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You can run from the shadow of another, but you cannot run from your own.
-Master Fjeld
***
Abraham sat in the lotus position on the edge of a well-worn meditation cushion in the main room of the refuge. His eyes were shut. As always, he wore his faded indigo robe. It was a simple garment for a simple life; well-cared for and yet showing its age. His fine curly brown hair was tied back loosely, hanging far down his back. He was clean shaven, as all the trainees were.
He was glad to be alone. The Sal Anita Refuge was quiet and empty. No conversations interrupted him from other rooms. No coughing. No clearing of throats. No clanking of dishes being washed. It was so peaceful. It always seemed to him that during his solitary stretches, he was able to make a lot of progress with his meditations. The absence of external distractions highlighted his own mental activity, so that he could see it more clearly and confront it.
He was attempting to empty his mind of compulsive thoughts about the chores he still needed to complete, when a low tone sounded from a speaker mounted to one of the walls. He opened his light brown eyes and looked across the room at the three video feed screens. He saw the movement on the screen to the left. A man carrying something passed the outer defense camera. It was his first warning of three that someone approached. He sighed. He wished he still had at least one more day.
But he didn't. It was time.
Abraham stood and stretched. The refuge consisted of hand-hewn stone corridors in the shape of the letter H. A series of small rooms had been chiseled out from the passageways. Only one door provided an exit at the long end of one wider passage. The place had the feel of a military bunker, and perhaps had been one in long-ago days when people had populated most of the earth. Presently, it served a very different purpose.
Only a few small decorations graced the walls. A colorful woven textile. An old-style photograph of a house and garden in a black frame. A few hooks protruded from the walls here and there to hold brooms and other practical items. The furnishings and appliances were sparse. The main room featured a burnt orange couch, a large white screen, shelves, a threadbare rug, and a scraggly potted plant. Hanging from the ceilings throughout, were energy saving bulbs, which produced artificial sunlight. It was a very humble place, suited to its simple purposes. Its true value, however, was the privacy and freedom it provided.
He walked across the room, turning down the connecting passage to the north corridor. He stopped in front of familiar green double doors. He went inside. The room seemed fresh enough. That was good. He went back into the hall and retrieved fresh linens from the laundry room. The white sheets smelled of sweet grass and a touch of citrus, as did everything after it was washed there. The outlier women who made the laundry soap added fresh herbs and fragrant oils. The special oils were one of their luxury items.
He returned to the room and made the bed. He knew it wasn't what most people thought of as a nice bed, but for the outliers, it was their very finest. Stuffed with scrap fabric and padded with foam and cotton, it was as soft as they could manage. Usually, the bed was reserved for special guests. Not for the first time, he wondered who he would be hosting. The master had not told him.
He grabbed a few pillows from the wardrobe. He slipped them into the pillowcases and placed them on the bed. He left the room and walked back along the central corridor to the kitchen. He filled a white enamel pitcher with water from the sink. He grabbed the cleanest glass he could find and wiped it down with a clean towel. He made his way back to the room and placed the water and glass on the small table that sat next to the low bed. He glanced around the room. There wasn't anything else to do.
He made his way back down the corridor, to where it opened up to the main room. He picked up his meditation cushion and carried it across the room to the underground entrance. Placing it on the ground, he took a seat.
Waiting was never a source of irritation for Abraham. He took every opportunity to meditate. As usual he started with an unspoken mantra.
I am one with God and God is one with me.
After ten rounds, he focused on his breath.
In.
Out.
In
Out.
The feeling of pure joy that welled inside him, during his sittings, was what kept him going. Connectedness to the universal consciousness, was his constant goal. He knew that it didn't really matter, for time was but an illusion, but he wondered how long it would take him to become as enlightened as the master.
He had no idea how long he had been sitting, when a medium tone sounded from speakers throughout the refuge. It was the warning signal that something or someone approached the cave entrance. He didn't get up. He half opened his eyes. A screen near the door showed the man approaching, still carrying something over his shoulder. He fit the description he had previously received. The man continued past the view of the camera. Abraham closed his eyes and resumed his meditation. A few minutes later, a second tone sounded, higher and more insistent than the last. Still, he did not move. The screen displayed an image of the man coming through the cavern. Then, when the bell tone sounded, Abraham rose to answer the door in front of him.
He checked the door screen to see that it was indeed just the man and no other. When he was sure, he started the process of opening the door. From the other side, it would have looked like a part of the rock wall of the cave, decorated in primitive painted figures, set with various colorful stones. The man had been told which particular stone to press, thus sounding the bell. The door began its slow slide towards him before stopping and changing directions to the left. Warm humid air blew in. Before long, Abraham stood face to face with a stranger and what he carried. His face was mostly covered with cloth. Dusty dark sunglasses concealed his eyes. What was visible was flushed, dirty, and shone with sweat.
"Where do you want her?" the man asked, straining under his load.
Abraham was stunned. Her? It was a female? He had expected a male. Newcomers and important guests alike were typically male. Women, of course, were not excluded from the path. There just weren't many of them. He only hesitated a moment, then was quick to lead the man down the corridors to the room he had prepared. When they got there, the man lowered the limp body down onto the bed.
"Why have you wrapped her in this blanket?" Abraham asked, hoping she was not injured. "Is she okay?"
"Yeah, don't worry. She'll be unconscious for another few hours, but she's fine. I made sure that she stayed hydrated and that her vitals are normal." Abraham reached to pull back the blanket. "But," the man said, holding back Abraham's hand firmly, "she's not wearing any clothes, so I think you better have a woman tend to her."
Abraham let go of the blanket as if it were on fire. He was aghast.
"But I'm the only one here," Abraham objected. Then he asked the question that begged to be answered. "Why isn't she dressed?" he asked, suspiciously.
"Relax, relax," the man held up his hands and said, "I swear, I received her like this. I had very little time. It is lucky there was something to cover her."
Abraham narrowed his eyes at him. He didn't get the sense that the man was lying, but he wondered what would have been so urgent. Had she been in danger?
"I swear on my life that she has been safe with me. Before that point, I don't have any idea." The man shook his head and said, "why don't you just set clothing out for her and let her dress herself when she wakes."
Abraham nodded. There was nothing else he could do.
He asked the man show him her vitals, to be sure she was alive and well. The man brought out a small device and placed it onto Abraham's arm.
"This will sting a bit," he said, "hold still."
Abraham felt the device zap his arm very briefly. The screen instantly displayed all his health stats. Then the man placed it through a ragged slit in the blanket and touched it to the girl's arm. Abraham looked closely to see that the data was within normal range. When he was satisfied, the man put it back in his pack.
"There will be some remaining effects from the drug, so make sure she rests and drinks plenty of fluids."
"I will," Abraham told him.
Because the man's work was done, he asked to refill his water container before he left. Abraham led him to the kitchen sink, watched him top up, and took him back to the front door.
"Good luck," the man said. Abraham nodded a silent goodbye in return.
When the man exited into the cave, Abraham closed and locked the door. He went back to the guest room and stopped at the doorframe. He stood there, looking at the roll of blanket on the bed. The outline of her feminine form was just discernable. He frowned. What should he do? He was concerned that she might not be able to breathe well under the blanket. He also considered how she would feel waking up wrapped up as she was.
Going to her, he made the decision to pull some slack at the edges of the blanket, so that she wouldn't feel completely trapped when she came to. Then, he folded the blanket away from her head as well. When he had done that, he studied her face for a long time.
She was young. Younger, even, than he. It was the first time a girl had ever visited Sal Anita, that he was aware of. She had smooth dark hair and a sweet looking face. If anyone else had been around, he wouldn't have taken so long. He knew it was a strange thing to do; to stare at an unconscious stranger. But she was intriguing. Something about her seemed very innocent. Perhaps it was her age, but he also sensed something else that made him feel ill at ease. A stirring in his gut warned of danger. Somehow, he felt that she shouldn't be there.
He decided to meditate. He closed the door to the room and went directly to his bedroom. He sat in his usual place and did his best to concentrate, but it was no use. His mind had become agitated.
He recalled the day that he had arrived at the refuge. He had been fifteen years old and was thrilled to be a part of something greater than himself. He'd had grand ideas of what it meant to be a part of the spiritual awakening. It was the zest of youth, perhaps, or the idea that he might become more important than others. Traps of superiority were set all along the path to enlightenment. It was an easy mistake to inflate the ego, when instead, one should be deflating it.
By the time he was a full initiate, having learned the way of life of the spiritual seeker, he knew the true sacrifice he was making. He had understood then that it wouldn't be easy. The refuge members were strictly vegetarian, practiced hours upon hours of meditation, and did nothing but boring, menial tasks. On top of it all, they were celibate. They never took a spouse nor had any children.
Abraham had nothing but respect for the masters. They were wise and selfless. They lived the life they preached. They held a sense of peacefulness and joy that he admired above anything else. He knew he could learn a lot from them. He also considered that he could play a part in the revolution they told him was coming. Their strict lifestyle seemed like a worthy sacrifice to become a spiritual agent of change in an insane world. He had been an Unfortunate, after all. He was used to not getting what he wanted. And at age fifteen, he had no desire for a relationship. It was only the physical urges of his body that caused him any trouble.
His Sal Anita brothers had explained to him that the body was not as powerful as the mind. They instructed him in ways to create peace within himself, no matter what his body cried out for, whether it was food, water, comfort, or even sexual release. And with their council and techniques, he had been successful. For the last ten years he had been able to put all desire aside to focus his full attention on God.
In light of the arrival of a pretty young girl, he pondered whether it had been easy for him because there were no females at the refuge. He had never been tempted. The thought crossed his mind that the master displayed a good deal of faith in leaving the girl with him, alone. It made Abraham feel very honored. He was glad to have the opportunity to prove himself.
But why is she naked?
The thought reminded him that he needed to leave clothing out for her. He rose swiftly and went to his heavy wooden chest. He lifted the lid and took out one of his plain robes. He was not a large man, so he figured that his clothing would probably fit her. He shrugged his shoulders and went to the guest room.
Cracking open the door a few inches, he peeked inside. She was just how he had left her. He went in quickly and set the folded garments on the table next to the bed. He found it strange to think that she would be wearing something that had been touching his own skin for so many years. He cursed at himself inwardly, aware that he shouldn't be having thoughts of that nature. He stopped and stood still. He released the thoughts and took a full conscious breath. One more deep breath and he was on his way to the kitchen.