Josh had been to Limly Systems before, back when Dave and Victoria were married and when Dave worked 25/8 to try to impress Vicky’s old man. The place looked like most office buildings, with its shiny tiled lobby and cubicles on every floor. Drab gray carpet as far as the eye could see.
One thing stood out, though. “Is it just me or did this place used to have a lot more people?”
Rose shrugged as she led him out of the break room, where they’d stopped to grab coffee and some bagels someone had brought that morning. She’d said she needed to talk but was instead treating him to a tour of the office. Looked like she might be stalling.
“We had to lay some people off during the transition, after Vicky’s dad got sick and turned the company over to her. Other people quit, when rumors spread that the company might be liquidated. It’s definitely been a little dead. Check this out.”
She ushered him across the hall into a large, darkened conference room. A smattering of computer equipment lay on the giant oval table, but most of the chairs had been stacked against the far wall. Didn’t look as if the room had been used in a while.
“They used to have weekly management meetings in here. I used to have to bring extra chairs in to make room for everyone. Now? IT uses it as a staging area to set up laptops for new hires, and we have meetings in the smaller conference room because that way it’s less sad and nobody has to yell across the huge table.”
“Wow. That’s…” Josh sipped his coffee, taking in the gloom. Light streamed in through the open door from the hallway, casting an eerie glow. “This is downright creepy. Dave didn’t mention things had gotten that bad.”
“He wasn’t working here anymore when the worst happened. And Vicky doesn’t want people to think the company is in trouble. We’re rebuilding. I’ve actually been plenty busy. Setting up interviews. Managing concerns. Dealing with penis pictures.”
Josh coughed. “Penis pictures.”
She sighed. “It’s been a huge pain in my ass.”
Oh God.
He couldn’t hold the laughter in. Coffee sprayed everywhere. The door. The wall. Rose’s blouse.
“Shit. Sorry. You said… And I just…” He handed over the napkins he’d grabbed in the break room. Seemed inadequate but it was all he had.
She gave him a flat stare as she dabbed at her shirt. “I understand. Penises make me want to spit, too.”
His chest shook. The grin on his face must have been maniacal, stretching his mouth so wide it actually hurt. “You always knew how to make me laugh, Rose.”
She chuckled. “Yeah? Maybe I’m just ridiculous.”
Josh needed to be closer. He made his way across the room to where she stood cleaning her shirt by the trash can. “Or maybe all of the ways you’re fun and funny just happen to work for me.
Rose groaned and dropped a half-eaten bagel in the trash can. “Thanks.” But she smiled, as if maybe the compliment actually landed.
“So.” He lifted his hand to stroke her arm, but shoved his hands into his pockets to head off temptation. “Tell me about these penises.”
“Hmm. Someone in the company has apparently been playing a prank. I chastised some employees for sending pictures they maybe didn’t actually send and the whole thing is kind of a nightmare.” She looked down at the floor, lips pressed tight and flat.
“That expression looks like a lot more than disappointment over some shenanigans with naughty pictures.”
“Nothing really. Job stress.” Rose shook her head. Whether that meant no, she wasn’t sad, or she simply didn’t wish to discuss the matter, he couldn’t be sure.
What Josh wanted was to put his arms around her. He didn’t like it when she looked sad. Selfishly, it filled him with guilt. He imagined her face after they’d talked of moving away someplace warm together—and then he’d disappeared and married Kara, and he’d hated himself.
“Hey, Rose?”
Her gaze lifted to his, dark and glittery. “Hey, Josh?”
“Seriously. What’s going on?”
“I’m feeding you a gourmet bagel and giving you a tour of the most exciting room in the company. Reporters and paparazzi have broken their necks for a chance at this action.”
Setting his coffee on the table, he stepped forward, brushing his pinkie finger against hers. Fuck it, he could at least put his arms around her. Couldn’t he?
“When you’re nervous, you talk really fast and you say weird stuff like ‘gourmet bagel’ and ‘penis pictures.’” He found her shoulder in the shadows, running his hand along it before pulling her against him. “Not to mention, you’re sagging against me as if you’re exhausted. Rose, you’re one of the most energetic people I know. What’s going on?”
“It’s been a long time. Maybe I’ve changed. Maybe my energy is all sparked out.”
“You’ve definitely changed.” Damn, her hair smelled delicious. Soft mint and some kind of fruit tickled his nostrils, drawing him closer. “Your hair is longer. You’re even more beautiful, and I don’t know how that’s possible. I just look older. You also seem lonelier. I can’t help but feel like that last thing is a little bit my fault.”
“You flatter yourself.”
He let his fingers play in her hair. “When we were together, I felt like the luckiest guy in the world because you held so many people at arm’s length, but you let me in. Harrison’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. But finding out I’d gotten Kara pregnant shortly after we broke up was the world’s shittiest timing.”
Rose turned away, making a noise that was part agreement and part annoyance. “Yeah. No kidding.”
“The thing is, I was selfish. I dropped out of contact because Kara telling everyone she was pregnant meant her parents disowned her, and I didn’t know how to be there for her and Harris without going all-in. I wish to hell I hadn’t hurt you, though.”
She turned back, eyes flashing in the darkened room. Her lips parted, probably to rebut or call him one of the colorful things she’d no doubt thought of him over the years. Their hands brushed again, and he couldn’t not wrap his fingers around hers. He couldn’t not lean in. And he couldn’t not kiss her.
Especially not when she gasped and tightened her fingers around his. And nibbled at his bottom lip, soothing the bites with her tongue. How was he supposed to stop her when she’d pressed her hips into him and lifted her foot a little, rubbing her ankle along his calf. If there was a way to be immune to Rose’s smooth skin and soft sighs, he didn’t know it. He didn’t want to know it. All he wanted was to kiss her until they both forgot they’d ever been apart.
He pressed her back to the wall and ran a hand over her hip. Down the back of her thigh. He patted himself on the back for the deft maneuver of pulling her leg up to wrap around his waist while pressing his pelvis into hers and dropping kisses along her collarbone. Hell, this was some of his best work, if he was being honest. This was master-level shit.
Next? Walking and chewing gum at the same time. Look out.
“Josh.” She whispered his name into his soul.
“I can’t stand how much I want you,” he growled. “Running into you at that café was the best thing that could have happened. I’d been hoping to see you. Talk to you. Touch you. I’d missed you so fucking much.”
Gentle hands pressed against his chest. “Josh.”
“Rose.” He buried his nose in the crook of her neck. “I missed you. I really missed you.” He’d say it as much as he needed to, until she understood.
Her hand pressed harder against his chest, in more of an insistent tapping motion. “Josh. I’m at work. You need to stop.”
“Oh. Right. Damn.” Chest tight, he pulled away. “Sorry.”
One of these days, he’d reach the place where he could stop apologizing to her. Maybe.
Rose took a breath. “As nice as all of this is, we can’t do this here. I know we did a lot of crazy things, but this probably shouldn’t be one of them.”
A hospital meditation room or a car probably shouldn’t either. Not that he was stupid enough to say so out loud.
“You’re right.” He stepped back, bracing his hand on the large conference table. “Sorry. I just…” Got carried away. Forgot why I came here. Wanted you so much it hurts.
“Look. I need to give you this before I lose my nerve.” She reached into the pocket of her skirt. A pleated one with polka dots, that showed a delicious hint of her knees. “You dropped it at the hospital. I didn’t read it beyond the first line, but it definitely looked personal.”
“Fuck!” He surged forward and grabbed the paper. “Sorry. I… Thank you.” He unfolded and refolded the paper, smoothing it and carefully placing it in his wallet.
Rose’s face contorted with concern. He hated for her to look at him that way, with that intense worry. If he told her what the letter was about, she’d look at him that way even more. She’d look at him with the pity everyone else did, and he couldn’t take that from her.
“Thanks. For giving this back.” He reached for her, pulling her into his arms before she could ask any questions. “Hey, let me buy you dinner tonight. It would be good for us talk. With all of our clothes on.”
Rose laughed. “You think we can manage to convene under those strict rules?”
“I think we need to.”
Her face grew serious. The way she straightened and edged toward the door made him wish he’d said things differently.
“What I meant was—”
“No. You’re right.” She smoothed a hand over her blouse, over the unfortunate stain that spattered from her neckline to her shoulder. He’d never been so jealous of spilled coffee. Unfortunately, her smile looked strained.
If she looked strained because of him, then he should go. “Okay. Good. So…we’ll talk later?”
He started for the door, and then stopped. “Wait. You asked me here to talk. Was there something—”
“The letter.” She glanced up and down the hall. Nervous now. Not wanting to be seen with him maybe? That shouldn’t have pricked at his ego the way it did. She was at work after all. “Like I said. It seemed important. I guess I could have just passed it to Victoria, but it felt important to give it to you in person.”
“I’m glad you did.” He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. Awkward. Time to go. “I’ll see you tonight.”
There was something else. Something she wasn’t saying. The Rose Josh knew was holding something back. But maybe he didn’t know her the way he used to.
Josh paced the hotel lobby that evening, a surprisingly busy place for a Monday night. His feet scuffed across the marble tile as he wove between overstuffed chairs and tiny tables covered in flower arrangements. Distracted, he stepped aside to avoid a running child and hit one of the tables head-on, sending a ceramic vase wobbling across its surface. Every jarring noise seemed to draw the ire of the desk clerk, who was too polite to say anything. Not too polite to give him an angry glare.
Perhaps he’d made a mistake, inviting Rose to dinner. The more he thought about it, the more it sounded like a date, and he couldn’t date Rose. Couldn’t date her again.
He wanted to, he realized. He’d forgotten how much easier it was to smile and breathe when Rose was in his orbit and how her laugh melted the stress from his shoulders. Sure, he did crazy things, less than entirely responsible things, when he was with her. But Rose had a spark Josh had never managed to find. With her, he was a little more alive.
He needed that. Now more than ever.
Each time they saw each other, he remembered every reason he’d loved being with her. Every laugh and smile brought back the time she’d brought him Chinese takeout and votive candles when his power had gone out, or the time they’d been so into having each other he’d rolled her right off of his couch and they’d laughed until they both couldn’t breathe.
No way would Rose take a risk on Josh again, though, and he could admit he wasn’t a good bet. Harrison had to come first. Always.
Josh hadn’t minded pulling his son from school for a couple of weeks after the latest incident of bullying his son had suffered, but the kid needed an education. Josh needed a job with benefits for his son’s health issues. They had a home waiting for them back in Colorado. Rose wasn’t the type to do long distance, and how could he make it work with her if he wasn’t planning to stay?
A message from Rose came through. Okay, cowboy. I’m here. Shall I park and come in, or are you coming out?
He needed to get out there and talk to her. Marina had picked up Harrison that morning and offered to keep him again all night. Josh figured he now owed the woman a new car or maybe a cruise.
Time to man-up. He glanced behind himself at the shiny chrome doors of the hotel elevator. His room was a measly three floors up, right by the stairwell. The doors beckoned like a shiny come-hither.
If he invited her up to his room instead, they’d have sex. After what had happened the previous times, it was inevitable. But he didn’t want to have sex with Rose.
Okay, he did. But… He needed to talk to her. They used to talk all the time, between adventurous wedding reception coat closet flings. Right now, he could really use a friend. On top of everything else, Rose’s friendship had mattered a great deal to him. She didn’t give it easily, and he needed to earn it back.
He replied to her text. Pick me up. I’ll take you out for some of that weird mac and cheeeeeeze you like. Called earlier. They have it tonight. No douchey twentysomethings this time.
No sooner had he tucked his phone back into his pocket than her compact hybrid pulled up out front. Hell. He was almost relieved. This car was even smaller than his rental. They couldn’t have sex in there if they wanted to.
“Can’t believe you’re offering to go back to that café,” she said when he got in. Her mouth curled up at the corners. “The Josh I used to know refused to eat anyplace he couldn’t get a steak.”
Josh coughed. Yeah. Pre-Harrison, Josh had employed a “vegetables are for pussies” mentality. “You know, in hindsight, I can’t believe I ever got you to sleep with me.”
“I’m pretty sure we were both drunk that first time. Getting naked seemed like a logical next step in the heat of the moment.”
“Okay!” Moving on from sex. We’re not thinking about sex. “Anyway. To answer your question… Since the birth of my son, I’ve been subjected to six straight months of eating nothing but apples with chicken strips, followed by the same amount of time eating nothing but corn dogs, of which I had to buy a special brand because Harris has allergies. Then there was The Great Waffle Standoff of two thousand eighteen, and these days he only wants pizza without cheese. I’ve got a much different perspective on food these days. I’ve got a much different perspective on a lot of things.”
She laughed. The low, throaty music rumbled straight though him. “Sounds like you’re a good dad,” she said.
He leaned back in the seat. “I don’t know. Most of the time I don’t have a clue.”
A polished fingernail poked him in the leg. “I’m serious. I can tell you take good care of him. Take it from someone who had shitty parents.” She dropped her hand on his upper thigh. A gesture he was sure was meant to be consoling, but all he could think about was the heat of her palm seeping through his slacks.
He wanted to take hold of her hand. To thread his fingers through hers and— “Fuck. I mean…” He coughed. “Thank you.”
“Is something wrong?” Her gaze flicked from the rearview and back again as she pulled her hand away to steer them into heavy traffic.
Not a damn thing. Certainly not the fact that I’ve got a painful boner and definitely not the fact all I can think about is how it’s a terrible idea for us to keep up this thing between us and yet all I want in the world is for you to put your hand back on my thigh.
“Everything’s fine. Just…” He made a show of patting his pockets. “Not sure I remembered to bring my room key.”
Not quite a lie (room keys got lost so easily), but a misdirection. He felt like an ass, given all the times he’d lectured Harrison about the importance of honesty.
All at once, there was a lurch and a screeching of brakes. Josh’s chest hit the seat belt with a jarring thwap. “Ow.”
“Sorry. Traffic. You can get another key at the desk when you go back.”
She hit the gas just as abruptly, this time smacking the back of Josh’s head against the seat. “Ow.” Again.
Rose winced and looked apologetic. “Lots of stop and go this time of day. Well. Every time of day, except the hours from about two to four in the morning. Ask me how I know.”
Josh loosened his top shirt button to rub at the sore spot on his chest. “I’m no stranger to heavy traffic.” Except his brain was a little stuck on wondering what she’d been doing between the hours of two and four in the morning that she knew what the roads were like at that time. Who was she with? Was she driving safely? Protecting herself from creeps?
“You used to live here. Duh.” Rose shook her head. “You’ve been away a long time.”
Roughly nine years and ten months. Not that he was counting.
She changed lanes, only to hit her brakes again. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
Josh turned in his seat. In profile, in the flickering light of all the buildings and restaurants they passed, Rose glowed. Her lips curled up into one of those smiles that made him think she had a secret, and if he did the right things, she might share.
Looking at her made his chest tight, but he never wanted to stop. This was his chance to tell her everything he’d been thinking. But his original plan, the let’s-be-friends-but-nothing-more plan, truly made his chest ache. He wanted so much more than this tenuously rebuilt friendship.
Logic told him trying to make their little fling something serious wouldn’t work. She might not even want to.
Suddenly unsure, Josh said nothing.