After the winter festival Jim and Sandi continued seeing each other, but only on a friendly basis.
Both were aware of the problems their relationship could have on their lives. His job could be at risk.
Sandi was still unsure of how she felt about their relationship. She was undeniably attracted to him but continued to hold him at arm’s length. When she was with him, he was so gentle and sensitive to her feelings, but when they were apart, she would worry.
This is all wrong, she thought. He can’t really want me. He’s a college graduate. I barely finished high school! He would never stay. He would just end up walking out on me and the girls! Men always walk out on me! I just can’t do that to my girls again!
She planned to tell him that he should stop calling, but every time she started, something inside of her would keep her from actually saying anything to him.
Sandi continued to see Lynn. Even though she was feeling much more confident about her life in general, this was a new and unexpected concern.
Lynn had helped her understand that even if she experienced a setback, it did not mean she was a failure. She must acknowledge her mistake and vow to try again. In the last few months she had not touched alcohol of any kind, nor had she accepted any invitations to go out with her former friends. She was proud of that fact but was very afraid of backsliding. Then there was Joletta, who continued to have nightmares.
Jim did talk with Jo some about what might be troubling her, but he had felt that she would be better off talking with someone whose specialty was in the field of Adolescent Behavior. Sandi at first resisted the idea, but after seeing how upsetting the dreams continued to be to Joletta, she made an appointment with a child psychologist Jim had suggested. Her name was Dr. Kathleen Heller and she had been working directly with youth for over a decade. Jo was scheduled for her first appointment with Dr. Heller the following Monday after school.
The doctor came into the waiting area and introduced herself to Sandi and Joletta.
Asking Sandi to remain in the waiting room, she invited Joletta into her office, indicating that she would speak with Sandi a little later.
“I am so glad to meet you, Jo! Is it all right if I call you Jo? Or do you prefer Joletta?” Joletta shrugged, and Dr. Heller continued. “My name is Kathleen Heller. Most of the time, my young friends call me Dr. Kathy. Would you like to have a seat?”
The girl shyly sat down on the chair that Dr. Heller offered.
“I’ve spoken with your mom on the phone. She tells me you’ve been having some nightmares. Would you feel ok talking a little while with me? Perhaps you could tell me what your dreams are like and what they might mean to you.”
“I guess I could,” said Joletta, “But really, they’re no big deal.”
“Well I’m glad to hear that, but perhaps we could explore them some. You might be surprised. Sometimes we can find out things about ourselves that we never knew by exploring our dreams.”
“OK, I guess that would be all right, but I don’t see what good it will do. I keep telling Mom that I’m all right.” She rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. “But she doesn’t always listen to me! Well—, you know what I mean.”
Dr. Heller grinned at Jo. “Well, Jo, I am a mother myself, and I think I do know what you mean. My own daughter has, on occasion, told me pretty much the same.”
“Maybe we can just spend a little time getting acquainted. What school do you go to? I understand you’re almost finished with the 8th grade? I have a daughter in 7th grade. She goes to Fallen Timbers Middle School over in New Junction.” As the hour-long appointment ended, it was apparent that Joletta and Dr. Kathy were getting along quite well.
Dr. Heller came highly recommended with Doctorates in Child Psychology and Adolescent Behavior. Besides seeing private clients, she also worked with children referred through Children’s Services. Having a wonderful rapport with the young people she had a special empathy for girls Joletta’s age, having experienced trauma and abuse in her own life.
Jim called Sandi Thursday afternoon before she left for work. “Sandi, could we go out to supper and a movie tomorrow night? You told me the girls were staying the weekend with Susan, and I need to talk to you about something.”
“I’ll have to be at work at 11:30, but if we are back in time for me to get ready, I guess it would be OK.”
Jim drove up at 6:30 sharp, and Sandi grabbed her coat and met him at the door. “Hi, Shivers!” He had been calling her that ever since the afternoon her car wouldn’t start, and she had gotten so cold she couldn’t stop shivering. “I’ve got something special planned for tonight. Are you interested?”
Sandi smiled and nodded as he kissed her on the cheek. His hand slid around her waist, and she could feel the warmth of his breath on her neck. She gently, but firmly pushed him away. It was getting harder and harder to resist his advances.
Why does this have to be so hard? She thought. If I let him have his way, he’ll just be gone, and I don’t think I could stand it.
“Sandi,” he said, “What is it you’re so afraid of? You know I would never hurt you.”
“You just don’t understand, Jim. I have to be sure the next time. I have hurt my girls too many times. I don’t ever want to hurt them again.” Suddenly, Sandi was in tears.
Sometimes it felt like she cried more than anyone else she had ever known before. No one understands! How can they? I don’t even understand myself.
Jim reached out, and this time, he pulled her close to him and would not let her go as she made a weak attempt to push him away. “Sandi, Darling, you are killing me! You are going to have to trust someone, sometime. I have come to care so much for you and the girls, and you barely let me touch you.”
“But Jim, don’t you see how impossible it all is? You are my social worker! Who ever heard of a social worker going out with their client before? It would never work, and you know it! You would lose your job, and pretty soon you would lose interest and leave me.”
“I know of no such thing, Sandi. All I know is that I love you, and I want to be with you always!”
“No, Jim, you aren’t listening. You aren’t thinking. No one ever stays! You’ll leave me just like all the other times.” She pushed hard against his chest. “Jim, don’t you see? First my daddy left, then Joletta’s dad, and then Sam. Men never stay!”
Holding her shoulders firmly, he shook his head and said, “You have me all wrong, little girl. This is one guy that you’re going to have a hard time getting rid of.” He pulled her to him, more roughly this time and held her tightly against his wool jacket.
“Now say it!” he demanded. “I want to hear you say it. Tell me that you love me too! I can feel that you do, no matter how hard you push me away!” Winding his fingers into her hair, he tilted her head back and then his lips were pressing hers. As he kissed her, the whole world began to spin. “Now! Are you going to say it, Sandi? Say you love me!”
Sandi could hardly breathe, partially because he was holding her so closely, but mostly because the warmth of his body and the smell of his cologne overwhelmed her. “I do, Jim. I do. I’ve tried so hard not to, but I do.”
Once again, Jim pulled her to him, and this time she did not resist.
Later, as they parked outside of Sandi’s and he held her in his arms, he quietly said “Sandi, have you ever heard of the J.R. Benning Company?”
“Well, I do remember there is a building downtown that has J.R. Benning across the front. Is that what you are talking about?” She paused and looked up into his face. “You don’t mean that you have anything to do with that, do you?”
“J.R. is my dad. The business has been in the family for the past three generations.”
Sandi could not speak. The implications of what he had just revealed were more than she could handle. Her face flushed, and she felt slightly sick.
“It’s OK, Honey. We don’t bite. I just thought you needed to know since I plan to keep you around for a long while.” He put his finger under her chin and kissed her gently. Sandi sat in stunned silence, not knowing what to say. “Jim, I have to go in. It’s almost 11:30. I have to work tomorrow.