He walked out of the drab hospital building, blinked and looked up at the clear, morning sky. It was quiet and warm and only a few people were about. The hospital’s cafe had just opened its doors. He could do with a coffee, but decided not to linger, he had work to do.
Jill was wearing a blue hospital gown. She opened her eyes and touched her cheek. Her face felt like it had been rammed against a brick wall. A nurse walked into the room with a clipboard.
‘Am I dead?’ Jill asked.
‘No, you’re not dead,’ the nurse laughed. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Had better days.’
The memory of last night came to her in fragments. The nurse felt Jill’s pulse and took her blood pressure.
‘I’ve just started my shift, but one of the nurses on duty last night told me your boyfriend insisted on staying with you last night. He only left when he was satisfied you were going to be okay. Where do you find guys like that?’
Jill didn’t know what to make of William and was surprised by the depth of feeling he obviously had for her. She felt guilty. She had treated him badly. She squinted from a slit in her eye and looked out the window across to the multi-decked car park of Royal North Shore Hospital. The day outside was bright; the sky was blue, cloudless. She would rather be anywhere, but here.
Five days later and every inch of her body still hurt like hell. Jill returned to the station and all eyes were on her. She was on her way down to the canteen when she passed Rimis in the hall.
‘You sure you should be back at work? You know you don’t have to be here.’
‘Yes, boss, I’m fine,’ she lied. Her head ached and her ribs hurt. Luckily her nose wasn’t broken. She didn’t know what she would do if she sneezed.
‘I’m on my way out now, but come and see me later.’ He walked on but turned around and called out to her. ‘Sure you’re okay?’
She smiled but she didn’t turn around for him to see it. ‘Sure.’
She walked into the canteen and searched her pockets for a couple of coins. She grabbed a can of soft drink from the vending machine and took a seat in the corner.
Luke Rawlings pushed his chair back from the next table, walked over and sat down across from her.
‘You sure you should be back at work so soon? You’ve got a real shiner there.’
Her face was covered in purple, yellow and green bruises. She was aware of how she must look. ‘I’m on desk duties until further notice.’
‘Want to talk?’
Jill looked at him. ‘I can’t believe what Kevin did. He’s not the first person to have a bad start in life.’
‘Maybe it was about the power. After all those years of beatings and being treated the way he was, maybe he wanted to know what it felt like to be in control, to inflict some suffering on someone else.’
‘His neighbours must have known what was going on. They would have heard the screams, seen the bruises.’
‘Different times. Back then, kids were always getting a hiding.’
‘I wonder if Nora ever felt guilty.’
‘Who knows, maybe she did in the end.’
Jill didn’t know what to do with herself. She felt like she had been run over by a bus. She should have taken extra time off. All she could think of doing right now was going for a swim, tasting the ocean, throwing herself beneath the waves like she used to do with her father. Her phone rang. She looked at the caller ID. ‘Sorry, Luke. I have to take this.’ It was William. She waited for Luke to walk away before she answered the call.
‘How are you?’ William asked.
‘I’m okay. I’m back at work.’
‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’
Why does everyone keep asking me that? ‘I’d rather be working than sitting around at home feeling sorry for myself. There’s not much you can do for a few bruises and some broken ribs, apart from taking paracetamol.’ She tried to laugh.
‘Look Jill, I wanted to apologise for not hanging around the other night. With all the commotion, I couldn’t handle it. I waited downstairs for the paramedics to arrive and I knew Nick was with you, so I went home.’
Rimis? He must have been the one at her bedside. ‘Look William, I know this has all been a bit crazy but —’
‘Don’t say anything. We both know it would never have worked. What you went through with Kevin, I don’t think I could handle knowing every day you went to work you might not come home.’
‘It’s the job. It’s what I do.’
Jill knocked on Rimis’s office door and walked in. She was on her way home. Her shift had just finished. Rimis was at the window with his back to her and his hands in his pockets.
He turned around and looked at her. ‘Sit down, Brennan. Anyone told you, you look like shit?’
She smiled for the first time in days. ‘Thanks, boss. You really know how to make a girl feel good about herself.’ She sat down and crossed her arms against her chest.
‘How are the ribs? Want to take some more time off?’ Rimis sat down in his high-backed office chair.
‘No, they’re fine, it just hurts now and again if I move the wrong way, or if I laugh.’
‘You should take things easy until you’re fully recovered.’
‘The pain killers are kicking in nicely.’
Rimis studied her for a moment. ‘If you harden yourself against it, it’ll go away,’ he said.
‘The pain you mean?’
‘No, thinking about Kevin Taggart.’
Jill looked at him. She was surprised and embarrassed by what he could see in her, but she was also surprised by what she saw in him. If she didn’t know any better, she would say he was actually worried about her. ‘You were right about Kevin. I should have listened to you.’
‘If you are going to make a good detective, you have to learn to trust your instincts.’
‘How did Kevin slip through the cracks when he was a child? The Blake sisters must have known about the abuse.’
‘It might explain why they were so kind to him,’ Rimis said.
‘Might also explain why he killed them.’
Instead of going home after her shift ended, Jill drove to the Dunworth. She felt guilty she had used Bea’s friendship to get a job at the gallery. She tried not to think what would have happened if Kevin Taggart hadn’t agreed to exhibit his paintings. Would Freddie and Paloma still be alive? Would Kevin be a free man now, going unpunished for the women he’d murdered?
‘What are you doing here?’ Bea walked out from the office and wrapped her arms around Jill. After she released her, she stood back and took a good look at her. ‘You look like a prize fighter with that black eye.’
A flash of pain shot across her ribs and Jill held her chest. ‘I’m fine, just a few bruises.’ She shut her eyes to stop the tears. ‘If you really want to know, I’ve had better days.’
‘What’s happened now?’
Jill bit down on her lip and looked around at the paintings on the wall. It was the opening of the Byron Willis exhibition tomorrow. She swallowed hard and sat down on the timber floor. ‘It’s all got a bit much. I’m such a mess Bea, I don’t think I can go back.’
‘What do you mean, you can’t go back?’ Bea sat down on the floor beside her and held her hands.
‘It’s no use, Dad was right, I haven’t got what it takes.’ Jill could feel her eyes welling up again. ‘On the way over here, I tried to kid myself it was all part of the job, but what happened with Kevin… It was just horrible. I haven’t been sleeping,’ she said. ‘I’ve been having these terrible nightmares.’
‘What about counselling? Have they offered it to you?’
‘Yes, of course, it’s policy, but I said no.’ Jill wondered if she should tell her about Morrissey’s claims that her father was corrupt?
‘Are you crazy? After what you’ve been through? And why the hell are you back at work? You should be on sick leave. What about that boss of yours, Nick Rimis? What does he say about all of this?’
Jill stared at the wall.
‘Jill?’
‘He’s been supportive. I’m on light duties, but —’
‘What is it?’
‘Maybe I should come to work here at the Gallery, opt out for a quieter life, surround myself with beautiful things and leave the ugly side of life to those who can handle it.’
Bea grabbed hold of her friend’s shoulders. ‘For as long as I’ve known you, all you’ve ever wanted was to become a detective. Are you listening to me? When you first told me you’d resigned and you came to work here, I couldn’t believe it.’
‘I’m not cut out for the job. Look at me, I’m twenty-eight years old, no family, no friends.’
‘What are you talking about no family, no friends. Isn’t that what I am? What Harry and Callum are? Remember the day we first met?’ Bea asked. ‘You were the new girl at Maroubra Public. You told me you were Jillian Eleanor Brennan, you were ten years old, and you were going to be a policeman when you grew up. And I said, you were a girl, so you had to be a policewoman.’
Jill wiped away the tears with the back of her hand.
‘I wanted to be an air hostess, remember?’ Bea said.
‘Yeah, I remember.’ Jill laughed.
Bea helped Jill to her feet. ‘You’ll get through this; you’ve got through worse. Look, I’m about to close up here. Let’s go next door to the Tapas bar and have a drink.’
Jill looked at her friend. ‘Sounds good,’ she said, ‘and Bea —’
‘What?’ Bea stared at Jill.
‘I want you to know, I forgive you for trying to set me up with Scott Carver. But next time you try something like that, I’m going to have to kill you.’
They both laughed and headed out through the front door.