I heard his sharp intake of breath before he approached the bed, and I wondered what it might mean. Was he still angry with me? Had he come to tell me he never wanted to see me again?
I kept my eyes closed and my breathing even. Turns out after all this waiting around, I wasn’t quite ready to face him yet. I knew I had to apologize, but I had no idea how. Easier to keep my eyes closed a little longer. At least with my eyes closed, there was a chance that he might stop hating me. And right then, I’d rather have a chance than the truth.
Laundry detergent followed Liam wherever he went. I always joked that he had to have the cleanest clothes of anyone at PB, and it was no different now. I loved the way he smelled, like fabric softener and Tide. God, I really didn’t want to spend the rest of my life without that smell.
He placed his palm on the side of my head like it was always meant to be there, smoothing my hair lightly. It didn’t feel like the touch of someone who was planning on leaving.
His breath caught and his hand shook a little, tiny noises escaping in puffs of air, and I realized he was crying.
“Kate,” he whispered.
I squeezed my eyes shut. It sounded like he loved me, but what if I had my signals crossed? What if he was just trying to be a good friend? Trying to forgive me for being so awful? I focused on making my breathing slow and steady.
“I’ve been watching everyone come in and trying to figure out what to say to you, because even though I shouldn’t be, I’m so mad.” His words were barely audible, a confession more than anything else. He was here, but he was angry. “You just keep doing this. You keep self-destructing. It’s killing me.”
I accidentally forgot to breathe, and Liam paused.
“You can turn over now.” There was a smile in his voice, so I risked cracking open one eye, then two, and then rolling to my other side…Liam.
I felt like I was seeing him again for the first time. Faded navy T-shirt, hair curling over his ears and down the back of his neck, his eyes blue instead of green today. And yeah, he was hot. Super hot.
But it was more than that. So much more. His mouth twisted up into a half smile. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he brushed his hand across my forehead, smoothing my faded neon red hair out of my eyes.
“Hi.” He still had that funny half smile, but his eyes were serious. Drinking me in.
“Hi.” My eyes didn’t leave his. I felt like I could stare at him for days. Maybe if I looked at him long enough, hard enough, he’d understand how much I loved him and how sorry I was for what I put him through. Maybe I wouldn’t have to say it, because I knew whatever slipped out of my mouth would never be good enough.
“Look, I’m not even sure you want me to be here right now.”
I do.
“You scared the shit out of me, Kate.”
I know.
“I’m sure you’re going to need time to work through this, to figure everything out, but it’s just getting too difficult to be around you like this.”
No. Please, no.
“I just want you to be happy.”
Yeah, right.
“So, I guess I’ll leave you to it. Please just take care of yourself, okay? I couldn’t…I just, I hate to see you hurt.”
Too late.
Liam hesitated for a second but finally stood and began walking to the door.
I watched his fingers grip the handle. I watched him pull it open. I almost let him leave.
Almost.
“I love you. And I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
The words were thick and foreign on my tongue, one on top of the other. I wasn’t even sure if they were intelligible.
But Liam must have understood, because he was back at my bedside before I could say anything else.
“You what?”
“I’m sorry. It was all my fault you got kicked out of school, and I tried to do everything I could to fix it…”
“No, not that.” He waved his hand. “The charges were dropped. I’m back in.” Liam walked back over to the bed. “The first part.”
“I love you?”
His lips were on mine before I could finish. His hands tangled in my hair, my fingers wrapped around his neck, and we kissed. This is going to sound totally cheesy, but he took a piece of me with that kiss. Or maybe I finally just gave it to him.
He pulled away after a minute and tipped my chin so our eyes could meet.
“I love you, Kate.” I was close enough to see the flecks of blue and green and brown in his eyes, the flecks that always made them change color on a whim. Today, more than anything else, I saw truth swimming between the swirling colors.
“I love you too.”