When I get back to my villa from the beach, it’s already dark outside. One minute the sun was up, and the next it had disappeared behind the mountains.
Inside the hut, the AC is still doing a crap job, and the atmosphere is suffocating. I wish I could leave the French windows open to let the evening breeze in. But, as per the thieving monkey population, I’d better not. Still, I need the fresh air, so I jump on the bed and examine the overhead window.
Bingo!
There’s a fixed mosquito screen, unlike the sliding one that protects the door. It should be safe to leave this window open…
Mmm… I sigh in relief as a gust of fresh night air blows in my face. Then, I hop off the bed and move to the bathroom to take my last—for how long?—hot shower.
I stay under the water as long as I can, enjoying this simple comfort of civilization. But when the heat makes me lightheaded, I have no choice but to step out. I wrap myself in a towel and collapse on the bed to lie down for a minute.
“…Nah, man, come on,” Logan’s voice drifts in from the open window.
Hey, I said I wanted to relax, not listen to Satan yapping. I’m tempted to get up and close the window, but the night air feels too good on my wet skin. And I’m just too plain lazy to move right now.
“We have to,” Archibald the Viking replies. “It’s a tradition.”
“Shouldn’t we wait until after dinner?”
“No, Tucker wants everyone to go straight to bed, and we can’t rush this. You have glasses?”
“Inside,” Logan says, sounding resigned. “And close the door,” he adds.
I smirk to myself. Looks like Satan is a quick study.
There’s a moment of silence, followed by the sound of the sliding door opening and closing, a few quiet minutes, and finally the door again.
Then Archie speaks.
“Here’s a glass of the best bourbon money can’t buy.”
“Amazing, man. Priscilla still sends you a bottle every year?”
Archie’s reply is jokingly cocky. “Must’ve made quite an impression on the lady, haven’t I?”
“That you did,” Logan agrees in a tone of friendly reproach.
“To a new adventure,” Archie declares. “And the greatest archeological discovery of the millennium.”
“Cheers.”
They clink glasses and presumably drink. There’s another pause before Logan talks again.
“Speaking of ladies,” he says. “I call dibs on the photographer.”
“What?” Archie bursts out.
WHAT? I echo in my head. I thought the professor hated my guts.
“Seemed like you weren’t interested,” Archie says. “And since when do you mix business and pleasure?”
“I don’t,” Logan replies, sounding infuriatingly complacent.
“So why…? Wait a minute!” Archie protests, riled up. “You can’t call dibs on her just to cockblock me.”
“I can, and I did.”
Oh, Satan thinks he’s so smug.
I, on the contrary, am not pleased with either man. The nerve of them to barter between themselves who should “get the girl.” Well, sorry guys, I’m not some brainless object you can trade amongst yourselves.
Both gentlemen would greatly benefit from a meal of humble pie.
“Dude.” There’s a mocking note in Archie’s voice. “Are you sure the dibs has nothing to do with the lady having the best pair of legs I’ve ever seen, not to mention pretty big…”
He doesn’t finish the phrase, only makes a caveman noise. But I know he’s not talking about my big eyes. I can practically see Archie mimicking cupping boobs.
“She’s a beautiful woman,” Logan says. A compliment that, coming from Satan’s lips, doesn’t resonate as one. It’s like Logan has to admit I’m attractive against his will, and he resents me for it. And his next sentence confirms I’m right. “There’s no denying it. But she’s been a giant pain in my ass from the moment I set eyes on her.” Why? What did I do, besides existing and being female, I mean? “So, yes, I’m sure.”
“If you say so.” Archie sounds unconvinced.
“Promise me you won’t try to get in her panties,” Logan insists. “This expedition is important to me, Arch. I need you to be focused. Promise me.”
“All right, man, I swear. Relax…”
“When you and the genteel sex are involved, I can’t. I’m only trying to avoid another Acapulco.”
“Ah, yes, that would be impractical.”
“Impractical? You nearly got us both killed. The lady’s father chased us off his property with a loaded shotgun.”
These two sound like they have a lot of history together.
“Okay,” Archie concedes. “You’ve made your point. But—”
“No buts!”
“—if the lady can’t resist me and tries something, I can’t make assurances…”
“You’re incorrigible! Sooner or later it’ll come back to bite you in the ass.”
“Until then.”
I hear the clinking of ice in a glass, as if Archie just raised his drink in a mock toast.
There’s a pause, and then Archie talks again. “You worry too much, my friend. You said it yourself: the scans don’t lie. Something man-built lies hidden in this jungle.”
“But is it the legendary lost city of gold?”
“Would it make any difference if it were only stone?”
“No,” Logan admits. “It’d still be the greatest discovery of the century.”
“Even greater than an untouched pharaoh tomb?” Archie asks, an edge to his voice.
“Low blow, man,” Logan says, sounding displeased. “She has nothing to do with this.”
She? There’s a she?
Archie sighs. “Too soon?”
“Can we please not talk about women ever again?”
“Nah, and where would the fun be in that?” After a few moments of silence, Archie continues, “Let’s make a bet instead. How long you reckon before the photographer falls at my feet?”
I’m tempted to jump on the bed and yell, “Not gonna happen!” out of the window, but I keep my anger in check. Vengeance is a plate better served cold. And both gentlemen definitely need to be taken down a peg or two.
But how?
Archie is an easy fix. Ignore his sex appeal, show him I’m immune to his charms, and his ego will get bruised all right.
But what about Satan?
Dr. McEvil seems like someone who hates to make mistakes. Which means all I have to do is prove he’s wrong about me. But first, I might need to bait him a little more.
Oh, the two of them, they think they’re so hot and clever. But wait until they meet the real me. They won’t know what hit them.
Boys, beware… Winter is coming!