Dani allowed herself to become engrossed in the two films and the after-dinner conversation. It was easier than thinking about what came next in her relationship with Xane and how she felt about Luthor.
It was odd. While they were making out, her libido seemed to override her worries and most of her guilt about what they were doing. She didn’t dwell on consequences or wider society’s opinions, but once it was over it was a totally different matter.
What they were doing wasn’t normal. It wasn’t accepted behaviour. People formed couples. Triangles were a no-no. God and her mother wouldn’t approve.
Not that she gave a whole lot of shit about either any more.
That didn’t mean she wanted to be part of a threesome though. She watched Luthor’s reflection in the window above the kitchen sink. He was currently drying a pan lid, and looking stupidly gorgeous. He still hadn’t put a shirt on, even though it was dark outside now, which meant she was getting an eyeful of his washboard abs, and finding it super-difficult not to stare at the little tiny tuft of golden hair that poked above his ridiculously low-rise shorts every time he reached up to put something away in a top cupboard.
The man ought to have been a surfer. He had that sort of athletic golden-boy vibe and physique.
He turned around, and then it was the top of his firm and sexy arse he was flashing. Dani’s mouth immediately turned dry. She’d watched her boyfriend fuck him only a few hours ago, and, if she was one hundred per cent honest, she wanted to see it over again. Yet how could she agree to that? If she allowed them to repeatedly fuck, the two men wouldn’t be fuck buddies, they’d be lovers. It wouldn’t be casual. It’d be intense. That’s how Xane loved. Hell, he was half in love with Luthor already – as most likely was she. The only reason Xane wasn’t completely smitten was that he was holding part of himself back so that he didn’t get nearly so hurt if she used her veto.
Dani pulled her hands out of the soapy water and tipped the casserole pot over so the suds drained away. It wouldn’t be fair to either Xane or Luthor to pull the plug on this now. It would hurt them both, and she didn’t want to cause them pain. Also, she’d be doing it because she was a wimp, not because she didn’t actually believe they could make it work or she found the very idea of them loving one another intolerable.
They were crazily damned sexy when they were entwined within one another’s arms. So blisteringly hot, only the most homophobic, asexual person on the planet couldn’t admit they were beautiful. She didn’t think she had it inside herself to be that person, not about the man she loved, or the friend who wanted to be more. Moreover, even if she believed she could be that bitch, logic said that in the long term she’d be spiting herself.
If she sent Luthor away, she was confident that Xane would respect her decision, but, taking the long view, she really wasn’t sure he would agree to never fuck another man. Eventually, another Luthor would come along, and that new Luthor might not be quite so interested in maintaining her happiness.
He might be an actual love thief.
Her eyes filled with tears, as she contemplated taking the essential next step. Dani rapidly blinked them away. Luckily, neither man was paying her much attention at the moment. They were supposed to be emptying and reloading the dishwasher, but double the number of hot looks were being cast as knives and forks being sorted into the drawer.
Could she actually do this?
She imagined stepping forward so that she was standing between them, taking both of them by the hand and walking to the bedroom. Climbing onto the bed once they were there – and then what? Allowing both men to touch her? She’d sworn blind to Luthor only that morning that she would never consent to sexy times with him. Just contemplating allowing anyone other than Xane to touch her in that way made her jittery as hell. Still she couldn’t quite evict the image of him lying facing her on a bed, caressing her and kissing her. Or the memory of him climaxing while looking her in the eyes.
She was doomed. Absolutely doomed.
Tears welled in her eyes again. She rubbed them and got soap in them.
Not even that stinging nightmare was enough to drive away the images of the three of them in bed together, leaving her caught inside a trap where sweet, hot desire did combat with her sickening feelings of guilt.
I love Xane. He’s the one I want. The only one I want. I love Xane.
Xane had her heart. She’d given it freely. It seemed horribly wrong to claim part of it back now and then offer it to another. Admittedly, that’s exactly what Xane was doing to her. He’d said, ‘I love you,’ but now he was siphoning off a little of that love and directing it elsewhere. But just because he was doing it didn’t make it easy or right for her to do so.
She didn’t need two lovers to be happy.
Xane probably did.
She didn’t think she wanted two lovers.
Xane was hard enough to content.
She did wonder what Luthor’s kiss would actually have felt like if she’d allowed him to explore her mouth in the way he’d wanted to.
Dani looked down at the back of her hand. There was nothing there to mark the fact that Luthor’s semen had splashed across it, but it was as if an invisible brand had been placed upon her. She raised her hand to her mouth and tasted her skin.
Nothing but lemony soap.
Oh, God, what was she doing seeking the taste of his come? She was going to end up a complete nutjob if she couldn’t straighten her head out.
The two men were oblivious to her dilemma and joking about. Xane had grabbed a slotted spoon and challenged Luthor to a mock duel. Luthor was brandishing a whisk. The two of them began dancing about, enacting a gloriously pantomime-like fight. It ended abruptly when Luthor slipped on a discarded tea towel and bumped into Xane, sending them both crashing into the American-style upright fridge-freezer.
Dani held her breath. She could see what was coming. The pair of them were pressed together, ragged breaths lifting both of their chests, and their lips were already parted. Hilarity transformed into lust.
Xane didn’t even look at her before he crushed his mouth against Luthor’s, prompting her to scowl, even as another wave of heat swept through her and left her panties damp. If only they didn’t look quite so damned hot sandwiched together.
Dani clutched her hand to her heart. Why couldn’t Luthor have been butt-ugly with no drumming talent whatsoever? Then she wouldn’t have had to deal with any of this. She could have continued to exist in a nice little bubble of bliss, where Xane was hers and her history wasn’t something she had to confront.
If she screwed this up, her favourite band was going to be without a drummer again, and that would likely mean the end of them, considering how much crap had already befallen them and how dicey some of the relationships were. She certainly didn’t want to be responsible for Black Halo going down the toilet. Meanwhile, her foolish and rapidly pounding heart didn’t want them to stop necking or rubbing their hard-ons against one another.
Her mouth was hanging open.
Eight rows of bright red marks appeared on Luthor’s bare back, caused by Xane’s hard grip. Luthor was assaulting her lover’s neck, marking him. Xane was putty if you did that. He liked his lovers to stamp a mark of ownership on his skin. He was groaning deeply from the pleasure of it.
Ginny picked that moment to walk into the kitchen carrying an empty glass. ‘Just need a glass of juice for Ash to wash his pills down with.’ She stopped, stared at the guys and then at Dani, then back at the guys again, before humming in approval. ‘Why aren’t you in the centre of this smouldering-hot man sandwich? Jeez, don’t stop.’ She patted Luthor’s arse. ‘You’re way better than the porn channel.’
Suddenly, having someone else witness this made it all too insidiously real. Dani stalked past her into the lounge and from there out into the garden.
‘Shit! Sorry, guys,’ she heard Ginny hiss. ‘I’ll go after her.’