The Wilding

I guess you want to know about him. (Pause.) I don’t remember much. It’s strange when I look back, I can’t see his face clearly. Like someone took an eraser and smudged all the colors there. The rest is fine but I can’t see that.

The beginning? (Pause.) I came to work for Aleys and Kel right after the birth. They were a prosperous couple, I knew that from the start. Had a nice house on Chandra Prime and a private berth at the spaceport. Really nice. You could tell they both made good money and didn’t mind spending it on the things that mattered. That was a good sign. I also figured that was why they were willing to hire me, because neither of them wanted to give up their nice income. I mean, it was kind of odd for Chandrans; usually that race won’t let strangers help raise their children no matter what. But I figured that was it, they just needed a little hand here and there to let them stay in the work force while the kids grew up. Not unheard of. Other races do it all the time.

So anyway, I got there five days after the birth. You could see right away that the parents were really glad to have me there. They were a young couple, hardly old enough to be having children, I thought. But then, you never know. I’ve heard some of the Scattered Races start with conception while they’re still kids themselves, some kind of hormone preparation thing. Never worked for one of those races myself, but I’ve heard tales from nurturers who have. They were pretty critical of the practice, but the way I see it, it’s none of our business to tell another race when to reproduce, you know? “Human is as human does,” or so they say.

All right. Well, the first thing you noticed of course was that there were two of them. Two! I mean, it happens all the time with other races, but when was the last time you heard of a multiple birth with Chandrans? They like controlling things so much, it’s amazing they’d even think about letting an egg split up all on its own. Or let both halves grow up if it did.

The girls were absolutely identical, a real split-egg pair. And you could see their parents hadn’t been ready to take on two, whatever they might have thought before the birth. So they called me in to help. That was fine. I settled in fast and pretty much took over, and they were happy with that. The kids were well behaved, didn’t cry much, not unless you separated them. They were bright enough, but they spent a lot of time just staring at each other. I guess identicals are like that. It’s kind of like they only have one brain, you know, just split up into two parts. I guess there’s some part of them that knows what the other is. You could almost sense that sometimes, when you were watching them. Really eerie.

(Pause.) Kel said that because of their genetic code they were at high risk for . . . what was his phrase? . . . “lifestyle interruption.” He never explained what that meant. I know the parents had special security all over the place, like this system linked to Chandra Prime’s Central Ops that would send people running to help if there was the least sign of trouble.

You could tell they really wanted to explain things to me, especially Aleys. But they said they couldn’t. Said the facts couldn’t be in my brain, or something like that. (Pause. In a whisper:) Poor little kids. You think if I’d known what was really going on I could have helped more? Oh, the poor babies. He almost got them, you know?

Not much more to tell, for about six pasats. I don’t think you want details of child care, do you? (Pause.) Anyway, you don’t get much variety with Chandran babies. It’s all preprogrammed. You know when they’ll have a full head of hair, you know when their first tooth will come in, you pretty much know when they’re going to say their first word. Not much is left to chance, in that race. It’s the genetics thing. They don’t trust Nature much.

(Pause.) I was alone with them, you know? Both of their parents were out. I had the alarm system on—I really did, they’ve asked me about that a hundred times, you know, but I made sure of it!—Anyway, things were quiet until about midnight. I had them in bed long before then, of course.

(With obvious effort:) I . . . I think I went into the library to read. Funny, how even that memory is hazy now, it’s all going away, like it never really happened . . . I went in there and called up a book. I don’t remember what book it was. They’ve asked me that over and over again, you know, but I just can’t remember. It seems a stupid thing to forget, doesn’t it? But how much can it matter, what book I was reading?

Anyway, I must have been there a while. Then . . . it was strange . . . I thought I heard the portal chime. But it didn’t, did it? The records say no one used it in that time, at least that’s what the others told me, when they investigated.

My first thought was—and this was odd, I thought that even at the time—“Ah, he’s here.” Like I had been expecting someone all along. But I wasn’t, I’ve told you all that. Aleys and Kel didn’t like me entertaining when no one was home. It was all that security stuff, you know. Something about the kids. So even then I knew it was a pretty strange reaction to have. Like, I felt. . . . (Pause.) . . . it was almost like I was inside my own head, watching my thoughts. You know? Observing them from the outside. Very strange.

I . . . I . . . (Long pause.) I think I went to the portal. I’m sorry I can’t be sure . . . this whole thing, I can’t remember it clearly. Like half of me wasn’t there at the time. I think I went to see who was there. I figured I would just tell them to go away and come back later, but I ought to see first who it was. . . .

Yes. Yes. I know that. (Pause.) I don’t know why I didn’t just tell him to use it. That would have been the right thing to do. That’s what I usually did. (Pause.) How much trouble am I going to be in? I mean, the children—

He was Azean. At least, I thought he was Azean. They tell me now the security images don’t match that, that he didn’t look Azean at all. But that’s what I saw. And it seemed to me at the time that he was familiar to me, and I knew from past experience that he was a regular visitor.

It’s strange, I remember us talking for a while . . . but again, there are no records of that, are there? Just of him sort of staring into my eyes for a few minutes. If not for that I’d have said we spent a long time talking, about all sorts of things. That’s what I remember, you see, even though they tell me now it never happened. I mean, could the records be wrong? (Pause.)

Anyway, after that . . . he went down the hall to look in on the children. I wasn’t going to follow him there at first, because I knew he’d visited the babies many times, so all that was okay. But at the same time, I felt really strange about it. Can’t say why. Like something inside me was worried, worried enough that I didn’t want him to be alone with the girls. At first I felt really bad about having that reaction, and I was afraid that if I followed him and he thought I didn’t trust him he might get angry and . . . well, angering your employer’s friends is not the best way to get references, you know? But then I thought, you know, these parents are so careful with their babies, like they continually expect something to go wrong, so if you have any bad feeling about this, any bad feeling at all, you really ought to go in there and check it out. Just to be sure.

He . . . he had one of the babies. The little thing was all wrapped up in something, a kind of bag with long straps. There was something else . . . another bag maybe . . . laid out on the dresser. Like he was getting ready to wrap up the other one too, and take them both.

(Pause.) I thought . . . (Pause.) It was all okay. It just was, you know? Like . . . like their parents had planned this all along. I mean, that doesn’t make any sense now, but back then it seemed to. This man knew the girls’ parents, and he had come to take the babies for a while, and that was all right. I knew that.

I guess. The security images show that, don’t they? I don’t remember it. I’m sorry. That part’s just a blank. Next thing I remember is him reaching for the other little girl. And somehow . . . that wasn’t right. Like some part of me had suddenly come awake, and knew this whole thing was wrong. I remember starting to scream. It wasn’t because I wanted to scream, but that was the only thing I could do. It was like all the other stuff in my brain had been shut down, so that I couldn’t remember how to make the security system call for help, or where the panic switches were located, or . . . anything. It just all welled up inside me, all this fear without any way to let it out, and finally I just screamed. Really loud.

Well, he looked at me as if I had gone crazy—and maybe I had, for a moment—and maybe he would have done something to stop me from screaming, but I guess the house had some kind of sensor set to respond to loud noises, because the warning light on the control pad near the door lit up suddenly. Bright green, which meant that help was on its way. He took one look at that and I guess he decided to run for it. And maybe he figured he couldn’t run with a baby in his arms, or maybe in his panic he just forgot them, but anyway, he bolted for the door without either of the little girls. And I guess he just beat your people there, because they came only minutes later, but he was already gone.—You didn’t ever catch him, did you?

Are the . . . are the babies okay? They won’t let me see them. I really don’t know what he was doing in there with them, but he didn’t have enough time to hurt them. Did he? Are they all right? Can I please see them?

I loved them, you know? I know that doesn’t make any sense, they weren’t my babies, but when you live day and night with such little ones, when you’re like a mother to them, that’s how it is. You would tell me if they were hurt, wouldn’t you?

We’ll know all that in time, Kallesi. For now, thank you for coming. There are a few more questions you will need to answer for our files; the secretary outside can take care of that. . . .

Yes, right after the kidnapping. She talked to them as if they were both still there. Quite unnerving, I’m told. Even reached out to touch the missing child, before someone stopped her. The mother couldn’t handle it, said she won’t risk her one remaining child in the presence of a madwoman.

(Pause.) Who knows? From her story it sounds as if he had remarkable powers, maybe he could alter memories like that. But it seems to me more likely that her mind just snapped. Couldn’t handle the guilt of knowing that she was responsible for the disappearance of one of her precious babies.

No way to tell. But if we do, we’re going to lose a lot more children, I’ll tell you that. There’s no way to defend against something like this. Not that we know about, anyway.