3
Being in Control
I became more filled with excitement with each mile I drove to Lucy Laney High School. It was time to get ready for the first day of football camp. This was my senior year. Though I was one of the top recruits in the state going into football season, I was ready to try and be the best player in Georgia. Not because I had something to prove to anyone else, but I wanted to prove to myself that I was great at the game I’d worked so hard on. For so many years, I’d studied the game, watched the film and learned from coaches. Now I was ready to perform.
I also knew this wasn’t going to be a cakewalk, either. As many fans as I had out there, I had many naysayers who were wanting me to fail, wanting me to give up and not wanting me to live up to my expectations. And all of that just made me strive harder and become more explosive on the field.
When I pulled up to the parking lot, everybody on my team was pulling up at the same time. Looked like they were as eager as I was. We were ready to win state and take it to the Dome. Show people some things. Show them that this little school from Augusta was a powerhouse. There was one big setback, though. And that was the fact that we had a new head coach. Coach Pugh, our former leader, had come upon a great opportunity. He had wanted to coach on a college level for years. He now was the head coach for Fort Valley State University, a historically black college in Fort Valley, Georgia, about three hours away from us.
Some young guy named Coach Robinson, who had won a national college championship at Georgia Tech in 1990, was our new coach. He had played a couple of years with some pro team. I didn’t know much about him, but I heard he was a pretty cocky guy. Though I had been in the school’s weight room a lot over the summer, our paths had never crossed. He’d invited me to his home for dinner, and had other team member meetings, but I missed them due to my trip to South Carolina and family vacations.
I got called into the coach’s office before I could even put on my pads. I wondered, What does he want with me right now?
“Perry Skky! I’m excited that you could honor me with your presence,” Coach Robinson said sarcastically.
I sat down in a chair and said, “All right, Coach. You gotta problem with me or somethin’?”
I wanted to have respect for the man, but he didn’t need to come at me like I was a chump player. The respect thing was a two-way street, and he needed to know that up front. I wasn’t asking for first-class treatment, but he wasn’t about to make me redeem my stripes again, either.
He stood up from behind his desk. He was a buff dude. He came on around, looked me straight in the eyes and boldly said, “I understand that you can be a flash player. A lot of colleges think you got unbelievable talent. ‘Throw the ball to Perry. He can make amazing things happen!’ papers say. Well, on my offense, I call the plays. If I want you to get the ball, then, and only then, will you have it. I don’t like showoffs. I’m the coach here and I run the show, you understand?”
“Never questioned it. Is that all?”
What did he expect me to do? Get down on my hands and knees and worship him or somethin’? Yeah, right. He could talk all that lame stuff. I’d show him out there on the field that the team really did respect me.
Almost reading my mind he said, “In order to be a leader, Perry, you gotta have the respect of your teammates.”
“I do, Coach.”
“I don’t think so. Marlon Barksdale was in here all summer going on and on about how you think the game is all about you.”
“He’s just hating.”
I mean, that was a joke to me. Marlon was on the other side of the field with my same position. He was just jealous that the ball mostly came to me. When he did get the ball into his hands, he let the team down, missing catch after catch.
In reality, he couldn’t keep up with me on any level. Academically, he wasn’t on the Principal’s List, making straight A’s. Socially, none of the girls were after him. He really had it out for me because my girl was the one he had wanted so desperately. She wouldn’t give him the time of day. Economically, his car looked like a broke-down Beetle, which could barely make it from point A to point B. And physically, he had nothing on me. He was a short receiver with sloppy hands, and he wasn’t as quick as he needed to be.
Of course the guy was going to down me. Marlon couldn’t beat me, and I didn’t want him to join me. He was stupid and made dumb decisions. And in his mind, all he wanted to do was bring me down. But if the coach wanted to get on his bandwagon, fine with me.
“Whatever, Coach. I don’t have the respect of the team, ’cause you listen to Barksdale. All right, cool.”
“Well, you seem a little arrogant with me right now. Why should I think that you’re a humble guy?”
“Coach, you’re getting on me, and I don’t even know you!”
“So, why don’t you make me wanna like you? Why are you making it so difficult?”
“I give off what I get, sir. Not trying to be difficult, just being real. I won’t give you any problems on the field. If you wanna give me the ball, it’s your call. Is that all, Coach?”
“For now, Perry. That’s all.”
I was so sorry in practice that first day. For the second and third day, I wasn’t at full speed, either. Neither was the rest of the team. I wasn’t showing any leadership. I wasn’t trying to motivate them or correct them. Coach Robinson thought he was the man, and he needed to step up and clear up the mess that I was seeing before me.
At lunch, Cole came up to me and we sat down under a tree. We nibbled on ham sandwiches and chips, and drank Gatorade. Then I caught my boy looking at me like I’d let him down.
“Perry, what’s with you? We better do something. We got a game next weekend. If we keep playing the way we practicing, we’re gonna get beat like we stole something!”
“Why you over here talking to me about it? I ain’t the head coach. Go talk that mess to him,” I said as I pointed to Coach Robinson.
“He coaches offense. That’s why I’m talking to you. Shoot, the defense is tight! Y’all ain’t score nothing on us, even in the scrimmage yesterday. Coach said something to you the first day, and you still trippin’. But let me ask you this. You gon’ let him stop what’s inside of you to do?”
“What you talking ’bout, Cole?”
“I’m just saying, Perry, you’re a leader. And you’re being suppressed because of what somebody said to you. Coach Robinson ain’t nobody. Don’t let him ruin what’s yours this season. Every team needs a leader. And you the man. Be it.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself, Cole,” Coach Robinson replied from behind us.
Cole was startled. “Oh, Coach, Coach, Coach, Coach!”
My friend had his foot caught in his mouth, talking about our head coach and he was listening. I didn’t care, though. I was glad the man heard that other players thought he wasn’t all that.
“Give me ten laps while I talk to your boy,” he told Cole.
I questioned, “You gon’ make him run laps because you stepped in on our private conversation?”
“I’m making him run ’cause he looked a little slow out there in practice today. But you and I need to talk. Go ’head, Cole,” Coach Robinson said. My friend quickly jogged away.
“You think I don’t like you, huh?” Coach asked.
“I know you don’t like me.”
“And that makes you real angry, like you don’t wanna put forth no effort, right? Like you’re trying to punish me and do bad.”
“I ain’t trying to punish nobody, I’ma do mine. You give the ball to me. I’ll make something happen with it. If you don’t, then the rest of the world will know that your play calling is definitely questionable.”
“So, as I said to you earlier in the week, it is about you, isn’t it?”
“It’s really not about me, Coach, is it? You’re the leader. This is yo thang. How come you’re not able to get the team looking any better?”
“I played on the highest level, Perry, and it’s not easy up there. I know you’re a smart kid, but to be great at anything in life, you gotta overcome obstacles. Even ones that are self-imposed.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about then. But for the first time, it didn’t seem like he was talking at me but talking to me. And for that, I kept listening.
“I said some tough things to you ’cause I wanted you to step up and be a leader. But you stepped back. Instead of letting what I said challenge you, you let it take the air and wind outta your sail.”
Was he right? Did I let him make me less of who I was?
“In reality, Perry, I am the one who calls the plays and makes the decisions. But this team needs both of us to succeed. You are a senior and you are a captain. Don’t be passive. Do your job. Don’t let any situation or anybody make you abandon it. Not even me. You’re over here eating with only one player, while the rest of your team is over there trying to get a spark going. What are you going to do about it? We have a game in a week. I don’t know if you want the NFL, but I know you want the state championship. I had a talk with Coach Pugh, and he told me you wanted it. So, what are you going to do to get it? What are you going to do to help your teammates get it?”
When the coach patted me on the back and took off, catching up with Cole to jog with him, I realized something. Though I didn’t agree with his methods, maybe his methods were what I needed to take my game to another level. I cleaned up my mess, headed over to the team and gave a speech while Coach and Cole were jogging.
“If we wanna win state, we gotta win in practice. I’ma let it start with me. I’m taking my effort up another notch. Y’all with me or not?”
The guys started cheering and roaring.
Damarius got in front of me, chanting, “Number 1! Number 1!”
The whole team started saying it, and I started believing it. I didn’t have to be in control of the team for me to do my part. If we all just worked to our highest level possible, big things could happen.
We got out there and practice was on point! Coach said nothing to me when it was over, but he did smile my way. Then I realized I was glad he was here.
“Daaang, man. Hand me a tissue. I’m all emotional,” Damarius joked as we walked into the building on the first day of school.
“Boy, you stupid!” I said and laughed back with him.
I couldn’t believe it, either. The first day of my senior year. Wow! I wasn’t overly emotional or sentimental, but I was feeling a little something.
I actually had a bruised ego, ’cause I hadn’t heard back from Tori since I left her a message about wanting to reconcile. I didn’t know what was up with that. Why she couldn’t give a brother another chance? But I knew when she first saw me she wouldn’t be able to ignore what was on both of our hearts.
Cole came up behind us and said, “Perry, man, what’s up? You losing your touch or something?”
“What you talking ’bout, man?” I replied.
“Check out your girl and your favorite teammate.”
I couldn’t believe Tori was walking hand in hand with Marlon Barksdale.
“Hold my stuff,” I said to Damarius.
“Man, you ain’t going over there. Chill out!” Cole said.
“Naw, naw, he need to go over there and get Tori back. He can’t let no underclassman take his girl,” Damarius said as he walked behind me.
As if I still had some claim to her, I said, “Tori, what’s up with this? Why you holding this joker’s hand?”
“That’s a dumb question, Skky. Why you think?” Marlon mouthed off as he took two steps torward my face.
“Ooh, I’m shaking.”
I pushed him back lightly, and the soft shove pushed him into the crowd. Folks started laughing, but he wasn’t on my mind right then. I looked at Tori, grabbed her chin, tilted her head toward mine and said, “What you doing? You don’t want us anymore?”
Before she could respond, Marlon stepped back in my face. “Okay, man, wait. What you tryin’ to do?”
“Can’t you see I’m standing here talking to my girl?” I asked.
“Yo girl?” Marlon asked. “She was with me last night. Tori, you might as well go on and tell him. We’re all the way together. You know what I mean. I’ve been to places with her you only wished you could go.”
I snapped. “Tori, what is he talking ’bout?”
I knew Marlon wasn’t talking about sex. I knew there was no way in the world that my girl would give it up to him! Or anybody. Particularly since she wasn’t letting me have my way. Had my breaking up with her caused her to lose her mind? Naw.
Why was she acting like this? She wasn’t denying it. She wasn’t saying, “Why you lying on me?” She was taking it. She wasn’t showing any emotion. Just looking at me with those sad, puppy-dog eyes. What was I supposed to make of that? What was I supposed to assume?
“If it’s like that, then fine,” I finally responded to both of them.
“Yeah, it’s like that, and it’s real good,” Marlon mouthed off.
Tori dashed away. I wasn’t gonna follow her, either. Had she really given herself to someone other than me? I couldn’t even bear the thought of it. And to Marlon Barksdale? I would never fully appreciate her for who she was anymore. His tail was a wannabe. Just wannabe somebody he wasn’t. On the serious tip, everyone knew he wanted to be me.
We stood looking at each other too hard, like if anybody said anything it was on. My boys pulled me away. That joker had the nerve to talk smack.
“Yeah, you better go.”
Wrestling with my boys I said, “D, y’all need to let me go. Cole, you need to let go of my arm so I can take care of this dude. I’m sick of him running his mouth.”
“Naw, man, it ain’t even worth it,” Damarius said. “You need to go on to them accelerator classes you taking.”
Cole laughed and said, “It’s accelerated classes, fool.”
Nothing was funny to me. However, they did have a point. My schedule was really brutal. I was on the college prep track. Just looking at the syllabus for each of my classes should’ve freaked me out! I would have tons of papers to write, a lot of tests to take, plenty of research to do. But I didn’t care, I just had to do what I had to do to move on. Right now, I cared ’bout Tori.
As I strolled to class, the crowds assured me that my popularity status was still intact. It really made my ego feel good when girls came up to me giving me their numbers. Or when guys wanted to hold a conversation with me about the upcoming game, telling me I was going to do great. Even though my girl had chosen another dude on the first day of school, I was still the man. I had girls lining up to take her place. And the reason why guys were wanting my time was so they could raise their own status. I guess I should’ve been happy, but that really didn’t matter. All I could think about was what Tori was doing to me.
Just then Justin came by. We had all the same classes. He was still popular from being at the big party before school started.
“Man, I don’t know what you’re stressing about that girl for,” he said. “It’s not like you’re losing anything. You broke up with her, anyway. I ain’t trying to bring you down or nothing, but isn’t this what you wanted? Her to move on?”
“I didn’t want her giving it up to anybody other than me, though. You know?”
“So, it is not that she was with Marlon this morning, but that she was really, really with Marlon that gets you?”
“All of it, I guess. I just want her back. I mean, I did before I knew how far she’d gone with him.”
“So, you see her as dirty now?” Justin asked honestly.
“I don’t know,” I yelled. “I’m trying to figure it all out.”
When school was over, Justin went up to the office. He was student body president, and had some meeting to attend. I went on to the locker room. He hadn’t given me any advice, but he did call me out, made me think about what I was feeling. Though I had no intention of putting all of that into perspective, I was boiling. Shoot, I was ticked off!
When Marlon was the first face I saw in the locker room, I snapped. I rushed up to him, grabbed him by the collar, pinned him up against his locker and abruptly said, “You a lie, chump! You ain’t never have that!”
“You just mad ’cause you never had it. Not like we can compare notes,” Marlon taunted.
I let him go. I wasn’t ’bout to fight him over no girl. He grabbed me by my neck and pulled out a scrawny pocketknife.
“What’s that supposed to do, scare me?” I asked.
As he clenched my neck tighter and tighter, I could hardly speak because his grip had me. He dug the point of the knife in the corner of my eye.
“Don’t charge at me again, Skky, or embarrass me in front of the whole school. So, whether you and your girl ever get down or not, it doesn’t matter. By the time I’m done getting it so good, there won’t be nothing left for you to enjoy.”
With that I kicked him in the knee. The knife slid and cut me. That’s when Coach Robinson came in. That was good, ’cause ain’t no telling what I would’ve done to that chump.
“Skky, go see the trainer. Barksdale, you’re suspended off this team for Friday’s game. I’m not tolerating any team member using weapons. And, boy, what the heck were you thinking?” he asked as he hit him on the back of his head.
I got to sit practice out. The cut on my eye felt deep. Coach wanted to see me in his office again when he saw I looked in pain. Trying to be tough, I told him I was okay.
He said, “I’m really surprised at you. I gave you the chance at being a leader, and you’re fighting your teammate over some girl.”
“I wasn’t fighting him.”
“And the second time today. I hear y’all had it out earlier in the hallway. You got too bright of a future to be putting it all on the line for some girl.”
“He was lying on her, Coach. What was I supposed to do, just let him bash her name?”
“Come on, man. The girl knows what she’s doing. She was just trying to get a rise outta you. But if you know he’s lying, why let it get you all hyped up? Marlon just wants to get under your skin, and you’re letting him win. The bigger man shows restraint. Anybody can come down to third level. Not every man can rise to the level of maturity. I thought you were the wiser one, taking those advanced classes and all. But I don’t know. Looks like your head is screwed on just as wrong as the dude carrying the knife. Get it together, man.”
As I walked to my car holding my eye, I had a bad headache. What a day it had been. I didn’t know if I was dreaming or not when I saw the most beautiful girl ever leaning against my car. It was Tori. When I realized I wasn’t dreaming, I didn’t know how to feel about it.
What was she waiting by my ride for? I ain’t really have nothing to say to her. I had already acted stupid where she was concerned. It was time for me to wise up, ’cause being around her was not going to help me.
“Excuse me, but I gotta go.”
“W-Wait a minute. I need to talk to you. I heard during cheerleading practice that Marlon hurt you. I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. Sure you are.”
She tried to look at my face, but I just pulled away. Her concern was a little too late for me. She could tell by my actions that I wasn’t feeling her right then.
“You need to go on with your new dude. I gotta go. My dad’s waiting on me at the hospital to check out my eye.”
“Oh, my gosh! You’re going to the hospital!” she said. “Perry, I got your message. I realized too late that you really do care for me.”
“I made it clear how I felt on your answering machine. You didn’t need to get with another dude to make me jealous. It didn’t make our situation any better when you weren’t denying what was said this morning, either.”
I opened up my car door and got in. I tried to shut it, but she somehow got in the way, preventing me from shutting it.
“What do you mean?” she asked, touching the injured side of my face. “You know me. I couldn’t respond because I was shocked to see you fighting for me. I’m not saving myself because I wanna hurt you. And you think I would rather give it up to some guy I just went out with, huh? I’m saving myself because God wants me to. You should’ve known he was lying, Perry. I didn’t say anything to defend myself. You didn’t defend me, either. You just stood there.”
“I did say something. I forgot what I said, but I did look at you to verify that he was lying. That was your cue right there. You made me think all day that he took your innocence. That really hurt, Tori.”
All of a sudden, I felt her soft lips against mine. She had the most perfect kiss: sweet, gentle and passionate. I made the kiss last for a while. And at that moment I knew everything that I’d been thinking about her being with somebody else wasn’t true. All her passion was still for me.
“You my girl or what?” I asked as I pulled my lips from hers.
“Always,” she said before we kissed again.
A few days later, it was the first game of the season. I still had a bandage on my eye. But thankfully everything was going to heal. The scouts were in the stands, watching, from what my dad had told me. And for the first half, I did not put on a show for them. I couldn’t seem to get my mojo flowing. I was dropping balls, and I even ran a wrong route. My head just wasn’t in the game.
At halftime, Coach broke it down to me that this was my time to shine. He was putting the balls in my hand as we trailed at home 17-0. Second half I scored three touchdowns. I jumped over two defenders and did a backflip into the end zone. The only thing I could do was thank God when the clock ran out and we won 21-17.
I hadn’t done enough of that. I hadn’t spent a lot of time with Him. But when things were shaky, I knew He drove out the strength that I held deep inside. And for that, I was grateful.
I acknowledged Him again as I silently prayed. “I don’t even know if I’m doing this right. But thanks for giving me the life You’ve given me, Lord.”
Damarius came running on top of me. “Man, we’re praying in the middle of the field with the other team. Come on, let’s go! Coach Robinson is starting here a FCA thing.”
“FCA?”
“Fellowship of Christian Athletes, I think. Come on, man. You suppose to pray with everybody else.”
Praying twice didn’t seem like a bad thing. It actually seemed pretty good. No one had got seriously hurt. Plus, sportsmanship was all over the place. Another prayer of thanks seemed in order.
Coach Robinson led the prayer.
“Most high God, we come to You this evening to give thanks. We’re thankful for this contest. We thank You for these young men that are assembled here today. Happy that You kept them healthy. Very thankful that You allowed us to be fortunate enough to participate in a game like football. With all these things, we appreciate the fact that You sent your Son, Jesus, to die on a cross for all our sins. I don’t know where these young men stand with You. But I pray right now, Lord, above football, the girls or anything else in this world that holds their interest, they would have a love for You. Help them all find You if they don’t know You. Help strengthen the ones that have a relationship with You that aren’t where You want it to be. Help them know and appreciate that You make them wake up in the morning. You’re the one with the power. May they live to please You, and strive to make You proud. In Jesus’s name.”
After that prayer, stuff was a blur. I did a lot of interviews, talked to a few scouts, my parents praised me, and I even got another kiss from Tori. But above all of that, I had a private moment that meant a lot to me. I remembered the two prayers after the game, the personal one and the one prayed for me by Coach Robinson. And I knew there was something bigger that I needed to start thinking about.
It wasn’t all about me and where my senior year was leading or what school I was going to choose. It was about God. Without putting Him on my agenda I was messing things up, being out of order. Just letting personal things bring my whole life down a negative hill. But with God being my top priority, things were good. And it felt good being in control.