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Eli clenched his hands into fist and scuffed through the Florida sand scattered across the driveway. He climbed into the rented car and stared at the monstrosity of a house. Frustration erupted, and both hands slammed the steering wheel.
Celeste wasn’t here.
He closed his eyes and replayed his conversation with the grim-faced housekeeper, looking for anything that would direct him further. Mr. Stone and his bride are enjoying an extended honeymoon in Europe. I was not given permission to share their itinerary with anyone, and without that permission, my hands are tied. Good day.
Europe? Well, at least he knew what continent they were on. Eli closed his eyes. They might as well be cruising the galaxy on the Enterprise for all the good that piece of information did him. He thumped the steering wheel again. He could accept that Celeste might have needed a break. He could accept, as unlikely as it sounded, that she’d fallen in love with some boy she’d just met. But leaving the country without a word? That spoke of a permanence that, despite his grandiose claims to the contrary, he’d not seriously believed.
Eli let that sink in while he stared at the house. He’d always thought he could get Celeste to see the error of her ways. Despite the new nursery furniture in his study and the day care arrangements and Celeste’s efforts to convince him, he’d never really believed his daughter would stay gone. He swallowed as reality clanked into place. At a time when he should be focusing on a new wife, on a comfortable middle age, he’d be starting over with a new child. I’m forty-five years old.
The next words were a harsh whisper in the quiet car. “I’ll be pushing seventy by the time Astor finishes college.” Eli scrubbed his hands down his face. “Am I ready for that? Is Randy?”
Randy.
The thought of her jolted Eli back to the present. He started the car and looked at the clock on the dash. Three-thirty. He had plenty of time to get back to the airport and book a seat on one of those outgoing flights. The hour he gained on the flight home would put him back in Oklahoma City by midnight. He’d call Randy from the airport once he had an arrival time.
* * *
RANDY CLOSED THE BACK of Eli’s SUV on the last box and brushed imaginary dust from her hands. The middle bedroom was packed, and victory tasted sweet. The ringing of her cell phone cut her happy dance short. She plucked it from her pocket on her way back through the garage.
“Eli. I’ve been thinking about you.”
“Hi, sweetheart. How’s everything going?”
“Better than great,” she answered. “You’d be proud. I have the back of your blazer loaded with boxes looking for a new home.”
“A new home, huh? I think I can help with that.”
The words made her heart flutter. “This is really happening. Packing makes things so much more real. I don’t know that I can wait another five weeks.”
“You and me both. Astor not giving you too much trouble?”
“Eli, she’s been so good. Laid right down for a nap with hardly a whimper. In fact, I’m on my way to wake her up so we can go back to your house. Are you still coming home tonight?”
“That’s why I called—”
“Did you find Celeste? That girl—”
“Randy...she wasn’t there.”
Randy stumbled to a stop and leaned against the wall in the hallway. “What?”
“We have a lot to talk about.” A weary sigh filtered through the connection. “But not over the phone.”
Randy heard more than weariness in his sigh. Frustration came through loud and clear as well. “It’s fine. Just come home. Whatever it is, we’ll work it out.”
“Knowing I have you to come home to is the only thing that’s kept me going for the last hour or so. I love you.”
“I love you too. What time do you land?”
“Ten forty-five. I’ll be home before midnight.”
“I’ll be waiting.” From her place against the wall, Randy lowered the phone and tapped it against her lips. He sounded so beat. She closed her eyes. Father, touch Eli’s heart. Whatever did or didn’t happen today, You can bring him peace.
Can I offer You a selfish thank-you? I had a good day with Astor. I know one day doesn’t prepare me for motherhood. Randy pushed away from the wall. But I have a lot more confidence now than I had ten hours ago. She rounded the door frame into the third bedroom and looked at the pallet of blankets on the floor. Astor wasn’t there.
Not seeing the baby where she’d expected threatened to steal Randy’s breath. Calm down. Randy forced herself to breathe. “She woke up while you were outside and she’s exploring.” Randy spoke the words aloud. Hearing them helped her believe them. “And why shouldn’t I believe them?” she asked herself. “I’ve been right here the whole time.” She searched the sparsely furnished room before moving back to the hall.
She put her hands on her hips. Her bedroom door remained closed, so Astor wasn’t in there. “Astor,” Randy called. Nothing. Do one-year-olds play hide and seek? She pitched her voice a bit louder. “Come on, baby girl. Come out, come out, where ever you are.” The giggle she’d hoped to hear didn’t come.
Randy searched the living room and the kitchen. Each place Astor wasn’t raised her anxiety to a new level. By the time she’d looked everywhere she could think of with no luck, her stomach was churning, and her shirt was damp with a nervous sweat.
She went back to the hall and looked through the kitchen to the door that led to the garage. Don’t be stupid. There was no way Astor could have gotten past her. She rubbed her damp hands on the seat of her jeans.
“Astor, this isn’t funny. I need you to—” She tilted her head when a faint cry echoed down the hallway, there and gone, almost before she heard it. Randy went back down the hall. “Astor?”
The cry came again, and Randy swung to face her bedroom door. “How...?” She swung the door open and turned on the light. “Are you in here, baby?” This time when the cry came, it nearly buckled her knees. It issued from the closet she’d closed more than two hours ago.
Sweat prickled the back of Randy’s neck, and her vision shrank to the door knob. Blackness danced around the edges of her consciousness. Randy pressed her hands over her ears and closed her eyes.
“I’ll be good, Mommy, I promise.”
“Good?” The shrillness of the single word split the air. “You haven’t had a single second of good in your worthless life.”
Randy flinched when her mother’s hand closed around her wrist. The youngster she’d been dug her heels into the floor as she was yanked towards her room. “I’ll try harder—”
“A little time out will help you keep that promise.”
“Mommy, no. I’ll do the dishes. I’ll...you can ground me from the library—”
“And those things too. I’ll teach you not to sass me if it’s the last thing I do.” Her mother opened the closet door.”
“Mommy, please...”
“Enough!”
Randy batted her eyes as her mother crouched in front of her, a finger pointed into the black depths. “In.”
Randy shook her head. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to know where Daddy was born.”
“And I told you never to mention that man to me again. Now get in there.”
“No.”
The last thing Randy remembered before waking up in darkness hours later was the sound of her pleading, her mother’s deranged laughter, a shove, and a sharp pain as her head hit the back wall of the closet. The headaches and dizziness over the days that followed did not put an end to her mother’s favorite form of abuse.
Another muffled cry from the closet jerked Randy to the present and shredded her soul. No. Dear God, no. She rushed across the room, threw the door wide, and fumbled for the light switch. “Astor...baby.”
It took her a second, but she finally found the toddler in the nest of throws behind the door. Randy’s knees buckled, and she sank to the floor, scooping Astor into her arms. She ran her trembling hands over tiny arms and legs. “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.” Her mumbled words repeated over and over. Assured that her charge was in one piece and no worse for the wear...at least physically...Randy clasped Astor to her chest. “Baby, I’m so sorry. Are you OK?” Her voice shook. “I’d never...” But what if on some subconscious level she had done this on purpose. She flinched as memories of her earlier resentment and jealously surfaced. Could she be that petty? Could she be her mother?
I thought I could do this, Father, I really did. The last few days...the last few days gave me a desire for something I knew I wasn’t ready for. I thought...I thought I could rewrite who I am. I thought I could finally put the past behind me.
Astor squirmed, and Randy placed a kiss on the top of the curly head and wondered how it was possible for her heart to ache more than it already had. She climbed to her feet, Astor secure in her arms, and went in search of her phone book. It was still several hours before Eli would arrive home, and she couldn’t keep the baby. She couldn’t be trusted. She was no better than the woman who’d raised her.
She flipped through the pages and ran her finger down the list of businesses. There it was. Tiny Tikes, and in the corner of the ad, a number for emergencies. Randy took a deep breath and dialed the number.
“Hello?”
“Is this Terri?”
“Yes, how can I help you?”
Randy chewed her lip. If I do this, I’m giving up everything. She buried her selfish desires under the fact that she’d locked a one-year-old in a closet.
“Hello...?”
“Hi Terri. It’s Randy Franklin. I know it’s Saturday, but...” She paused as her voice caught in her throat. “I...I’m watching Eli’s granddaughter, and he mentioned that she’d be doing day care with you come Monday, and I wondered if... He also mentioned that you do emergency care. Something’s come up, and I need someone to watch her. It wouldn’t be for long. He’s on his way home. I just...” She swallowed back tears. “I need someone to watch her,” she finished.
“Is everything OK?”
Hot tears broke through and scalded her cheeks. No, nothing will ever be OK again. She swiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt. Why was it so hard to give up something she’d never wanted in the first place? “I’m not feeling very well all of a sudden. Could be a migraine. I need to take some meds and lie down.”
“Sure, bring her over.”
“To the day care or your house?”
“When did you say Eli would be home?”
“Around midnight.”
“Just bring her here.”
“Thanks.” Randy disconnected the call. She refused to think beyond the moment as she changed a final wet diaper, collected Astor’s things, and loaded everything in the car. Astor made a face as Randy fiddled with the straps of the car seat.
“Bites?”
Randy drew in a deep breath, and her hand shook when she touched the baby’s blonde curls. “Hungry?”
Astor shook her head and bounced in the seat. “Bites, bites, bites.”
“OK, we’ll stop and get you something.”
Twenty minutes later, after stopping at the Sonic for a grilled cheese and fries, Randy parked the car in front of Terri Evans’s home. She gathered up Astor’s dinner and her bag, balanced the baby on a hip, and traversed the walk. The door opened before she could ring the bell.
“Come on in,” Terri said, stepping to the side.
“Thanks.” Randy squeezed by and looked around. “Where do you want all of this?” The question was brisk. The sooner she was out of here, the better.
Terri stepped into the entry and frowned when she looked at Randy. “Are you all right?”
Randy could only imagine what she must look like with her tear-stained eyes and her dust streaked sweatshirt. She drew in a deep breath. “I’ll be fine.” Please Father, just let me get through the next few minutes. She handed the Sonic bag to Terri. “Astor took a long nap and missed her dinner, so I stopped and got this for her. I didn’t want you to have to go to any extra trouble.”
Terri held her arms out for the baby. “It’s no trouble.”
Astor rebelled, locking her arms around Randy’s neck and refusing to let go. Randy pried the small fingers loose and passed her over. She swallowed. It felt like she was pulling her heart out by the roots.
Astor leaned out of Terri’s arms, crying and straining toward Randy with both hands. “G’ma.”
The single word stomped the last bit of life out of Randy’s heart. Oh, baby. She bent and brushed a kiss across Astor’s forehead. “I need to go.” She turned away, closed the door behind her, and raced to the car. She tried to get the car seat free but between the dark and the tears, she gave up. That, and Astor’s wails still filtered from behind the closed door.
* * *
ELI DRAGGED HIMSELF through the jetway and into the airport, tired beyond words but grateful to be home. At least his flight had landed on time. He’d just give Randy a quick call to let her know he was on his way home. He took out his phone and thumbed it to life. He stopped when the screen lit with an icon indicating he had a voice mail. He dodged out of the flow of deplaning passengers, sat in the nearly empty gate area, and brought up the message.
“Eli, it’s Randy.”
He smiled at her voice. Her next words replaced the smile with a frown.
“I, um...I took Astor over to stay with Terri Evans until you got home. You’ll need to pick her up there. I’m sorry. I love you and I wanted to make this work, but...I know now it won’t.
“You deserve an explanation, but I’m not up to giving you one tonight. Please don’t call me. Just pick up the baby and swing by here and get your car. I promise I’ll call you in a couple of days.”
The message ended, and Eli stared at the phone. He hit the button and replayed it. It didn’t make any more sense the second time. He ran a hand through his hair and got to his feet, his exhaustion smothered in resignation and questions he didn’t have answers for.
He threw his tote bag over his shoulder and headed for the parking lot. He needed to get Astor. He needed to know what had happened in the last four hours to make Randy take such drastic measures.