9
Breaking Her Heart
As I pulled up my pants, I felt terrible. My eyes were locked with Tori’s. And although the foggy glass was between us, I saw the tears streaming down her face. I had crushed her.
She screamed like an insane person. “How could you do this?” Then she dashed away.
I raised my seat all the way up and hit the steering wheel really hard. I never meant for her to catch me. I never meant to devastate her. What was I to do now?
“Our time can’t be over,” Amandi said as she rubbed on my bare chest.
“I’m looking for my shirt. I-I need to go talk to her. Stop.”
“Pssh. Talk to her? You all right? We’re in the middle of something. I think she gets the message that y’all are through.”
“Look, I’ll catch up with you later. I need to speak to her,” I said before grabbing my shirt and opening up the car door.
Buttoning my shirt quickly, I jogged, trying to find Tori between the cars. I didn’t even think I was gon’ find her as I searched through the first two rows. But when I got to the next one, I saw her bent down in the dirt, crying.
“Aww, Tori,” I said, trying to pick her up.
But then she started kicking and swinging at me crazily. This situation was way out of hand.
“Let me go! Don’t touch me ever again!” she screamed.
“I’m just trying to pick you up. You shouldn’t be all on the ground like this. I get it. You’re mad at me. You wanna let me have it. Here I am, right here.”
“What is it, Perry? What does she have that I don’t? Everybody already knows that she is—”
I hated seeing her so messed up. “Don’t even do that, Tori. Don’t belittle yourself by talking ’bout other people.”
“What do you care? You’re belittling yourself by getting with her.”
“We didn’t even do nothing,” I said, but knowing she wasn’t gonna buy what I was selling.
With her hand on her hip she said, “Yeah, that’s because I came by and stopped y’all.”
All of a sudden, she unzipped her raincoat. Underneath, she was wearing only a fine black teddy. My eyes were stunned.
“I was coming to give myself to you tonight. I was going to tell you let’s go drive somewhere. I was ready. How stupid am I? I hate myself. I shouldn’t even live!”
Then she took off running. I chased behind her quickly. I was sort of confused by what I heard her say. Not even live? Was she talking ’bout killing herself over this? No!
I caught up with her, but she was already in her car. The doors were locked. She sped away, kicking the dirt on me. Full-speed, I jetted back to my ride. I just knew Amandi would be gone, since I’d told her I had to go talk to my girl. But the girl didn’t get it. She was in the backseat of my ride—nude.
I did a double take. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Before me was a guy’s dream, yet I knew I couldn’t entertain anything else with her. My girl was talking about ending her life. I could only pray she wasn’t serious. But I couldn’t take any chances. I had to catch up with Tori.
“Amandi, we gotta pick this up another time,” I said sensitively, trying not to make another girl lose it.
“You gon’ turn all this down?” she asked me. I saw her clothes in my passenger seat and I tossed them to her without turning around. “I don’t mind if you look,” she said.
“Come on, now. I gotta go. I told you that.”
“Go! Tori is the one that needs to go now. I don’t know why you like her, anyway,” she said as she leaned up behind my seat and placed her hands on my head. “She’s just a junior, Perry.”
“What does her grade level got to do with this? Please, put on your clothes. I’m serious. This is not good. She’s real upset, and I’m worried about her. I’ll call you.”
I heard her grunting angrily from behind my seat as she twisted and turned her body in all kinds of directions to try and straighten her tight skirt and tiny blouse. I felt bad. Now I had two girls to deal with.
“Okay, you gotta get out the driver’s seat so I can leave your little car,” she snapped.
When I stood up to let her out, she motioned for my hand to help her. I ain’t have no problem with being a gentleman, but I was in a hurry. I yanked her a little hard.
“Darn,” she said as she fell into my arms purposefully.
Then she kissed my neck and made her way to my lips. What did she think, I was gonna change my mind?
“All right, Amandi. I gotta go.”
“Can’t believe you’re turning me down! Next time you won’t get off so easily. Go see about your lil’ girl!”
I threw my hand up to motion bye. I didn’t have time to be playing games. I was sorry the night ended the way that it did. I wasn’t trying to lead her on. I was serious about wanting to make things happen, but circumstances came and intervened and stopped all that. Right then, I needed to find Tori.
“You gotta get back inside the rink. I don’t want you out here alone,” I said as Amandi just started hanging by my ride.
“It ain’t like you care about me.”
“I do, Amandi. Go in there.”
As soon as I saw her walk through the door, I drove off. I drove around for twenty minutes trying to find Tori. I was having no luck anywhere. Then I remembered she and I parked sometimes in the new subdivision, Autumn Parc. They had only cut in the roads so far; no house construction had been started. Sure enough, I saw a car in front of me down a cul-de-sac.
As I got closer, I confirmed it was Tori’s. I parked my car next to hers. She was inside, her head was back, the windows were locked and her car was running. This was crazy. I banged on her window, but she ignored me. I went over to the other side and banged hard.
“Open up, Tori! This is crazy and I need to talk to you. Tori! Tori!” She wasn’t responding. “Don’t make me break this window. Tori!”
She opened her car door and fell into my arms. A pill bottle fell out as well. It wasn’t empty. It seemed she’d only contemplated taking them. I picked her up and sat her outside. Then I went back and turned off her car.
“Were you thinking about taking these pills, Tori? Huh? Tori, answer me! What were you thinking, Tori?” I asked. She was nonresponsive and real drowsy. “What is going on with you?”
Then she spoke: “No, what’s going on with you? For the last few years all I’ve ever dreamed about was being with you. Giving myself to you in every way. You have no idea how you’ve hurt me tonight!”
“I feel bad, but you can’t do this.”
“What have I got to live for now?” she whispered.
I wasn’t about to drive off and leave her so emotionally devastated. I held her and listened until she calmed down. One thing never changed, and that was her saying how bad I let her down. How I’d destroyed her world, and how she’d never be the same.
As I followed her home, I could only hope to make things better for her heart somehow. However, knowing she was willing to end it all over me had probably scared me away for good.
The next day I didn’t have time to reflect on what had happened. It was mid-October and school had been in session for a couple of months. My boys Damarius and Cole asked me if I wanted to hang out with them at the mall on Columbus Day. I was down with the plans since I needed some new threads. I was actually tired of the same old shirt popping up every other week. I needed to add some variety to my wardrobe with a couple of pieces here and there.
I was nothing like my sister at the mall. She could stay there with my mom all day and night. I knew my boys only wanted to go there to hook up with some girls. Although my eyes might roam, my gaze never holds any real intention behind it. But I’d need some more cash to buy shirts, a pair of kicks, some jeans and some slacks.
Since this semester started off a little rocky with my pops, I never got my full run of funds. I needed to correct that. So I headed to the dealership. He was having his Columbus Day sale, and I knew he’d be slaving away trying to make some things happen.
“Don’t let your dad put you to work,” Damarius said through the receiver. “We need to hang now, bro, not wash dirty cars and stuff.”
I was talking to him on the cell phone and trying to drive at the same time. He was so silly. The boy constantly made me laugh.
“Man, I won’t be long. I’ma meet y’all at the mall.”
“You coming in through Sears, right?”
“Yep, in thirty.”
“All right, slick. Tell your dad to cut me a few dollars, too.”
“Oh, now you really got jokes.”
Before I stepped out the car, I had to check myself. See, I loved to flirt with my dad’s secretary, Clarissa. She’d only been working at the dealership since the beginning of the year. However, she made most of the salesmen not concentrate on selling cars. Yeah, she was fine, and she wore some clothes that would make any customer stay too long in our showroom.
But when I stepped into the showroom, she wasn’t at the podium. Phones were ringing off the hook, and I stalled for a minute or two to see if she was coming around the corner or from the bathroom. But that didn’t happen. I looked at my watch and saw I didn’t have much time to fool around.
I headed up to my dad’s office and was surprised to find my dad’s office door closed. He always had it open so he could scream down at people. His office windows had blinds and they were all shut. Well, except for one. I went down to that window and peeked in. I was shocked to see my dad and Clarissa locking lips! I knew she was fine and all, but I didn’t know my dad thought so, too. Somebody needed to show his married behind how to keep his hands to himself. Guess I was the man for that job. I paced back and forth, trying to figure out what I was going to do.
Talking out loud I said, “I can’t believe this!”
What did this mean for my family? He was married to my mom, and he wasn’t going to do what he wanted to do. He needed to know I wasn’t going to have him disrespecting my moms. I tried to turn the knob, but it was locked. So I banged on the door.
“Dad, I know y’all in there. Dad, open the door!” I shouted loud enough to shake the whole building.
His door flew open, and I caught Clarissa trying to fix herself up. All of a sudden, she was disgusting to me. I actually hated that I ever saw anything in her.
“Umm, Clarissa, that’ll be all. I’ll talk to my son right now. Thank you.”
My father was trying to dismiss the whole thing.
Stepping boldly to him, I said, “Save that mess, please! What’s your saying, Pops? ‘I was born at night, but not last night?’ What you think, I’m stupid or something? No, I’m the guy you’re proud of. The straight-A student that scored high on his SAT. Some stuff you can’t pull on me.”
Clarissa slid by me. I didn’t even acknowledge her. When she was gone, I let my dad have it.
“Son, I don’t know what it is you think you saw,” he said after I told him a thing or two. He went around me and shut his door. “All right, you think you know everything. I’ma lay it out for you. Me and your momma are having some problems, and it don’t have nothing to do with you.”
“It had everything to do with me when you carelessly left your blinds opened so people could see. How long has this been going on?”
“Ain’t nothing going on. I mean, we crossed the line a little, but that’s it. The stress level at home is just high, and I was a little vulnerable tonight. But I don’t need to explain this to my kid. Stay the heck out of my business and keep your mouth shut!”
I went up to him and grabbed his shirt collar. “You cheat on my mother, and I will never forgive you. She may not be perfect, but she has loved you all these long years with all her heart. And with your actions you’re breaking it, and you’re breaking my mine, too.”
“What did you come up here for, Junior?” my dad asked as he loosened my grip.
“I was going to the mall with my boys.”
“Well, here, let me give you a lil’ something.”
“I don’t want your money, Dad.”
I walked out of his office knowing I couldn’t look at my dad the same again. At least now I knew why I caught my mom crying. I never thought my parents’ marriage was really in trouble, but after what I’d just seen, my mom shouldn’t have been spending her time crying. She should’ve been packing. ’Cause she was just too beautiful and too special a lady to let any man, even my dad, treat her wrong.
And as her son, I was going to have to protect her. Some way, I was going to have to figure this out.
It was only Wednesday, and Amandi had called me over a hundred times. Most of her messages said the same thing: I want to get with you again, Perry. I just wished she understood how unattractive that was.
My dad told me long ago, “Son, you never want a girl who takes the chase out of the relationship. You wanna be the man, the pursuing one. Fast girls are fun, but they’re the ones that cause you the most trouble. They don’t know how to leave you alone, and they end up being too needy.”
I didn’t know why I was remembering anything he ever told me. For the last few days, we hadn’t talked at all. And I hadn’t even been in the same room with my mom. I’d been avoiding her so she wouldn’t sense what was on my heart.
When the phone rang again at 11:55 at night, I instinctively grabbed it and said, “Hello.”
“I don’t understand, Perry. What’s up? Why are you avoiding me?” Amandi asked.
The chick was wild! Just talking fast, like ninety minutes an hour, sounding like she had drunk eight cups of coffee or something. Didn’t she get it? I wasn’t trying to get with her!
“Amandi, look, it’s late. We gon’ have to talk tomorrow—”
“Don’t you hang up on me! I been calling, and you ain’t called me back!”
“All right, I’m listening. But I’m sleepy. What you gotta say, Amandi? Huh?”
“You sound like you’re agitated with me, Perry. You told me the other night that we’d hook up again, and I was thinking about Friday night after the game.”
“But you know I got a girlfriend.”
“Friday night after the game, come to my house.”
“What? What you sayin’?”
“No, no. My parents gon’ be home. My dad’s a huge football fan. He’s barbecuing, and I know you’ll be hungry.”
“Your dad still got the grill going in October?”
“Yeah. He works at Hally’s BBQ. They got the real thing. Ribs, hash, rice—he wants to hook you up. He’s been on me to ask you. So, you gon’ do it, or what? Can you come?”
“Sure, whatever. Friday it is,” I muttered quickly, happy to finally say whatever to get her off my back.
Thursday in school Amandi saw me two times and reminded me that I had agreed to see her the next evening.
When she came up to me Friday after our win, I scoured the stands looking for Tori. But I didn’t see my girlfriend or her pom-poms anywhere.
“So are you following me, or what?” she asked.
“I ain’t gon’ be able to stay long, Amandi. My parents done set a curfew on me and everything. Plus I got a interview with ESPN early in the morning.”
“No problem. My dad just wanna meet you, that’s all.” Damarius came up from behind me and hit me in the knee, bending me down and scaring me. “Boy!”
“Oh, what’s up, what’s up? Your reflexes ain’t good?” Damarius teased.
“You gon’ make me hurt myself.”
“Well, let me stop, then. I ain’t got a million dollars to pay for what those knees are worth. So, what’s up? You done tapped that?” he asked, as he pointed at Amandi walking away.
“Her?” I questioned, trying to throw him off.
“Look at you wit yo head in the gutter. I’m talkin’ ’bout tappin’ them books.”
“Oh, so now you got jokes?” I hit my boy in the arm. “Want to slide with me over to her crib? I’m just going over there to grab a bite to eat.”
“Naw, man, I’m good. I’m finished taking all my ‘down there’ medicine,” Damarius said as he pointed to his zipper. “I was thinking ’bout having a party for myself tonight. Me and Ciara. It’s been a long time!”
“You ain’t learned nothing?”
“I’m straight for real,” he said as we slapped hands before parting.
I followed Amandi to her house. When we pulled up it was pitch-dark. No lights or nothing. It looked like nobody was in the house cooking anything.
Quickly, I jumped out the car. “What’s up?”
“I think they’re trying to do a surprise thing for you.”
“Surprise?”
“You are this town’s biggest player.”
She wasn’t making any sense, and I was so hungry. The whole drive over I couldn’t wait to smack on some ribs. When we opened the door, nobody jumped out and said, “Surprise!” She just shut the door, and I couldn’t see a thing. She found my lips and started heating up the place.
“Wait a minute, now. Hold up, girl. Ease back. Is your pops here? I ain’t tryin’ to get no shotgun to me!”
“Don’t worry,” she said as she grabbed my ear.
I was trying to find the light switch on the wall, but my hand was unsuccessful. Then I pushed her back a little. I was upset.
“Where’s the daggone light, girl? I’m hungry. I’m not here for this.”
Still slobbering on my ear, she said, “I guess I’ma feed your appetite with this. Just relax and enjoy it. You don’t think I brought you all the way out here to eat dinner, did you? This ain’t my house. This is my cousin’s house. She works at night and is letting me use her place. Instead of being in an old cramped car, we got a bed this time.”
“Amandi, look. Turn the light on now. Now!” I said even more forcefully.
She quickly turned on the light. “I don’t know why you’re tripping. We were just together a week ago, and it was more magical than a ride at Disneyland.”
“That’s a stretch, Amandi. I was just a brother trying to get his groove on and got caught by my girl. I thought about it and I ain’t trying to go there again with you. I’m sorry. I thought you would’ve got it when you called me all those times, and I didn’t return one. Maybe you needed to hear me say it. I ain’t trying to do that with you.”
Right before my eyes, she started stripping! It was like she heard me say, “Okay, let’s do this.” Of course that is not what I said.
“All right. I’ll just see you later ’cause obviously you don’t understand.”
As I opened the door and left, I heard her slam it right behind me. The situation was getting real crazy. Before I reached my ride she opened up the door and ran toward the car, barely clothed.
“You gon’ walk out the door on this? Go ahead and act like a punk! You don’t wanna cross me, Perry Skky! You need a second chance ’cause you already let me down once. You don’t wanna mess with me!”
“You’re right!” I told her. “Now you’re getting it. I don’t wanna mess with you,” I said sarcastically, knowing she had meant something completely different. I gently pushed her to the side and opened up the car door.
She yelled, “How could you do this to me? I thought you wanted me, Perry. I love you!”
I really had a lot to deal with. Amandi could be so dramatic. The way she was trying to force herself on me made think something was really wrong with her. Uh-uh. I wasn’t going out like that my first time.
And it was my fault. I did owe her an apology. I had led her on for a week prior. But I was a different me now, and she needed to respect that and understand that I felt bad for what I’d done to Tori. As bad as I felt about what my dad was doing to my mom. The apple didn’t fall too far from the tree, I guess.
When I drove off, I noticed Amandi kneel down and curl up into a ball by her cousin’s door. Maybe I had been too rough on her. But I couldn’t go back and comfort her because she would get it all wrong. I just had to pray for her and hate that I was breaking her heart.