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Eli’s whole body felt as if he’d bathed in Novocain. Randy had locked Astor in a closet and left her there? He tried to process that information and failed. Oh, he believed her. Why would she lie about something like that? It was her motivation, the truth behind the truth, that he needed in order to make the picture complete.
He paused at Garfield’s single stop light. He’d always suspected that there was something ugly hidden in Randy’s past. She skirted discussions about her childhood like a figure skater avoided a ripple in the ice. Problem was, until she decided to trust him, all he had was empty conjecture.
A horn honked behind him. The light was green. He made the left turn that would take him to Terri Evans’s house. He needed to get Astor. He needed to get ready to return to work tomorrow. He needed to come to terms with his new normal.
He stopped in front of Terri’s house and bowed his head over the steering wheel, his prayer whispered but fervent. “Father, I could make You a three-page list of all the things I need help with right now. But Your word says that You know our needs before we ask, so I’ll save us both the trouble. Your word also shows us that persistence pays, so I’m going to continue to plead with You where Randy is concerned. Leaving her this morning when I know she’s hurting was so hard. Father, can You touch her heart? Can You heal what’s broken? Can You give me some direction? I love her. I want to help her. I’m fighting blind, but You aren’t.” Eli raised his head to see Terri standing on the porch, Astor in her arms, head tilted in question. He made his way up the walk to his granddaughter’s squeals of joy.
“Pop. Pop.” She bounced and waved her hands.
Terri surrendered the child with a laugh. “Someone’s glad to see you.”
Eli snuggled the little girl. That makes one. He shoved the rueful thought aside and focused on Terri Evans. “I can’t thank you enough. I hope she wasn’t any trouble.”
Terri reached out to ruffle Astor’s curls. “We got along. How’s Randy this morning?”
“Fine.” He studied the owner of Tiny Tikes Day Care. “How well do you know Randy?”
Terri pursed her lips. “Not very. Well enough to wave when I have business at the bank or speak to her in the store. Why do you ask?”
“She, um...” Eli looked at Astor and changed direction. “How did Astor act last night when Randy dropped her off?”
“She wasn’t happy to be left behind, held on for dear life, then struggled to go with her.”
“Randy said she... She said something happened at the house last night. Something that should have frightened Astor. She was still pretty upset when we talked and didn’t share a lot of the details. I was hoping to fill in the blanks.”
“Not a migraine?”
Eli shook his head.
“Sorry.” Terri lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. “That’s one of the drawbacks when it comes to babies. They can’t tell you what’s on their minds, and there’s a lot of emotional overlap. Separation anxiety and fright can look a lot alike.”
Eli sighed. “I was afraid you’d say that.” He passed Astor back to Terri. “Can you hold her while I get the car seat fastened down?”
Terri pitched her voice to be heard above Astor’s shrieks. “And they both sound just like this.” She followed Eli down the walk, doing her best to calm the agitated child. “I think she missed you.”
Eli wrestled with the belts and latches of the seat. He glanced over his shoulder. “Her life’s been so uprooted over the last week or so. I wish I knew how to make her understand that things will get better.”
“You’re doing that, Eli. Little ones need to feel secure. The best way to do that is to love her.”
The last fastener clicked into place, and Eli turned to reclaim his granddaughter. “Thanks. I guess I need some reassurance too.” He hugged the baby close and rested his chin on her head. “I did this by myself once. I’m not sure I’m up to a second round.”
“Randy...?”
Eli turned his back on the question and focused on getting Astor buckled in. “Just say a prayer for all of us. We need a bright light on our path right now.” He stilled when he felt a hand rest on his back.
“Father, in the Psalms, David asked You to lead him in a plain path. I’ll echo that prayer for Eli, Astor, and Randy today. You know the situation, You know the outcome Your will dictates. Shine that light, Father, and give them all the wisdom they need to follow Your direction.”
“Amen to that.” Eli swallowed back emotion and straightened. “Thank you.”
Terri nodded. “When you have some time, read Psalms twenty-seven. It’s one of my favorites when I’m feeling ganged up on.” She angled around Eli and grinned at Astor. “Bye-bye Astor. I’ll see you in the morning.” She returned the baby’s wave before facing Eli again. “Don’t forget to label her bag and clothes for me. Things can get a little hectic over at the center. Not having to guess whose stuff is whose makes things easier.”
“Will do on reading that Scripture and the labeling. Thanks again for last night.” He dug out his wallet. “How much do I owe you?”
Terri shook her head. “This one’s on me.”
“Thanks.” Eli shut the back door and circled to his place in the driver’s seat. He had a lot to do today, and that was fine. If he kept busy maybe...maybe he wouldn’t think about Randy and the discarded ring weighing down his pocket.
* * *
RANDY PACED THE HOUSE, unable to settle once Eli left. Every circuit from living room, to hall, to kitchen and back again took her by the bookshelf topped with the framed picture of her and Eli taken on the night he proposed. On trip nine hundred eighty-five, Randy paused and picked it up.
They’d gone to Oklahoma City and dined on the patio of her favorite Mexican restaurant. With the sunset reflecting on the water running behind the restaurant, somewhere between the queso and the sopapilla, she’d known that this was the night. After dinner, they’d taken a ride on the canal. As attractions went, it was pretty cheesy—Eli muttered something about a cement ditch—but afterward they’d walked among the lights and shops of Bricktown, ending at a park.
The August warmth had been stifling, but the Perseid meteor shower promised to be spectacular. Spectacular if you could see them through the light haze of downtown. Ever optimistic, they’d spread a blanket on the grass in spite of the odds and, as the hour grew late, Randy accepted that she’d been wrong about a proposal.
A bright tail of light streaked toward earth, and Randy pointed. “Right there, did you see it?”
Eli shook his head. “I must’ve blinked.”
Randy elbowed him. “You’re so bad. Oh, look...two more.”
“I see them.”
She sighed. “Those were bright ones. If it were July, I’d swear they were fireworks the way they sparkled.”
“They don’t sparkle as bright as your eyes.”
She’d rolled from her back to her side and propped her head on her hand. “You say the sweetest things.”
“The shooting stars don’t sparkle as bright as this.” Eli held up the black velvet box with the ring, a point of white fire in the center.”
Randy scrambled to a sitting position. “Eli.”
Three more meteors lit the sky behind Eli. “I love you, Randy. Will you marry me?”
Of course she’d said yes. She’d never been so happy.
Randy swiped fresh tears, turned the picture face down, and shuffled away from the memories. A country music star on the night they met. Shooting stars on the night she said yes. Now it was March, and all her sunlight had been eclipsed by her ugly past.
She circled back to the kitchen and laid her head against the cool glass of the patio door. What have I done? Heat flushed her body, and she cracked open the sliding glass door in hope of finding a cool breeze. Beyond the slab of her patio, birds chirped in the trees and squirrels played a chattering game of tag on the wide lawn. Randy closed her eyes as the warmth of spring clashed with the frigid winter that had overtaken her soul.
She stepped out and padded barefoot to a lounger. She sat, pulled up her feet, clasped her arms around her knees, and looked into the sky. Gray clouds rolled on the horizon, and she could smell the coming rain. They were in for a spring storm before the day was over.
She cleared her mind and focused beyond the brewing tempest. “Mom, as horrible as our life was for the first eighteen years, I know you’re up there.” Her breath was shaky as it filled her lungs. “You came to me after you found Christ. When you apologized for all the bad stuff, I didn’t know what to think. Should I believe you...should I forgive you?” Randy wiped moisture from her cheeks.
“When you moved to Garfield, I was scared to death. I knew I was beyond any physical abuse, but the emotional...? I held you at arm’s length because I couldn’t risk being hurt again. But you made a believer out of me. Day by day, bit by bit. You spent the last five years of your life being the best mother a girl could ask for. My friends loved the you they knew, but when they were around, I could always see a hint of wariness in your eyes. I could tell you wondered if I’d told them.”
Randy lowered her forehead to her knees, and her shoulders shook with sobs. “The night God finally gave me the courage to forgive you, you held me as I cried out all the pain. I promised I’d never tell anyone about the old you. That was the moment my secret, born of shame, became a secret born in promise. The past was done and forgiven...forgiven, but as hard as I try, I can’t forget it.”
Are we even supposed to forget?
“I don’t know what to do. How can I make Eli and the girls understand what’s happening, what’s driving my decisions, without breaking my promise to you? Eli deserves an explanation, and the worst part is that explaining won’t fix things. As long as there is even a tiny chance that the thing that made you the way you were is hiding in me, I can’t be responsible for Astor.”
Thunder rumbled in the distance, and Randy looked up. “I’ve played it safe all these years, and the first time I let down my guard...” Her memory rang with the sound of Astor’s cries from the closet. Randy bit her lip. “I won’t break a child the way I was broken.”
Randy sat there for a while. There were boxes to unpack. The same boxes she’d packed less than a day ago.
Less than a day? How could a handful of hours ruin her life so completely?
Instead of moving, Randy watched the storm gather strength. The clouds multiplied and went from gray to black as they moved closer. Lightning flashed, and she counted the seconds to the thunder. She hoped the approaching storm was a raucous one. It brought her an odd sense of peace to know that the weather could match her mood. That the storm would come and, once it was gone, the world would carry on.
Rain dotted the patio before she found the strength to move. Randy pulled in a deep breath and took a final look at the sky. Father, please let my life be as resilient as the world You created.
* * *
DETERMINED TO GET ASTOR into some sort of routine, Eli had the baby in bed by eight Sunday night. She wasn’t happy, but he closed the door and let her fuss it out. In a relatively short time, the fussing turned to gibberish as she talked to herself, and by eight-thirty, the gibberish turned to silence. When he peeked into her room, he found Astor on her belly, blanket clutched to her cheek, thumb in her mouth, her little butt hiked into the air.
Love engulfed him as he watched her sleep. The child of his child. “I love you, baby girl. I don’t know how we’re going to make this work, but I guess we’ll figure it out together.” Eli touched the blonde curls with a finger and tiptoed from the room.
The storm that swept through Garfield had been furious but short-lived. All that remained now was the faint rumble of thunder in the distance and the sound of water dripping from the trees.
Sleeping weather.
Eli sighed. He was worn to a nub, but his own bedtime was further away than he would have liked. Astor’s toys lay scattered across the floor, there were two loads of laundry to fold, and preparation needed to be made for the next day. Astor wasn’t the only one who needed a routine.
He cracked his bedroom window open and fell across his bed at ten with a satisfied smile. Everything was done, the baby slept, and he still had time to watch the late news before he turned in. He reached for the remote and glanced at his cell phone lying next to it.
Was Randy sleeping?
Eli dropped the remote and picked up the phone. He dialed her number and listened to it ring. He closed his eyes when her voice mail picked up.
Hi, this is Randy, leave me a message.
“It’s me. I hope you weathered the storm all right. I couldn’t go to sleep without telling you that I love you.”
He disconnected the call and turned out the light. The despair he’d held at bay throughout his busy day settled over him like a wet blanket. And because there was no one in the dark but him and God, no one to think him less a man, he gave into the tears, his words a whispered prayer in the dark. “Father, I’m always going to love her. Please show me what to do.”