Josh had waited in the park for nearly an hour. The quiet bench, surrounded by bright green grass and the beginning shoots of daffodils coming out of the ground, was a peaceful enough spot. He remembered bringing Kara to this place when they’d begun dating. It was where they’d first kissed, and where they’d returned for a handful of memorable events, including their breakup. A hotel up the road was likely where they’d conceived Harrison.
Seemed like a fitting place to say goodbye.
After everything, Amelia hadn’t shown.
After sitting on the hard bench so long, his back screamed in protest.
He’d been so tempted to accept Rose’s offer, to skip this meeting and stay with her. Her concern had sounded genuine. Her soft touch and worried expression made him want to let her take care of him as she’d suggested.
It would have been nice to take a break from being the one who kept watch. Her company certainly would have been welcome.
Still, even if he’d stayed, he knew Rose. She’d never wanted kids. Never even had a fish or a pet hamster. She’d told him she didn’t want the responsibility, but deep down, Josh suspected she’d rather not love something—someone—she could lose. It made their “just friends” talk much more important. He couldn’t have Harrison getting the wrong idea about her role in their lives. Couldn’t let himself get the wrong idea, for that matter.
So why did that thought make him feel like an ass on every possible level?
“Hey! Josh, right? I’m so sorry we’re late.”
The cheerful female voice lifted his head. “Amelia?”
She jogged over to him while a young man, tall and gangly, trailed behind. “We got held up in traffic.”
He stood and shrugged. “Around here? Par for the course.”
She sighed as she reached his side. “Even when I plan for traffic, I’m late. It’s a curse. May I hug you?”
He turned to take her in. Cheeks flushed, eyes bright, Amelia was the very picture of health. Her hair hung down her back, long and shiny, a few wisps swirling around her shoulders in the wind. It hit him harder than he’d expected it to…that this young woman wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t lost Kara.
He let her pull him into a swift hug. Just long enough to feel her strength and vitality. Fast enough not to let himself get caught up in emotion.
She grinned when he pulled back. “It’s so great to finally meet you. I was thinking we’d never manage to sync up.”
“Right. You look…” His eyes burned. “You seem to have a lot of energy.”
“Thanks.” She took a bag from the fresh-faced kid who’d come up beside her and then turned back to Josh. “You know, I wasn’t able to do much…before. But I…”
Her eyes shone with moisture that threatened to flow over. Tact demanded that Josh look away, but he couldn’t. When the young man reached for her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, he somehow felt that squeeze in his own chest.
“Umm… After the transplant,” she continued, “I had to spend months in a rehab facility. They made me walk on a treadmill. Once I realized I could walk long distances, I decided to see if I could run.”
“Thirty seconds at a time,” the young man offered.
She laughed. “Right. Slow and steady. But I’ve managed to finish a few of half-marathons and a marathon since then. I’m doing my first triathlon in a few months. Stuart’s helping me train.” She squeezed the young man’s hand again. “The life I have now, it’s because of you. Well…you know.”
He did know.
Stuart reached to shake Josh’s hand. “Amelia’s been looking forward to meeting you,” the young man said. “Thanks for being here.”
Though he’d read Amelia’s letter a hundred times, being here in person humbled him. For Josh, Kara’s death had mired him in guilt and made him feel sorry for himself. For this young woman, it had brought her back to life.
Perhaps he’d been looking at things all wrong. “I…of course.”
Amelia urged him to sit beside her on the bench. “I have to be honest. I wasn’t sure you’d come. Or that you’d still be here once we were late.”
Yeah. “Sorry I kept rescheduling. Work is crazy, and my son keeps me busy…” He looked into her teary eyes and all the breath left his body. “That’s a load of bullshit. I didn’t know how to do it. Meeting you meant finally saying goodbye to Kara…and to be honest, I wasn’t ready.”
She hooked an arm around his shoulder as if they were old friends. “Truth? The first time I wrote you, part of me hoped you wouldn’t answer.” Amelia nodded. “When I finally got that transplant, I was in bad shape. I could hardly walk. So I should have been thrilled to have a new chance at life, right? Except I only had it because someone died, and I couldn’t shake the guilt. My mom gave me this whole lecture about how I was wasting my life. She was right, but the point is, things don’t always affect us the way we think they’re supposed to…and I think that’s okay.”
Stuart squeezed her hand again, looking proud. At their age, who knew if they’d be together in a decade or even a year, but Josh envied them.
He exhaled a dry laugh. “Your mom sounds like a nice lady. Mine used to say if I used the wrong fork at dinner, she’d stab me with it.”
He wasn’t sure what made him blurt out such a naked admission. He hadn’t even thought of that story in years.
Amelia took hold of both his hands. “Well, mine also used to say things can never be bad when there’s love.” She patted her hand against her chest. “I can’t imagine what it was like to lose your wife, but I know what it was like seeing everyone around me when they thought they were about to lose me.” She reached for Stuart’s hand again. “Stu and I are getting married in June. I wouldn’t have love or anything else without you.”
Josh looked away. “All I did was sign some forms.”
“For me, those forms made all the difference.”
Josh didn’t know what to say. He looked up at the sky, gray but clear, and willed away the blur in his eyes. “Well. You’re welcome.”
Such an inadequate reply. He didn’t know what else to say.
She pulled a stethoscope from her bag. “We thought you might want to hear it.”
“You’re serious?” Josh shook his head. This was too much for him to comprehend.
“You don’t have to. It was only a thought.” She looked nervous again. She fidgeted and moved to put the instrument back.
“No. I mean, thank you. I want to. Sorry.” He wiped his hand over his eyes. Was there a chance he’d ever feel like he didn’t have to keep apologizing? “I’m a little stunned, that’s all.”
Amelia smiled, waiting patiently, until he took the stethoscope and put it into his ears. He handed the other end to her, so she could place it against her chest.
The steady thump of Kara’s heart, the mother of his child, still beat after all this time. It was almost enough to make him believe in greater things. It was also almost too much to handle.
Josh’s throat clogged. “Shit…”
Strike that. It was way too much to handle.
Got held up. You guys are ok, right
Rose gave her phone the evil eye, as if doing so would make it cough up a different answer. Not to mention, she was super annoyed with the lack of a question mark at the end of his text. He’d simply assumed.
She’d responded with varying degrees of patience, starting with “Is everything okay?” and finally escalating to “WTF is going on??” when Josh didn’t answer again. No difference, apparently, and for all she knew, he’d fallen into a wormhole somewhere.
Meanwhile, Rose had watched three terrible straight-to-cable movies, written two memos for work, and held one waste bin for Harrison while he got sick. The latter had resulted in her slightly germophobic self washing her hands about twenty times.
She’d also used the word “frick” roughly a dozen times, to which Harrison had sagely pointed out that he knew she really meant the F-word. Good grief.
Not that it had been a bad day, all in all. She’d learned a new game, something to do with trying to steal unicorn cards from each other. And in one of Harrison’s more animated moments, he’d shared everything Rose never wondered about the natural habitat of the sulcata tortoise.
They poop their own food, Rose! Isn’t it cool?
What was it with kids and poop?
But the hour was late. Harrison worked through a stack of books about cat warriors and had moved on to staring at Rose with curious kid eyes. “Where’s my dad?”
Honey, I wish I knew.
She shrugged. “He needed to go to a meeting. I guess it went late.”
Harrison flopped back onto his makeshift bed. “He’s always working,” he mumbled.
“Sorry, buddy.” What else was there to say? Adults had to work. Kids had to… Kids had to kid, she guessed.
“Hey, you should try to get some more sleep.” Goodness knew she was running out of things to keep the child entertained. “Maybe when you wake up, your dad will be back.” She sat beside him and stroked lightly at his forehead. Kid didn’t know how good he had it, with that smooth skin and long eyelashes he didn’t even have to work for. Youth really was wasted on the young.
He wiggled up to the top of his fold-out bed, propping himself against the pillows. “I’m kind of not tired. I mean, I am. But not. Like my body is sleepy but my brain is awake.”
At first that sounded ridiculous. Until she rolled it over in her head a few times. “I get it. That’s the way I feel every night.” And most days.
Harrison pursed his dried lips. “Will you play Exploding Kittens with me? It’s like the unicorn game except with kittens and explosions.”
Well, that explanation certainly cleared everything up. “Sure. Let me get you something for those chapped lips first.” She pulled a tube of lip balm from her bag. “Those lips are going to peel right off your face if we don’t keep them hydrated. Hopefully you can keep some water down soon.”
Wow. Look at her go. Putting lip balm on the little guy. Playing games about blowing up a cat. How incredibly domestic.
“What’s vegan?”
Rose blinked. “Huh?”
He pointed. “The tube. It says organic—I know what that means because Dad says nonorganic fruit gives me a rash—and vegan.”
“Oh. Just means there are no animal products.”
“Like steak? Dad’s favorite food is steak. Mine is pizza, but it has to have special cheese. Or no cheese. Dad makes it at home every Friday because he doesn’t trust the restaurants to do it right.”
Aww. Wow. The image of Josh making pizza for his son, of so thoughtfully caring for Harrison in all the ways a single father must need to, made her insides tight in a way she couldn’t quite define. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t known Josh was a single dad. It was simply a version of Josh she hadn’t known. She kind of wanted to.
Rose shook her head, and gave Harrison a grin. “No steak in this lip balm. Now, let’s explode some kittens.”
“Cool.” He pulled a box from his backpack. “Hey, did you know the Galapagos tortoise can weigh like five hundred pounds and live for over a hundred and fifty years?”
“Definitely not a pet for the commitment-phobic. Or upper floor apartment-dwellers,” she murmured. “You ask a lot of questions, kid.”
“My dad says that. But asking questions is how kids learn. Duh.”
In spite of herself, she laughed. She hadn’t expected Harrison to be this funny. Hanging out with him wasn’t so bad. “You’re right,” she said. “Tell your dad I said you’re allowed to ask all the questions you want.”