jump at Elena’s voice.
“If you don’t need anything else, I’m heading out now,” she says.
“Sure.”
“And your brother’s here.”
Of course he is.
I sit up and look into Vince’s smirking face.
“I never thought I’d see the day,” he says. “You, reading and drinking a beer in the middle of the afternoon. Enjoying the sunshine.”
“It’s only one beer,” I say, suddenly defensive, “and I’m under the umbrella and I still put on sunscreen, so I’m not going to get burnt.”
“Glad to hear you haven’t really changed.” He picks up my beer. “Labatt 50? Seriously?”
“What’s wrong with Labatt 50?”
“It’s an old man beer, but I guess that’s appropriate, seeing as you usually have about as much fun as an old man.”
“Thanks for the compliment.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels. “I just came to give you a heads-up. Mom and Po Po should be here any minute.”
“You told them, didn’t you?”
“Told them what? That you have a new girlfriend and she’s living with you? Why, yes, I did. I like Courtney, by the way. She sent me all sorts of pictures from your fun weekend together—I particularly enjoyed the picture of Joey the Phallic Cactus. I can’t wait to see the results of your private scrapbooking lessons. And apparently you’re getting a pedicure?”
“I did not agree to that. I told her I’d think about it. Why are you and Courtney suddenly best buddies? And how are you texting her now that I have my phone back?”
“She sent me her number before she returned your phone.” Vince studies me for a moment. “You’re still too tense.”
“Maybe that has something to do with your presence.”
He ignores my comment. “You’re not getting laid yet, are you? If you’re determined to keep things platonic with Courtney, at least let me—”
“Stop trying to arrange orgies for me!”
“Yeah, you definitely need to get laid.”
“I want to,” I mutter, “but she’s not interested.”
Well, she’s clearly attracted to me, and she makes pretty damn erotic noises when she kisses me, plus I can’t imagine she’d have anything against having sex just for fun. But she says she can’t, and she won’t tell me why.
Vince finds this hilarious. “You need serious help with women.”
“May I remind you that I’m the one who’s had several relationships in the past ten years, whereas you haven’t had a girlfriend since Deanna?”
“I...” He shakes his head.
My brother, at a loss for words. Huh.
As I’m pondering this unusual situation, I hear some banging noises in my condo, so I head downstairs with my book and half-finished beer.
Mom and Po Po are here.
“Julian!” Mom says. “There you are.”
I pull out the containers of cookies and lemon squares. I arrange them on a platter and start the kettle for tea.
Vince is back to his usual smirking self. “Wow. Courtney wasn’t lying when she said you’d been baking.”
“You made these?” Mom asks. “Not Elena?”
“I did.”
Po Po grabs a lemon square and takes a bite. “Pretty good. Your girlfriend helped you?”
“Just with the chocolate chip cookies. I made the rest myself.” Then I register her words. “Courtney isn’t my girlfriend.”
“She’s living with you, yes? Sounds like a girlfriend to me.”
I don’t know why I’m arguing when there’s no chance of me convincing my family that I do not have a girlfriend, not after Vince put that idea in their heads.
The water boils. I make a pot of jasmine tea and bring it to the dining room table, along with the platter of cookies and squares. I return to the kitchen for my bottle of beer.
“This is your fourth day off work,” Mom says, “and you’ve already gotten a girlfriend and learned to bake?”
“He’s efficient even in his time off,” Vince says.
Po Po taps my bottle of beer. “Do not approve of this.” She clucks her tongue. “If you’re not careful, you will turn into Vince.”
“Hey!” he says. “What’s wrong with me?”
I’m about to answer, but then my grandmother lifts the beer to her lips. We all watch, wide-eyed, as she chugs the rest of the bottle.
“There,” she says proudly. “Now you can’t drink it.”
“There are twenty-three more bottles in the fridge,” I say.
“You bought a two-four of Labatt 50?” Vince laughs. “God, you are such an old man. And Po Po, that was impressive. But why is it okay for you to drink beer in the middle of the afternoon, and not for us?”
“Am eighty-nine.” She points to herself. “Could drop dead any minute. Doesn’t matter what I do anymore.”
“Ma,” my mother says, “will you please stop talking about dropping dead?”
“Why? It’s true. But it would be nice to have great-grandchildren first.”
“I’m sorry to tell you this,” I say, “but there’s a good chance you won’t get any great-grandchildren, unless Vince forgets to use protection when he’s high on drugs.”
My brother discreetly gives me the middle finger.
“I’m not counting on Vince,” she says, “but you. You have nice girlfriend now, yes? Vince says she’s nice. Chinese girl with PhD. Sounds like good match.”
I sigh. “She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Just to be clear,” Mom says, “we don’t care if she’s Chinese. It’s not important, as long as you love her.”
“I care,” Po Po says. “Just a little.”
“You’re old-fashioned.”
“Am eighty-nine and could drop dead any minute! Am allowed to be old-fashioned.” Po Po turns to me. “If you have girlfriend who is not Chinese, it’s okay. Still happy for you. But I think it’s better this way. Where is she?” Po Po looks around.
“Unlike me,” I say, “Courtney isn’t taking two weeks off work. She’s at the lab.”
“Where does she work?” Mom asks.
“At U of T.”
“Will she quit when you marry?” Po Po asks. “Stay home to take care of babies?”
Dammit. Drinking beer and eating lemon squares alone on the patio was a much better way of spending the afternoon than facing an inquisition about the girlfriend I do not have.
“There won’t be any babies, not if Julian can’t seal the deal,” Vince says.
“Seal the deal?” Po Po frowns. “What does this mean?”
My family insisted I take time off so I wouldn’t burn out, but now they’re insisting on driving me up the wall.
“Stop it. All of you. For the last time, Courtney is not my girlfriend. Even if she were, I just met her on Friday, and it would be way too soon to start talking about marriage and babies, okay? Why can’t you all leave me alone to drink my old man beer in peace?”
There’s a moment of silence.
And then my phone beeps.
Vince swipes it off the table and reads the message. “Courtney wants to make sure you haven’t cracked and gone into work.”
“I’ve definitely cracked,” I mutter.
He scrolls through our message history. “Ooh, listen to this! She asked him to marry her.”
“She did not—I mean, that was a joke.”
Vince shrugs. “Details, details.”
I grab my phone back before any more damage can be done.
“I want to meet her,” Po Po says. “Not leaving until she gets here.”
Mom nods in agreement. “I’m very curious.”
“Hey, I’ve got nothing else to do,” Vince says, reaching for a cookie. “I’ll stay, too, even though I’ve already met her.”
Since I don’t see any way out of this, I text Courtney and ask if she can leave work early.
* * *
Courtney arrives before four o’clock, which is incredible. I’ve never gotten home from work anywhere close to four o’clock.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur as I meet her at the door.
“That’s okay,” she says, slipping off her shoes. “Hey, Vince.”
He comes over and they give each other a hug. I can’t say I’m too fond of that.
“How’s Joey the Phallic Cactus?” he asks. “I hear he’s staying in your room.”
Po Po struggles to her feet. “I know what a cactus is, but what is phallic cactus?”
“Forget about it, Ma,” Mom mutters. “It’s not important.”
Mom and Po Po come to the door.
“This is Courtney,” I tell them. “She’s not my girlfriend, but you wanted to meet her, so here she is. Courtney, these are my mother and grandmother.”
Po Po beams. “Very pretty. You make cute babies.”
I’d hoped we’d be able to go five minutes without the mention of babies, but apparently that was too much to ask.
Courtney laughs uncomfortably. “Julian and I are just friends.”
“See?” I say. “She confirmed it. Just friends.”
Friends who have shared a couple kisses.
“Aiyah.” Po Po shakes her head and turns to Courtney. “Why not? Julian is very handsome and rich. Good catch.”
“I know. He’s a very good catch.” Courtney’s gaze is on me, and heat prickles my skin.
Po Po puts her hand on Courtney’s arm, and I’ll grudgingly admit it’s nice that my family has taken to Courtney, but at this point, they’d be thrilled with practically any woman.
But she’s different.
“You work hard, too?” Po Po asks Courtney. “Like Julian? All focused on career?”
“Something like that,” Courtney mumbles.
Vince swaggers over and slaps me on the back. “No, she’s the fun one. She’s living with him so she can teach him how to have a good time on his vacation.”
“I’m so confused,” Mom says. “You’re not actually dating? You’re just friends, but you’re living together?”
Courtney nods. “Temporarily.”
“Vince’s explanation is correct,” I say. “For once.”
My brother gives me a dirty look.
“But you like each other,” Mom says, frowning.
“As friends,” Courtney clarifies, but she smiles at me and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear.
“You should kiss!” Po Po says. “Maybe if you kiss, everything will change! Have seen this in movies.”
“Go on.” Vince nudges me toward Courtney. “Kiss each other in front of your family. It’ll be just like you’re getting married.”
Courtney looks stricken. She must find my family overwhelming.
I don’t blame her.
“Ah.” Po Po nods sagely. “You prefer to do this in private. I get the hint.” She clutches my mother’s arm. “Come on. You, too, Vince. We’re leaving. Though, maybe...maybe I’ll take one more lemon square first.”
I grab a lemon square for my grandmother, grateful she’s going to drag my mother and brother out of here. I was afraid they’d be here for hours, interrogating Courtney.
“Fine, fine,” Vince grumbles. “I’ll stop pissing you off and get on with my exciting life.”
“I’m sure you will,” I say.
Still, it takes another ten minutes to get my family into the elevator. When they’re finally gone, I walk over to Courtney and wrap my arms around her. She doesn’t embrace me back, but she doesn’t step away from me, either.
We stand like this for a few minutes. She stares out the south-facing window that she admired so much the first time she saw it, but today, her eyes look vacant.
“You okay?” I ask, pulling her closer. “I’m sorry about my family. They mean well, but they can be a bit much. I was half-afraid my grandmother would go to my bedroom and look through my closet to see if you’d moved your stuff in.”
“Your family clearly loves you very much,” she says. “Where was your father?”
“At the office, helping out in my absence.” I hesitate, not sure if I should ask the question I want to ask. I try to keep it light. “What are your parents like? Would they be thrilled if you brought someone home?”
“They’d be thrilled if I brought you home. My mom would brag about it to all her friends.” She laughs a little. “My parents don’t tease me anymore. I know it probably seems bothersome to you, but I miss it. It’s like they don’t know how to act around me. Not since...”
I know she’s talking about whatever happened in undergrad. I want her to tell me, but I also know she’s not going to, not now. That’s okay.
I pull her to the couch and into my lap. We kiss lazily for a few minutes.
When we come up for air, she’s smiling, and nothing could make me happier.