Rafe crossed the expansive lobby of the W hotel and stepped out into the blazing sunshine and pulsing energy of Miami. The Audi convertible rental that he’d picked up at the airport was driven to the front door of the hotel by the valet.
“Your keys, Mr. Lawson,” the valet said.
“Thanks.” He took a twenty from his wallet and pressed it into the young man’s hand.
“Thank you, sir. Thank you.”
Rafe gave a quick lift of his chin in acknowledgment and got behind the wheel of the Audi. He adjusted the mirrors and the seat to accommodate his height, punched in the address on the GPS, put the car in gear and drove off.
He’d been to Miami a few times over the years, mostly to party along South Beach, which is known for its glamorous nightspots and celebrity-chef eateries. He’d lost track of high-end stores and indie fashion shops he patronized that lined the shopping strip on Lincoln Road Mall. So, between the parties at night and the beach during the day, he really didn’t pay much attention to street signs and landmarks. But from what he could recall, not much had changed since his last visit.
* * *
The streets, even before noon, were teeming with a montage of revelers, many of whom looked like they were coming in from the night before and others just getting started.
Rafe took Ocean Drive to the A1A. According to the GPA, he should arrive at Janae’s place in twenty minutes. Staying focused on the building traffic helped to keep his thoughts off what he was heading toward. But every time traffic slowed to a halt, a flash of Janae would jump in front of him.
He was so torn between simmering anger at the deception that had gone on for more than sixteen years, and the unresolved feelings he’d buried that had begun to bubble to the surface.
Her house was less than five minutes away. He took the next exit and drove along Orchard Road and began checking addresses. Number 5856. He slowed and turned the car onto the short driveway and pulled up to the single-story home. The large bay windows wrapped around either side of the front door, which was covered by a portico. The lawn looked freshly mowed and the shrubbery clipped with precision. A single towering palm stood sentinel.
For several moments Rafe sat behind the wheel, gripping it with both hands. The house didn’t look like anything he’d ever imagine for Janae. But then again, he no longer knew this Janae. He turned off the engine. There was no turning back. Whatever happened on the other side of the door, he’d deal with.
The front door opened in concert with him stepping out of the car. For an instant the world stopped spinning. It was her, in the flesh, and not her at the same time. His heart hammered so hard in his chest that it was difficult to breathe. And then she smiled. It was Janae. He would never forget the smile that lit up every corner it touched.
Caught in the surreal moment he slowly walked down the rest of the driveway and stopped at the bottom step.
“Rafe...”
Her hair was long now, framing and hiding her face at the same time, not like the short twists she once wore that showcased her wide eyes and high cheekbones.
He came up the two steps to stand in front of her. “Janae.”
“Thank you for coming.”
He jammed his hands in his pockets.
“Come in.” She stepped aside and held the screen door open.
Rafe eased by her and entered the small foyer that opened on either side to the sitting room on the left and kitchen to the right. From where he stood he could see straight out to the back that boasted a small pool—a staple of Florida living.
“We can talk in here,” Janae said, extending her arm toward the sitting room.
He followed her and couldn’t help but notice the slight limp as she walked. Inwardly he winced for her pain. He took a quick look around. The room was small, but cozy and a bit overstuffed with knickknacks and memorabilia that took up the mantel, glass cabinets and end tables. Framed photos of Janae with her parents hung on the walls.
Rafe turned to face her. He unbuttoned the single button on his navy-blue sports jacket, revealing the brilliant white open-collared shirt.
“Can I get you anything? Something to drink?”
“No. I’m fine. Thanks.” He sat in the armchair near the window.
Janae took her time and sat opposite him. A circular table separated them.
“Where do I begin?” she said softly.
“Anywhere. Tell me something that makes sense, Janae. When you remembered something, anything about us, why didn’t you let me know you were alive? How could you do that to someone that you claimed to love?” He leaped up out of his seat and began to pace, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. He whirled toward her.
“It was because I loved you that I didn’t call,” she said, so quietly that it sounded like a prayer. “I had so many physical struggles after what happened—still do. Memory pretty much gone, scars, nightmares.” She sucked in a breath. “I didn’t want to burden you, and my parents—my caretakers—convinced me that it was best for everyone that I stay away.”
“Even if I was to accept that then, why now? Why come back now and ruin my life all over again?”
“I still love you, Rafe.” Her deep bronze gaze pierced the protective coating he’d submerged himself in.
His gut shifted. Slowly he shook his head in denial. “It’s not that simple anymore, J. I had no choice but to move on.” His throat clenched while he slowly lowered himself into the chair. He rested his forearms on his muscled denim-clad thighs and leaned forward. “I can’t even imagine everything you’ve been through, Janae. Sometimes I think that what I imagined was even more horrific—simply because I didn’t know!” He linked his fingers together and looked into her eyes. “Maybe there’s a part of me that understands all your reasons, but it doesn’t take away all the damage that not knowing has done. In sixteen years, it was hard, but I moved on, Janae. I had no choice if I was gonna survive. Losing you...nearly destroyed me. I had to find my way without you, push into the back of my mind all the plans we made, the things we’d hoped for.” He dragged in a breath. He thought about Avery—his second chance—and their last conversation. His jaw tightened. He wouldn’t give in and let go again.
“Janae... I know I’ll always love you, too.” He breathed deeply. “But what we had is the past. I can’t go back. We can’t go back.”
Janae lowered her head to hide the tears welling in her eyes. “I hoped...” She sniffed. “But I understand. I only want you to be happy, Rafe.”
They were quiet for a moment. “What about your parents?” he gently probed.
She blinked rapidly. “They passed away. A year apart from each other about three years ago. I always believed they hung on to make sure that I was okay.”
“I’m so sorry, Janae. Really.”
She pressed her lips together and nodded slowly. “Thank you.”
“So...you’re here alone?” He studied her face and noticed for the first time the slight discoloration of her right cheek that looked as if it might be the result of burns.
“In the house, yes. But I have friends and my work. I do intervention at the local high school for at-risk students and double duty as guidance counselor.”
He smiled, remembering her passion for social work. “That’s great. I know you’re amazing.”
The stiffness of her shoulders seemed to finally relax, and a true smile lit her eyes. “I love my students. So many of them have it rough. I mean really rough.” She looked right at him. “Not like how me and you grew up. We thought a hard time was not going to a concert, or the car not starting.” They both laughed at the memories they shared. She glanced down at her hands, covered the left that was scarred. “I found my place. That part is good. I’ve made friends and have pieced together my life one day at a time.” She swallowed. “There are still things that I don’t clearly remember.” She shrugged lightly. “I’ve grown to accept it and don’t fight with myself about it anymore. It took time and a lot of therapy.” She smiled, the way he remembered.
As he listened the hardened shell that he’d wrapped around that part of his soul that contained all things Janae slowly softened, and he allowed himself the briefest of moments to remember what it felt like to love her, but also the emotional work that it took to move on.
“I’m happy for you. I can’t imagine your struggle, but the woman that I remember was always a fighter.”
He stood. Janae’s gaze rose with him. He came to her, took her hand and brought it to his lips. “Thank you for finally closing the space in my life, Janae. Knowing that you survived...” His throat tightened.
She stood, wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. He stroked her back and for a moment all the years and uncertainly slipped away. He stepped back. “Take care of yourself, Janae.” He kissed her cheek, turned away and didn’t look back.