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Day 4
"Did you hear? We're getting new art supplies!" Charlotte announced with excitement at breakfast. "I hope they bring stylafoam! I just love making little animals out of it. Well, after I had the cadillacs removed from my eyes. I stabbed myself with the pins a lot before my surgery. But now I see perfectly!"
"That's exciting," Sady agreed. "I hope we get good stuff."
"Hey," Charlotte yelled. "Do you want me to save my green jello for you?"
The nurse passing out the meds turned a sharp eye on Sady. Sady smiled and waved, and told Charlotte out the side of her mouth, "No more jello!"
"Darn. I was hoping you were gonna have another party." Charlotte sounded disappointed.
"We're not having green jello," Lee told her. "It's gonna be red tonight, so we can eat it!"
"Lee, Nurse Gabby didn't say we could have it tonight," Lou argued. "Don't get everyone's hopes up!"
"You're just jealous because I got to announce it," Lee said with a sniff.
"And everyone's gonna be mad at you when they don't get it," Lou snickered, as Lee suddenly looked worried.
"I have to go!" Lee announced.
Lou giggled. "She's going to be so mad when she finds out we really are getting strawberry tonight! Because now she's telling everyone we aren't." Lou wandered off to watch her sister.
At Sady's morning therapy session she finished the picture she'd been working on. When Jane asked her to explain it, Sady felt a tightness in her chest. She pointed to the little figures she'd drawn. "Those are kids and they are having fun," she told Jane.
"Who are these other people?" Jane asked, pointing to larger figures.
"Those are the parents and teachers. Maybe babysitters too. They're having fun watching the kids," Sady told her.
"It's a nice picture, Sady. Do you like kids?"
"Sometimes. I've babysat a couple times now, and it was kinda fun. But a lot of work. I had help one time though. It was for a neighbor." Sady unconsciously twisted her hands as she looked at the picture she drew and colored. She didn't notice the notes Jane jotted in her book.
"Well, it looks like the kids in your picture are having lots of fun. And the adults as well," Jane responded with a smile. Sady smiled back, happy that Jane saw everyone was having a good time. That's what her picture was meant to show.
"Maybe we can start another project tomorrow, if you'd like," Jane offered. Sady agreed and left the therapist's office thinking therapy wasn't as scary as she imagined.
Allison flagged her down in the courtyard. "Everyone's coming to see what art supplies we are getting! Do you want to come?" She grabbed Sady by the hand and they went to the activity room to watch.
Charlotte paced back and forth as the supplies were unpacked. The closer it came to the last box, the more agitated she became. "Where's the stylafoam?" she asked the aid unpacking the boxes. The aid shrugged and Charlotte tugged on the sleeve of another aid, asking the same question.
"Charlotte, I don't know if there's any styrofoam in these boxes. Why don't you take a walk, and if I find any I'll come get you?" Charlotte scowled and raced from the room. Sady watched Charlotte pacing in the hall outside the activity room. Poor Charlotte.
Sady stepped into the hall to talk with her. "Charlotte, maybe this is just the first batch of supplies. Maybe they ran out of styrofoam and it's coming later."
Charlotte smiled and said, "That must be it. I hope they get it soon though!"
When the aids finished, Nurse Gabby came to supervise the use of the new supplies and Charlotte grabbed her arm. "When is the next batch arriving?" she asked with excitement.
Nurse Gabby frowned. "Charlotte, this is all we're getting for now. Why don't you come take a look? There's a lot of really nice things in these boxes." Charlotte shook her head and Nurse Gabby left her in the hall.
Charlotte looked devastated. "They didn't bring any, and they aren't going to," she told Sady in a sad voice.
"I saw some stuff for making pot holders," Sady said, trying to cheer her up. "Would you like to try making one of those?" Charlotte shook her head and trudged to the door leading to the courtyard.
Sady watched her with tears in her eyes. Then she looked around the corner to see Nurse Gabby busy trying to keep everything under control. Sady raced to her room and pulled out her cell phone. She sent a text to Harry, asking if he could bring a bunch of craft styrofoam right away. She knew he wouldn't question it, he'd just do it. He sent back a smiley face and Sady sent another request for felt, glue, sequins, and chenille stems.
An hour later the box was left at the front desk, marked ART SUPPLIES. Sady ran to find Charlotte, who sat dejectedly on a bench outside. "Hurry, Charlotte! Another box just came. I think it got separated and the delivery guy just found it. Maybe it has your styrofoam."
Charlotte looked up hopefully, then settled back with sadness clouding her features. "Probably just another box of coloring stuff."
"Well, you won't know until you check." Sady pulled Charlotte from the bench and took her to the activity room where Nurse Gabby inspected the box suspiciously, wondering why it wasn't labeled like the others. Charlotte and Sady both pranced anxiously.
"I think the driver just forgot it," Sady assured the nurse lamely. Nurse Gabby narrowed her eyes at Sady, then opened the box. Charlotte took flight when she saw the contents, and Sady clapped with excitement. When she saw Nurse Gabby watching her she stopped clapping, but she couldn't contain herself completely.
Not only did the box contain everything Sady requested, but Harry also included wiggle eyes, feathers, fake fur, and anything else he thought might be needed. "They didn't forget me," Charlotte said with tears in her eyes.
Sady had to bite her lip and turn away. They didn't forget me either, she thought, knowing how fast her friends worked to get the box of supplies together.
Sady thought about each of her friends, and how special they were. CJ- short in stature, with short hair and an even shorter temper. But she'd put her life on the line for a friend, then kill them if they told anyone. Her husband, Harry. Bald, but handsome with a heart of gold, and devoted to his wife. He was the big brother/ protective father Sady never had, and he looked out for everyone on the team. Amanda, her best friend. Wild and zany, she was the first real friend Sady ever had and Sady loved her like a sister. And Matt, her neighbor- hot and good looking. Fun to tease, fun to kiss, fun to hug. Matt was definitely not brother material.
Nurse Gabby asked some of the guests to make thank you cards for everyone to sign. Nurse Gabby turned to Sady with a raised brow. "Anyone besides Joseph Martinelli?" she asked.
Sady rubbed the toe of her shoe on the floor. "Maybe some of the people I work with offered suggestions," she told Nurse Gabby, not wanting to get in trouble for having a cell phone.
"Uh, huh. I see," the nurse scowled. "Names?" she asked Sady.
"Harry, CJ, Amanda, and Matt," Sady offered reluctantly.
Nurse Gabby went to a big board and wrote out the full names, except CJ's. "What's her given name?" she demanded.
"It's CJ," Sady lied. "Her mother's name is Cecilia and her father's name is Jay." She knew Nurse Gabby didn't believe her, but there wasn't much she could do about it, so she left it at CJ.
Sady made her own special thank you cards, to be delivered when she got out. The biggest was for Harry. Taking a risk, Sady used her phone to take a picture of Charlotte making styrofoam animals from the supplies. Sady sent the picture to Harry and signed it XOXOX, Sady and Charlotte.
When Harry got the text he proudly showed CJ. "Who's on Morrow's good list now?" he teased.
"Sandy-Sue! Is that a cell phone I see?" Nurse Gabby barked.
Sady shoved it in her pocket. "No, ma'am. It's just a camera," she lied.
"That's what I thought," the nurse replied. "Make sure you keep it somewhere safe." Nurse Gabby turned on her heel and left the aids to watch the room.
Sady was floored. Nurse Gabby's a fraud, she thought to herself with an astonished smile. From behind her a gruff voice made her jump, "If you tell anyone I'll deny it." Sady turned and flashed a small grin at Nurse Gabby, then turned back to watch Charlotte.
At lunch everyone discussed Kenny's meltdown in the food line, even though they weren't supposed to talk about him.
"I heard he got upset when his cheese bumped into his slice of bread," Carolina whispered.
"I was right behind him," Allison said. "He completely flipped out and wouldn't even accept a new tray with the food not touching. Usually he's okay with that. I wonder if he's overstimulated because of the new art supplies?"
"Nah, he'd just leave the cafeteria if that was the case. Like the time we had movie night and watched 'The Matrix.' Kenny suddenly got up and left the room. It was a half hour before we realized he wasn't coming back," Lou explained. She shook her head. "How can a sandwich be a sandwich if it's disassembled?"
"Well, obviously it can. Look- I ate it. After I picked off the sun-dried tomatoes- blech! But it was still a sandwich, even though I had to take it apart," Lee said.
Sady ignored the conversation taking place around her, thinking about Kenny. She nudged Carolina. "Was he okay at breakfast?"
Charlotte overheard and answered. "No, he campaigned about his pills, and Kenny never did that before. He didn't like the blue pill because it was new." Everyone ignored Charlotte except Sady.
"That's just Kenny," someone said. "He doesn't like any changes in his life. He was probably just upset because the pills weren't laid out in the cup as usual." Sady wasn't so sure, but she kept her thoughts to herself.
After lunch she went to the garden. Cliff and Judy were working together and when Sady approached, he eyed her longingly. But he kept his hands to himself. Sady wondered with a smile how long the wrath of Amanda would rule.
At group therapy someone told about a nightmare they'd had. "One summer when I was young I was a lifeguard at a pool, and last night I had a dream that a little girl drowned because I didn't get to her in time. I can't shake that feeling, even though it never really happened!"
Dr. Alden asked for input. Frank raised his hand and asked the person if they'd ever saved anyone's life. The answer was yes, a few people.
"Try to remember that. You can't control the circumstances of every situation. Accidents are called accidents for a reason. In your dream you didn't walk away, you didn't abandon your job, you made every effort to get to her in time. You did everything you could, and gave it the best you had, right? Sometimes that's all we can do."
Sady appreciated Frank's wisdom and approach to difficult situations. She raised her hand and said she had a similar dream, but in hers if she didn't do everything exactly right a child would be shot. Frank's knowing eyes bored into hers, and she realized he knew she wasn't talking about a dream.
"It's always harder when a child's involved, Sandy-Sue, because children are innocent victims. But I'll ask you the same question- did you do everything you possibly could to prevent that from happening?" Sady nodded tears flooding her eyes.
"Then you did your best, my dear. You didn't point the gun, you didn't create the situation. And I can tell you from experience that sometimes even your best will not be good enough. But that doesn't put you at fault. That's something you need to work on. Laying the guilt where it really belongs and not blaming yourself." Frank was speaking directly to her, and she knew it. She nodded, and the conversation turned to other subjects.
After the session ended Frank grabbed her arm. "Let's have the whole story, Sandy-Sue." Sady told him about her job, the risks involved, and how her last job shook her to the core because if she made a mistake a child might die.
"I can't seem to get beyond that, Frank. I didn't tell anyone else because they all seem to be able to deal with those things. But all I see is that little boy and the red laser spot on his head, and I wonder how long it will be until it happens again. And what will happen if I make a mistake."
"No one can answer that. The only thing I know for sure is you are at the place you need to be. You are getting help, and you should keep going to therapy for as long as it takes. To do your job you'll have to come to terms with the risk it carries, and how you will handle those situations. Doctors, firemen, law enforcement, and others- they lose people every day, including innocent people and children. And they'll continue to do so, because it's a part of life, Sandy-Sue." Frank gave her a hug.
"You should be a counselor, Frank," she told him with a smile.
"They won't let me," he winked. "Bad language habits. I picked them up from the wife and kids." Sady giggled, and he smiled. "You're going to be fine," he assured her. "Talk about those things when they happen. It's the best way to cope."
Sady promised she would. She sat by herself outside for a long time after the session, feeling better than she had in weeks.
As she prepared for bed a nurse brought in a little cup for her. "Your doctor ordered a sleeping pill," the nurse explained.
"Which doctor?" Sady asked. "I don't remember that." The nurse's brow went up, and Sady didn't trust the look in her eyes. That woman was lying. Sady knew how to spot liars from her beauty pageant days. She'd learned to be a good liar herself, and she realized now was the time to put that to use.
"Oh, wait! I forgot," she admitted with a silly nose wrinkle. "I mentioned it at my therapy session this morning just before I left. I bet that's what happened. Tell the doc thanks!" She grabbed the sleeping pill and downed it with the glass of water. The nurse checked her mouth and left the room satisfied Sady swallowed the pill. As soon as the nurse left Sady put another beauty pageant skill into practice. Vomiting quietly and on demand. She used tissues and turned it into a cough so Allison wouldn't get suspicious. Then she hid the white pill.