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Randy left the bank at ten Wednesday morning and drove the entire twenty miles to Eli’s house with her bottom lip clenched between her teeth. She climbed the steps to his porch with leaden feet. What was I thinking? Today was the day she gave up that merit badge she’d been so proud of a few days ago. You know the one? The one that said she’d never been alone with a child under the age of five.
She was disappointed in herself and her attitude. She seriously wanted to make this effort, for her and for Eli, but... What was I thinking? Randy looked down at hands that shook with a combination of nerves and fear. Her eyes lifted heavenward. Father, I feel like this is Your direction for me. I’m not sure why. I’m the least motherly woman on this planet. If You have any skills You can zap me with in the next ten seconds, they’d be much appreciated.
Eli pulled the door open before she could knock. He was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, and his right hand clenched a coffee cup like it contained the last ounce of caffeine on earth. Randy had never seen him look so haggard.
She stepped into the room and clasped his shoulders. “Sweetheart, are you sick?”
“No,” he said. “Just worn out. We’ve been up all night.”
“Why?”
He draped his free arm around her shoulders and steered her into the living room. “Astor’s cutting some of her jaw teeth, at least I think that’s it. That’s the worst thing about this age. They can’t tell you what hurts.” He led Randy to the sofa and brushed her hair with his lips. “We walked the floor all night.” His sigh was heavy. “That’s why I met you at the door. She just went to sleep, and I’d like to keep her that way.”
Eli scrubbed a hand through his hair as he yawned. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re here a little early. I need fifteen minutes to shower and change.” He lifted his mug as he left the room. “Coffee’s fresh if you want some.”
“What? Wait...” She swallowed hard, and the sound echoed in the room as he walked away. He either hadn’t heard her or he’d ignored her. Randy sank onto the couch. A happy baby she might be able to handle on her own, but a cranky one? She heard the shower come on and knew she had about twelve minutes to come up with a life-threatening emergency that trumped Eli’s appointment with the lawyer.
Pull yourself together, Miranda Franklin. It’s a baby, not a firing squad! The internal scolding rang with the sound of Mrs. Pugston’s sternest voice. Randy took a deep breath and tried to talk herself off the ledge she teetered on. It was quiet in the house, Astor was asleep. Eli would only be gone for a couple of hours. Women became mothers every day, and by all that was holy, she was a woman. She would do this.
Randy squared her shoulders, stood up, and marched into Eli’s kitchen. Toast...she’d make Eli some toast. Not the most elaborate breakfast, but it was better than an empty stomach sloshing with caffeine. She’d have some toast with him. Randy popped four slices of bread in the toaster, pushed the handle down, gathered butter and strawberry jam from the fridge, and retrieved a couple of plates. By the time Eli came looking for her, she was sitting at the table, breakfast plated, sipping her own cup of coffee.
He leaned in the doorway, and the look he directed at her sent Randy’s heart into overdrive.
“Come sit,” she said.
Instead, Eli circled the table and pulled Randy to her feet and into his arms. He tipped her chin up, threaded his fingers through her hair, and covered her lips with his. He raised his head and stared into her eyes. “Seeing you here like this makes me so impatient for April. Have I told you, today, just how much I love you?”
Randy snuggled into his arms, rested her head against his chest, and grinned into his shirt. Wow! “If I’d known toast could elicit that sort of response, I’d have made some sooner.”
He chuckled, squeezed her, and broke the embrace. “Just five more weeks, and you can be my kitchen slave for life.”
She crossed her arms and gave him her best get serious stare.
Eli cleared his throat. “Five more weeks and we can share the household chores as long as we both shall live?”
“Better, but if you’ll promise to keep kissing me like that, we can discuss occasional slavery. Now sit and eat while you still have time.”
They took their places, and Eli blessed their breakfast, giving thanks like it was a five-course meal instead of two slices of toasted bread and jelly. Randy nibbled at hers while he downed his first piece and chased it with the steaming liquid in his cup.
“Thank you,” he said.
“It’s just toast.”
“For taking off work and coming to stay with Astor this morning. I know this is out of your comfort zone, and I appreciate it.”
If you only knew. “It’s fine. How long do you think you’ll be gone?”
“Couple of hours, tops.” He got up and carried his plate to the sink. “As worn out as she is, Astor will probably sleep the whole time I’m gone. She went down with a dry diaper and a fresh bottle. But just in case...” He opened a cabinet and motioned inside. “There are clean bottles. There’s milk in the fridge, and she can have a jar of baby food if she wants.”
“Got it.”
“There is liquid baby aspirin in the medicine cabinet. If her fever comes back, she can have half a dropper full at eleven.”
Fever? “Eli...”
“She’s just teething, it’s nothing serious. The thermometer you bought the other night is also in the bathroom, along with the instructions. Diapers are stacked next to the crib.” He rinsed his cup, took her hand, and pulled her to the door. “But you won’t need all of these instructions, because she’s asleep.”
Please God.
“Now kiss me good bye or I’m going to be late.”
Randy kissed him, and he rushed out to his Blazer. She closed the door softly and went to clean up the mess in the kitchen. Astor’s howls echoed through the whole house before the jam was put away.
* * *
“HAVE A SEAT.”
Eli sat in one of the chairs on the visitor side of the desk and waited for the lawyer to return to his seat. Eli studied him as he settled. The man was tall and wore a pleasant expression. He had curly brown hair and was maybe a year or two younger than Eli. He was also the most highly recommended family law practitioner in the county.
Harrison Lake braced his elbows on his desk and steepled his fingers. “What can I do for you, Mr. Page?”
“I’m not sure,” Eli said. “I need advice for now. I’m pretty sure that’s going to grow into some legalities down the road.”
Mr. Lake tilted his head and waited.
Eli cleared his throat. “Six days ago, my twenty-year-old daughter left her baby girl with me. It was supposed to be an overnight visit. I’ve not seen my daughter since.”
“Have you contacted the police?”
“No need,” Eli said. “She left a note and an empty apartment.” He fished in the breast pocket of his shirt, pulled out a folded piece of paper, and slid it across the desk. “As you can see, she left voluntarily.”
The lawyer studied the paper for a second before sliding it to the side of the desk and making a few notes on the legal pad in front of him. “Has she done this before?”
Eli shook his head.
“You said she’s twenty. What’s her name?”
“Celeste Kathryn Page.”
“And the baby?” he asked as he continued to write.
“Astor Elizabeth Page. She’s a year old.”
“Is your daughter employed?”
“She worked at the car rental desk at the airport in the city. I called them as soon as they opened on Monday morning. Her supervisor said she quit her job eight days ago.”
The lawyer looked up. “Sounds like she had a plan.”
“It would appear so, and now I need one.” He leaned forward. “This could not have come at a worse time.”
The lawyer raised his brows.
“That came out wrong.” Still true, though. “I’m getting married in a few weeks. I was looking forward to starting a new phase of my life with a beautiful woman. Now, my granddaughter has become more of a factor than either of us envisioned.” He took a deep breath. “I love Astor. I’ll do what needs to be done, but I don’t know where to start.”
Harrison Lake studied him. “What do you see as the main issues?”
Eli ticked them off. “I need access to Astor’s medical records, and I need to be recognized as her legal guardian should she need medical treatment. I need to know that she is secure in my home through this process. I don’t want the state stepping in to make decisions for her or me. I need to track Celeste down and find out what her intentions are.” He stopped, took a deep breath, and met the lawyer’s eyes. “I’m prepared to adopt Astor, should the need arise.”
Harrison sat back. “That’s jumping to the worst case, don’t you think? You don’t think your daughter can be convinced to come home?”
Eli shook his head. “You read her note. I want...I need...to be wrong for so many reasons. Astor needs her mother, but something in my gut tells me she’s gone for good.” He straightened. “Can you help me?”
Harrison tapped his pen on the legal pad. “I think so. Unfortunately, grandparents raising their grandchildren is epidemic in this country. The state has programs in place that’ll help you without intruding. I can get you some information on that...at least get the medical issues covered. As for locating your daughter, I’m going to need to get back with you. I have an idea...a friend who used a Chicago-based firm to locate his daughters a few years back. I’ll get that information to you.” He frowned. “It won’t be cheap.”
“I’m prepared for that.”
The lawyer stood and came around the desk with his hand out. “Mr. Page—”
“Eli, please.”
“Then call me Harrison.” He clasped Eli’s hand. “Let me walk you out. I’ll have Stephanie get some booklets for you. They’ll give you a starting place for the state help I mentioned. I’ll contact my friend and call you with that information just as soon as I can.”
* * *
FOR SIXTY MINUTES, the battle raged. Youth against age, the experienced young manipulator against the inexperienced caregiver, the child against the non-mother. Tears streamed from two pairs of eyes with no clear victor in sight.
“Astor, please.” The baby wailed while Randy walked back and forth. If Randy tried to cradle her, the baby struggled and clawed to sit up. Sitting up didn’t make her any happier, it just placed the mega decibel crying a few inches closer to Randy’s ear.
Astor rejected a fresh bottle, along with a jar of peach baby food. Randy’s pale yellow shirt bore the stains of failure, a casualty of the war of wills. If abdicating the field of battle had been an option, Randy would have put Astor in the crib and walked away. Instead, she mumbled prayers in Astor’s ear, hoping God could hear her over the racket.
“OK, Father, You got me into this, I need You to show me what to do. I’m here and I’ve exhausted every ounce of my meager experience. I don’t know what she wants. I—”
“Mamaaaa.”
The single word stopped Randy in her tracks and took a chisel to her heart. Her arms tightened around Astor in a quick protective reflex. Mama. She bit her lip and pressed her face into the baby’s neck. “Oh, baby.” Astor wanted her mama. Of course she does. So do I. Probably not for the same reason. While Randy wanted to throttle the girl, she doubted that was Astor’s motivation.
Randy looked up at the ceiling as the crying continued. “How do I...?”
Love her.
“I don’t know how.” The words bordered on desperation.
Daughter, you do. You always wanted to be loved. Love her like that.
Randy swallowed. How could something sound so easy but feel so hard? She closed her eyes and did her best to block the noise for a few seconds. Love her like that. She struggled with memories of times when she’d been hurt or upset. Mom had pushed her away when the one thing she wanted most in the world was to crawl up in her lap and be comforted. A smile curved Randy’s lips.
Randy walked across the room and sat in Eli’s plush rocking recliner. She gathered Astor close and, not knowing the words to any lullabies or nursery rhymes, whispered praise and worship songs. The crying continued, and Randy increased the volume, cuddling, and brushing the tears from Astor’s face with gentle fingers. With each verse, the tension inside Randy relaxed and, as it did, Astor’s cries became hiccups, then whimpers, and finally stopped altogether.
She kept rocking as the child sat up and locked bright blue eyes on Randy’s face. “That’s better, isn’t it?” Randy smoothed damp hair from Astor’s forehead. “Look at you. You’re all hot and sweaty. Fit-throwing must be hard work.”
Astor looked down. Her little hands played with the pearlescent yellow buttons at the neck of Randy’s shirt.
“It’s going to be OK, you know. Your grandpa and I are going to do everything we can to take care of you.” Randy pulled in a ragged breath as the promise she’d just made echoed around her. She closed her eyes. Father, help me mean that. When Randy opened her eyes, she found Astor studying her face. The little girl’s lower lip trembled for a second.
The quivering invoked panic, and Randy tried to infuse her voice with calm. “No more crying, sweetheart. We’ve both had enough.”
Astor jabbered a string of unintelligible words. She reached for Randy’s hair, wrapped strands of the red in her fingers, and leaned down to rest her head on Randy’s chest.
The calm breathing, the feel of the baby’s heart beating against her own, loosened something in Randy’s chest. Elation and triumph filled her. I did it! I know it’s just one day, but I did it. She slid her free hand into the pocket of her slacks, removed her phone, thumbed the camera to life, and snapped a picture. She stared at it in amazement, knowing in that moment that she would move mountains to keep the promise she’d just made. In the hard times that lay ahead, if Celeste didn’t come back, this would be a reminder. And if she did come back...well, every grandmother needed a picture of their grandbaby on their desk.
She laid the phone aside and folded her arms around the little girl. Thank You, Father. Five minutes later the combatants were both fast asleep.