44

Mom and Dad didn’t say too much during dinner; we just resigned ourselves to the idea that we’d probably have to leave St. Louis. We’d sleep on it and talk more in the morning. Dad felt we’d be OK tonight, that no one was stupid enough to come after us on the day they got out of jail.

Still, just to be safe, he’d use the chair under the doorknob trick. And he’d be sleeping on the couch. With his gun.

Mom and Dad wanted to stay up and watch the ball drop in Times Square on TV. When 9:30 rolled around, I pretended to be tired and said I was gonna crash. Before I locked my door, Mom and Dad each came in and gave me a pep talk.

Mom was gentle. “I stare every night through a microscope at these cells, knowing that couples are out there praying for fertility. And some of them will go on to have babies and it’s a miracle. But what I think about now is how they can never imagine what it’s like when that baby grows up and something like this happens. You can get mad, say you’ll disown them, but in the end, you’re still our child. No matter what, we’ll do what’s best for you. We aren’t going to let somebody else ruin our lives. The new year will bring us better things; you’ll see.”

Dad took a more direct approach. “I almost hope that bastard tries something, because I’d be perfectly in my rights to shoot that son of a bitch. That’d be my New Year’s resolution.” But then he let the bravado slip and he put his hand on my head. “We’ll get through this, kid. And then we’ll start over, OK?”

Each followed with a hug and a kiss and a good night.

I locked the door behind them.

When the TV in the living room came on and was loud enough, I opened my window and listened to the distant sirens coming out of this huge city. Then it sank in: how stupid was I to meet to meet Kalvin at night? They could be waiting for me in the parking lot to jump me.

“Hey!”

I looked down and saw Destiny standing on the sidewalk. “Are we doing this?” she whispered loudly.

I’d snuck out once before, shimmying down the drainpipe and almost killed myself. But I knew I’d caused all this. I brought this on my family. It was up to me to do something about it. To fix my own mess, as Dad always said.

I had no plan, just a feeling. I grabbed my camera, took a deep breath, and reached for the drainpipe.

When I walked into Taco Bell, I could see why Kalvin had picked it. It wasn’t too crowded, just some teens loading up on burritos before hitting the parties, and a few homeless people escaping the cold. I didn’t see Kalvin at first, but he was around the corner, back toward the bathrooms, sitting in a booth. Just him and Boner. He had his leg hanging out the side and I spotted my homemade tattoo faded and almost gone.

I expected him to be pissed, but instead when he saw me, his eyes lit up. He was all swagger. “Bet you didn’t expect to see me again.”

Boner was wagging his little tail at me. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Destiny outside the window behind him. She hung back out of sight.

“I don’t think they allow dogs in here,” I said.

“You kidding? He’s the Taco Bell Chihuahua, ain’t that right, Boner?” he said. Boner barked and Kalvin gave him some of his Burrito Supreme.

I slid into the booth across from him. I decided I’d just cut to the chase and took out my camera, putting it on the table between us.

He looked at it and chuckled. “Like old times, huh? I suppose you expect me to confess on camera or something? Please . . .” He picked it up and turned it on. “I am innocent,” he said into the lens.

Then he just sat there staring at me, trying to read my mind.

“What?” I asked.

“No New Year’s Eve kiss?”

I started to leave, but he laughed it off. “It’s a joke. Just trying to make this less awkward.”

“That didn’t help.”

“Fine. Come on, why don’t you sit next to me,” he said. “I won’t bite.”

He wasn’t going to make this easy. I glanced quickly over at Destiny lurking in the background. There were enough people around that he wouldn’t make a scene. Plus I spotted the surveillance cameras in the corners.

“Come on, I need to be careful,” he said.

“I’m fine here.”

“Suit yourself.” He got up and moved into my side of the booth. I was about to climb over the back, but he reached out and held my hand. “That’s not the way to treat the guy you almost fucked over for life, is it? Just relax.”

I slid up against the wall. He smiled, then leaned in and touched the zipper on my jacket. I flinched.

“Don’t worry. I need to see if you’re wearing a wire,” he whispered.

“I’m pretty sure minors can’t wear a wire,” I said.

He shook his head and slowly pulled the zipper down. “Still. Can’t be too careful, no?”

I took a quick look over my shoulder. Destiny wasn’t outside the window anymore. Kalvin slipped his hand inside the jacket, where it came to rest on my chest. I lost my breath, panicked, and scanned the main room, where I spotted Destiny sitting at a table near the front door. She had a confused look in her eyes, wondering why we weren’t talking.

Kalvin watched me closely as he moved his hand down my front. When his fingers touched my breast, I caught my breath. I was sure he could feel my heart racing.

He sighed. “Memories. That’s all I got.”

He cupped my breast for a few seconds and smiled to himself. Boner watched me with his big eyes, trembling. Then Kalvin’s hand continued to wander down, over my stomach. He paused when he came to my belt.

I looked him in the face, but his eyes were closed. His hand slipped down into my panties, but I jumped, grabbed his arm, and pulled it out.

The dog jumped down and hid behind my feet. Kalvin shook his head, disappointed. “Sorry, you never know where they’ll hide a wire these days.”

“I’m not wearing a fucking wire,” I said, cold as ice.

He sat back, almost admiring me. “If I hadn’t slept with you . . . I might think you were a guy. You got balls, girl.”

I wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or a threat.

He picked up my camera and began fiddling with it. I noticed it was still on. “Normally, if someone tried to fuck me over like you did, that person would be in the hospital. Or worse.” His eyes bore holes into mine. “You’d find out pretty quick what pain was.”

I let him talk. I suppose that’s the least I could do. At least the camera would record everything.

“I’d probably do it myself too, even though I try not to get my hands dirty these days. Just got a manicure today,” he joked.

I didn’t laugh.

“So, we’re sitting.” He leveled his gaze at me. “What do you want, Erica? To say you’re sorry? To say you didn’t mean to do it, but they made you confess? That you wanna rejoin the crew? Get back together?”

I stared him down. “No. I want to know what I have to do so you’ll leave me and my family alone.”

He slowly nodded. “A deal. You came to make a deal. Without even apologizing?”

“You mean for how you manipulated everyone to do what you wanted . . . including me?”

He didn’t seem offended. “You’re stronger than you think, Erica. I didn’t make you do anything. You wanted to do it. You were just afraid to admit it. I’m living the life most people don’t dare to. A life that ignores the rules. A life that knows we’re all animals inside and acts on it. That’s the only difference.”

“So by that way of thinking, maybe you agreed to show up because you thought I’d . . . sleep with you again?”

That kind of caught him off guard. “Oh, that’s cold.” Then he thought about it. “You’d sell your body just for me to leave you all alone?”

“That’s not what I said.”

He pondered that thought, then he let out a long sigh. “Maybe that’s what you meant, though. But as much as I’d like to take up your offer—and it’s a good one—” he looked me up and down again. “I had something . . . different in mind.”

“OK . . . what?” I knew it had to be good.

“One more game.”

At first, I didn’t know what he was talking about. Then it sunk in.

“That’s what you want? For me to play one more Knockout Game?” I had to make sure he wasn’t playing me.

“It’s only fair. That’s the TKO rule. You want out, you gotta fight your way out.”

I was skeptical. “TKO has rules?”

“Jesus, girl. ’Course it’s got rules. No stealing. No drugs. No messing with gangs. And if you can’t handle it anymore, you gotta prove yourself before you walk away.”

I had to ask. “And if I don’t?”

He leaned forward, looking me straight in the eye. “Then you become the next target.” He meant it.

“And if I played along, you’d leave us alone?” I asked, coolly.

“Forever. I wouldn’t give a shit about you no more. Not that I do now, but seein’ as you’re asking, that’s the price.”

It wasn’t cheap. “And how would it work?”

“We’d meet up, just you an’ me. I pick the target and you gotta deliver.”

“You want me to knock someone out.”

“Hey, I’ve seen you do it. Plus I taught you all the secrets.” He leaned back, put his hands behind his head, and waited for an answer.

“You know they’ll be watching you, right? I mean, the police are just waiting for you to do something to take you down.”

He nodded sagely. “Which is why I’m not doing anything. You are.”

“My dad wants me to go back with him.”

He laughed. “To Arkansas? You think that’ll keep me away? That’s not so far. I’ve always wanted to see Little Rock.”

He pointed the camera at me. “Well, what’s it gonna be, Erica? Wanna play? Or do you wanna end up like what we did to poor ol’ Joe and Alice?”

I glanced over at Destiny, who was mouthing, What the fuck is going on?

“Don’t look at her. I saw Destiny before you walked in. She ain’t gonna give you the answer. So what’s it gonna be, Fish? Are you gonna take the plunge?”

I was already in over my head. “OK, but then it’s done.”

Kalvin got up. “Oh, it’ll be done, alright.” He toggled through the camera and deleted what he just shot. “I’ll text you the location in the morning.” He scooped up Boner, passing Destiny on his way out. He handed her the camera. She took it and rushed over to my table.

“Well?” she asked.

“I gotta do one more thing.”

She watched Kalvin disappear into the darkness outside. “Well, whatever it is, you’ll need backup. I’m coming with you.”

“No. This one I have to do alone.”

She shook her head. “Bullshit. Me and Tuffy will take his ass out.”

I smiled. I knew I wouldn’t win this argument, so I told her I’d call her in the morning.

I don’t think she believed me either.

As I walked home, the fireworks went off overhead, climaxing at midnight. I could hear parties going on in people’s houses, and saw some people kissing in the streets. My only New Year’s resolution was to be true to myself. No more lies. No more hiding.

The new year starts now.