After Luke had fed Nathan, played on the Xbox with him and got him ready for bed, he pulled out his laptop to check his online diary.
‘Daaaad,’ Nathan shouted down from his room the moment Luke settled on the sofa. ‘It’s too dark.’
He’d never stop loving hear Nathan calling him ‘Dad’, but a wee break to get on with his work would be great.
He shrugged off his frustration with a shake of his head. Just a few years ago he would have given both his arms to be in this situation: being needed and loved.
Setting the computer on the sofa, he left the room and took the stairs two at a time, making a silly mooing sound. As he neared Nathan’s door he heard the little boy giggling.
This was their private sleep joke. It had been a week or so after his mother’s funeral, and Luke felt it was time for the boy to go back to his own bed. Cows were bigger than sheep, Nathan replied, when Luke told him to count sheep to help him sleep. So wouldn’t they take longer to jump the gate, and watching and counting them would be so boring he’d fall asleep faster?
Luke had laughed so hard at Nathan’s thinking that Nathan joined in with his infectious giggle. Seconds later they were both helpless with mirth. Luke felt a healing in that moment, a slice of light piercing the dark, laden skies of their shared grief.
From the door, by the light from the hallway, he could see Nathan was sitting up, his expression one of relief.
‘Hey, buddy,’ Luke said. ‘You too warm?’ With this question his intent was to throw the boy out of the state he’d worked himself into with a nonsensical question.
‘Kinda?’ Nathan replied, his expression now one of puzzlement. What did being warm have to do with anything right now?
‘Will I lie on the bed beside you to heat you up?’
‘Pfft,’ Nathan replied, his lips pursed. ‘That’s silly.’
Luke helped the boy back under his covers and lay beside him.
‘Want to count some cows?’ he asked. ‘Then I’ll leave the door open when you fall asleep, and by morning the room will be full of cows.’
‘But they’ll wake me up. And isn’t it ’posed to be sheep?’
‘Pfft, anybody can count sheep. It’s the smart guys that count cows.’
They faced each other. Nathan’s smile was huge before he broke into a fit of giggles.
*
Half an hour later, confident the boy was asleep for the night, Luke made his way back downstairs and joined the laptop on the sofa. He made straight for his online diary.
Right enough: Jamie Morrison. 11am. Monday the ninth.
It had been an online booking, which was why he hadn’t twigged.
He thought about the young man who’d appeared in front of him in the bookshop. Trim, well dressed and clear-eyed. Looked like he was taking care of himself. Which was a relief given the family he’d come from. He had a faint memory of someone saying that Danny’s brother and sister had been adopted separately – or perhaps it was fostered – following the death of their parents. Must have been tough on them. He’d have thought the authorities would have done everything to keep the siblings together. Mind you, the boy was looking good on it. Whatever happened he appeared to have come out the other side thriving.
*
‘Nice wee set-up you’ve got yourself here,’ Jamie said when he took a seat in Luke’s office, bang on time.
‘Is this weird for you?’ Luke asked. ‘I can’t decide if it would have been better for us to meet and catch up before your appointment, but I just didn’t have any time. Nathan’s gran usually steps in to babysit for me, but she was away for the weekend.’ This wasn’t true, but Luke was struggling with the idea of spending any time at all with the lad and wasn’t sure on which side of that debate he was going to land.
‘S’fine,’ Jamie said as he crossed his legs. ‘Whatever order it was in was going to be tricky.’
‘I won’t mind if you just want to sit and blether about old times, and you find someone else for therapy. That won’t be a problem at—’
‘Nope.’ Jamie held a hand up and smiled. ‘I’m here now. Besides, it took me ages to find you, and I need to do something about these night terrors. They’re doing my head in.’
He did look worried, and now that he was closer, Luke could see that Jamie’s face was tight with fatigue, and his eyes were edged in shadows.
‘Okay,’ he said. ‘If you’re sure.’
‘I’m sure.’
‘Then let’s begin…’
Luke pulled a blank form up on his computer and began the process of interviewing his new client. As he asked questions, listened and typed in the answers he tried to read between the lines.
What was this young man’s story, where had he been all these years and what had been the impact of all those deaths while he was at a vulnerable age? And then being taken in by another family. Luke prayed they were a good match and were kind to him.
It was a little too easy to take the facts that he knew about Jamie’s past and attribute the night terrors to that. There were also the facts about his brother Danny’s death, and Luke’s involvement there. It would all be online, in the papers. Easy enough for Jamie to check. Should he bring the subject up? Or wait for Jamie to ask questions?
Man, what a mess. He was regretting having walked into the bookshop the other day.
‘Listen,’ he said as he pushed himself slowly to his feet. ‘I can’t do this. You need to know something first.’
‘I know, Luke,’ Jamie said. As he spoke there was a stillness about him that Luke couldn’t read. ‘I know you were driving the car the day Danny died.’