Rayne, you reign! Rayne, you reign!”
At nine p.m. in Denver’s Pepsi Center, I sat backstage, too exhausted to be on my feet, chanting with the sold-out audience. Pride for my mom swelled in my chest.
She and the band members filed past me, ready to go onstage. I held up a palm. Mom and I high-fived.
“Go get ‘em!” I shouted.
She grinned. I could see the adrenaline rush in her cheeks, feel the energy pulsing from her body. Despite her own tiredness and grief, she would give her fans the show they’d come to see.
Carly stopped to hug me. “Love you, Shaley!”
“Love you too.”
She placed her hands on my cheeks. “Thank God you’re safe.”
I smiled. “He’s ‘always watching,’ right?”
Joy flicked over her face. “Yes, he is!”
Laser lights kicked on, whisking over the stadium in red, blue, and white. The crowd screamed.
The band and backup singers ran onstage. Mom’s glittery blue top shimmered in the spotlights.
He’s always watching.
Funny how the words resonated within me. I’d said them merely for Carly’s sake. But after all I’d just lived through, I wanted to believe them.
Are they true, God?
Stan strummed a hard minor chord on his lead guitar, and Mom’s voice filled the stadium.
I was made for you, and you for me,
To walk a path together, our life’s destiny.
But time shattered our road, pulled us apart.
You left me stranded with half of my heart…
I’d heard the lyrics hundreds of times, but suddenly they seared me. I brought laced fingers to my lips and stared at Mom.
Was this song about my dad?
Your father sent me.
I pictured Jerry’s paling face. Were the last words he’d spoken on earth lies?
If not, why had he been sent? Was my father such a terrible man that he’d want a killer close to me and Mom?
A burning desire surged through my veins, one that I knew would not, could not, leave me. The desire to know.
Tell me, tell me, where else to go?
Tell me, tell me, was it all for show?
Rayne O’Connor strode across the stage, thrust her hand in the air.
Mom. I would have to tell her what Jerry said. And she would have to tell me her secrets. Without that knowledge, I’d never understand any of this.
That would be a painful, hard conversation.
Can you help us, God?
I’m here, you’re gone, what’s left of my life?
Sadness, confusion. Memories. Strife.
Do you know? Do you care? Can you see me here?
Which turn to take? The path isn’t clear …
The song reached its final chorus. Mom held the last note long and clear as the guitars riffed, the drums thumping in my chest. With a crash of cymbals, the music ended. Thousands of fans clapped and whistled and cheered. I joined in.
Somehow amidst all the noise, Mom must have felt my applause. For at that moment she turned to me and smiled.
As another song blasted through the arena, I made a vow to myself. For me, for Mom.
I would seek the truth — until I knew it all.