Abby stared at her bowl of breakfast cereal in front of her, pushing the soggy Corn Flakes around the bowl mindlessly. She was supposed to go out to Adam’s place today. She was supposed to hang out with Genny and the horses and of course, see Wyatt.
Wyatt, who hated her guts, all because of something she had no control over. Did he think she enjoyed falling onto the bike and wrecking her stomach, and any chance of a normal adulthood? She’d known since elementary school that she didn’t get to fall in love. She didn’t get to get married. No one would love someone like her, who couldn’t have children.
She kinda wondered if that wasn’t why she became a police officer. Sure, her dad needed the help at the county; when he was elected, it was a contentious election and the county police officers at the time had all backed the incumbent. The day her father had been sworn into office, 90% of the police force quit en masse in protest. She’d basically been pressed into service, went through the Idaho Police Academy training as quickly as possible, and had been at the Long Valley County Jail ever since.
Things had settled down, and her dad probably could’ve stood for her to quit and move onto something else. It’d been years since that first election, and the county had finally coalesced around him. So why hadn’t she quit?
Because a police officer was scary. No one expected a police officer – a female one, no less – to find love and get married. It was okay if she was single; no one expected otherwise.
When it came to dating, it was bad enough that her father was the sheriff; that probably would’ve scared off most of the men all by itself. But a female police officer just didn’t get many offers for dates, unless she started counting drunken propositions, which she most certainly was not.
So yeah, she’d been using the police badge as a shield for her heart all this time. Better to keep men at bay than to allow them in, and risk getting hurt because of her…inadequacies.
She closed her eyes with a groan. Maybe what she was thinking was true, but that didn’t make it any more wonderful. It was a fine thing to figure out something like this about herself after all this time. She wasn’t sure what to do with the knowledge; truth was, even if being a police officer had been a subconscious shield against the world, it had obviously failed with a certain Wyatt Miller. When she hadn’t been looking, he’d snuck in and stole her heart.
She heard lapping noises and opened up her eyes to see Jasmine drinking the milk in her cereal bowl.
“You little beggar,” she said, laughing. Jasmine flicked her tail but kept drinking it up. Nothing short of taking the bowl away from her would scare Jasmine into leaving a prize as fine as this. Not when there was milk on the line.
Ten minutes. Wyatt was supposed to be at her house in ten minutes, but there was no chance he was actually going to show up, right? She was probably going to see him at the courthouse when he turned in his paperwork, and occasionally around town after that, but he wasn’t coming to her house today to pick her up. He hated her, for something she didn’t control, want, or desire.
Which brought her right back to where she’d started.
Finally satiated, Jasmine sat back on her haunches and began cleaning her face, giving herself a studious bath. Right on the dining room table.
“You are so spoiled,” Abby said, picking Jasmine up and carrying her to the couch. “Please stay off the dining room table. I need to have some standards, you know.” Jasmine gave her a haughty look, dissatisfied at being moved, and then stalked to the end of the couch where she settled down and began giving herself a proper bath.
Rolling her eyes at her spoiled rotten cat – because of course it was someone else’s fault for spoiling her, not Abby’s – she began cleaning off the dining room table. She’d need to scrub it down after Jasmine sat her ass on—
Ding-dong.
Abby straightened up and looked at the door.
Surely not. Wyatt wouldn’t come, right? He pretty much hated her guts. He wasn’t going to come pick her up so she could go spend time not talking to him. Because there was no way he wanted to talk to her. Not after…
Ding-dong.
She hurried to the front door, shoving her hair out of her face as she went. She was in an old faded flannel shirt and oversized sweat pants. She hadn’t exactly wanted Wyatt to see her like this.
Why does it matter? He doesn’t like you anyway.
Still wasn’t useful for her self-esteem.
With a sigh, she opened the door to find a nervous-as-hell-looking Wyatt standing there.
“Hey,” she said softly.
“Hey.” He swallowed hard. “Can I come in for a minute?”
“Sure.” She swung the door open wide so he could come walking in. She wanted to say something sarcastic, like, “But only if you promise not to be an asshole,” but decided against it.
“I wanted to apologize,” Wyatt said, turning around to look at her. Jasmine came walking over and began nudging his leg, looking for affection.
“Then apologize,” Abby snapped.
Maybe her temper wasn’t quite under control as much as she thought it was.
He stared at her. “What?”
“You said you wanted to apologize, not that you were apologizing. If you want to, I suggest you do.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. Jasmine had looked adorable enough to convince Wyatt to pick her up, and she was busy purring in his arms with happiness at the attention she was getting.
Cheater.
Her cat should only be loyal to Abby, but alas, she was loyal to anyone who petted her.
Wyatt cleared his throat and started again. “Abby, I am apologizing.” He looked her straight in the eye and continued, “I apologize for being a jackass to you the other day. You came over to tell me the truth, and I acted totally inappropriately. It’s not your fault that you can’t have children, and instead of showing you understanding, I ripped into you. I never should have, and I have no excuse for it. Please know that I am sorry.”
He was staring at her, his dark blue eyes haunted and worried. She knew Wyatt. She knew that he’d apologized – and meant it – maybe once or twice in his whole life.
He meant it now.
And that meant a lot to her.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice coming out tight and high. A part of her wanted to cry, but she’d been around men her whole life. The fastest way to completely freak a guy out was to turn on the water works. She swallowed the lump in her throat down instead.
“So where does that leave us?” she asked. The question hung over them like a mist over a gloomy forest. They couldn’t go anywhere; they couldn’t move on, until they figured that question out.
He shrugged. “I don’t know if I’m ready to answer that question yet. I understand if that means that you don’t want to be around me. I’m asking you to take a chance on me when I don’t know what I want yet. These past four days have been hell on earth. I’ve been damn miserable since I threw you out of my house.”
“Good,” she said, and stuck her tongue out at him.
He let out a startled laugh and said, “I guess I deserve that.” Jasmine, Traitor of the First Order, had completely melted into Wyatt, stretched out so far in his arms, Abby was a little afraid she’d just plop right out and fall on the floor. Wyatt was stroking her from head to ass, and Jasmine was purring up a storm.
“I’ve known you my whole life, Abby. But until that night at the convenience store, I didn’t actually know you. You were just someone closer to Declan’s age than mine, and I always had my own thing going. I can’t pretend that not having kids is a small thing to me. It’s a huge deal. But these past four days have shown me that you are a huge deal to me, too. Will you give me the time to figure this out?”
“I can’t have you resenting me for the rest of my life, Wyatt Miller. That isn’t fair to me. If you choose me, you choose me knowing what you’ve chosen. I can’t have it any other way. I can’t have someone in my life who resents me for circumstances beyond my control.”
“I know.” He gently put Jasmine down on the couch and with a disgruntled sniff, she began giving herself a bath. Wyatt moved to stand directly in front of Abby, picking up her hands in his and staring at her intently. “I need time. I’m not ready for that discussion. Not yet. Give me time to sort myself out. Don’t give up on me yet. I also can’t decide that being with you is worth giving up the dream of having kids, if I don’t really know you. Not like I should. I know that you have a terrific laugh and a forgiving heart and you’re a hell of a kisser. And that your cat is just about the most adorable thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. But I don’t know you, not yet, and I need to. Before I take that next step.”
She stared at him solemnly for a long moment. “Fair enough,” she said. “I appreciate you being honest with me and telling me how things stand. Just know that I won’t always be okay with how things are right now. Eventually, you’ll have to shit or get off the pot.”
Wyatt threw his head back and laughed. “Fair enough,” he said, echoing her words. “Now, are you gonna come with me to Adam’s place? That little girl with the braids – I think she thinks I drove you off. Last time, she did nothing but interrogate me about where you were at.”
“Did you tell her that you drove me off?” Abby said tartly, turning to her bedroom to get dressed.
“Oh hell no. I wasn’t sure I’d live through that revelation.”
“You always scared of nine-year-old girls with pigtails?” she asked saucily, standing in the doorway of her bedroom.
“Just on days that end with Y,” he volleyed back.
She shot him a grin, her first true smile since he showed up. “Let me get dressed and then we can head out. We shouldn’t be late for your community service hours; I hear your probation officer is a real hard ass.”
“The worst!” he shouted at her through the closed bedroom door. She grinned to herself. They were back to normal-ish again. And right then, she was willing to grab onto that with both hands.