Johnny
FOREIGNER
Admiration for ourselves and our institutions is too often measured by our contempt and dislike for foreigners.
AMERICA IS A LARGE FRIENDLY DOG IN A SMALL ROOM. EVERY TIME IT WAGS ITS TAIL, IT KNOCKS OVER A CHAIR.
I can’t even spell spaghetti, never mind talk Italian. How could I tell an Italian to get the ball? He might grab mine.
THE IRISH ARE A FAIR PEOPLE; THEY NEVER SPEAK WELL OF ONE ANOTHER.
A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.
TRAVEL, IN THE YOUNGER SORT, IS A PART OF EDUCATION; IN THE ELDER, A PART OF EXPERIENCE.
An English man
DOES NOT TRAVEL
TO SEE ENGLISH MEN.
England is a paradise for women and hell for horses; Italy is a paradise for horses, hell for women, as the diverb goes.
A CUT-GLASS ENGLISH ACCENT CAN FOOL UNSUSPECTING AMERICANS INTO DETECTING A BRILLIANCE THAT ISN’T THERE.
In Mexico, an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn’t work very well.
THEY SAY TRAVEL BROADENS THE MIND; BUT YOU MUST HAVE THE MIND.
They pour themselves one over the other like so much melted butter over parsnips.
I LOVE AMERICANS, BUT NOT WHEN THEY TRY TO TALK FRENCH. WHAT A BLESSING IT IS THAT THEY NEVER TRY TO TALK ENGLISH.
San Francisco is a mad city — inhabited for the most part by perfectly insane people whose women are of remarkable beauty.
I DON’T LIKE SWITZERLAND: IT HAS PRODUCED NOTHING BUT THEOLOGIANS AND WAITERS.
Apart from cheese and tulips, the main product of the country is advocaat, a drink made from lawyers.
People travel for the same reason they collect works of art: because the best people do it.