Over the Moon

“He did what?!” Lola stops in her tracks as I continue to run. A moment later I clue in that she isn’t next to me. I turn around and jog on the spot to keep my heart rate up. “That son of a bitch! How did you find out?! When did this happen? You need to tell me everything!” she says in a rush. She is a little out of breath but more from the shock of just finding out Derek cheated on me than the last five miles we just ran.

Lola, my closest friend in Chicago, is a short sassy spitfire. I am only a few inches taller than her, but I feel like a giant compared to her five-foot-two petite frame. That, however, is the only thing about Lola that is petite. She is the strongest, loudest, and dirtiest woman I know. Her eclectic taste in music, clothing, and men, means there is never a dull moment. Presently, she is sporting a new rose gold pixie haircut, big ass hoop earrings, and rings on every finger. You know, classic running jewelry.

She is standing in the middle of the running trail, other runners dodging around her as she gawks at me. I walk back, hook my arm in hers and lead her to the closest bench. We have been running this trail for two years and this is the first time we have ever sat down. I take a deep breath and look ahead across the lake that the trail edges. The afternoon sun is lighting up the sky and the reflection off the lake is a little blinding. Regardless, the view is gorgeous.

I begin, “Two weeks ago I got a text from my building’s maintenance guy saying they needed access to our unit to check out the air conditioning as soon as possible. It was just before lunch so I messaged back and said that I would be home within twenty minutes to let them in.”

Lola sat quietly, allowing me the time and space to get my story out even though I know that she was stressing out. “As I was putting in my building code to enter the building lobby, a posh redhead bumped into me causing her to drop her bag and everything inside. When I bent down to help her pick up her things, I saw her name on a Waldorf Astoria hotel name tag. She looked up at me and instead of saying ‘sorry’ or ‘thank you’, as I expected, she looked like I just slapped her in the face. She grabbed all her things and rushed right passed me.”

“Okay, back to the story. I took the stairs up and texted the maintenance guy to let him know I was home. When I got to our door, I noticed the door was unlocked. I swore I locked it before I left. I opened the door praying that our apartment wasn’t trashed. The place looked normal, but Derek’s keys were on the hall table, and I could hear him in the ensuite bathroom. I let the door slam closed behind me. That got his attention because right away the fucker yells out, Did you miss my dick already, Sara? I slowly walked into our bedroom toward him.”

I hear Lola’s breath catch and she slaps my knee with her left hand before I can turn to see her face. “Are you fucking kidding?! That douchebag!” My eyes start to water. No! Fuck. That. I am done crying for that loser.

“You should have seen his face when he walked out of the bathroom, the damp towel still wrapped around his hips. I wasn’t who he expected to see. I just stood there staring at the man I have loved and made a life with for the last five years. In a rush all the memories of late work nights, hushed calls, and texts he was secretive about. The bastard has been doing this for a long time. I didn’t feel anything but anger. Not hurt, not heartbroken, just fucking pissed.

We stood looking at each other for a good five minutes and then the dumbass opened his mouth. You know those times that if you just let someone talk, they end up hanging themselves? He did that and then some. First, he pretended that he knew it was me all along. He was just messing with me, you know? The good old call-out-another-girl’s name joke. You know what, that is pretty hard to pass that off when the bed I made this morning was freshly messed up and the condom wrapper was still on the floor.”

Lola stands up and starts pacing in front of me. “Jesus, Aubrey. What in the hell did you do? How are you not punching walls or bawling your eyes out right now?” she asks. I took a deep breath, leaned back, and propped my right elbow up on the back of the bench.

“You know, I have cried every day since it happened. Asking myself what did I do? Why did this happen to me? But you know what? I have nothing left to cry about, no more vinyl records to smash. There is nothing left.”

“I sure fucking did! I walked out of the bedroom, into to den, and pulled out my phone,” I start to explain. The look on Lola’s face told me she had no idea where I was going with this. I smirk and nod to say stick with me on this. “Have you ever destroyed something while listening to ‘Killing in the Name’? It’s very cathartic.” Lola bursts out laughing, bending at the waist.

I can feel the song blaring from my phone in my veins. The beat is in my heart pushing me toward doing something that I will refuse to regret. “Aubrey, what are you doing?” Derek stands at the edge of the den, his hands poised like he is scared I am going to do something crazy. He’s not wrong.

I pause for a moment in front of the custom-built cabinet my dad made that houses his turntable and vinyl collection. Many of these I bought for him as gifts. I pull The White Album from the shelf. Sorry boys, nothing against you. I slip the record from the sleeve and look at Derek. Now that is some real panic, he just realized what I am about to do. Then just like that his expression and body language changed. He dropped his hands to his sides and the look on his face is one of confidence.

“Oh baby, you’re not going to break anything. I know you. You remember, don’t you?” he asks.

“Remember what, Derek?” I say, speaking for the first time since entering the apartment.

He gestures to the record I have in my right hand. “You bought me that album. On our first anniversary. Remember?” I look back at the album, remembering the day I gave it to him. Fuck it! I raise my arm and drive the album down to the floor. It breaks into two pieces. “NO! What are you doing?” he shouts.

“You slimy motherfucker! How long? How long has this been going on?” I have another record in my hand before he has a chance to respond. I snap it in two and toss the broken pieces to the floor.

“It was just once, baby, I was weak. It will never happen again. Please, baby, stop!” he whines. I pause and look at him and for a brief moment, he thinks he has convinced me. Wrong. In a flurry, I grab every record off the shelf. Toss! Snap! Stomp! Fucking destroyed, just like I feel inside. I am breathing heavily when I am done and take in the havoc I created. I feel... satisfied. “Oh my god.” I hear a soft voice that reminds me I was not alone. I turn to see the shock on his face. He just stood there and watched me destroy something that he loves, barely putting up a fight. I grab my now silent phone and start walking toward him and he steps back like I am going to hit him. What a pussy.

I walk into our bedroom and grab my gym bag from the closet and toss it on the bed. I start shoving my clothing in the bag as Derek comes into the room. “Don’t go, I screwed up. You will forgive me, won’t you baby? We have an amazing thing. We can’t let it die!” I grab my make-up and toiletries from the bathroom and toss them in the bag with my clothes and then zip the bag up. I toss the bag over my shoulder and start to walk out. Before I could get out the bedroom door, Derek grabs my arm to stop me. “Forgive me, baby, and I will forgive you.”

I look at where his hand is on my arm as what he just said registers in my brain. I look up and stare into his eyes. He drops the hand that he was holding me with. “Forgive me? You. Will. Forgive. Me? What the fuck are you talking about? What did I do that needs forgiveness?! I am not a cheating scumbag, baby, that is you! Do tell, what will you forgive me for?”

“What did you want that I didn’t give?” I ask incredulously. He takes a breath to steady himself, or at least I think that is what is he doing.

“Anal sex, Aubrey. I have wanted to have you that way for so long. You wouldn’t give me what I wanted. You pushed me away. I am just a man. I have needs.” Is he gaslighting me? Is that what this is?

“Did you just blame me for your infidelity? What the fuck, Derek?! You weak pathetic jackass. Go fuck whatever ass you want or need. I am done. This is done. We are done!” I walk out of the bedroom toward the front door. He stands in the bedroom doorway and drops his towel.

“You will be back. We are meant for each other, Aubrey. You will come back, and you will give me what I want.” He strokes his flaccid penis. Gross.

“That limp dick isn’t getting near me ever again. I meant what I said, Derek. We are done.” I slam the door and make my way back to the street.

I nod. “Yup, it said Sara on her name tag. No wonder she looked at me the way she did. There are photos of me and Derek all over our, no wait... his apartment. I have been staying at the Holiday Inn since I left. It has a pool!”

Lola drags me to my feet and pulls me in for a tight hug and then pushes away from me. “Two weeks, Aubrey! Why the hell didn’t you tell me?! I would have helped you through all of this! We would have eaten take-out in our pajamas for days and plotted his death! We still can!” How did I get so lucky? “No, no. This won’t do. You are coming to stay with me!” she exclaims.

“That is sweet, and I really appreciate it, but I got a new place lined up already. Fully furnished, thankfully since I have nothing,” I tell her, all proud. This will be the first time I have lived alone, ever.

“Holy hell, girl! You move fast. How did you get a new place so quickly?” she says with shock and maybe some skepticism on her face. Getting a place in the city usually takes months and you end up paying an arm and a leg just to live in a shoe box. The only reason the apartment I had with Derek was large and affordable was that Derek has money. Well, his folks do. I paid as much as I could, but after student loans and only a few years into my junior position at Ledger Hayes Architecture, money is tight.

“It was luck. At the hotel, there is a bulletin board for local events, classes, and things like that. I was thinking about taking an aqua yoga class that they put on at the hotel pool. Every time I passed the board I would glance at the sign-up sheet. Four days ago, there was a rental ad for a fully furnished condo around the corner from the office. There was no price, but I messaged the property manager, Henry, to inquire. He sent me a link with photos of the unit, took my details, and said he would get back to me as they had a lot of interest. He called me back that night and said it was mine if I wanted it.”

“Wow! But wait, how can you afford to live in a downtown condo on your own?” Lola asked. Fair question, as I asked myself the same thing. I have a few months’ worth of savings but not a lot to carry the rent on a condo this nice.

“That’s the beauty of it, Lola. Henry told me that the owner was just looking for someone to watch the place for the next year as he is working out of the country. Nate must have given me an awesome reference because apparently, they were so pleased with me that they are willing to rent it to me for what I was able to pay for my old place.”

“Well, if anyone deserves a break, it’s you.” Lola stands up and looks at her watch. “We better get going, lunchtime is almost over. And don’t think the topic of anal sex isn’t coming back up later. Because girl, you are missing out!” I stand up and Lola and I fall back into a decent pace on the way back to the office as I tell her about my aversion to anal. Rather, an aversion to doing it with Derek.

He was a selfish lover with absolutely no rhythm. He would get it in his head that he was going to do something and never bring me into the conversation. One night we were having sex, he pulled out and then tried to enter my ass without any prep or fucking consent. I lost it and made him sleep on the couch.

The fucker never apologized but managed to convince me I was giving him signals that it was what I wanted. I assumed I was the one that screwed up and ended up apologizing to him. He accepted my apology and said he understood I don’t want to do it but that never stopped him from trying. Only now do I see what he was doing to me.

The walk back to the office gave both of us the chance to calm down and be mentally prepared to get back to work. All that explaining heated my blood and my body is covered in a nice sheen of sweat. “I can’t wait for the office’s air conditioning,” I say as we turn on to our office’s block. Wait, did the air conditioning ever get serviced? The maintenance guy never responded to my text. Whatever, it isn’t my place anymore. I hope Derek is boiling in there.