In the moments of stillness that followed, Luthor rested against Xane’s back, his head between Xane’s shoulder blades. Xane’s skin was covered in sweat, which he tasted as he kissed him. He was burbling incoherent endearments, but he wasn’t sure Xane was really listening. As his head cleared a little, he realised Xane’s ragged gasps were now soul-destroying gulps for air, and that the other man was twisting his jet-black hair into knots and clawing at his own skin.
Luthor covered Xane’s hand with his own and squeezed it hard. ‘I’m here. Still here.’ His breathing was almost as ragged as Xane. ‘Whatever you need. However I can help you. I’m here. Just tell me what you need, Xane.’
‘More,’ came the reply. Or perhaps it was ‘No more’. Whether that meant no more fucking, or no more of putting up with Elspeth’s shit, he couldn’t be sure.
Luthor wasn’t sure how long they stayed clamped together – long enough for the sweat to dry on his skin and the nip of the night air to become uncomfortable. Only when he raised his head did he realise they weren’t alone any more. The rest of his new Black Halo band-mates – minus the woman who’d screwed them, of course – were lined up on the grass staring at them.
Spook had his arm around Dani’s middle, holding her back. She was fighting him, flailing her arms, and, as if the soundtrack to reality had just been turned up, Luthor realised she was screaming too. In slow motion, he watched her break free and come hurtling towards him. Time caught up as she skidded to a stop, hitting the table with enough force to break him and Xane apart.
‘Sorry,’ he mouthed. They were the only words he could think to offer her.
‘Sorry! Sorry! You think an apology can make this right? I trusted you. I gave you a chance. Let you convince me it would be all right. This isn’t all right.’ She thumped her fist against the table again. Luthor felt the ricochet through Xane’s body, where their legs still touched. ‘You promised. You fucking promised!’ She lashed out again, striking him hard across the ear, so that his whole jaw ached and bells tolled inside his skull. ‘Get off him. Get away from him, and get away from me.’ She kept on shrieking and flapping at him. He raised his hands to block her attacks, but made no attempt to retreat.
Xane was way too still. He ought to have moved, reacted to Dani’s wrath, but it was as if he’d been frozen. His face was turned away from the crowd, but covered by his hair. Ignoring Dani’s angry blows, Luthor leaned over and stroked Xane’s hair. ‘Xane, are you OK?’
Most likely he couldn’t hear him over Dani’s screams.
‘Xane, are you all right?’
Suddenly the guys were around him. Ash and Ginny grasped hold of Dani between them, and dragged her away. ‘Help them,’ Spook said, sending Rock Giant to assist. That left the two of them. Spook paid him no attention. He circled the garden table, crouched down so that he was on a level with Xane’s head and gently brushed his hair away from his face. ‘You still in there with us, buddy?’
There was no response.
‘Is he all right?’ Luthor shivered. He peeled his body away from Xane’s and looked for a means of securing some warmth. His shorts were several yards away, along with a strip of condoms he ought to have had the presence of mind to insist on using. He pulled the piece of clothing on and picked up the picnic blanket too. ‘I don’t understand. What’s going on? Why isn’t he moving?’
‘Because he’s checked out for a while, that’s why. Emotional overload, I guess you might call it.’
‘He looks stoned.’
Spook straightened to his full height again. ‘That’s not so far off. He fucks to take the pain away, Luthor. I trust you realise that what just happened had nothing to do with you? You were simply the closest, most convenient way of checking out, and what you see now is him wallowing in post-orgasmic oblivion. People say I’m weird, but at least I don’t feel obliged to fuck myself into a stupor.’
He swallowed, stung by Spook’s explanation, but still concerned for his lover. ‘Have you seen him like this before?’
Spook blinked, slowly, tellingly. ‘More than once, but I’ll be honest and say it normally takes a whole string of partners to get him there. The last time I saw him like this would be the day before I checked him into rehab. I assume you know he has a problem.’
He did. He’d heard it from the roadies. They nattered about it like it was a joke, not anything serious.
‘Help me get him inside. It’s too cold to leave him here.’
‘Sure.’
Xane’s jeans were coiled around his calves. It was easier to pull them up than to try and take them off. Luthor didn’t bother to fasten them. This wasn’t about covering up, more ease of movement.
They went into the house by the back door, supporting Xane between them. It was a quicker and likely quieter route than attempting to walk in through the lounge and risking another confrontation with Dani. He hoped Ash and Ginny were managing to calm her down a little.
In the bedroom, they managed to get Xane onto the bed and divest him of his jeans. He remained exactly where they left him, face turned to the sheet, his breaths forcing their way out of him as juddery little gasps.
‘What happened to his hand?’ Spook asked.
Luthor figured they all knew what had caused Xane’s meltdown by now. Why else would they have gathered outside? Clearly they’d all run to find him. ‘He took a bash at your troll, since Elspeth wasn’t on hand. I did try to stop him.’
He scratched the back of his neck.
‘Luthor, I don’t blame you for this, if that’s what you’re thinking. I know him too well. Obviously, Dani’s seriously pissed off at you, but the rest of the stony faces, they’re because we don’t know what this is going to mean for the band. If all she’d done was let slip the fact Xane’s bi, then it would have been a minor thing, but she didn’t. She’s made public things that were never meant for anyone else, and made it all about Steve too. Xane’s already walked once this year because of Elspeth’s actions. This time, I’m not seeing him stick around unless she goes. We’re going to be forced to take sides.’
‘I can’t believe any of you would stand against him when he’s clearly the victim here.’
Spook’s gaze wandered away from Luthor’s face, and he cleared his throat. ‘Rock Giant’s trying to get hold of Elspeth so we can hear her side of it, but even he’s pissed, and normally he’s her sworn defender.’
‘There’s no way she’s going to turn up tomorrow, is there?’
Spook’s lips formed a tight straight line. He shrugged. ‘I’ll get the first-aid kit. Do you need some ice for your cheek?’
‘Do I?’ He’d stopped noticing the ringing in his ears a little while ago, but his skin did feel hot.
‘That was a pretty hard smack she gave you.’
‘I’m sure she’s not done yet.’
The remark earned him a pat on the shoulder. ‘She’ll calm down.’
Luthor didn’t feel quite so sure. ‘We did what she asked us not to. Somehow I don’t see her being anything other than seriously pissed at me for some time to come.’
‘Once it sinks in why and how it happened?’
‘That might be true for him –’ he nodded at Xane’s prone form ‘– but I don’t have the same excuses. Nope, I’ve fucked that one up good and proper.’
Spook rubbed his hands over his lower face and then blew out a sigh. ‘We’ll see.’ He took a pace towards the door, but stopped and squinted back over his shoulder. ‘Hey, I’m sorry you got outed in such a spectacular fashion.’
Luthor raised his hands and shrugged. ‘At least I’m in good company.’
Spook nodded and continued to the door.
‘Hey, wait a second. Is it true, the stuff in that article?’
Spook paused with his hand on the door handle. ‘Some of it.’
‘Just the bits about Steve and Xane, or the stuff about the rest of you too?’
‘Luthor, if you’re asking me if I’ve slept with him, I’m going to ask you, does it matter? The people reading will decide for themselves what the reality of the situation is. Chances are it’ll have very little to do with the truth.’
Luthor breathed in through his nose. ‘But have you?’
‘I haven’t properly fucked anyone since I was nineteen. I’m now twenty-seven.’
It was only after Spook had left the bedroom that it dawned on Luthor that Spook’s response still didn’t answer his question. He had no idea how long the two men had been friends.