On the way to the hospital, Chase tried to sound interested in the conversation, nodding and agreeing, sharing a little about Amy and Ryan, listening to more stories of how the town had changed over the years, who still lived there, and who had moved. Frank and Allie asked him a couple of times if he felt all right; he said yes, that he was just tired, which at the moment seemed mostly true.
He didn’t care for hospitals. Too many sick people, obviously, but the problem didn’t stop there. A certain odor prevailed, a mixture of dirty socks and disinfectant that filled his nose and hurried his pace. Several years had passed since his last visit to one of these places. He stayed in touch with Aunt Betty, periodically calling her to check in and usually eluding the subject of religion. One day she phoned with news of a sudden fall and a broken hip. Chase jumped in his car for the hour drive to Riverside. His visit encouraged her, though it forced him to tolerate more declarations of Jesus’ love for him. Later rescued from the repellant odor, Aunt Betty made a full recovery at home.
“She’s in here,” Frank announced, walking first into room 302. “Morning, Mom. Guess who’s here?”
“Frank? Is that you?”
Chase peeked around his brother’s larger frame and saw a shell of what used to be his mother. He held back a gasp. Wrinkled and frail, she was nearly unrecognizable, certainly not the strong woman he so fondly remembered. Frank had warned him, saying that the rare disease she had contracted, Avian something, continued to take a toll on her body, rapidly aging her. Still, Chase was unprepared for what he saw; his mother had become a mere semblance of the person he once knew. Did he dare express concern? Could he touch her? Would she even remember him?
“Chase?” She peered at him. “Chase! It’s you! Come over here!” She weakly held out her bony arms as he bent over the bed and gingerly met her hands with his. “Oh son, it’s so good to see you. It’s been way too long.”
“I know, Mom. I’m glad I’m here. How are you?”
She winked. “They tell me there’s nothing they can do to fix me, so I guess I’m not too good!”
“Well at least you’ve still got your sense of humor!” Chase relaxed with the knowledge that her faculties were intact. Looking into her cloudy eyes, nearly closed over by sagging skin, he searched longingly to see the mother of his youth.
“Sit down, Chase. … No, closer to me. … There you go. Where are Linda and the children? Are they with you?”
“No, they couldn’t come right away, but I can send for them if, um, if you—”
“If I’m gonna die right away?” she interrupted with a chuckle, coughing with difficulty as she smiled at the three of them.
Chase squirmed. “Well I didn’t mean that, but, well, I don’t know. Let’s just play it by ear.”
Allie saved him. “Hey Mom, why don’t you tell Chase what you told Frank and me yesterday?”
“What, that I’d break his neck if he didn’t come to see me?”
“Of course not! You know what I’m talking about.”
“I found out your father died two weeks ago,” she said dryly, staring at the TV on the wall.
Chase stiffened, startled by her words, though somehow not saddened. “Really?” he managed. “How’d it happen?”
“Heart attack. Probably never did give up drinking.”
He looked over at Frank and Allie. “Why didn’t you guys tell me?”
“You were already on the plane out here,” Frank said. “Thought it best if Mom told you.”
“Was there a funeral?”
“Lane was the first to get a call. His number was evidently the only one in Dad’s wallet. All we know is that Dad lived in Jersey for who knows how long, died of a heart attack, and was buried a couple of weeks ago.”
“Wow,” Chase quietly responded, shaking his head.
They spent another ten minutes or so reminiscing, avoiding any events that revolved around their father, and sharing jokes and lighthearted stories. Chase remained dazed by the news as they talked on and on. Why should he be surprised that his dad had died suddenly and apparently alone? Why should he care? He had no good reason to feel sympathy or grief or even regret that he didn’t get a chance to see him after all these years.
But perhaps he felt regret after all, having been robbed of the chance to know his father in adulthood. His dad never did meet his wife and his children and never had the opportunity to see his youngest son as a successful man. And what about his recent incredible experiences? Wouldn’t it have been great to share with his father the internal and external changes beginning to manifest themselves as well as the lifelong lies suddenly exposed? Wouldn’t it have been something to see his father’s reaction when they reunited after so much time apart?
No, probably not. His dad clearly chose to walk out on everyone, obviously deciding never to see his family again. So why think about him now as if somehow things could have been different? As if somehow his own long-overdue appearance would have transformed his father’s life? Still, it would have been nice to see him one more time, at least to say good-bye. But maybe he should … no, but then again …
Chase pulled himself from his thoughts. “Frank, Allie, do you guys mind if I spend a few minutes alone with Mom?”
“Not at all,” said Allie. “We’ll wait for you in the lobby. Good-bye, Mom.” She bent over to kiss her on the cheek. “See you soon.”
“You better!” the sickly woman exclaimed, receiving a peck from Frank on her wrinkled forehead.
Chase shifted awkwardly on the bed, waiting for the large hospital room door to close. “Mom,” he began, inching closer to her, “I’d like to share something quite amazing that happened to me a few days ago.”
“Sure, honey. Go ahead.”
He related every detail of the spider story, looking for any sort of affirmation. Chase watched her eyes, once or twice thinking he noticed a certain twinkle. When he finished, his mother reached for his hand. “This makes a lot of sense to me.”
“Really?” he asked incredulously.
“Yes … um, can you help me with this, Chase?” she asked, attempting to reposition the pillows behind her. “Thank you.” She cleared her throat several times, and Chase noticed that it caused her pain to do so. “I’m not sure how much you’re aware of my upbringing, how the kids in school used to tease me because I was so shy. Of course that only added to my fears and my feelings of rejection. For most of my life, I was terrified about what people thought of me.” She coughed and then continued. “When I finally stood up to your father, it was the first time I could remember fighting for myself and my rights.”
“I had no idea.”
“Yes, and for many years not much changed, but after you suddenly left, I began to see myself differently. I made new relationships at church and enjoyed life like never before.”
“How come you never told me all this?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I didn’t think you’d find it very interesting.”
“Well you’re probably right,” Chase agreed, “but now I see why my story rings true with you. Sounds like we have both made a few good changes.”
“Chase, just hold on to what you know to be true. Don’t listen to the lies any longer. They’ll try to return, so you have to be strong and resist them. After a while, you’ll be able to tell the true you from your lied-to self more and more quickly.”
“Wow! That’s amazing, Mom! I can’t believe you have such insight in this area. I didn’t think anybody had gone through what I just experienced.”
“I did. Just in a different way.”
“Well I can’t wait to hear more. I’ll be back every day to see you.”
“We shall see how long that lasts.”
“You mean how long you’re, um, going to—”
“Live?”
“Well … yeah. Can you tell?”
“I will never die!” she exclaimed with a hoarse chuckle. “At least in your memories.”
Chase hugged his mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Okay, see you soon.”
As he entered the lobby, Allie questioned him. “You okay? You seem kind of out of it.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I think I need a nap.”
Chase saw that he had missed a call from Linda since he had silenced his cell phone in the hospital. Back upstairs in his room, he returned the call.
“Hi, hon’!” she answered with notable enthusiasm. “How are you over there?”
“I’m okay. I’ll tell you in a bit. How are the kids?”
“Everything’s normal. They miss you already.”
“I miss them too. Anything new?”
“No. I’m just trying to stay busy. Have you seen your mom yet?”
“Just got back. She’s pretty chipper despite her condition, but nobody knows how much longer she has. What’s really weird is that I just found out my dad died a couple of weeks ago.”
“Oh Chase, I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
“Well you know me and my dad. But it’s crazy that I never saw him again. I’ve been thinking that I might drive down to Jersey and visit his gravesite.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, just something I’m considering. Hey, did you get my email?”
“I read it a while ago. That’s why I called. Quite fascinating, to say the least.”
“I’ll say. What do you think?”
“I copied this thing from the Internet after doing some research. What happened to you last night, or I guess this morning, could be something others have experienced.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well at first I thought it was just a vivid dream, but then I considered your spider-web incident and wondered if something bigger is going on. That led me to discover an explanation called doppelganger.”
“Dopple what?”
“Doppelganger. It says here that it’s someone seeing his or her double, a lookalike. ‘It’s also used,’ and I’m quoting, ‘to describe the sensation of having glimpsed oneself in peripheral vision in a position where there is no chance that it could have been a reflection … In some traditions, a doppelganger of a person’s friends or relatives portends illness or danger, while seeing one’s own doppelganger is an omen of death,’ although we don’t have to believe all that,” she added.
“Thanks a lot,” Chase said with playful sarcasm. “You’ve made my day.”
“I’m just saying that this is astounding, something quite significant. We don’t have to buy all the omens and the warnings of death, but maybe we should at least—”
Chase jumped in. “Hey, maybe it’s about my dad dying.”
“Okay,” Linda answered hesitantly, “but I think it’s how you already explained it, a death of your old self, some sort of a contrast between the old you and the new, real you.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right. And as you said, maybe there’s a connection between this vision and the spider-web one, like the doppelganger thing is actually the result of this process of finding freedom from lies. Hey, could you email that to me?”
“Sure.”
“Anything else going on?”
Linda knew the reason behind his question but kept to herself. “No, just the same old things.”
“All right. I’ll call you and the kids later. I miss you a lot, wish you were here. Mom says hi, by the way.”
“Give her hugs and kisses. Talk to you soon.”
Chase sat back on his bed, reflecting on their conversation. He checked and saw Linda’s email—no message, just the links she had found. He read the first one intently, learning about famous people with similar experiences. “Abraham Lincoln?” he whispered. “Never heard of such a thing.” Scrolling back to the top of the page, he stopped at a definition of doppelganger: ”Having glimpsed oneself in peripheral vision in a position where there is no chance that it could have been a reflection.”
Well it definitely was not a reflection, he thought. I indeed saw myself, the man I used to be, the one who looked so similar to the victim in the spider web. Closing his laptop, Chase speculated apprehensively about the death omen. Could that imply some supernatural premonition of his own death? No, that didn’t make sense. So it must mean what he and Linda agreed that it meant, seeing his old self now dead, or sort of dead. But he could also be right in thinking it concerned his dad, though he doubted that because he didn’t see him in the vision or the dream or whatever it was. His growling stomach told Chase he needed food; a cigar might be nice as well.
“Thought you were taking a nap,” Frank said from behind the newspaper as Chase lumbered downstairs.
“Couldn’t sleep after all. I talked with Linda for a while, and I think I’ll go for a walk and grab a bite to eat.”
“I’ll be making lunch for us pretty soon!” Allie called out from the kitchen.
“Listen, Frank. I’m not trying to be rude or anything. I really appreciate staying here, and I do want to connect with you guys. It’s just that a lot of crazy things have recently happened to me, not just with Mom and now Dad, but personal stuff, and I need time to collect my thoughts. I’m sorry, but I need a little space.”
Frank shrugged. “Hey, no problem with me. We just want to see you.”
“I know. Me too. I’ll be back.”
“All right. See you later.”