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Patience was a hair-shirt two sizes too small, and it chafed Charley in all the wrong places as time crept by. Updates on Kinsley trickled in at odd intervals, and she was grateful that she and Jason had the resources to keep track of their daughter. But not being able to comfort her child when Kinsley needed it most was killing her an inch at a time. By noon she was more than ready to get in her car and go find her daughter. Would have, but Jason had hidden her keys, insisting that they respect Kinsley’s space. Part of her agreed. Part of her itched to strangle him for his calm.
Charley replaced physical action with prayer. Her entire morning was spent in equal parts of petition and justification. Petition for God’s protection over Kinsley. For God to bring the comfort she couldn’t provide. For God to remind Kinsley that she was loved.
Charley regretted that things had happened like they had. The secrecy had been wrong, but Melissa had no right... And here her prayers turned to justification.
Maybe she’d been harsh with Melissa, but even now, placing the blame for this whole miserable day squarely on the shoulders of her old friend seemed reasonable. Who else could have done such a thing? The only thing Charley couldn’t put straight in her mind was...why? Melissa had nothing to gain by this stunt. Charley had to give Jason the point there.
The sound of a motor rumbling at the front curb brought her head up from the Bible she hadn’t been able to concentrate on. She hurried to the window in time to see Benjamin Conklin lifting Kinsley’s bike out of the back of his pickup. He set it on the walk and propped it on its kickstand. Her eyes widened when Kinsley climbed out of the passenger seat to stand beside him.
“Jason, she’s home.” Charley sent a shout up the hall and hurried out the door and down the walk. She halted ten feet away, frowning a little when Benjamin pulled Kinsley into a hug and bent to whisper something in her ear. Kinsley bent her head back, focused on Benjamin’s face, and nodded.
The sight of her daughter’s red, puffy eyes ground the pieces of Charley’s broken heart to a fine powder. She crossed her arms over her chest as if the action might prevent a stray gust of summer wind from blowing the powder to oblivion. Charley watched as Benjamin rubbed Kinsley’s arms before stepping away. The young man rounded the hood of his truck, sent Kinsley a final smile, and, after meeting Charley’s gaze, climbed into his truck. He fired the engine and drove away.
Charley stood on the walk, Jason’s arm around her shoulder, watching Kinsley watch Benjamin. Only after the pickup disappeared from view did Kinsley move. She grasped the handlebars of her bike, wheeled it past her parents without a word, and returned it to its spot next to the porch. With slumped shoulders and a sigh that echoed the length of the sidewalk, she made her way up the steps and into the house.
Charley took one step before finding herself restrained once again. She turned to look at her husband. “Now what?” she asked, her voice anxious and annoyed.
“I think we need reinforcements before we go in there.”
His words melted her frustration. She faced him and leaned her forehead against his chest. “How is it possible to love someone so much and mess up so badly?”
Jason folded her into his arms, his whispered prayer loud in her ears. “Father, Charley and I are grateful that You brought Kinsley home safe, but we need so much more today. Just like David in the twenty-fifth Psalm, we need direction. His prayer was that You would show him Your ways, that You would lead him in Your truth. Please go before us. In James, you promised wisdom to all who ask. We’re asking. You know every thought of our hearts. You know we never meant to hurt Kinsley. Help us have the answers to her questions. You are the only one who can restore our relationship with our daughter and bring healing to our family.”
“Amen,” Charley whispered as she took a step back. She swiped at her damp cheeks, lifted her chin, and laced her fingers with Jason’s. As much as she longed to comfort her only child, the hundred or so feet that separated them from Kinsley were the longest Charley ever walked.
***
THEY LOVE ME BECAUSE they want to...they love me because they want to... Benjamin’s words repeated in Kinsley’s mind as she waited for her parents to come inside. Each repetition made it a bit easier for her to breathe, sort of like someone letting out the straps of a harness.
She wandered around the living room, grateful for the familiar. She’d almost expected there to be a subtle shift, one that mirrored the upheaval of the morning. But the family pictures were still on the bookcase, the stupid clay bowl she’d made in the first grade still held a handful of her favorite candy. Candy Mom always kept in the house just for Kinsley.
She picked up a piece and fingered the wrapper without opening it. She still had plenty of questions. Her heart twisted, and her stomach ached when she thought about that stupid message, but they...her parents, she corrected and felt the straps come loose a little more. Her parents loved her, and she loved them. Now that she knew the truth, she just needed to give them a chance to explain, right? They wouldn’t... She swallowed, and that thing around her chest got tight again. They wouldn’t lie to her again...would they?
Fresh tears stung Kinsley’s eyes, and she closed them. God, I need the truth right now. I know they think I’m still a kid. She sniffed, ignoring the twin rivers running down her cheeks. Maybe I am, but this is a grown-up problem, and I need grown-up answers. Help them understand that. Help me listen. I don’t want to be mad at them anymore. I—
“Oh, baby.”
Her mother’s soft words brought Kinsley’s eyes open. Mom and Dad waited in the doorway as if they were afraid to touch her. They looked just like they always had, except their eyes were just as wet as hers. Which was wrong. They were cops. They didn’t cry. Well, Mom did sometimes, but Dad? Are they crying for me?
Kinsley’s lower lip trembled. “I’m sorry,” she blubbered.
Both of them hurried across the room. Dad pulled her close, took her to his big chair, and settled her on his lap. He held her close and tucked her head under his chin. He hadn’t held her like that since she was little, and she didn’t really fit any more, but she snuggled in, and it was the best feeling in the world.
Mom sat next to them on the overstuffed arm and took her hand. “We’re the ones who need to be sorry. We shouldn’t have kept the truth a secret. It just never seemed like the right time to share it. Now I wish we’d made the time because you didn’t deserve to find out like this.”
Mom tugged a tissue from the box on the side table, leaned in, brushed hair from Kinsley’s face, and dabbed at her cheeks. “Ask your questions. Dad and I will do our best to answer them.”
Kinsley remained snuggled against her father’s strong chest while she tried to sort through all the questions tangled up in her head. “I guess the first one is why. I mean...not why you wanted a baby.” She studied her mother’s face and gave a tiny shrug. “That’s normal, I guess. Even I want one someday. But why me? Did you try to have a kid...?” Heat pricked her cheeks, and she rolled her eyes to cover her embarrassment. She’d had the talk with her mom, but her dad had not been present. She swallowed back the embarrassment and finished her question. “...the normal way? Were there other babies to pick from when you found me? Why did you pick me?”
Mom leaned closer and cupped Kinsley’s chin. “We didn’t pick you, baby. You were a gift. You always have been.” She blinked moisture from her eyes. “Dad and I always wanted a big family, but God had other plans for us. The first time I held you, I knew that if I could just have you, I’d have all I wanted. It’s hard to explain a love that happens so fast and so unexpectedly. But you just sank down into my heart—”
“And mine,” Dad added, his voice a baritone rumble beneath Kinsley’s ear.
“You sank into our hearts,” Mom continued. “We knew God made you just for us.”
Kinsley closed her eyes. They love me because they want to. Confirmation of Benjamin’s words soothed some of the ache in her heart, but... She opened her eyes and met her mother’s gaze. “My...” She hesitated over which words to use. Real mother, birth mother, other mother? Was that the way it worked now? Did she have two mothers? Did she want two mothers?
“She didn’t want me?” Kinsley asked and found that the question bothered her, a lot, and the answer mattered more than she’d expected. There were always babies at church, and the moms didn’t mind if you held them. Kinsley thought they were all beautiful, and they smelled so sweet, most of the time. When she held one of them close and looked into those brand new eyes, something twisted in her heart. How could you not want to keep something so amazing? She swallowed. Had she been ugly? Had she cried all the time? Something worse?
“Was...is something wrong with me?” Kinsley looked up and saw her mom and dad looking at each other. She bit her lip and braced for the worst. No one spoke for several seconds. She heard the echo of the ice maker dropping a load of fresh ice in the freezer three rooms away and the click of the air conditioner as it prepared to cycle on. Each silent moment stretched her nerves taut. “Mom...Dad?”
“You were perfect,” Dad answered.
Kinsley sat up and looked from one parent to another. “Then I don’t understand.” She scooted out of her father’s lap so that she could see them both at the same time.
“I was upset this morning, and I know I hurt your feelings when I took off, but I’m confused in a way I can’t even explain. I love you guys. I’ll always love you guys.” She walked to the windows and stared out at the world that had changed in some indefinable way in the last half day. She faced them again with her arms wrapped around herself. “I need to know why she didn’t want me.”
***
CHARLEY LOOKED AT JASON and received a slight nod. She laced her fingers with his, finding strength in his rock-steady presence, and faced her daughter. “We didn’t ask.”
Kinsley’s expression went rigid. She threw her hands into the air and looked at the ceiling.
“I’m not putting you off, sweetheart, that’s the honest truth. When Melissa, your birth mother, came to us with the idea, your father and I were just beginning to worry about our inability to get pregnant. All of a sudden, this old friend pops into our lives with a baby on the way and her life in shambles. The fact that she wanted us to adopt her child seemed like a gift...one we didn’t ask a lot of questions about. We didn’t want her to change her mind.”
Kinsley frowned but seemed to accept the words. “So, you knew... Melissa?”
“She was an old friend from college,” Charley said.
Kinsley cut her gaze to Jason. “And my father?”
Charley closed her eyes and squeezed Jason’s hand. “She never mentioned any names...said she wasn’t sure.” She rushed ahead at Kinsley’s stricken look. “It was another issue we didn’t press her on. We were too excited at the thought of having you as our own. Your dad and Alex and I prayed about it and—”
“Benjamin’s mom, Alex?”
Charley nodded. “Melissa and Alex and I went to school together. Sit down, I’ll tell you that part of the story.”
Kinsley sank into the chair opposite them, lowered her head into her hands, and rubbed her temples as Charley laid out the story of her birth. From college friendships, to an unexpected reunion on the side of a dark road, to what her mother described as “the greatest gift one woman could give another.”
“We brought you home from the hospital, Melissa went back to her life, and Dad and I loved you with all the heart we had. We didn’t hear from Melissa again until she called the other night and asked me to have lunch with her. You pretty much know the rest.” The last word hung in the air, waiting for Kinsley’s reaction.
Kinsley raised her head, “She called to tell you she was sick?”
Charley frowned. “I don’t think that was it. Yes, she’s sick, but mostly she wanted us to get you tested. I don’t think we’d have heard from her otherwise.”
Kinsley sat back in the chair and studied her parents. “And she’d have died, and I’d have lived my life without ever knowing the truth.” Her words carried a sharp bite of bitterness.
Charley didn’t bother to correct her. Good intentions made great paving stones to a real hot place, but they weren’t productive for much else.
“Do you think she posted that message on Instagram?” Kinsley asked.
Charley exhaled a deep breath. “Your father doesn’t think so. I’m still undecided. I’ll admit it seems out of character for the Melissa I knew, but I can’t think of anyone else who’d profit from such a stunt.”
Jason broke the silence he’d maintained during Charley’s explanation. “We’ll be looking into that over the next few days. Can you do us a favor?”
Kinsley raised her eyebrows.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to delete this person from your contacts until we see what we can do about tracking them down. But, can you stay off Instagram for a few days? Use Snapchat and Facebook to keep in touch with your friends, and don’t accept any new friend requests from anyone until we get to the bottom of this. I promise, there aren’t any more skeletons in our closet, but whoever did this doesn’t need any more contact with you.”
Kinsley nodded. “I can do that. What happens next?”
Jason leaned toward his daughter. “What do you want to happen?”
Charley closed her eyes and held her breath, waiting for the words she knew were coming. The words she’d spent fifteen years fearing. Her daughter’s whispered response rolled over her like a freight train.
“I want...need to meet Melissa.”
***
THE SCENT OF ALCOHOL stung Keith’s nose as the technician swabbed the port in Melissa’s arm. He hated the smell but hovered close, waiting for the attendant to finish and leave. Once they were alone, he brushed a strand of blond hair from her tired, drawn face. “Would you like me to get you some juice?”
“No.” The single word was brisk, and the smile she sent him quivered around the edges. “I’m tired. I think I’ll just sleep. Why don’t you go grab some dinner?”
He accepted the rebuff and retreated to the doorway of the treatment room. He paused and saw the unmistakable glint of tears on Melissa’s cheeks.
“Melissa?”
“I’m fine.”
And that was a lie. What’s got her so agitated tonight? Today, he amended. She’d been weepy and short with him all day, refusing his every attempt at comfort.
Disagreements between them were rare, especially since her disease had turned so serious. Nothing cut through pettiness in a relationship more quickly than a terminal illness. Today had been the exception to that rule. At first he’d worried that she knew about the Instagram thing, but he’d discarded that. Her mood was more sad than angry, and if she knew about that message, sick or not, she’d be furious with him and quick to let him know she didn’t appreciate his interference in what she considered her business.
Her business. He frowned at the words. Maybe the daughter she’d given up long before they’d met was her business, but her life now certainly qualified as his business even if she wouldn’t see it that way.
Keith huffed his own frustrated breath and moved down the antiseptic hall. For all the staff’s attempts to make it feel homey, for all their care in calling their patients guests, this was still a medical clinic. Nothing could change or disguise that.
Keith turned to look back up the corridor, tugging at his bottom lip. He’d played his only card this morning. There was very little doubt that when he logged back into the Instagram account his flimsy connection with Kinsley Hubbard would be gone. He squared his shoulders. Despite the fact that Melissa would be furious with him if...when...she found out, despite the chaos likely unfolding in Garfield, Oklahoma, he refused to regret one single thing he’d done to save his wife’s life.