“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.”
• Modern medical technology is wonderful, but it can give us a false sense of control over early pregnancy. We can now test for ovulation, time sex to optimize the chance of fertilization, take a home pregnancy test before our period is even due, and see the baby and a heartbeat on ultrasound at just a few weeks’ gestation. We can have in vitro. We can have tests done on the baby in utero to check for all kinds of diseases and abnormalities. Surgery can even be done on the baby in utero for certain problems.
• But even though technology makes our pregnancy experiences different and often safer than those of our grandmothers (perhaps creating different understandings of and sensitivities to early pregnancy loss among generations), we still are not in total control of life and death.
• Part of your grief journey will involve surrendering yourself to your new reality as well as to your inability to control what might happen with a subsequent pregnancy. Of course, we don’t like not having control because it makes us feel helpless.
• You can’t let go of your grief or loss because it is now part of you. But you can learn to let go of the illusion of control.
CARPE DIEM
Talk to someone about any feelings of helplessness or lack of control you have felt because of your miscarriage.