Wanting to savor every possible moment, Cody let Shanna sleep until an hour before dawn. Occasionally a sound broke the night silence in the barn — a faint nicker from Cody's restless dun stallion, the brush of a huge plow horse's hindquarter against its stall, once the slurp of Starlight's lips on his mother's bag as he foraged a night-time meal.
None of the familiar sounds penetrated Cody's muddled thoughts. He cradled Shanna close, memorizing the feel of her, mentally tracing every inch of her body.
Once before he had known love — or thought he had. His life with Nancy had been perfect — everything he had always told himself a marriage should be. Never once had his wife raised her voice to him or defied him. Never once had she denied his lovemaking and, if Nancy had been somewhat apprehensive about relaxing enough under him to accept her own fulfillment, he had at least managed a few times to coax her into a climax.
But never had his wife responded like Shanna. Never had she taken fire at his touch — acknowledged her pleasure with touches of her own, which sought Cody's rapture, also — transported him to a plane of ecstasy and sharing he had never dreamed existed.
It was more than physical gratification. His love for Shanna, though inching into recognition at first on the sly feet of sexual desire, now controlled his entire being. Her quiet wonder at the birth of the colt, her steadfast, scrappy opposition to his spoiling Melinda, loving his daughter despite Melinda's whiny demands for indulgence, correcting her with equal measures of discipline and tenderness.
The way Shanna gave of herself emotionally when the ghosts and guilt crept forth from his past. The way her eyes twinkled when she returned his teasing banter. The way the sunlight caught her hair, transforming it into spun strands of liquid gold.
The way her body blended into his, the sensuous utopia they found together....
Cody groaned softly under his breath, then gently kissed Shanna's shoulders and lips until she responded.
"Ummmm," Shanna said in a languid voice. "Tell me I'm not dreaming. Tell me this is real."
"It's real, darling. As real as the feelings we've shared. But...." Cody sat up and reached for Shanna's dress. "I'm afraid there are some other realities our loving each other won't keep away. You better go on in to bed."
"What are you going to do? Did you get any sleep?"
"I'm fine. I want to dig out some of my old law books. There's got to be something there we can use. We need to be prepared, when your father shows up."
"Cody, I'm not going to let him take Toby away from me."
"I know. And I promise, I'll do everything I can to see that doesn't happen. Everything will be all right."
Shanna reached for the chemise lying beside her and pulled it on, then silently slipped her arms through the dress Cody held out.
"I'm sorry I tore your dress, sweetheart."
"I can sew it," Shanna said with a shrug as she buttoned the dress.
When Cody stood and helped her to her feet, she leaned against his chest while he brushed pieces of hay from her hair. Beneath her cheek, Shanna felt his heart beating and the rise and fall of his breathing.
"Cody," she said, clinging to him tightly. "Cody, what if it's not enough?"
"What, darling?"
Shanna tilted her head back to study the haggard face above her. "What if everything you can do for Toby and me isn't enough? What if the judge says I have to give Toby back to my father?"
Straining to see his worried expression in the dim light, Shanna felt Cody's muscles tense under her hands. When he didn't answer her, she took a deep breath.
"I'm not going to ask you to do anything that will get you in trouble, Cody. You have to care for Bessie and Melinda. But I will ask you to draw up some sort of paper giving you authority to handle my affairs if I can't. Will you do that for me?"
"I'm sure we won't need...."
"Sure? Sure as in positive, Cody?"
"No, but...look, if worse comes to worse, I know a place I can take you and Toby where you'll be safe for a while until we figure out what to do."
"Then you'll be in trouble for helping us. Besides, Cody, you don't know my father. He'll hunt Toby and me down to the ends of the earth."
"Then we better eliminate all our legal alternatives first."
"What are they?"
"Is there anything at all you could use against your father to prove he's unfit to raise Toby? Any secret in his background that you know of that he wouldn't want brought out?"
"Only the affair my mother had, but he doesn't seem to care that people will know about that now. And what about him having me thrown in jail?"
"That's not going to happen," Cody said in a flat voice. "That's one thing I am positive about."
"No, you're not," Shanna said sadly, gently touching his cheek. "You can't put yourself on the line for me. You have other people depending on you."
Shanna kissed Cody lightly on the lips and pushed away when he would have held her close.
"Just do the best you can, Cody. I know you will."
Shanna studied Cody's bent head for an instant, then walked out of the barn. Though she had just shared the most glorious closeness there was for a man and woman, she had never felt so alone in her life. The forthcoming decisions were going to be hers alone, and she had to make them carefully.
Cody waited until the kitchen door closed behind Shanna, then slammed his fist into the post on the barn door. Ribbons of pain sliced up his arm, but he drew his fist back again and slammed it even harder. His shoulders slumped and he cradled his battered hand against his chest while he sank back down into the hay.
Sure, he had promised her everything would be all right, but how in hell could he keep his promise? He had searched his mind all night, in between reflections of how deeply he loved this woman, for any possible way to get her out of this mess.
Granted, he wasn't the most knowledgeable lawyer in the country, but he could read the law as well as any of the old, circuit riding solicitors. The scant amount of written law there was would probably favor JT, if he did intend to fight for the child of his loins.
The hand-written Will Shanna's mother left — Shanna hadn't really explained the document, but he could imagine what it contained, if that city slicker lawyer had told Shanna it would be part of the proof JT needed. That and the birth certificate — both explosive documents, sure to cause a scandal if ever brought to public light. Coupled with Van Alstyne's desire for revenge on a small child in no way to blame for his existence and added to JT's honorable reputation on the battlefield and his wounds suffered for the glory of the South....
Hell, any Southern judge would give the boy to JT, even if he had to interpret the law on a fine line. And the lawyer had even hinted at something else that would disfavor Van Alstyne.
What a hell of a choice Shanna must have had to make — leaving her luxurious life in New York to search for a man who could legally claim Toby and possibly take him from her. He could only imagine what hell Toby's life must have been to force Shanna to that choice.
Any way he turned, the end result would be the same. JT could probably get Toby and hell, why wouldn't he marry Shanna — the picture of the woman JT had loved. Shanna could never be his. That big city lawyer was right. Her only hope to have any kind of claim on Toby was to marry the boy's real father. That is, if he could convince a judge Shanna hadn't kidnapped her brother.
Cody slowly rose to his feet and headed for the ladder to the loft, the air around him already echoing with his coming loss. What sort of twisted fate had made him the instrument to show the woman he desired with every fiber of his being the way to another man's arms?
Cody laid his forehead against the ladder and gripped the side. Wincing in pain when his injured fingers curled around the wood, he drew his hand back and gazed into the empty recesses above him.
And did he have it in him? Shanna trusted him to do what was right. He had given her his solemn promise. There wasn't any option other than to do his utmost to see that Shanna kept Toby with her, while still fulfilling his obligations to Aunt Bessie and Melinda.
Good God! What was he thinking of? How could he even let the thought of allowing Toby to go back to New York with his monster of a father so he could have Shanna cross his mind?
Shanna hesitantly pushed open the parlor door later that morning to see hard bound books littering her desk and Cody with his legs stretched out in her chair, a contemplating frown on his face.
"Morning, love," Cody murmured, rising to his feet when he caught sight of her. "Come here."
Shanna walked into his arms and returned his kiss, trying to be satisfied at the necessary briefness of it, with the house sure to be wakening around them.
"I didn't think you'd mind me using your desk today," Cody said when he released her. "You don't have classes the next couple days."
"Of course not. But have you even been to bed?"
"No. And from the looks of those shadows under your eyes, you didn't get much sleep either."
"Have you found anything?"
"Not much," Cody admitted.
"Well, I'm going to make fresh coffee if you want some."
"I think I've had enough coffee for a while. I'm just going to keep at this for a little longer, then I've got to get out there and do the chores. And sometime today, we have to tell Aunt Bessie and the children what's going on."
"I know." Shanna pulled away from him and walked back to the door. "I know," she whispered to herself as she went into the kitchen.
"Morning, ma'am," Fred said a few minutes later as he came into the kitchen. "That coffee sure smells good."
"Good morning, Fred. Sit down and I'll get you a cup. Breakfast will be ready in a short while."
When Shanna set the coffee cup in front of Fred, he reached out and placed a hand on her arm. "I want you to know that folks around here think a lot of you, Miss Allen. We're all behind you."
"Thank you, Fred."
"Behind us in what, Shanna?"
Shanna glanced up to see Toby standing in the doorway, rubbing sleepily at his eyes. Her voice caught in her throat as she tried to remember the words she had written in her mind the night before to explain their new predicament, without totally scaring Toby to death.
Suddenly Toby dropped his hands and his eyes widened in fright. "Shanna. Shanna, is something wrong? Has he f...found...?"
Shanna hurried across the room to kneel in front of Toby. When she gathered his small body into her arms, he buried his face on her neck. "Toby," she said, stroking his hair when he tried to muffle a sob. "Toby, I'm not going to let anything happen to you." She gripped his shoulders and pushed him far enough away to see into his face. "I've promised you, remember? Cross my heart?"
Toby sniffed loudly and nodded his head. "I...I remember, Shanna."
The parlor door opened as Shanna rose to her feet and took Toby's hand. She tossed a grateful look at Cody, then led Toby to the table.
"We're going to talk about it all after breakfast, Toby. We'll think better then."
"All right," Toby agreed as he climbed into his chair.
"Maybe I should go on, so y'all can talk," Fred said, shoving his chair back.
"I wish you'd wait, Fred." Cody sat down across the table. "I might want you to tell Dan a couple things when you go back into town."
"Sure, Cody."
"And were you going to leave us completely out of this discussion?"
Bessie stood in the doorway with Melinda at her side, and Cody quickly jumped to his feet again and hurried over to take her arm.
"Aunt. You shouldn't be up."
"Pshaw. Pappy said I should start trying out my legs as soon as I felt like it. Otherwise, they'd wither and never be any use to me again." But she leaned on Cody's arm until he settled her into a chair.
"Now, we're all here," Bessie said in her usual take charge manner. "Let's hear what's going on."
Shanna shot Cody a helpless look. "I need to start breakfast."
"Go ahead, Shanna," he replied. "I'll explain while you cook."
"I'll help Shanna," Melinda surprised everyone by saying. She scurried over and slipped a small hand into Shanna's, giving a tiny squeeze.
Shanna blinked back a sudden mist of tears at the attempt of comfort. Obviously the child had sensed the atmosphere of tension in the room and was trying in her own way to help — something Melinda never would have thought of doing weeks ago, given her self-centered attitude then.
Shanna listened to every word while she cooked, and from time to time she caught Melinda turning from the counter to pay close attention to the flow of conversation. When Cody spoke about the possibility of Shanna being sent to jail for bringing Toby with her, Shanna almost dropped an entire bowl of eggs at Melinda's small gasp beside her. She found herself wondering just how much Melinda understood in her four-year-old mind, before remembering that both Melinda and Toby would each have a birthday this month. The two children had been delighted to find they were born on the same day and plans for the double celebration had already begun.
But would she even be here for the party? Shanna set the platter of eggs next to the bacon on the table while Melinda passed around a tray of sliced bread, then took her seat beside Cody. Though he reached over and filled her plate, urging her silently to eat, Shanna pushed the food around with her fork, mounding it this way and that in an attempt to make it look as though some had disappeared. When she realized the table had fallen silent, except for Toby and Melinda whispering together with bent heads on the far end, she glanced up to see the three adults' eyes centered on her.
"I...I'm just not hungry this morning," she said with a tight smile.
Bessie gave an exasperated sigh. "You're not going to be much help to us if you get sick from not eating, Shanna. We're all going to need to pull together, and I've got a feeling we'll need all our strength to weather this."
"Daddy," Melinda piped up. "Toby and I don't see why everyone's so worried. Maybe you just didn't 'splain it right."
"Explain, Melinda, not 'splain," Shanna corrected.
"That's what I meant," Melinda replied. "Ex...explain. And why can't Toby do that to the judge? He can 'spl... explain to the judge that he wanted to come with Shanna."
"Out of the mouths of babes," Cody said with a smile at his daughter.
"We'are not babies, Daddy. I'm almost five and Toby's almost six. We're almost grown up."
"Yes, sweetheart, you're growing up fast. Faster than I want you to," Cody admitted. "But I don't know if a judge will think Toby's old enough to decide who he wants to be with."
"Sure he will. All Toby's gotta do is show the judge how smart he is, like he does in our lessons. Then the judge will just have to listen."
Satisfied that she had solved the problem, Melinda slid from her chair. "Excuse me and Toby," she said politely. "We're gonna do our chores now, Daddy. I'll come back and help Shanna when you're done drinkin' your coffee. Toby and me don't like coffee."
Shanna blinked back another sheen of tears as she watched Toby follow Melinda across to the door, a satisfied smile on her little brother's face. Oh, if were only that easy. Where along the way had she lost the faith that children have in rightness? She couldn't bring herself to call Toby back and shatter his illusion that fair play would be done.
"Well, now," Fred said as he scraped his chair back. "I guess I know what to tell Dan, and I think I'll get right on the road so I can make sure he knows it before someone shows up and tries to put our Miss Allen in jail. Seems to me, it's two against one — Miss Allen and Toby's word against this here big city feller, who thinks he can come down here and take our teacher away from us."
Cody followed Fred to the door, but Fred waved him back. "Reckon I can hitch up my wagon by myself, Cody. You finish your coffee. And don't forget to stop by the next time you're in town. Got a bottle of my own we can share."
"Thanks for everything, Fred."
"Glad to help. Glad to help."
Bessie waited until the door closed behind Fred, then spoke to Shanna. "There's a little more to it than just your running away with Toby so he wouldn't be sent to boarding school, isn't there, Shanna?"
Shanna balled the napkin in her fists and stared helplessly at her congealing plate of food. Memories of last night with Cody crowded her mind. More? Yes, there was so much more to explain. Yet how could she tell Bessie that she had fallen in love with Cody — loved him so much that the thought of another man even touching her made her stomach heave. Loved him, yet was going to commit herself and her body to another man.
Forcing her fingers to relax, Shanna tossed the napkin on the table. "Would you mind if Cody explained the rest of it to you, Bessie? I want to ride over and see Zerelda this morning. There's...there's something I want to talk to her about."
"If that's what you want, Shanna," Bessie said after a brief moment of hesitation.
"Cody, may I borrow Brownie?" Shanna asked.
"Of course. But don't you want me to go with you?"
"No. I'd really like to have a little time alone just now. Please, Cody."
A few minutes later, after receiving Bessie's promise that she would let the dishes wait until Shanna returned, Shanna mounted Brownie and rode out of the barn. As Brownie trotted down the dirt drive toward the lane that would take her to the Samuels' cabin, Shanna thought of the letters she had hidden beneath her mattress. Maybe she should have brought them with her. But did she even have the right to ask for Zerelda's help? What else could she do? Zerelda was the only person who might understand Shanna's desperate need to keep Cody from doing something outside the bounds of the law and risking his own freedom by helping her.
It was her own fault. She had pleaded with Cody to help her but, tossing in her bed while she waited for dawn, she realized just what it could cost him. There could be no assurance that the judge would listen to Toby, as young as he was, and Cody would never allow Shanna to be sent to jail. No, he would do something foolish, like spiriting her and Toby away somewhere and being charged with helping a prisoner escape.
Who would care for Melinda and Bessie then? No, there was only one choice open to her. Her subtle queries had gotten her nowhere.
Shanna glanced over her shoulder as she became aware of pounding hoofbeats behind her. Lost in thought, she hadn't heard the riders approach, and now saw them almost upon her. Fright surged through her when she caught sight of the grimness of their faces and hands cocked on the guns at their hips.
"Stop right there, Miss Van Alstyne!" one rider shouted.
Shanna turned and bent low over the mare, her heels frantically kicking against Brownie's side as she screamed for the mare to run.