One of my favorite shows of all time is The Dick Van Dyke Show. First of all, it’s absolutely hilarious. The producer and writer, Carl Reiner, was a comedic genius, and Dick Van Dyke brilliantly delivers every line. I absolutely love Mary Tyler Moore as well. For years, every time I stayed in a hotel, I put my room under the name Laura Petrie, Mary Tyler Moore’s character’s name. Every day she gets up early, dresses impeccably, and gets breakfast ready for her husband, Rob Petrie, and their son, Ritchie. Rob commutes into New York City, and when he comes home every evening around 6:00 p.m., Laura has dinner ready with the table set. They have coffee and dessert after every meal. They are so polite and civilized. Their house is so cozy, too. It all seems perfect, and I know it’s not reality, but again… why not strive for perfection?
I recently downloaded all the Dick Van Dyke Show episodes and have been showing them to Jay and the kids. They love it and we laugh so hard. Here’s the other thing I love about it. It’s funny—no, it’s hilarious—without being crude. I’m not a prude, but I think it’s easy to make crude sexual jokes, and I don’t find them to be funny. They make me uncomfortable. Hollywood definitely goes too far, especially in how they try to sexualize our youth way too soon. When you watch shows like Dick Van Dyke or Carol Burnett or Andy Griffith, you realize what true talent and brilliance really is. Anyone can say something perverted or crass or downright evil to try to be funny, but it takes real talent to make people laugh with smart writing and awesome physical comedy.
I think a lot of people probably feel the same way I do about the world. I know I’m only in my forties, but I miss “the good ole days” when people sat in a room and talked to each other, or looked at the world going by while riding in a car—the beauty of nature, the awesomeness of big cities. I feel like everyone is missing everything in order to look at nothing on a phone. I’m guilty of it, too. It’s impossible not to be. Even as I write this book, I stop every ten minutes or so and check my phone. I’m addicted. I have to make sure I’m not missing any texts or emails, and I’m always connected.
The phone is one of my biggest pet peeves in life. Jay and I hardly ever fight, but that is definitely something we do fight about, THE PHONE. Like if we are going to sit down and watch a show together, I don’t think he should get on Twitter. There’s no way you can hear the dialogue and really be watching a show if you’re looking at your phone! It’s so hard not to nag him about that, and Jay does not like to be nagged. But I told him years ago that I needed “permission” to nag about two things: 1) him being on his phone all the time and 2) when he tailgates. These two things infuriate me.
If I am on my phone and someone starts to talk to me, I always try to immediately look up at them to listen. Or if I am listening to someone talk, I try never to go to my phone. I always try to wait until they are done, or I say, “Excuse me one second, I’m not trying to be rude, but I need to check to see if so-and-so texted me.” I have seen people flat-out ignore everyone in the room and just look at Facebook or Instagram for an entire evening. People, please, please stop doing this. It’s ruining our lives and our relationships and making us very, very stupid. Not to mention how unbelievably rude it is. Parents, don’t just accept this behavior from your kids. Don’t shrug your shoulders and say, “My kid is always on his phone and there’s nothing I can do about it—it’s just how kids are these days.” NO! When you see them ignoring you or anyone because they are looking at their phones or taking selfies, call them out on it. Call them out on it in front of other people so it embarrasses them. I have no problem disciplining my kids to a certain degree in front of other people.
This phone obsession is a sign of the times and shows the disintegration of our society. I wish there was more value put on human life. Everyone has the same right to have a chance at life. The unborn, victims of human trafficking, people who are addicted to drugs. It’s like we’ve become hardened and calloused to the sanctity and preciousness of the lives of others, so that we can have whatever we want. I wish we could all love each other above ourselves, the way Jesus taught us to. That’s really all He spoke about was loving others, being selfless, and loving God with all our hearts. I think if everyone would think about love first, the world would be a much better and safer place to live. Laura and Rob remind me so much of Granny and Papa. They lived very much like that. With simplicity, honor, goodness, respect, good manners, dignity, and love.
Growing up in a big family, or at least in my big family, you had to learn the art of conversation and humor. If I had to name just one thing I am most thankful for that I got from my mother, I would hands down say her sense of humor. She raised us with comedy and wit and brilliance of conversation. She is the best storyteller, and I got that from her. And she is a genius at comedy and comedic timing. I feel sorry for people who weren’t raised with funny parents. I have always been so crazy and funny and quick-witted with my kids, and now they are hilarious, too. Not everyone is born with a sense of humor, but you can definitely teach people—your spouse, your friends—to be funny. All of my kids’ friends know that 90 percent of what I am going to say to them is going to be sarcastic or funny. I believe laughter and good conversation is the cure for most everything. I have very strict rules for my family about good conversation. For instance, no one can have their phones out during a dinner. Actually, I’ll explain it this way—here are the times when phones are prohibited:
Conversation is definitely a LOST art. We have another strict rule in our family: NO SIDE-TALKING. You know those people who turn to the person next to them and start side-talking while someone is telling a story? What is that? I want you to ask yourself right now if you do that. If you do, never do it again. Or if you’re that person who starts talking to a dog while someone is trying to tell a story, STOP!!!!!!!!! Don’t you know how rude this is? It brings the conversation to a halt.
Some people are oblivious to how they are. Parents, don’t let your kids be oblivious to how they are, and also, don’t let them do things that annoy you. I may be wrong, but I believe that a lot of kids will try to do and say things that are dorky or nerdy, and as parents it’s our job to say, “Hey, baby, don’t do that. It’s really not funny and makes you seem weird.” Why is it bad for a parent to do that in a gentle and loving way?
You’re teaching your child how to interact properly with people. I remember when Audrey was a toddler, she had the tendency to be OCD. She wanted everything in her world to be a certain way. She was so particular about how her socks felt, or how her jacket felt around her arms, or if her gloves weren’t on just right. And I had to put a stop to it. I didn’t want her to grow up thinking it was okay to be that freaked out by little things not being exactly the way she wanted them. I see other parents who totally indulge their kids in whatever they want all the time, and they are creating little monsters and adults who are odd and annoying and can’t cope with life. If a mom says, “She has to have it exactly this way or she throws a fit,” I always think to myself, “Let her throw the fit now and teach her to be more flexible.” After all, shouldn’t we as the parents make the rules and set the boundaries?
We have gotten so out of control in our society about some things. We are afraid to parent. We are afraid to hurt our kids’ feelings by telling them no, or being honest with them about how they are coming across. That’s not parenting—it’s babysitting. The babysitter doesn’t care about the child’s long-term well-being; she just wants to get through the night and keep the kid alive until the parents get home and pay her. But true love is talking to your kids honestly about everything and telling them no. One of my favorite comedians is Tim Hawkins, and he does a hilarious bit about giving your kids the gift of “no.” Truly, that is actually a gift. And believe me, parents, I have not been perfect about this. It’s hard. It’s really, really hard to tell your kids no. These are little people whom we love more than anything or anyone in this world, so to punish them or tell them no is so opposed to our instincts. But even God, who loves us perfectly, tells us no at times. Remember the Garth Brooks song “Unanswered Prayers”? “Sometimes I thank God / For unanswered prayers…”
We cannot ignore what we know is the best thing for our kids because it makes us feel better. To me, that is one of the most selfish and self-centered things a parent can do—not discipline your child because it makes you feel better.