“Come right on in Joletta,” Dr. Heller said with a friendly smile. “How have you been doing?”
“OK, I guess.” The girl seemed somewhat agitated. Dr. Kathy stood and stepped over to the window. Sometimes it was easier for patients to talk when you were not sitting directly across from them.
This was Jo’s third visit to see the psychologist, and although she liked Dr. Kathy, she still thought it was “kind of creepy” talking to a complete stranger about herself. Mom had always said family problems are no one else’s business! Now it seemed like she was saying just the opposite!
“What have you been up to this week, Jo? Have you thought any more about what we were discussing last week? Any more dreams?” The doctor continued to look out the window. “You know, it is not long now before Spring. I’m really looking forward to a change. It’s been quite a winter.” She said nothing for a couple of minutes, “Oh, I’m sorry. What did I ask? Oh yes, did you get a chance to give some thought to what we had talked about the last time you were here?”
“Well,” started Joletta. “My new friend down the street invited me to come over and spend the night with her Saturday, but I couldn’t. I had to stay with Mrs. Taylor. That’s our neighbor. We stay with her while Mom works. Anyway, I couldn’t go because Mom had to work all weekend, and I needed to stay at Susan’s house and help out with Annie.”
“How did you feel about that? Were you very disappointed you didn’t get to spend the night with your friend?” Dr. Kathy paused and watched the girl’s face as she waited for a response.
“Not too much. My baby sister Annie sometimes gets upset when I’m not with her even though Susan is really great and takes good care of her. I like taking care of Annie. She depends on me a lot. Susan, that’s Mrs. Taylor’s first name, said I should have told Tina to come over and stay with us, but Mom says that would have been asking too much. She says we have already asked too much of Susan. It’s ok. Mom said, maybe next time.”
“Do you and Tina see much of each other?”
“She and I walk home from school together when the weather is not too bad. Recently, her dad has been driving us or Mom takes us when she can. Sometimes we get together for a while before supper, and if Mom isn’t working, I can go over to her house. She came over to my house last week and ate supper with us. Mom made some hot dogs while Tina and I made cookies afterwards.”
“That sounds like a lot of fun.”
“Yeah, Tina is fun to be with. She is really funny sometimes. She says when she grows up, she is going to be a comedienne.”
“That sounds like quite a goal. What about you, do you have any dreams? Have you ever thought of what you might like to do when you are grown up?”
“Not really.” Joletta was thoughtful for a minute. “Well, I think that maybe I might like to be a teacher or something. I want to help other people, especially little kids who have a lot of trouble.”
“Ok, I think that sounds like a good plan to me,” Dr. Kathy observed. “Have you had any more of those bad dreams recently?”
“Well, yeah.” Joletta became restless, her fingers making patterns on the tabletop, and she grew quiet.
“Do you feel like talking about it?”
Jo shrugged and said nothing for several seconds, but then she began her story.
“I dreamed about my dad again the other night. Well, I knew it was my dad. I never saw his face. He had a little girl with him, and he was swinging her.”
Another pause– “She started crying because she was scared to go so high, but then she turned and looked back, and he wasn’t there anymore. After a minute she fell off the swing. That’s when I woke up!”
“What do you think the dream meant? Any ideas?”
“I don’t know, Dr. Kathy, but it was really scary. I always feel so alone afterward.”
“Are you afraid of losing someone in your family? Or that you will be left alone? Do you think the child with him could have been you?”
“Maybe, I never really thought about it and I’ve never, even been with my Daddy, so I don’t know how it could have been me.”
“Would you like to see your dad sometime?”
“I think I would. I would just like to know what he looks like, and I’d like to ask him why he didn’t want me. It feels sad not to have a daddy. Momma and Annie don’t have daddy’s either. Well, there’s Sam. He’s Annie’s daddy, but he took off last year and no one knows where he is. I’m really kind of glad anyway; he was not very nice to Mom. He drank all the time and cussed and yelled whenever I didn’t do something, he wanted me to do. One time, he even hit Mom, right in the face, but he told her he was sorry the next morning after he had sobered up.”
“That was definitely not a good thing. I can see why you feel the way you do. Have you ever thought the reasons your Dad isn’t with you might not have anything to do with him not wanting you? Perhaps there were other reasons.”
“Well, what Mom says is that they were really young, and he wasn’t ready to handle the responsibility of a baby. But I don’t know. If l had a baby, I would never ever leave it.” Joletta’s voice was full of emotion, and her eyes misted.
Her counselor reached over and laid her hand on Joletta’s shoulder. “Well, Sweetie, maybe if you try to realize that people make many mistakes in life and often never realize just how their decisions affect others… in your case, you’ve spent a long time wondering about your father. I don’t know if I have any answers for you, but I do know it is a good thing that you’ve been able to acknowledge the fact that you miss having a father in your life.”
“Would you like to go down to the cafeteria and have a soda? It’s almost 5:00 and I told your mom that we would meet her out front. It’s a lovely day out, don’t you think?”
Sandi drove up in front of the clinic a few minutes before the hour and watched as her daughter walked down the path with Dr. Heller. She was laughing and talking.
Perhaps these appointments were going to help her in some way. Sandi certainly hoped so. It hurt her that Joletta didn’t seem able to open up to her about her dreams, but the important thing was having someone she felt she could trust, to talk to, and Jim seemed sure Katherine Heller could be that person.
“Hi, Mom. What’s up?” Joletta waved a good-bye to Dr. Heller and gave her mom a tight hug before she climbed in the seat beside her. “Where’s Annie?”
“Susan called and asked if I could bring her over so Bill and Mary could see how much she’s growing. They’re all going out to get a pizza after a while, and she asked if we wanted to go?”
“Oh Mom, that sounds like a great idea!” Joletta was all smiles as she and her mother drove through the old part of town on the way to meet their friends.