It took another couple of weeks for Becky to finish filling out all the paperwork she needed to become an official part of society.
Anna Coleman helped her a few times when things got tricky, the patient RCMP officer going through each form one at a time. It had to be a foreign language because it wasn’t English, at least not to Becky.
Not to Trevor either who’d taken one look at the mass of papers she’d brought home one night and shook his head, reaching into his pocket for his phone to contact Anna once again.
“I’ll help you however I can,” he apologized, “but that’s a kind of puzzle I can’t get my head around.”
Not that she cared. Having Trevor there for all the other things he was teaching her was more than enough. He brought over music and books. Showed her TV shows and movies, some of which she watched for five minutes through her fingers before refusing to look any longer.
He took her out to the fanciest restaurant in town, which happened to be run by another Coleman, and made her try a whole bunch of different foods that she’d never had before.
Most of the time, though, they ended up laughing so hard her stomach would hurt by the end of the evening. And then he would take his time and offer sweet, drugging kisses that made her ache for more, which he always willingly provided.
They were fooling around an awful lot, and none of it scared her. All of it just made her want to try the next thing.
She figured that might be the idea, but she wasn’t about to complain. He was setting the speed, and that was fine by her.
He’d showed up today after work, fresh scrubbed from a shower with a piping-hot casserole in hand. They demolished it while sitting at the table and talking about their days, and things were just about perfect.
Just about.
He wrapped his fingers around hers after they’d cleared away the plates. “That’s a sad expression. Are you tired?”
Becky shook her head. “Thinking about Sarah and the kids.”
He stiffened slightly like he always did when she mentioned Paradise, but he didn’t pull away. He guided her back to the table and sat her down, pulling his chair next to hers so he could sit with an arm resting along the back. As if he was holding her in an embrace. “Are you thinking about contacting her?”
Wariness in his voice. Concern.
“She’s not bad,” Becky insisted. “She’s as much a victim as I was.”
Trevor nodded slowly. “I won’t argue with you, because I have no idea what it’s like to be in that kind of hell, but I also don’t know her. I know you.” He tucked his free hand under her chin and tilted her head so he could kiss her, a brief, sweet connection that softened his words. “I don’t want you to hurt anymore, and talking about Paradise and the past makes me afraid for you.”
She curled her fingers around the back of his neck and pulled him in, resting their foreheads together.
It’d become something of a habit, and she really liked it. The position was warm and intimate, but if it got too much, she could close her eyes and still feel him there without him looking into her soul.
“Sarah’s got three kids.” Becky spoke softly, but she wanted to share this. “Isaac is her firstborn, and I think after he arrived, her life got a lot better. She was always kind to me, even when it was clear I didn’t really fit into the community very well.”
Tension stiffened his body and voice, but he was listening. Sharing. “And two little girls. Hannah and Mary?”
Becky nodded. She could picture the girls running up to her and crawling into her lap. She’d always tried to have time for them, especially after it seemed she wasn’t going to have any kids of her own. Someday I’ll get in touch, she’d promised herself. Promised them.
It was part of why she’d found the courage to run away in the first place. So she could offer them a different future as well.
But it was time for other distractions. She kissed Trevor on the cheek then reached past him to the top of the bookcase for a deck of cards. “Next lesson. You get to help me practice.”
A soft chuckle escaped him. “I heard you got tromped the other day.”
“They cheated.” Becky pulled out the deck and began shuffling awkwardly, the cards uncomfortable in her fingers as she learned how to handle them better. “Those little girls of Jaxi’s are mind readers. I swear every time I pulled a card, they asked for it on the next hand.”
“Cheating at Go Fish. That’s just wrong.” Trevor winked as he slipped the deck from her fingers and gave it an extra shuffle, bending the cards and sliding them together far faster than she could.
“I need to win the next time,” she insisted.
“Hmm, that’s going to take a lot more practice. You’ve got tells,” he said. “Little things you do that give away clues to what your hand holds.”
Playing cards with four-year-olds, and they could read her. “Great. I’m not going to a casino with anybody, not any time soon.”
Trevor laughed as he dealt the cards for a game of rummy, patiently going over the rules again, but this one she’d begun to master.
After she laid down on the table ahead of him three times in a row, he gave her an evil eye. “Now who’s cheating?”
She leaned her elbows forward on the table, close enough she could smell his fresh scent. “Not cheating. I just know how to read you,” she teased.
Trevor raised a brow. “I guess that means it’s time to raise the stakes.”
Ha. “How do you bet on rummy?”
Trevor leaned back in his chair and stretched his long legs out in front of him. “Well, if you want to combine a couple of lessons here all at once, I suggest we play strip rummy.”
“Strip…” Becky swallowed hard as a sudden vision of Trevor in the exact position he was currently in, but with no clothes on, made her mouth go dry. “Okay.”
He leaned forward with a laugh, shuffling the deck once more before lifting the top off to show a card. “Then cut for deal, Rodeo. Play your hand the best you can, and instead of counting points, loser strips off one piece of clothing.”
Becky couldn’t wait. She concentrated hard on the cards, thrilled when her luck continued, at least for the first couple hands. Trevor pulled off his shirt, then his jeans, sitting at the table in a pair of boxer briefs and black socks.
She wasn’t sure she needed to play the game anymore. “How about I just sit here and stare at you? I’m happy.”
Trevor dealt the cards again, flipping up a wildcard for her and groaning in disgust. “At some point, one of us is going to be completely naked—”
“Or both of us.” Becky picked up the wildcard and tried desperately to rearrange the sets she held, but she couldn’t quite go out.
The next three hands found her losing her shirt, her jeans and her socks. She sat at the table with not much on, squirming as Trevor spent more time looking her over than looking at his cards.
He reached into his hand blindly and tossed a card on the pile, and she snatched it up eagerly. “I don’t think you meant to do that,” she teased, laying down her hand with the help of the wildcard he’d accidentally discarded.
Trevor sat back in his chair with a filthy satisfied smile on his face. “Gotta love this game,” he said. “The only time that when you lose, you win.”
She wasn’t the best of dealers regularly, but now that she had him in front of her, naked, it was even worse. Every inch of his body was highlighted by the sun shining into her kitchen. His muscles were relaxed but the outline of the six-pack was clear. His cock stood upright, tapping toward his belly.
She picked her cards off the table and tried to put them in order.
Another card flicked across to land in front of her. “Looks like you’re a little distracted, Rodeo,” he teased. “Having trouble counting?”
“Yes,” she admitted. She met his eyes straight on. “Now that you have no clothes on, what do you forfeit when I win?”
Trevor looked thoughtful. “Winner’s choice, I suppose, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you.” He eyed her bra and panties, licking his lips as if he were preparing for dessert. “I have a feeling your luck is about change.
He won the next two hands, and Becky stood up to slowly slip off her panties, both of them naked in broad daylight.
Her heart was pounding so hard she could taste the rhythm.
“Next victory is winner’s choice.”
Opening her hand, it didn’t take long for Becky to realize she was outgunned. The cards held absolutely nothing that matched.
But when she glanced at Trevor, he was frowning, concern on his face as they both took turn after turn until finally she was one card away from winning.
He tossed down a seven, and she snatched it up, fanning her cards on the table with a racing pulse. “I win.”
He nodded, folding his cards and laying them aside before leaning his elbows on the table and offering her a heated stare. “So, what do I have to do?”
Becky was sure. She was one hundred percent sure. “Take me to bed.”
Trevor stilled, a pulse beating hard in his throat. Then he held out a hand, bringing her to her feet as well. They stepped together, skin to skin in her kitchen, the old worn linoleum cool under their feet. A nice contrast to the steaming sensation between their bodies.
He pulled her with him, almost dancing as they moved toward the stairs. One hand cradled her head as he kissed her, the other on her back, his fingers splayed downward, trailing over her naked butt. His erection trapped between them, thick length of it unmistakable— unavoidable.
He guided her blindly to the foot of the stairs, kissing and caressing the entire way. She’d been turned on before, but now a fever had her tight in its grip. She stroked her hands over his ribs, swooping down to boldly catch hold of his naked butt. Firm muscles and soft skin, and a deep need pulsed in her core.
They broke apart for long enough to get to the top of the stairs, and then he was back, caressing her the entire way to her bedroom.
Trevor picked her up and laid her on the quilt, stepping back to offer a smile that had all kinds of mischief tied up in it as he glanced around. “I knew you had a thing for frills, Rodeo.”
She’d begun to decorate the room, each soft feminine touch making the house a bit more her own. “It’s nice to look around when I wake up and see things that make me happy.”
Becky curled herself up and caught his hand, tugging him toward her. Trevor crawled onto the mattress over her. His elbows supporting his weight, he leaned down and kissed her tenderly.
Every inch of her was covered by him, a weight pressing her to the mattress, and a flicker of unease struck, passing so fast she wasn’t sure it had really happened.
Not when he moved downward, his mouth on her breasts, hands holding her as his hips settled between her legs. Becky stroked her fingers through his hair and closed her eyes, soaking in the perfect sensation of his tongue stroking her nipples.
She was breathing hard by the time he made a reluctant noise and moved farther down the bed, pressing her legs apart as he went. Kisses to her abdomen, to her belly button. To the very top of her mound.
She met his gaze. “You look hungry,” she whispered.
“Starving.”
Trevor slipped a finger through her folds, the soft caress sending a ripple through her entire body. Then he lowered his head, and his tongue that had teased her so deliciously before made contact with her clitoris, and her hips rose off the bed of their own accord. “Oh, my goodness.”
He hummed happily and did it again. “It is good. Not only are you delicious, I love the noises you make. Let’s me know what you like.”
He licked her again, circling his finger at the very entrance to her body even as he focused on the tight bundle of nerves that seemed to be a trigger for every one of her pleasure sensors. “I like it all. Everything you do to me. I can’t believe we’re here.”
“We’re here all right, and the next thing that’s going to happen is you’re going to come.”
He wasn’t gentle anymore. He’d said he was starving, and he moved as if he were. Pressing his hands under her butt and lifting her to his mouth, he ate hungrily. Licking and thrusting, driving her wild. Trying to get air into her lungs didn’t seem as important as it had been before. Her only focus was how amazing what he was doing to her felt. A tight spiral of excitement kept closing in. Nearer and nearer until the shockwave of it set her off, shaking her body as his name escaped her lips.
Her core squeezed tight, clamping down on the fingers he’d slipped into her. When she reached to pull him up, he pulled a rock imitation, locking in place to start all over.
“I can’t. Oh, Trevor, it’s too much.”
“Not too much,” he insisted, nuzzling his nose against her curls and breathing deeply, sexual tension in his voice, but that mesmerizing smile on his face. “I want to see that again. I want to taste you some more. I haven’t had nearly enough.”
He pulled her to him, thrusting his tongue deep. Becky wrapped her legs around his shoulders, her fingers clutching the bed sheets in the hopes that would keep her anchored to the ground instead of floating off.
A second climax hit, and as if oxygen had been denied to most of her body and was now rushing in, tingles hit, sparks struck and stars danced in front of her eyes. She moaned, a high wavering sound of happiness and satisfaction.
Trevor moved quickly, grabbing a condom from—she wasn’t sure where it had come from. Becky lay sprawled on her bed, relaxed and satisfied, but the sight of him touching his heavy shaft to roll down the condom made something tingle all over again.
She wiggled upward, reaching for him as he moved back between her legs, his hips settling over hers. Trevor kissed her, teasing with his tongue as the hot hard head of his cock nudged between her folds.
She curled her hands around his shoulders, lightheaded and eager, as he pushed his way inside. His cock opening her, the length thicker and hotter than his fingers had been.
Out of nowhere an icy wind blew into the room. Fear curled its way up her spine and took control of her body. She tensed, her hands falling from his shoulders, heart rate tripling, not from desire. Terror locked her throat and she couldn’t breathe.
Trevor pushed himself up, staring into her face with concern, “Becky?”
She couldn’t move. Couldn’t get enough air in to say anything at first, and then the words shot out of her. Barely a whisper, if she even got the words out. “No. My God, no.”
Becky squeezed her eyes tight, trying to force away the horror riding her that made no sense. It was nothing Trevor was doing. She wanted this…
…but some part of her body didn’t.
Without her saying another word, Trevor rolled away, slipping from her body to lie beside her on the mattress. He cupped her face carefully. “Are you okay? What happened? Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head. “It’s not you. Really. Oh my God, what’s wrong with me?”
She pressed her face to his chest and hid, the icy-cold sensation of fear still tangled around her as she turned to Trevor for protection.
He held her tightly and made soothing noises as he stroked her back. His erection made contact with her hip, leaving a stickiness on her skin as his desire slowly deflated. They lay there in silence but for the pounding of her terrified heartbeat.
“I’m so sorry,” she managed to whisper against his chest.
Trevor swore softly. “Don’t you do that. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“I feel like—” She wasn’t sure how to define it. Like she’d failed him? “I enjoy everything I do with you. I don’t understand why this happened.”
He pressed his lips to the forehead. “Did you have fun up until I went inside you?”
She nodded.
Trevor chuckled. “Good. Because I had a hell of a good time going down on you, and I have this thing about your tits. I’m not done with them, just so you know.”
It was so him, trying to make her feel better. “I want to have sex with you. I really do.”
He shrugged, settling her tight against his warm body. “We went a little fast, I suppose. Don’t worry. We’ll try again another time. Maybe a different position will make it better.”
There was no way she’d get out the words apologizing for him not having come. She felt guilty, but she couldn’t bear to offer anything else in return. Not right now.
The muscles of the back of her neck ached, and terror still rolled through her even though she knew she had nothing to fear. “I don’t like me very much right now,” she murmured.
“Going to spank you if you don’t stop that,” Trevor warned. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He tilted her chin up so she had to meet his eyes. There was no reproach there for being inadequate as a woman. The warm depths held nothing but concern. “You are one of the strongest people I know, Rodeo. You’re making a brand-new life in a world you didn’t grow up in, you’ve lived through hell, and as far as I know this is the first time you’ve hit a brick wall. Don’t you dare put yourself down for having to take a deep breath and pause.”
“I don’t want this,” she insisted. “This horrid fear.”
“It won’t always be there,” he promised. Trevor kissed her. A brief, dancing touch on her lips as he lowered his voice and spoke with confidence. “I know you’ll eventually accomplish every damn thing you want to, including sex, but if it takes a little while to get there, so what? We’ve got other things to have fun with along the way.”
He blocked her response with another kiss, stroking and petting her until there was no way for the tension in her body to remain.
They crawled out of bed, and she got dressed while he snuck downstairs to where he’d left his clothes.
“You want to go for a drive?” he asked as she joined him in the kitchen.
Becky shook her head. “I think I’ll have an early evening. I’m exhausted.”
Trevor held her again, squeezing her tight as if that alone could get rid of the web of misery tangled around her body and brain. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
She nodded, staring out the window as he left. Wondering at the injustice of being trapped by the actions of others. Over the past months she’d gone though a lot of emotions regarding her life. Fear, confusion…
This was the first time she’d actually felt something close to hatred toward the men and women who had been involved in her past, whether directly or by complacency. It hadn’t been her fault—Trevor was right.
But she still had to deal with the fallout.
And for all tears she’d already cried, and all the times that she’d said she was done crying, she had nothing left in her except to drop into a chair at the table, put her head down and let them fall once more.
She was finished far sooner than she’d expected, maybe because anger gave her something to burn away the tears.
Trevor was right about something else. She would get through this. She would find a way to take back everything that had been stolen from her. It was going to take time, and knowing that fed another load of fuel onto the flames of her anger.
She wiped her eyes dry and took a deep breath, trying to steady her breathing.
Trevor’s discarded final hand sat by her elbow, and she picked it up absently, intending to put the cards away. Confusion struck as she focused on what she was seeing. That last hand that had taken so long to play—Trevor had held three wildcards and a set of pairs. Enough that he should have laid on the table and declared a win.
He’d cheated. He’d deliberately let her take the game, and make the decision, and all over again her throat was tight.
He was a good man. Far far better than the ones who had taken her unwilling body and left her broken. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve having Trevor walk into her life, but she was going to do her utmost to make sure he knew she appreciated it. Every single thing he did for her.
Somehow she was going to get to the other side of that brick wall, and when she did, she sure hoped Trevor would still be waiting for her.