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Rising above thought is like departing from a raging storm you had no idea was all around you.
-Master Fjeld
***
The kitchen was a large room with old manually operated cooking devices and food storage equipment. On one wall, a large stove, oven and grill stood next to a steel rack of cooking pots, pans, and utensils. The wall across from the door had long wooden countertops with open storage beneath. The far wall housed their oversized cold and frozen storage units. The rest of the space was filled with rows of steel shelves packed tightly with boxes, baskets, and bins of shelf-stable food items.
Ordinarily, the refuge members took turns preparing meals and doing chores. Being alone at the refuge meant Abraham had to take care of everything himself, including vital maintenance checks and repairs. It was always more work than he expected, but he felt it was worth the solitude. With the girl there, he knew it would be more difficult.
Figuring that she would be hungry when she woke, Abraham thought to prepare something. He chose a pouch from the storage shelf. It was tomato soup. Simple food would be best, he decided. He grabbed another package. The opaque airlock plastic packaging contained barley oat crackers. From the frozen storage, he selected a pouch of applesauce. He warmed the soup and applesauce pouches in a pot of water and poured them into small bowls. He set everything out on a black plastic tray. He was about to pick it up when he heard a voice call out.
Abraham nearly lost his grip on the tray.
"Shit," he said in alarm. He wasn't one to swear, but she'd startled him. It hadn't taken as long as the stranger had told him and he wasn't mentally prepared. He took a calming breath, rebalanced the tray, and then walked out into the hall.
"Anyone here?" the girl cried out. Abraham noted a touch of fear or panic in her voice. When he turned the corner and saw her, he was glad to see that she had put on the robe. Somewhat clumsily, the girl rushed toward him.
"Please, can you help me? I don't know where I am," the girl pleaded. Her eyes were large and filled with terror, darting around at her surroundings and then back to him. "Where am I? Please," she begged.
Abraham had expected her to be confused, but it hadn't occurred to him that she might be so frightened.
"Hello, miss," he began. "My name is Abraham, and I will be taking care of you while you're here." He thought to slow down his speech for her, because the wild look in her eyes was truly frightening. "You are safe here," he said, "this is the Sal Anita Refuge. The master asked me to be your guardian here."
The girl frowned, and said, "the master? Who is that? Where's Bilrah?"
Abraham had assumed she knew at least some of the details before she was brought there. He started again with, "we are in a secret location in the ad-Dahna desert. There is no reason to fear. You have just awoken from your sedative. Its effect should wear off within a few hours."
The girl looked away and seemed to think over what he had said. She muttered to herself, "the desert...." She returned her gaze to him and narrowed her eyes, staring fiercely at him. "Which province am I in?" she demanded to know.
“Province?” he repeated, confused. Did no one tell her?
“Yeah,” she said with irritation, “which province?”
"But Sal Anita is not within the walls of a province. It is...."
The girl cut him off, saying, "don’t be ridiculous. Just tell me.”
It was clear to Abraham. She didn’t know. Like most people in the world, she had no idea that there was a secret network of free people outside of the provinces. He remembered when he had found out the truth. He could understand her disbelief.
"I swear to you it's the truth," he said, "you are no longer within the Province System. You have been freed. We are the outliers. The master asked me to welcome you and take care of you until he returns."
Abraham watched the girl's face. She continued to appear quite confused, though the information seemed to be sinking in. Just when Abraham thought she might be calming down, the girl began to cry out.
"No, no, no. No!" she shrieked.
Before he knew what was happening, she had taken the tray from his hands and dashed it against the wall. Orange soup splattered the stone and dribbled down the wall. The dishes and utensils clattered to the ground. She savagely grabbed his robe and pinned him up against the rough rock wall. Pain seared through his upper left shoulder where the rough stone jabbed into it. He grimaced but did not make a sound.
"You don't understand!" she cried, a murderous look blazing in her eyes, "I have to get back." The wildness in her voice amazed him. She was acting like a lunatic. He couldn't comprehend what had caused her to lose all control.
"Whoa, calm down now. It's okay," he told her in the most soothing way he could, "the master knows you are here. He...."
"I don't care," she said, "Bilrah will be looking for me."
Abraham frowned. Wanting to get away from her he said, "I'm sorry, I don't know who that is. But could you just...."
The girl pressed him even more firmly against the wall. He winced.
"The Head of Giova!" she yelled.
Abraham knew of Giova, but he wasn't exactly worldly. Who was Head here or there didn't matter all that much to him. He didn't know why a Head would be looking for her. The outlier's never winked out anyone prominent, but he had been told nothing of the girl's situation. He knew only that he was to protect her with his life. He would have to make her see that she was safe.
"Okay, okay." he tried to reassure her, "but I promise, on my life, that he can't hurt you here."
The girl closed her eyes and shook her head.
"No. You don't understand!" she screamed in pure fury, and then said, "I have to go back!"
He thought back to when the master had explained the possibility of a new recruit's arrival. He had warned him that they would be unconscious. Abraham hadn't questioned it. He understood that different circumstances required different tactics. However, new members to the community were always voluntary. Freedom was so important to the outliers that they never forced anyone to leave the Province System. It would go against their fundamental beliefs. However, not only was the girl unaware of what had happened to her, she appeared to be there against her will.
Abraham found himself in a very tough spot. The master had charged him with keeping her there, safe, and yet she seemed hell bent on leaving. Crazed. How could he manage? He wasn't concerned about her escaping, but he needed to do something to calm her down.
He said, "Look, I understand that you are confused and afraid right now, but the master is due to arrive soon. He has much more information about what is happening than I do. So, before long, you will have your answers. Okay?" he asked. He gently pushed the girl away from him. She didn't resist. He was relieved to have space between their bodies once again.
She looked around. Seeing the mess on the wall and the floor, she seemed to come back to herself.
"I'm sorry. I... But I don't know what's going on," she paused, then with tears in her eyes she said, "and you clearly don't understand."
She started tapping on her arm, saying, "you see? My control chip isn't working."
She began to cry. A moment later she wobbled and lost her balance. Abraham was quick to grab her arm, as she faltered. She sunk down to the floor. Abraham lifted her back onto her feet and had her lean on him.
"Perhaps you should lie down," he decided.
Abraham dutifully walked her back to her room and got her settled into her bed. She rolled away from him and pulled her knees in close to her body. He could see from the shaking of her torso, that she was sobbing. He didn't know what he could do for her. He went through the door and closed it behind him.
He turned to menial tasks. He picked up the tray and dishes in the hall and washed them in the kitchen. After that, he went back and wiped the wall where the soup had splattered. Next, he retrieved the mop bucket and filled it with hot water, adding a dash of cleaning agent. He mopped the floor of sticky applesauce and soup. When it was as clean as it could be, he continued mopping down the hall, back down the other side, and then down another. When at last he lost interest in mopping floors that didn't even need mopping, he stopped and put the equipment away.
His wristwatch showed him the time was 20:21. The day was nearing its end. He remembered he needed to tell the girl about lights out. He didn't want her to be caught off guard by the sudden darkness.
Just then, the door to the guest suite opened and the girl came out. Her eyes were swollen and pink.
"Excuse me," she said politely this time, "but when is this master supposed to arrive?"
His robe was too big for her. The V at the front went far too low on her chest. He tried to not look. He made a mental note to find better fitting clothing for her.
He said, "the master should be here by morning. He can explain everything to you. I am sorry that he did not tell me more. I only knew that you were coming. If it helps put your worries to rest, know that the master is wise and likely had good reason to send you here like he did."
The girl frowned and nodded slightly.
"Thank you," she said, "and I am deeply sorry about how I reacted. I was just so...well, you aren't the one I should be angry with."
"Apology accepted," Abraham said with sincerity. He was glad to find that she could be reasonable.
The girl looked into his eyes and asked, "is there any way you can send a message for me? It's just that there's someone I need to contact. It's urgent." she explained calmly.
Abraham felt sadness knowing he could not do as she wished, but he knew that the master would explain it all.
"That is something for you to ask the master. I'm not connected either," he said, tapping at his left arm. "I couldn't send a message even if I wanted to."
The girl narrowed her eyes at him, as if she were trying to size him up. Then she asked, "who is this master?"
Abraham told her what he could. He told her how the master was a spiritual leader for the outlier community. He explained that the hidden cities of people outside of the provinces all had their own spiritual teachers, and that Sal Anita was one of the places they trained to become one. He told her how he was training to be such a teacher. He received instruction from the master himself.
"You see," Abraham started, "I was expecting you to be a new recruit, or an important person of some kind. He said you were a special guest."
The girl seemed baffled. She said, "special?" She shook her head, thinking to herself. Then she said, "My name is Keralan. Does that mean anything to you?"
"Keralan," Abraham repeated. "No, I haven't heard it before," he said.
"So, I must not be too important then," she said, frowning at him.
"Not necessarily. You are important to the master," he said, "and in my book that is enough."
"And does your master have a name?" she asked.
Abraham knew it was okay to tell her. She would find out soon enough anyway.
"He is Master Shahid."
Abraham watched as Keralan's eyes grew wide and she exclaimed with a gasp, "Shahid! You mean Henry Shahid?"
"Why yes, Henry Shahid," he said intrigued. "You know him?"
"Well of course I do! He's my uncle!" she exclaimed.
He frowned at her, thinking that Master Shahid never mentioned having any family. In fact, he had always spoken as if he had absolutely none. She went on to explain that he was her 'uncle' by title alone and it made more sense. He was her tutor and her father's business partner. Then, she stopped mid-sentence. Abraham watched as her face paled.
Out of concern, he said, "are you alright?"
She didn't answer. Instead, she started to pace. After a short time, she stopped and turned to Abraham.
"And he's going to come tomorrow? He said that?" she asked.
"By morning. That's what he told me the last time I saw him, yes," Abraham confirmed. He was reeling from the news that the master had such a close bond with the girl. He had known, of course, that he regularly spent time in the provinces. He was one of the outliers that was half in and half out, as they called it, but he hadn't heard what the other half of his life was like. The idea that he was even like an uncle to the girl was unsettling. He couldn't imagine it. And yet, it was clear that she was important to him. Abraham felt a tiny pang of jealousy. He noted it and let it go.
Keralan was still lost in her own thoughts. Abraham told her to follow him. He led her to the main room where they could sit on the old orange couch.
After they sat for a few minutes in silence, Abraham said, "What I don't understand is why you were unconscious. What do you remember?"
Keralan sighed and put her face in her hands, her elbows resting on her thighs.
"He was rescuing me," she said flatly.
Abraham waited for more information, but she said no more. He sensed that she didn't want to talk about it, so he left it alone.
"And he's the reason my control chip doesn't work?" she asked, sitting up straight.
"Well, indirectly. Before I became an outlier," Abraham told her, "an eraser fried my chip and then took me from my province."
"Fried your chip?" she repeated. She shook her head. "But they would notice. The System...the refitters would be alerted to a chip malfunction."
Abraham knew he had to explain it all to her.
"No, the System doesn't recognize the malfunction, because all the data on the person is deleted. In essence you're erased, making it as if you never even existed."
It took a bit for him to convince her that it could be done and had been done many times. Like most people, she never considered that the System could be tampered with in any way.
Keralan said, "hmmm," and then, "but how did you get here, wherever we are, without a chip? And, how did I?"
Abraham explained, "the erasers have chips, like the master, which they use to traverse both worlds. The provinces, and then with a cloaking mechanism, the Wild. He took me to an outlier settlement and then here, in a pod, invisibly. It was the same with you."
Keralan didn't seem to understand how they were able to hack into TCS. He didn't have an explanation for her. He didn't know all the details. When she asked how close the nearest track was, he was certain he knew what she was thinking.
"It is pretty far," he said.
"But then how did I get here from the track, unconscious?" Keralan shot back.
"You were carried," he told her, reluctantly.
"How long did it take?" she pressed him.
Abraham checked the time on his wristwatch. The time had gone by quickly. They only had twenty minutes before the lights went out. He decided not to answer her question. Instead, he told her it was time to get ready for bed.
He told her that the lights went out automatically at 21:00 every night and that because they were underground it was pitch black. He suggested she do everything she needed to do before then. Just in case, he gave her an electric lamp she could use. Abraham didn't use a lamp anymore. They required difficult to obtain batteries. Besides, he knew the refuge by heart.
Abraham took Keralan down the halls to familiarize her with the layout. He showed her the bathroom nearest to her room, the kitchen if she needed something to eat, and the door to his room, just in case she needed something else.
"Thank you," she said, staring at him for a long moment. Then, abruptly she turned and headed down the connecting passage towards the guest room.
Abraham sighed, feeling tension leaving his body. It was a relief to be alone again. He couldn't believe how exhausted he was from their interactions. He hadn't dealt with anyone so difficult in a very long time.
In his room he grabbed a book and lay on his bed. He had meant to get something for the girl to read, but she would have to wait until the next day. After a few pages, the lights went out and he put his book down. It had been a nice distraction.
As much as Abraham tried, he couldn't relax. He kept remembering the way the girl had pinned him to the wall. He kept seeing the fear in her eyes. He wondered again why a Head was looking for her. Was the Head her father? And what would he do to the master if he found out that he had taken her? Anything was possible. He knew nothing about the master's other life apart from what Keralan had told him.
Abraham thought about how he and Keralan were from entirely different realms. He wondered what kind of province she and the master lived in. He wondered what their lives were like. The province Abraham had lived in was full of misery. It was a miracle he was able to escape. Living as an Unfortunate, it was nearly impossible to change his life circumstances. If it hadn't been for the master seeing something special in him, he would still be there, living a life full of sin and unconscious behaviors.
Another part of him wondered if he had missed out on something by devoting ten of his best years to the training. Yes, he had become a more spiritual person, but would he regret never experiencing love, marriage, fatherhood, and everything that came with an ordinary life? He could see these thoughts were just workings of his mind. If he followed his mind where it wanted to go, it would inevitably lead him to pain. That was the domain of the ego. There was no happy place for him to dwell on what could have been. It was too late for him. He was a humble outlier monk. He was on his way to enlightenment and that was what he wanted.
Wasn't it?
Abraham felt as if something deep within him were stirring, like a snake beginning to uncoil. It was unnerving. There was something threatening about the girl. He witnessed the thoughts arrive in his mind.
She is dangerous. She shouldn't be here.
To take his mind off her, he made lists in his mind of the plants in the garden. Then, ingredient lists for recipes he had memorized. Mantras. Sayings. Poems. Anything he could think of.
After half an hour, he could tell his mind was too busy to be able to fall asleep. In desperation he made his way in the dark, down the corridors, to the exercise room. A funny contraption from the old days, a stationary bicycle, stood on the far end of the room. He felt his way to it and climbed on.
Sometimes when he had trouble sleeping, he would ride the bike. As long as he rode until he was physically exhausted, it never failed. He rode the machine as hard as he could and then rode some more. Perhaps it was because it cleared his mind that it helped.
"What are you doing in here?" came a voice at the door. He was so startled he nearly lost his footing on the pedals. The girl had found him. He slowed his pace and stopped. Abraham was breathing hard but was able to explain to her that he couldn't sleep. He tried to describe the machine he was on. He asked her how she had found him.
"I couldn't sleep either" she said, "and I heard a noise, so I followed it." He heard the girl sigh and then say, "I miss my control chip. I used to play music and watch videos. Now I can't do anything and it's so dark and quiet here."
Abraham noticed that she hadn't used the lamp he gave her. He wondered what he could do for her. He thought for a moment.
"Come with me," he said. Then reluctantly he said, "here, grab my sleeve."
He held out his arm in the dark, and felt her hand connect. It felt strange to have her touch him, but he made an exception for the circumstance. Once she had a grip on his sleeve, instead of his arm, he led her down the corridor to the main room, to the couch. He felt for the end of the couch and had her sit there. He went to the projector and turned it on. Light blazed across the room onto the white screen before the couch.
Next, he loaded a movie to play. It was his favorite one; an old movie about a group of people who started a colony on Mars. The concept of leaving the earth for extraterrestrial habitation was fascinating to people in the past, though it had never become actualized. It turned out that the earth was the only suitable home for humans even after all the technological advances of the times. Though it was purely fiction, it was a fun movie to watch on the few occasions when he did indulge.
The room sprung to life with sound as the film began. He walked back to the couch and sat on the opposite end from her.
"What was your name again?" she asked.
"Abraham," he said.
"Hmmm. That's an old biblical name, isn't it?" she asked.
"Yes," he confirmed, wondering how she knew. Then, laughing inwardly at himself, he remembered who her tutor was.
"It isn't the name I was born with," he explained. "It is the name given to me by the master. He said that it is a good name for the new world."
"New world?" Keralan asked. "What is the new world?"
"Whatever we make of it, when we are all free to choose for ourselves," he answered.
She was silent for a while. He wondered what she was thinking. Then the girl began to ask him questions. He told her what he could. She wanted to know how many people lived in the refuge. He told her that he was the only resident at the time. Many trainees came through. He was in charge of giving them basic training and alerting the master to those who showed promise. She wanted to know what the training was like. When he told her about meditation, she said that she remembered seeing the master sitting with his eyes closed a few times.
It seemed that she wasn't as interested in the movie as she was in the comfort it provided. She lay down, curled against the arm of the couch. Abraham found a blanket from the nearby cabinet and placed it over her. She thanked him and then was quiet. Abraham took a blanket for himself and went back to the couch. He scrunched up his body as much as he could on his side, to keep some space between them. He tried to watch the movie, but it didn't hold his attention very well. He was relieved when he found that the girl had shut her eyes. When he was convinced that she was asleep, he used a remote-control wand to lower the volume. He left it at a tolerable level for sleep. Then he adjusted himself, facing away from the bright screen.
Abraham was weary from the day. His thoughts wandered like shadows in his mind. The girl had disrupted his peaceful world. He hadn't wanted anything to change. Of course, she hadn't chosen to be there. It had been the master's decision.
Why had he sent her?
The question hung in his mind like a spider's thread, sticky and hard to remove. But the question grew less and less important as he lay with his eyes closed. His body felt heavy. He could feel the familiar sinking sensation of sleep coming on, sweet and insistent.
The last thought he had before falling asleep, was of Keralan's beautiful face.