“Come in,” Beth said, leading them into the living room. Kayla collapsed into a chair.
“You gotta tissue? I’m such a mess.” She was blotting at her eyes.
“Mommy, I got new shirts. I got new pants.” Adam dashed out into the hall headed for the bed-sitter.
Beth hurried into the kitchen to get the box of tissues.
Kayla took them gratefully, muttering, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Beth sat down opposite her. “What happened? Can you tell me?” She made an effort not to sound impatient. Really! This was too much!
“Well, nothing to tell. I blew it again. I just couldn’t stand it. All those rules. Rules for this and rules for that. And the group things. The group discussions where you’re supposed to bare your soul and spill your guts. I just…hated it. I had to get out. Please understand, I had to get out.” She started crying again.
Adam trotted back in, his arms full of new clothes, some still in their plastic wrappings. “See!” he said excitedly. “My new shirt. My new pants.” He dropped some and tried to retrieve them, dropping others as he did so, stumbling in his eagerness, his little face radiant.
“What? Oh, Adam, shut up, baby. I’m trying to talk to Beth. Go away.”
“But I got new pants. I got—”
Suddenly out of patience, Kayla screamed, “Adam, shut up!”
Adam froze, his arms clutching his things, and Beth recalled his silence when she first met him.
“Kids take advantage if you don’t lower the boom,” Kayla said tiredly. “He’d throw a real tantrum if I let him. But with kids you have to show them who’s boss. No, Adam, go away. I want to talk to Beth.”
“Kayla, take a minute to look at his things,” Beth said firmly. “He was so pleased at getting new clothes.”
“What? Oh, really. Did you buy him this stuff? Beth, you really shouldn’t have. You’ve done too much already. Okay, here, Adam, lemme see that.” Kayla reached out her hand and took a small shirt. “Oh, my, that’s nice. Beth, that was really nice of you. Now, go away, honey. Put the stuff back where it was. Beth, is Dad here?”
“No, he’s out painting.”
Adam approached carefully and laid another of his new shirts on her lap. “See?”
“Yeah, that’s nice,” she muttered. “When do you think Dad will be back? I have to break the news to him that I blew it again.”
“I can call him on his cell phone if you want me to.”
Kayla leaned her head back against the chair. “Yeah, I guess you’d better. We ought to get it over with.”
Beth’s mind was beginning to come out of shock. What were they going to do now? If rehab wasn’t the answer, what was?
“The rehab center didn’t call, Kayla. Did you explain to them…or anything? Do they know you’re gone?” She tried not to sound exasperated.
“No, I just cut out. They’d only have tried to talk me into staying, and it was no use. I knew a couple of days ago. And finally I just did it. I left. I hope Dad doesn’t lose too much money on the deal.”
“How could he lose money?” Beth asked in sudden alarm.
“How do I know? He paid a lot up front, I know that.”
“I’ll call him,” Beth said quickly, hurrying into the front hall. His cell phone rang several times before he answered.
“Beth? It can only be you. Sorry, but I had a brush full of an exact shade blend and had to get it on the canvas. What’s up?”
“I think you should come home. Kayla, uh, came back. I’m sorry, but she felt she couldn’t stay in that place.” She kept her tone even.
Kayla’s voice came to her from the living room. “Tell him I’m going to try AA instead. Tell him that.”
“She says she wants to try Alcoholics Anonymous,” Beth said into the silence at the other end of the line. Then she heard him sigh.
“I was afraid of this.”
“Kayla was…worried that you’d lose some money. Since she’s not going to complete the program, don’t you get a refund?”
“Not really. I had to pay half the cost up front. We can talk about it when I get home. I guess I’d better come home soon.”
“Yes. Kayla’s pretty upset. Why wouldn’t they give you a refund?” Beth persisted, knowing she shouldn’t. It was his money.
“They explained that, and it made sense, more or less. A lot of people who pay their own way want to drop out. It serves as a deterrent if they know they’ve lost their upfront money. If I can talk Kayla into going back before a certain time—I’ll have to look at the contract fine print—I won’t lose it.”
“Well, you’d better check it out. Are you coming home now?”
He sighed again. “Yes. But the painting is coming along fine and…”
“And what?”
“And the bank is paying me a hefty price, but not until I deliver it. Maybe tomorrow I can work on it again.”
Beth started to tell him to stay and work on the painting, but stopped herself. Was she becoming a nag? She had never nagged Ralph. But then, with Ralph there hadn’t been any Kayla problems.
Doug came home immediately, and Beth, to prove to herself that she wasn’t an interfering nag in his business with his daughter, decided to use the time to run Adam’s new clothes through the washer and dryer. Adam was fascinated by this and stayed with her on the service porch; then he insisted on helping her fold his laundered garments, so she wasn’t finished by the time she had to leave for the hospital to see Kate.
It was a relief to get out of the house. Doug and Kayla were in the bed-sitter with the door shut. Could he really persuade Kayla to go back into rehab? She hoped so. She rapped on the door and called that she was leaving. Could they look after Adam?
“Okay. Fine,” Doug called back. He sounded harassed.
He must get Kayla to complete the program. En route to the hospital Beth decided not to tell Kate. Kate had enough problems at the moment.
She met Jill coming out and they embraced briefly. She’d better not mention it yet to Jill, either. With a sigh, Beth settled down in the bedside chair beside Kate.
“Mom, you really didn’t need to come down. I know how busy you are with the B and B—and now little Adam. How’s he doing?”
“Never mind Adam. He’s doing fine. How are you, Katie?”
“False alarm. But scary. I think poor Ian was sort of overwhelmed, but he came through like a trooper. The OB doctor says I have to keep off my feet as much as possible. He didn’t say how I was going to do that with three kids. Ian was going to have his secretary call an employment agency this afternoon for household help. Then I got a rather nice surprise. Pastor Cutoffs called this morning to see how I was. I guess he has the same church grapevine that Cyrus had. Anyhow, he’s putting it out to the women’s guild, and they are going to take turns to come over and help me. I thought that was nice of him. Now, tell me how Adam’s really doing.”
Beth told her about the shopping trip and how pleased Adam was with his new clothes.
“I’ll bet you spent a fortune. Kids are expensive and little Adam’s needs are…” She let it rest there.
More than you know, Beth thought, and did not mention Kayla’s return. “And incidentally, don’t poke fun at Pastor. He’s really rather nice.”
“I know,” Kate admitted. “I’ll quit that. I promise.”
They had a pleasant visit and Kate seemed so well that Beth was almost happy when she left. She thanked God that neither of her girls had any big problems. She wished that Kayla— Don’t think about Kayla.
When she got home, Doug and Adam were on the service porch and Doug was supervising Adam in the folding of his new clothes.
“Hi, love,” Doug said, kissing her lightly.
“How’s Kayla? Is she all right?”
He shrugged. “Dead tired, poor kid. Too much emotion can do that. She was so disappointed in herself. One more failure.”
“Yes, I got that feeling, too,” she said. She must not ask him if he was successful in getting Kayla back into rehab. Then almost instantly, she added, “Is she willing to go back?”
Doug took a moment to reply, concentrating on Adam, half turned away so she couldn’t see his face. “Well, we think maybe AA won’t be so difficult. She knows people who have succeeded with it. And I’ve heard it’s very successful. She could live here, and I think things would be…easier for her.”
Beth’s heart sank. No. She didn’t want Kayla here.
“Has she tried AA before?” Bite your tongue, Beth.
Again there was a pause. He was uncomfortable and she was causing it. “She mentioned it,” he said finally. “I don’t think she’s actually tried it before.”
Beth did not press the matter further, but it took some effort.
“It is okay if she stays here for a while, isn’t it?” He asked it so humbly that Beth felt ashamed.
“Of course,” she made herself say warmly. “Where else would she stay?”
There was more to that than she wanted to admit to herself. The idea of Kayla walking out the door with Adam was frightening. As long as Kayla stayed, Adam stayed. She had the fleeting sensation that some sort of trap was closing over her.
“Did you leave Adam’s high-tops at the shoe place?”
“Yes, I did,” he said, almost too eagerly. “They’ll be ready day after tomorrow.”
“Good,” she said, just as the phone rang.
“Don’t forget,” Doug cautioned. “We’re not booking fully.”
“Right,” Beth said. She had privately decided to refuse any more reservations for now, until things worked themselves out. Somehow.
The next morning Kayla didn’t seem so exhausted and made an effort to be helpful at breakfast. It was rather pleasant. Beth was pleased with herself because she refrained from asking Doug how much money he had lost since Kayla wasn’t going back into rehab. Things would have to work out. Doug was her life.
She managed to break the news to both Jill and Kate about Kayla’s new plans. Neither girl was happy, so Beth tried to make light of it, pretending it didn’t matter. But it did matter. She hung up the phone both times knowing that the girls didn’t believe her. She didn’t believe it, either.
It was a relief to attend church on Sunday and leave Adam at home with Kayla. Kayla was chastened and deeply sorry for her failure. She also tried to be patient with Adam.
“She’s not drinking,” Doug said hopefully. “I mean, at least she hasn’t started again.”
After the service Beth was enjoying visiting with old friends. She was pleased also to get a moment alone with Pastor Cooper.
“Another good sermon,” she could say honestly. “I enjoyed it.” She wished she hadn’t been so quick to judge him because he wasn’t Cyrus.
“Thank you. Is everything all right at home?” He paused. “I heard that Doug’s daughter is back.” He said no more, but was looking at her keenly. She had the sudden conviction that it was really important to him to know.
“Yes, things are fine,” Beth said too quickly, looking around for Doug. Pastor Cooper was sharp. He didn’t miss a thing.
“Is Kayla trying some other method to deal with her problem?” he persisted.
Where was Doug? Kayla was his daughter, after all.
“I just wanted to mention,” Pastor Cooper was adding, “that I’ve done a lot of work with addicted people. Addiction is difficult for them to conquer. If you need my help—anytime, Beth—let me know.”
“Thank you,” she said awkwardly.
“Good,” he said. “And perhaps I should mention also that I’ve encountered similar situations before—yours and Doug’s, I mean.”
“What situation?”
“A grandchild in the care of the grandparents. Sometimes there can be…misunderstandings, disagreements. It might be good to know where you and Doug stand in this state if there are, shall we say, differences of opinion.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I mean, I’m sure things will work out fine for Kayla and Adam, but sometimes things don’t work out. Then the grandparents need to know what their rights are in relation to the child.” He waited a moment, and suddenly Beth understood.
“You mean a disagreement about what’s right for Adam?” She had a sudden hollow feeling in her stomach.
“Exactly. Different states have different standards. I’m not sure what Washington has. It might be well for you and Doug to look into it sometime.”
“Yes,” Beth said, “of course,” and with a sense of relief she saw Doug coming across the room.
Pastor Cooper was wrong. He had to be. Surely Kayla was going to be all right. Surely Adam would be all right.
But the hollow feeling didn’t go away. No way could they depend on Kayla. She had better face that fact.
When they got home, Greg, Jill’s husband, was there and Beth immediately felt better.
“Hi. Jill told me Adam’s stuff had been delivered so I came to fix his closet.”
Kayla was in the bed-sitter reading the funnies to Adam, and Beth felt a little hope. Maybe Kayla could be a good mother if she just gave up drinking. Beth felt she was clutching at straws, but for Doug’s sake she had to try. She had taken Adam shopping for new clothes, so maybe she should do the same for Kayla. Maybe Kayla’s self-image would improve if she didn’t need to wear castoffs. She had to make the effort, for Doug’s sake.
With this in mind, Beth asked Greg to modify Adam’s closet assembly to fit into half the closet, leaving space for Kayla.
After Greg left, Adam spent some time admiring and rearranging his new clothes in his half of the closet, where he could reach everything. Beth tried not to miss too much of the precious private Sunday afternoons she and Doug had enjoyed during the first months of their marriage. Sometimes they’d had a picnic lunch in the back garden, just the two of them. Well, she couldn’t think about that now. Two new guests were arriving soon, and tomorrow or the next day she’d need to get Kayla’s wardrobe in order.
She talked to Doug about it that night and, he was so pleased. She was sorry she hadn’t thought of it sooner.
“Well, I’ll pay,” he insisted. “I’ll pay for Adam’s, too. How much did you spend?”
“Let’s share it,” Beth temporized. “I’ll let you know what your half is,” and he agreed. Beth was relieved at this, as she had quite an emergency fund and men never did understand how much good women’s clothing cost. She was grimly determined that Kayla would have quality garments. She had tried to bring up both her daughters so they dressed tastefully. She had succeeded well with Jill—but Kate? Well, Kate had other qualities.
It wasn’t until Wednesday that Beth could take Kayla shopping, and it was a little inconvenient to arrange for Adam’s care. Doug had simply assumed that the women would take Adam with them.
“No, Doug. We can’t possibly. We’re going in and out of several shops, and taking along a three-year-old would be too much. Can’t you look after him? Just while we’re gone?”
“Have you looked out the window, love? Today is one of the most beautiful weather days I’ve seen in Seattle for a long time. I thought I’d work on the Shilshole Bay painting.” He looked over at Adam. “I wonder if he’d like to play on the beach.”
“You mean while you’re painting?” Beth asked doubtfully. “When you paint, you concentrate on that and you pretty much block out everything else. Suppose he wanders away or something?”
“I’ll look after him. I promise,” Doug said. He turned to Kayla. “Has he been on a beach before? I thought he perked up when I mentioned beach.”
“Yes. We were in Florida for a while. Adam liked that.”
Adam was nodding. “Beach,” he said. And Beth looked at him fondly. He was feeling more and more secure with them. Adam will have a good life. She pushed away the idea that Adam should be talking more fluently than he was. Her own children had been chatterboxes at that age. On the other hand, you had to talk to children, and wait for answers, to start them talking. Who had there been to talk to Adam? Certainly not Kayla.
Beth had always enjoyed shopping and was good at it. After first demurring, Kayla couldn’t contain her enthusiasm. Beth wondered how long it had been since Kayla had shopped anywhere but a thrift shop. That awful green print dress she had arrived in had a definite thrift-shop look: old, out of style, the wrong size. Kate had been a thrift-shop customer during her widowhood, so independent that both she and Jill had had difficulty helping her, even when she needed help badly.
Kayla was a pleasure to shop with once they got started. She seemed to have innate good taste. This was a relief to Beth, although it was costing more than she had anticipated. Well, that was the price she was willing to pay to make this work out. She realized she was trying to find reasons to like Kayla. It seemed only fair. Doug was so fond of Jill and Kate.
They had made a list, and Kayla surprised her by being quite sensible and practical.
“Now that I’m on the wagon,” Kayla said, “I want to get a job of some kind. I want to pay my own way.”
“What kind of job do you have in mind?”
“I’ve worked in a lot of places, and, since you and Dad took Adam and me in, I really want to get started earning again.”
“Can you do that and go to the AA meetings?”
“Oh, sure,” Kayla said confidently. “I’ll be going to the meetings evenings, and working days. It’ll keep me out of trouble.”
Beth was impressed in spite of her reservations. This seemed like a good beginning, even if the rehab place hadn’t worked out.
“I only need a few separates,” Kayla told her. “Things I can go to work in. Skirts. Blouses. Some decent shoes.”
By noon they had bought casual and workplace shoes, panty hose, underclothes and blouses. They were in another department store now, and had stopped for lunch in the store restaurant, each carrying a tote bag with packages in it.
“I do enjoy shopping,” Beth said, picking up her menu. “This has been fun.” It reminded her a little of when she had taken her own daughters shopping. “I wonder if they still have that soup and half-sandwich special here.”
“Yes,” Kayla said. “And the soup of the day is split pea. Do you like that?”
“Yes,” Beth said, putting down her menu. Kayla was certainly being pleasant. Well, she was Doug’s daughter. She’d have to have inherited some of his good traits. After lunch they lingered over a second cup of coffee.
“Do you have any special job skills, Kayla?” Beth asked, remembering that Kayla had once told her she had been a maid in a motel.
“Yes. I didn’t finish college, but I did complete a business course. I made out okay in that somehow. I’ve done office work.” She paused, frowning. “I’ll need to think about who I can give as references. Sometimes I’ve blown it at work. I’ve been…fired a few times,” she ended lamely.
Beth had been about to suggest that either of her sons-in-law might help, but stopped herself. Better not involve them. Kayla was too unstable.
“I was thinking about going to a temp agency,” Kayla said. “See, Beth, I’ve been down this route before. It’s best if I temp a while. I’ll work a few weeks here, and a few weeks there. I’ve found in temping that if I do a good job, don’t screw anything up, I’m asked to stay on as a permanent employee. That could work out.”
“Good,” Beth agreed. She was beginning to feel more hopeful. Maybe this could work out, after all.
“I—” Kayla started to speak and then stopped, seeming embarrassed. “Well, I might as well tell you. I think you’ll find out anyway. I owe a ton of money. That’s why I had to skip out quick and come here. Maybe if I can get working and stay working, I can start paying up. Get straight with everybody.”
“Who in the world do you owe money to?” Now what?
“Frank. That’s Frank Hughes, my first husband. Becky’s father.”
“Why? Did he lend you money?”
“No. But he got child support when he divorced me. Frank…kind of lost patience with me. With the drinking. Finally he just gave up.” Kayla had bowed her head so she wasn’t looking at Beth. “My fault. Anyhow, when the marriage went kaput, it went out with a bang. I never dreamed Frank could be so mean, but he could.”
“Mean in what way?”
“Well, first thing, I was served with papers. He hadn’t said a word about divorce. It came just out of the blue. And he demanded custody of Becky. That hit me hard. I wasn’t that terrible a mother. Anyhow, he moved out and took Becky with him.”
“He took your child?” Beth went cold. What an awful thing to happen to any mother.
“Just like that. He was gone. Leaving me with nothing. I wasn’t working then. I couldn’t even pay the rent. They went to live with his sister, Nell. She was over the moon with joy when he dumped me. Nell and I never did get along. Anyway, his lawyer told him he had to get Becky into a better home situation. Like I wasn’t a good mother.”
“What in the world did you do?”
“Sobered up. Got a job. Got a lawyer. What else could I do? But I couldn’t afford much. I think he was, like, six months out of law school. I guess he did his best, but I lost custody of Becky. Frank got his divorce, and was no longer responsible for my debts, stuff like that. Then they fixed me good. Frank got custody of Becky and demanded child support, knowing that I probably couldn’t pay it. And—owing him all that money—I don’t even dare to try to see Becky.”
“I don’t understand a woman having to pay child support,” Beth said uncertainly. What a horrible story! “How terrible that you can’t even see your own child.” Even for a haphazard mother like Kayla that must be very difficult for her.
“Welcome to the real world, Beth. He and his sister really socked it to me. I had a history of working, of holding a job. Time when only men paid child support is past history. Women are more than half the workforce now. And when divorce happens, more and more fathers are given custody. So, get it? Whichever parent doesn’t have custody pays the other one child support. Lots of women pay child support to husbands now.”
“But why couldn’t you just see Becky?”
“You still don’t get it. They did it on purpose. Knowing my problems, they figured I could never pay up. So if I don’t pay, I don’t see my kid. It’s that simple. They wanted me out of Becky’s life—I was a bad influence. Okay, I’m out of Becky’s life.” There was infinite bitterness in Kayla’s voice.
“Well, do you— Do you know how much you owe?”
Kayla shrugged hopelessly. “Have you got a calculator? It’s been five and a half years. I paid some, but I never could keep up. Especially after I married Mitch and Adam came along. Then Mitch died…”
Her voice trailed off and her gaze was fixed on something in the far distance, but Beth knew she wasn’t really seeing. What a dismal mess poor Kayla had made of her life.
“Please don’t tell Dad,” Kayla said, seeming to come back to the present.
“Oh, Kayla, I really don’t like to keep things from Doug.”
“But I don’t want him to know. He’ll think he has to pay it. But first he’ll get mad and yell at me.”
“I can’t imagine Doug yelling at anybody.”
“Well, you never pushed him as far as I have,” Kayla said simply.
“Really, I don’t want him to know. At least, not yet,” she added, and Beth knew Kayla could see the reluctance in her face.
Beth and Doug had been open and honest with each other. Keeping secrets from him, especially about his own daughter, was dishonest. They were already at odds about Kayla’s “problem.” She didn’t want to complicate their relationship any further.
“All right,” Beth said after a moment. “But just for now. You really must tell him yourself. And soon, please.” That was the best she could do. Kayla was vulnerable, but she was trying. Beth disliked adding stress to Kayla’s makeshift life by putting any more pressure on her, but the line had to be drawn somewhere.
They left to resume their shopping, but for Beth the pleasure had gone out of it. Their curfew for getting home was three-thirty since check-in time for new guests was four. They found Doug had gotten home before them. He was carrying suitcases up the stairs for the expected Mr. and Mrs. Crandall from Fresno.
Doug was in high spirits, and well he might be. He hadn’t baby-sat Kayla all day. When the Crandalls had settled in, he joined them in the bed-sitter with Adam. Beth felt her heart soften. Doug was Doug, the love of her life.
She had felt sand under her shoes when they came in. Next Tuesday they’d really need the cleaning service in here, whether Adam wanted it or not.
“Adam loved the beach,” Doug said. “Let’s sit here, love.” He slid his arm through hers and they went to the big couch. The familiar feeling of contentment filled Beth.
“Got this,” Adam said, showing her a little sand bucket and shovel. So that was where the sand had come from. He was slightly sunburned and beaming with pleasure from his afternoon at the beach with Doug.
“Daddy, I want to show you my new things,” Kayla said happily. She began to take her new garments out of their wrappings. Beth watched as she showed off their purchases. Doug looked pleased and relaxed. Well, maybe all her efforts were worth it. She moved slightly closer to him, taking his hand in hers.
When Kayla finished, she said, “And Beth, you’re not doing another thing today. I’m going to fix dinner for us. Come on, Adam. Help Mommy fix dinner. And don’t you two move a muscle,” she commanded, picking Adam up from the window seat and hugging him.
Things were going to work out, really they were, Beth assured herself.
“Guess what,” Doug said, as Kayla went out with Adam.
“What?”
He kissed her lightly. “I think one more session and Shilshole Bay plus the across-the-water skyline, plus the houseboats and the beach, and the painting will be finished.”
“Wonderful. You’re doing such a great job with that.”
“Yeah,” he said contentedly. “I feel good about that picture. I think it may be one of my better efforts. And Adam was a great little companion, too. He stuck around and didn’t wander off. I had to stop now and then to admire his sand bucket or some shell or rock, but he really got a kick out of being at the beach. And guess what else.”
“What?” She laughed.
“I met our pastor. He was out running. I guess that’s how he stays so lean. Anyhow, he stopped—you know how runners are. He was stretching this way and that while we talked, and I invited him to dinner here Sunday night. Was that okay?”
“Of course it was okay.” She laughed again with sheer happiness. Being with Doug made life so perfect.
“And you know what else?” Doug asked, sounding smug.
“No, but you’re going to tell me.”
“Yep. He asked about Kayla and wanted to know how she was doing. So I said, so far so good. I explained that she was going to start AA. And he said a few things that made me think he knows something about substance dependency.”
“Well, he mentioned to me that he had worked with addicted people before he came here,” Beth said, lifting Doug’s big hand to her lips for a moment. Oh, it was so good to be alone with Doug at last.
“And I got the very distinct feeling while I was talking to Pastor Cooper that he’s interested in Kayla.” He paused impressively. “I mean, not only helping her if he could, but interested. Like in boy meets girl. What do you think of that?”
“Oh, Doug, no!”
“What do you mean, ‘Oh, Doug, no’?” He straightened and withdrew his hand, looking annoyed. “Kayla is a lovely, unmarried young woman and he’s a nice, decent, unmarried guy. What’s wrong with that picture?”
Beth, go carefully here, she told herself. He’s defensive and protective. She paused a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. How could she say this kindly?
“I suddenly remembered Cyrus’s wife before she died some years ago,” Beth said carefully. “She came with him to our church and they worked together, but it was her supporting him, in the background. Ours is a medium-size congregation. Cyrus’s wife worked full time helping out, always sort of behind the scenes. A minister is coping with a dozen different things every day, Doug. That’s a stressful job, but their wives can’t afford to be stressed. In a church congregation there is always something going on, something brewing, one group in disagreement with another…about many things. I’m just saying that Kayla is vulnerable.”
She tried to choose her words carefully, because Doug’s face had become closed and remote. Was he angry? Was he rejecting everything she said? She swallowed her impatience and went on.
“Please understand I’m not saying anything negative about Kayla. I agree, she is a lovely person, but she’s a lovely person with a serious problem. She’s got more than she can cope with right now. Don’t you see? A demanding relationship that might end in another marriage would put too much strain on her. And it wouldn’t be fair to Pastor Cooper, either. She’s made a beginning. She’s trying. I saw that today.” His face remained blank. For an intelligent man he did have his blind spots. Hurriedly, she continued.
“She was so excited about her new clothes. She immediately told me she wanted to start looking for a job. She wants to work, to be self-sufficient. That’s certainly good thinking. I was impressed.”
“What kind of job?” he asked, getting up from the couch and going over to the window, looking out, with his back to her. She was at a disadvantage now, not being able to see his face, but she went doggedly on.
“She’s qualified for clerical work. And she had such a good, positive attitude. She says she will register at some temp agency, taking only temporary jobs first, not committing for a long term. She knows she isn’t ready to plunge into any long-term commitment.” She got up and followed him to the window and slid her arm through his. “Don’t you see? Don’t you think that’s a good idea? About getting a job? But one thing at a time.”
“No.”
“No, you don’t think it’s a good idea? Why on earth not?” It took an effort to keep her voice calm. This was a side to Doug she hadn’t seen before.
“Because here at home she has some supervision. But going out every day? Meeting people? Coping with job hassles? Beth, Kayla is an alcoholic. That means she can’t even take one drink without losing control. What happens if there is an office party? I know my daughter. It’s best she stay out of the workplace. For now, anyway, away from any job pressure. Pastor Cooper is a good man, steady, dedicated. If he is interested in her, this may be her one chance at salvation, and I don’t mean that in a religious sense. I don’t know why you can’t see it.”
“I don’t see it because it isn’t there,” Beth said evenly, trying to hold back sudden anger. How could he be so dense!
“And Pastor Cooper has had experience dealing with substance dependency. He’ll know how to proceed. He’ll understand her difficulty,” Doug continued, seeming to ignore what she had just said.
Beth looked up into his grim face and mentally counted to ten. Then twenty. When Doug had first come to the Pacific Northwest to follow his passion for painting beautiful landscapes and had chosen to stay at her B and B, he hadn’t been inside a church for years. He was just now coming to see and appreciate faith as part of his life. He hadn’t known Cyrus and his late wife, Adelaide, when they first came to lead the congregation. He didn’t know—couldn’t know—the constant demands on a pastor’s time, on his wife’s time. The pastor and his wife did a constant balancing act, serving the people in the church. She could hear in her mind quite plainly Adelaide’s laughing comment one hectic day: “When the church hires a pastor, it’s getting two for the price of one.”
They—both of them—had to be there, for helping, for counseling, for comforting, for simply lending a hand as needed when anyone was in trouble.
Memories crowded into her mind—when Ralph died and she felt so guilty because she had never loved Ralph as he had loved her. And when Katie, right after her first husband died, cried, “Why did God do this?” Cyrus, and Adelaide, had been there to help Katie through it. A pastor’s wife cannot be a woman with a problem.
“Doug, has Kayla ever even been in a church? What is her faith? Has she any faith?” These questions came tumbling out, and even as she said them she knew they were the wrong questions. She was making Doug angry, and she really didn’t care. He was wrong and he should have sense enough to know it.
“I doubt if Kayla has a ‘faith,’ as you put it. Her mother and I were never churchgoers.” He spoke stiffly. “Do you see this as a problem?”
“Yes. If,” Beth said in an icy tone, “she begins a relationship with a man whose whole life is his faith. Then, yes, I see it as a problem. I see an endless list of problems. And if you weren’t clutching at straws, you’d see it, too. A pastor’s wife has to be stable. Steady. Wise. And I mean steady in the real sense of the word. Strong. Patient. All the things that Kayla is not.” She could feel herself beginning to shake, she was so angry. “Don’t you see it? The best thing Kayla can do is what she herself suggested. Get a job. That could be her salvation. That could be the best stabilizing force for her.” The sudden change of expression in Doug’s eyes stopped her, and she turned around.
Kayla, carrying Adam, was standing in the doorway. She looked stricken. Beth felt a quick rush of embarrassment. That she had lost her temper, and that Kayla had heard it. It really wasn’t fair. Kayla had enough to worry about without learning she had caused a quarrel.
“Look, Kayla,” Beth said. “Don’t pay any attention to us. Sometimes we have these little domestic rows. It means nothing. Don’t tell me you’ve got something to eat already.”
“Yes,” Kayla said diffidently. “Between your freezer and your microwave I’ve put together a pretty good spread. Come on. I’ve laid it all out in the kitchen.”
“Fine. Thanks,” Beth said. The look of complete defeat in Kayla’s pretty eyes made her feel guilty, but guilty with an underlying anger that she felt guilty at all.
“Come on, then. Let’s eat,” she said brightly, feeling she would probably choke on whatever it was.