I had made Davey’s case as forcefully as I could. Alice seemed reassured but the air in the cottage was still heavy with tension. The fire was burning furiously in the grate and the smoke filled my nose and throat.
‘I’m going to the beach,’ I said.
She looked at me and nodded. ‘I thought that you would.’
I wasn’t sure how we’d ended up here. Alice and I had always been so close. Two parts of the same whole, I always thought. And yet we were sniping at each other and arguing. It was clear she didn’t trust Davey, no matter what she said, and that meant she didn’t trust me, either.
And did I trust her? I looked at the flames licking the stone fireplace and shivered despite the warmth in the cottage. It seemed I did not.
Without saying another word, I pulled my cloak over my shoulders and went outside, feeling Alice’s eyes following me as I went.
Her gaze wasn’t the only one on me as I walked towards the beach with my hood up. I felt people looking from their windows, or standing still as I passed, watching me go. Several people hurried inside and shut their doors, making me want to run after them and beat my fists on the wooden entrances and shout that I wasn’t dangerous, that they didn’t need to fear me. I was unsettled and unhappy when I got the beach and saw Davey right at the far end by the rocks, where we’d walked before.
It took me a while to reach him; striding over the soft sand was hard on the legs, and when I arrived he looked worried.
‘You came,’ he said. ‘I thought you would stay with your daughter.’
‘Alice is confused and scared and hot-headed,’ I said, though as I said the words I thought that she had never been hot-headed before. This was new. ‘She’ll calm down.’
Davey took my hand and I let him. His fingers were soft – my John’s hands had been rough and calloused after years working on the boats. I had always liked the feel of John’s skin on mine, but I found I liked Davey’s too. It felt soothing.
‘Honor, I promise that you can trust me.’
‘I know.’ I looked him straight in the eye and saw no deception there. I hadn’t lied to Alice when I said I could read people – it was true. I knew when people were up to mischief, or plotting against others, or lying about where they’d been. I’d never been wrong. And I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Davey was a good man.
Comforted by my own convictions, I smiled at him. ‘How is Christy today?’
‘Giving Gregor cheek, and tormenting the servants,’ Davey said with an indulgent smile. ‘He is almost back to full strength.’
‘It may take a while,’ I warned.
‘He is impatient to get back to learning, but of course, we lost his tutor too and finding a new one is proving difficult.’
‘People are often nervous about a house where sickness has been,’ I said. I’d seen that before. ‘But once they realize that you are all well, they will return.’
‘I hope so,’ Davey said. ‘I can’t keep teaching him because he already knows more than I do. I imagine you find the same with Alice. Is she a willing pupil?’
‘She has been until now,’ I said thoughtfully. I sat down on a smooth rock and looked out to sea. ‘But I think she is more talented than I am.’ I felt a prickle of fear as I thought about Alice glaring at the fire and the flames jumping. But didn’t fires ebb and flow like the waves, depending on the fuel they were burning and the breeze? It was more likely a draught from the chimney that sent the flames leaping, than Alice’s anger.
‘You are real assets to the town.’
I laughed, but it wasn’t with humour. More disbelief, thinking of the way the people had reacted as I’d walked by. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘You are a burgess,’ Davey pointed out.
I nodded. ‘That’s true. But only because my John made it so.’
‘He was a clever man.’
‘Clever, yes. And he was quiet and thoughtful, and very kind,’ I said. I felt a sudden twist of missing my husband so piercing that I gasped and Davey took my hand again.
‘I know how that feels,’ he said. ‘I miss my Marion in that way. Suddenly and without warning. Though in my case I feel guilt that I wasted the little time I had with her.’
I gave him a weak smile. ‘My John has been gone almost seventeen winters,’ I said. ‘And still I see him sometimes when I walk past the harbour. Or I hear him shout my name.’
‘I see Marion in Christy.’ Davey pulled his feet up under himself and rested his chin on his knees like a schoolboy. ‘Sometimes when he looks at me in a certain way, I am made dizzy by how much he reminds me of her.’
‘Does he miss her?’
Davey shrugged. ‘He was only small when she died. But he says he remembers her – the way she laughed, and a song she would sing him at bedtime. He remembers the way she stroked his hair.’ He swallowed. ‘When he was sick, he called out for her and I was so scared …’ He fixed his gaze on the horizon. ‘I was so scared he could see her, and she’d come to fetch him from heaven. I wished she would come for me too.’
Gently, I tucked my hand under his arm, hoping to give him reassurance. ‘I felt like that when John died,’ I said. ‘I wanted to die too. But I was expecting Alice and she brought me such hope. If I didn’t have her, well …’ I trailed off.
Davey turned to look at me. ‘We have both known heartbreak,’ he said.
‘Show me someone in this town who hasn’t.’
He nodded. ‘You are an astonishing woman, Honor Seton,’ he said.
I felt my cheeks redden. ‘I am just a woman.’
‘You can read and write,’ he said. ‘You know more than most apothecaries and physicians about illnesses and how to cure them. You have brought up your daughter alone, and given her the knowledge you hold. And you stand firm at the town council as a burgess, even when faced with …’
‘Even when faced with your brother.’
‘Stay strong, Honor,’ he said. ‘Gregor is angry now but he won’t be forever.’
‘I am afraid,’ I blurted out. Until I said the words I hadn’t really understood how I was feeling. But now I knew that the unsettled, shaky sensation that was stopping me eating, and causing me to pace the floor all night instead of sleeping, was fear. It was the same as I’d felt when John had gone to sea for the last time. I’d known – just known, somehow – that he shouldn’t go, and that if he did I would never see him again. But I’d not said anything, just let him walk out of the door and leave me forever.
‘I am afraid,’ I said again.
Davey put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. I leaned against him, drawing strength from his presence. ‘Don’t be.’
‘Gregor is dangerous,’ I said. ‘Alice told me what he said, what he is accusing us of. And Kyla …’ I spat out the name. ‘She is protecting herself by attacking us.’
‘I know all this.’ Davey frowned. ‘Gregor understands how serious this is.’
‘Does he?’ I didn’t believe him. ‘Rumours don’t go away, Davey. They grow and they grow. Already people are running into their houses when they see me coming. It just takes one whisper in the wrong ear and there will be a witch-hunt on our doorstep.’
‘Gregor wouldn’t do that,’ Davey said, but he didn’t look convinced. ‘He wouldn’t take it so far.’
‘He is blinded by his love of money.’
‘Even so, he’s not a bad man. He cared for me when I was at my lowest. I don’t think he would go as far as to call in a witch finder.’
‘It might not be down to him.’ I took a deep breath. ‘You know how it works. We’ve all seen it before. People make accusations against others so there are no fingers pointed at them.’
Davey squeezed me tighter. ‘Your voice carries weight in this town.’
‘That’s not enough.’ I felt weak with frustration. ‘Because I am a woman and my voice isn’t as loud as a man’s.’
‘Isn’t it?’ He turned to me again. His face was very close to mine and I didn’t pull back. ‘Any accusations would need to be made firstly at the town council before they go to the assizes.’
I winced at the mention of the assizes. Surely things wouldn’t go that far? But Davey hadn’t finished. ‘And you will be at the town council, Honor, because you are a burgess. You will be there to refute the allegations and people will listen.’
‘Do you really think they would listen?’
‘They listened when you spoke out against Gregor’s plans,’ he said.
‘Because they affected the whole town.’
‘So does this,’ he said firmly. ‘Because without you …’
‘Without me?’
He grimaced. ‘Our children will die, and our babies will be born sleeping, and our elderly will weaken.’
‘They won’t see it that way, not if they’re scared. Because speaking out for me will mean they are accused too. The stakes are too high.’ Almost without thinking, I leaned my forehead against his. ‘Alice and I will leave,’ I said. ‘Tonight.’
‘No.’
‘Perhaps we could borrow one of your horses? It would help with the journey.’
‘No,’ he said again. ‘Please, Honor. Please don’t leave.’
I moved away from him and stood up on the sand, throwing my arms out in despair. ‘What choice do we have? If we go, we can start again in the Highlands, where we don’t have to look over our shoulders all the time. Where we don’t have to be afraid, all the time. There is nothing left for us here.’
Davey stood up too and came to stand by me. ‘There is me,’ he said. He gathered me into his arms and kissed me. At first I wriggled, thinking I should stop his embrace and he leaned back, his eyes searching my face. ‘Honor?’ he said. There was a short pause, and then it was me who pulled him close and kissed him, deeply and for a long time.
When we finally broke apart, Davey smiled. ‘I didn’t invite you to the beach so I could do that,’ he said. ‘I wasn’t planning it.’
‘Me neither,’ I said. ‘But I’m glad it happened.’
Davey laced his fingers through mine. ‘Could we do this again, do you think?’
‘Kiss?’
He grinned. ‘Spend time together. I like being with you.’ He pushed a strand of hair away from my face and looked at me. ‘The love I had for Marion will never go away and the guilt I feel about the way I treated her will never fade. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be happy. I want you to stay.’
I nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. ‘John and I were together for many years, from when we were little more than children,’ I said. ‘Every day was like an adventure and we grew up together. But he is gone, and I think now, after so long alone, I would like someone to grow old with.’
We gazed at one another, both of us in wonder that after sadness we had found happiness, and then I spoke: ‘We should keep this between ourselves for now. No one needs know. Not yet. It’s still new and we are just beginning to know each other. Your brother would not be happy. And let’s not forget that Alice is being odd, and things in the town are …’ I searched for the right word. ‘Difficult.’
‘I believe you’re right,’ Davey said. He gave me another kiss and I leaned into him, enjoying the solidity of his body. ‘Just us for now.’
‘I should go,’ I said with regret. ‘I need to check how Alice is.’
‘Let’s walk separately.’ Davey looked positively gleeful, like a schoolboy playing a prank. ‘So no one knows we have been together.’
And so, we headed back towards my cottage, on opposite sides of the street, with Davey a little ahead.
As we passed the harbour and turned inland, I saw a messenger approach Davey. It was the lad who always came to tell me when an unexpected town council meeting had been called. I felt a shiver of trepidation. Was there a meeting? And if so, why?
Davey stopped to talk to the messenger and I continued walking, more slowly than I had been, on the other side of the street. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Davey nodding. He gave the messenger a coin, and carried on without so much as glancing back at me.
The messenger looked over at me, meeting my gaze, and I stopped walking, expecting him to come and speak to me now. But instead he pulled his hat down over his eyes, turned and hurried away. That was odd. Again I felt that shiver. Was there a meeting then that I was not to be told about? I would never have known had I not been with Davey at the beach, because it was clear the messenger was not here for me. I resolved to go to the hall that evening to see for myself.