Chapter 10 THE BARKER BUNCH
In the autumn of 2007, I’d settled into a good routine with my three kids as a single mom. It had been almost a year since I’d filed for divorce, but it was taking forever to finalize.
I was on the bus out on tour when a marriage counselor I had met with several times named Joe Beam called me one night. My three kids were sleeping in their bunks, and I was up front with my sisters watching a chick flick and having a glass of wine after a sold-out show in Chicago.
Joe said something like, “Hi, Sara, just calling to check in on you to see how you are doing, and to tell you that I counseled a man who I think would be perfect for you.”
I choked on my red wine.
I said, “What? I’m sorry Joe, I think you have the wrong number. I’m never getting married again.”
He laughed and said, “I understand, but something about this guy is very special, so once your divorce is final, call me. I want to meet with you and talk to you about this guy. He’s gone through a similar situation as you. He’s a celebrity, he has four children, he’s a great father, a strong believer, and my wife says he’s very handsome.” Then he added, “I’ve never met two people more alike, and I thought at the very least you could be support systems for each other and good friends.”
I said, “Thanks, but no thanks. I appreciate you thinking of me, but like I said, I’m never getting married again.”
When I got home from that tour, I decided to go have coffee with Joe because, as they say, curiosity killed the cat. I simply couldn’t resist finding out who this mysterious “great guy” was that Joe had in mind for me. We met at Starbucks in downtown Franklin, Tennessee. When he walked in, I noticed that Joe had a manila envelope tucked under his arm. We exchanged pleasantries, and he opened the envelope as though he were a CIA agent about to show me a file on my new hit job.
He said, “This is Jay Barker. He’s from Birmingham, Alabama. He was the quarterback at the University of Alabama and won the national championship title for them in 1992 as a sophomore. He went on to play with the NFL for several years, and now he does a sports talk show in Birmingham.”
Joe had several articles about Jay. Joe’s wife was right, this guy was very handsome—actually gorgeous.
Joe said, “Last year, I went to Alabama and counseled with Jay as he was going through his divorce. I’m telling you, Sara, he’s the male version of you, and you are the female version of him. I’ve never done anything like this before.” He meant he’d never matched two people whose marriages he had attempted to save.
I was still very skeptical and just couldn’t imagine putting forth the energy it would take to date someone.
After we finished catching up, Joe prayed over me. I went back home with that manila envelope in my purse.
On the day that my divorce was final, I was in the kitchen doing dishes after putting the kids to bed. And it was like the Holy Spirit grabbed me by my arm and pulled me to my home office.
I opened that manila envelope and drafted an email to Jay Barker. Hey Jay, it’s Sara Evans. Our mutual friend Joe Beam gave me your contact info. I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. My divorce was final today. If you ever want to talk, I’m here.
I hesitated and then hit send.
Within five minutes, I heard my computer ding. It was Jay.
Hey Sara, it’s Jay Barker. Nice to meet you. Thank you so much for your email. It has been a really hard last couple of years. Wow, my divorce was final today as well. I would love to talk. Is it okay if I call you tomorrow?
We talked every day after that for three weeks. Our talks lasted hours and hours. We were soaking up every bit of information we could get from each other.
It wasn’t long before I could tell that I was falling in love with this man over the phone. Finally, he said, “Can I come up to Nashville and take you on a proper date?”
Our first date was October 3, 2007, just three days before my youngest, Audrey, turned three.
Growing up, I played basketball, softball, and ran track. I was a really good athlete. I had a feeling that I’d impress Jay if we did something athletic.
I said, “Why don’t we meet at the park near my house and throw a softball?”
Jay seemed to like that idea. Or maybe he thought it was weird, but he agreed.
I wore faded bell-bottom jeans, a hippie-type shirt that I got at Urban Outfitters, and flip-flops. We met at Fieldstone Park in Franklin. When Jay pulled up, he got out of his truck looking like a 6'3", 220-pound model. He wore a baseball cap, t-shirt, True Religion jeans with holes in the knees, and motorcycle boots. His pictures did not do him justice. He was stunning, with royal blue eyes. I was a goner.
I said, “Did you bring your glove?”
“Sure did.” He grabbed his mitt from his truck.
We looked at the other’s mitts and realized we had the same Cooper glove. We’d even written our names in the identical spots on the palm of the glove. His said Barker and mine said Evans. I remembered how Joe Beam had said that Jay was the male version of me, and I was the female version of Jay.
At first, Jay would only lob balls to me. I guess he thought I was a girlie girl. Finally, I said, “What are you doing? Throw the ball!”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
So Jay threw a really hard ball that hit the dirt right in front of me, and I scooped it up and fired it back at him. He took his glove off and feigned pain. And I could tell that he was a goner, too.
It was unseasonably hot for October, so we threw for a little while longer and decided to get dinner. We went to a little restaurant called Puckett’s in Franklin, sat outside, and ordered cheeseburgers and fries. I couldn’t stop looking at his beautiful face. There was a speaker right over our heads with loud, annoying music, and I had a hard time hearing him with the music and with his deep southern drawl. I kept leaning in closer to hear him, and later, Jay told me that he couldn’t tell if I was trying to kiss him or not, but that he thought it would be too forward to kiss me. And he didn’t kiss me at all that first night, because he’s a gentleman.
Neither of us could deny that Joe Beam was right. We were made for each other. We had a very fast courtship. I think when you are dating in your thirties, you just know who you are and who you want to be with. It’s much easier than it is when you’re in your twenties. By January, we were secretly planning our wedding.
In March there’s a week called CRS (Country Radio Seminar) when all the artists come together and spend days doing interviews and liners for radio. Every year, RCA hosts all the radio programmers and VIPs on a showboat called the General Jackson, where they are entertained by RCA’s artists and newly signed acts. We call it “the boat show,” and it’s really exhausting. The boat takes off from downtown Nashville and goes all the way out to Opryland and then back. Joe Galante was brilliant in starting this, because once the radio bigwigs agree to come to the boat show, they are trapped and cannot get away until the boat docks. I’m sure it’s a really fun night for them. They get a great meal, and an open bar, and a star-filled show.
It’s something I dreaded every year because I would be so nervous around all the radio guys. You have to be really careful that you do and say all the right things, and if you’re selected to perform that year, you have to be really impressive. You can’t do anything to turn off any radio programmer and risk that they won’t play your single. One day we were on one of the whirlwind radio tours and I was full of anxiety, away from my kids, and on an elevator with my label rep and a radio guy. As I’ve said, I am SO claustrophobic and I am terrified of elevators. Just the thought of getting stuck in one makes my heart start racing. I said to them, “I’m just going to look at my phone for a minute, not trying to be rude, but I need a distraction to keep me from being terrified right now.” Well, I guess the radio guy didn’t hear me say that, and he thought I was being rude by looking at my phone, so he wouldn’t play my single. His decision kept that song from reaching the Top 5.
It was the night of the annual RCA boat show, and I had just gotten off the boat and was headed back to my bus when Jay texted me that he was almost to Nashville from Birmingham. I said, “What? Why? What are you doing here?” He said that he wanted to see me. I told him to come to my bus and pick me up and take me home. On the way home, he pulled into the park where we’d had our first date. I said, “What are you doing!”
He said, “Just get out and come with me.” It was around 11:30 p.m., and the gate had been locked to close off the park for the night. We climbed over it, and he got down on one knee and said something like, “Sara, you are the best person I have ever known. You have become my best friend, and I love you with all of my heart. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” And he presented me with the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. And I, of course, said YES.
On June 14, 2008, we officially became Mr. and Mrs. Jay Barker. Our wedding took place on a beautiful farm outside Franklin, beside a lake. We didn’t want the press to get wind of where the wedding was, so everyone met at a designated location and we bused them to the farm.
Jay has four kids—three boys and a girl. Together, we have seven children—three girls and four boys. The three girls wore white sundresses with yellow flowers and black sashes. Our boys wore black polo shirts with white khaki pants. Everyone wore flip-flops.
KK and I had started dress shopping back in the winter, and I’d chosen a beautiful ivory taffeta gown by Vera Wang. Jay wore a Dolce & Gabbana suit that was tailor-made to fit his amazing athletic physique.
Jay’s kids escorted him toward the altar and stood waiting for me, and then my kids escorted me and we all met at the altar.
We’d wheeled a baby grand out to the grass, and my sweet friend Marcus Hummon sang “Bless the Broken Road,” a Rascal Flatts hit that he’d cowritten. The lyrics meant a lot to Jay and me. Then my sisters, Lesley and Ashley, harmonized on a song called “Feels Like Home” written by Randy Newman. There wasn’t a dry eye at the entire wedding.
We recited vows we both wrote to each other. Things like:
I promise to love your children as my own
I promise to help you raise your children
I promise to be faithful to you
I promise to laugh with you
I promise to have fun with you…
I also promised Jay that I would treat him like a king, and he promised me that he would treat me like a queen. After we kissed, we all walked back up the aisle as a family of nine.
For the reception, we had southern fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, country-style pole beans, biscuits, and macaroni and cheese. We sent everyone home with a peach pie. We danced till two in the morning. I only remember dancing with Jay the whole time.
There was a cabin on the property that my wedding planner turned into a wedding suite for us. There was a king-size mattress on the floor with a brand-new heavy white comforter, and the cabin was stocked with wine and lit by a dozen candles. All the things I requested. No television, no phones, just the two of us.
Jay and I spent the first week after the wedding at home with the kids in Franklin. It reminded me of the first episode of The Brady Bunch, where the newlywed parents, Mike and Carol, leave for their honeymoon, but, once there, Carol confesses that she is worried about leaving the kids so soon after the wedding—especially after Fluffy the cat had gotten loose at the reception and Tiger the dog chased her, knocking over the wedding cake. So, just like Mike and Carol Brady, we didn’t want to leave our seven children after such an emotional thing had happened—their parents had gotten married. I’m sure it also had something to do with my memories of my parents remarrying. I didn’t want to be oblivious to the feelings of my kids and new stepchildren.
The Barker Bunch
After a week of playing sports and games together, Jay’s kids went back to their mom, and my kids stayed with Matt and KK. Then we went to Fisher Island off the coast of Miami for our honeymoon.
While we were on our honeymoon, my sister Ashley and KK and my assistant moved us into our new home, in Mountain Brook, Alabama, near Birmingham. When we came home, we were ready to start our new life together.
Ten years later, I feel like we’re still on our honeymoon.