Chapter Thirty-One

Declan slammed into his house hard enough that windows rattled. What the hell had just happened? His phone rang, and he pulled it from his pocket, wanting it to be Sophia so badly he actually ached with need. It was Adam. No. He couldn’t talk right now. Right now, he wanted to tear something or someone apart.

He kicked off his shoes. One of them bounced off a wall, leaving a scuff on the white paint. Storming into the kitchen, he grabbed a beer from the fridge, popped the top, and took a long swallow. It tasted flat and gross. He wasn’t in the mood.

Why had she let Keith stay? She’d told him her feelings were all wrapped up in him, so what the hell did that mean? Why wasn’t he the one who’d stayed? Declan poured the rest of the beer down the drain and walked over to the wall of windows. The sun had set, but there were still traces of color in the sky. Red and orange bled into one another, distinct but united, their edges gripping each other.

Why the fuck didn’t you hang on tighter? The first time in his life he’d ever wanted this and he’d not only screwed it up, he wasn’t entirely sure what had been the breaking point for her. He’d have a shower, go to bed. Start over. This couldn’t be it. He wouldn’t let it be.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he was headed for his room when he stopped, turned, and opened the door to his Lego room. He stared around the space. What grown-ass man has a playroom, you idiot? How was she supposed to take him seriously when he acted like a damn child himself? Anger, at himself, at her ex, at her, at every-fucking-thing consumed him. Like a switch putting him on autopilot, he wasn’t even aware his feet moved. He slashed out with one hand, knocking the Millennium Falcon to the ground. It crashed to the floor and splintered into, literally, thousands of pieces.

With his left hand, he knocked the Death Star, sending it flying to the same fate as the first. Pieces scattered around him, hours and hours of work, of time, lying on the floor of a bedroom he didn’t need. With his teeth ground together, he swept his hand along the shelf that held smaller creations. They tumbled to the ground like heavy raindrops bursting apart when they hit a solid surface.

He wanted to rip the shelves from the wall. He started to, and movement behind him caught him off guard. He whipped around, hoping like hell it was someone he could take apart, take out his fury on. It wasn’t. It was Adam.

“Well, this is a mess,” his friend said in a perfectly calm voice. Dressed in a suit—a suit like that asshole ex of Sophia’s—he leaned on the doorframe.

“Not a good time,” Declan bit out.

“I can see that.”

They stared at each other, and Declan was just about to tell him to get out, to go away. He didn’t want advice or to talk about his feelings. He wanted to leave fist marks on his walls and take the room apart shelf by shelf.

“Was this the room Sophia wanted to make the baby room?”

Declan’s chest seized. “Fuck off.”

“No.”

“I mean it, Adam. I’m not in the fucking mood.”

He pushed out of the doorway and came into the room, carefully stepping over the scattered Lego. “I get that, man.”

Opening the closet, Adam grabbed one of the boxes Declan stored in there. He turned and started scooping Lego into it.

“Don’t clean it. Just leave it. It’s stupid. It doesn’t matter. Who the hell has this in their house? No wonder she didn’t want to live here.”

Adam dropped the box and faced Dec. “She tell you that?”

Declan clenched his jaw.

“Did she tell you she wanted this stuff out to make room for her or the baby?”

“No. You and Zach did, though. You guys were joking about it not that long ago.”

Adam rolled his eyes. “So you’re wrecking everything because you can’t handle a couple of buddies razzing you?”

Because he didn’t want to talk to or listen to his friend, he picked up the box and started shoving pieces inside.

“Stupid. Stupid, thinking I could just take on a ready-made family. I’ve been with her less than six weeks, and that’s my longest relationship. I was fooling myself. This house, her, the baby. All of it. I should have stayed in my apartment over the bar. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

It would take endless hours to sort through all of the pieces he was mixing together, but he didn’t care. It just didn’t matter. Adam grabbed another box and resumed helping.

“You were thinking it was time to grow up, but that doesn’t mean giving up the things you love.”

“Don’t shrink-talk me, man. This isn’t like what you went through with Megan, so don’t start.”

“Right.” Adam was crouched, forearms on his knees, staring at Declan. “No similarities. Fell in love with a woman who was the best thing that ever happened to me and my son, fucked it up supremely, nearly lost her completely until someone told me to get my head out of my ass. Turnaround is fair play, so can you pull your own head out, or do you want me to give it a tug?”

Declan nearly smirked. “I want to punch you in the face.”

Adam laughed and stood up. “How about a beer instead.”

Declan gave up, stood, and stared at the mess he’d made. “I already tried that.”

“Yes, but that was before you destroyed a galaxy far, far away. Trust me, when the rage simmers, you’re gonna want to be toasted to face what you did in here.”

He was probably right, but at the moment, all the hours and collecting and pride that was tucked into this room was meaningless. Stomach roiling, he stalked out of the room, knowing Adam would follow. He didn’t say anything until they were down in the kitchen. Adam wasn’t much of a drinker, either, so Dec grabbed two sodas from the fridge. His eyes landed on the ginger ale he kept in there for Sophia, and his heart twisted again.

Handing Adam a can, he went to the windows and opened his, took a long swallow that eased some of the sharp dryness in his throat.

“Why are you even here?” Declan asked without looking at him.

He heard the bar stool move, Adam’s drink popping open. “Figured you could use a punching bag.”

“I have a punching bag.” He should have headed for that room upstairs. Would have made more sense.

“We caught the show. Megan told me to come. I told her that guys like some time to brood and break shit before we see reason, but she insisted I come now. At least you got a bit of wreckage in.”

Declan turned. “You think this is a joke? Did I joke around when you came into my bar crying in your fucking beer about being an idiot with Meg? And you were an idiot. I wasn’t. I know I stepped on her toes some. She’s so damn independent. I was just trying to take care of her and have her back. That’s what you do, right? Her asshole ex showed up. I protected her. She didn’t want to see him.”

Adam skipped over most of what Dec said. “She tell you that?”

“I’m in love with her. I told her I love her.”

“It’s good you told her and obvious you do, but maybe the timing wasn’t perfect.”

Declan took his drink to the counter and set it down. “Doesn’t matter. None of it matters anymore.”

“So, you’re done? You going to sell this place, move back up over the bar, and go back to a different woman every weekend?”

The thought made him feel like he’d swallowed expired milk. “Maybe.”

Adam laughed, and Declan glared at him, gripping the countertop to keep his temper under wraps.

“Right. I don’t think you will. If you do, you are a fucking idiot.”

“Thanks, man.”

“No problem.”

Declan sighed and dropped his head. “I don’t know why you’re here.”

“Why’d Sophia leave at eighteen?”

His head snapped up. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Why’d she go?” Adam sipped his drink like they were talking about going fly-fishing in the summer.

“She felt smothered by her family. Like she couldn’t live up to their expectations so why bother. They assumed she’d let them down.” He stared over Adam’s shoulder out the window. Fuck. Had he done the same? He’d been trying to take care of her. But had he inadvertently told her she wasn’t able to take care of herself? Had he smothered her? No. He’d accepted her as she was. He hadn’t pushed too fast. He’d read her signs, backed off about the living together, let her choose the pace.

Hadn’t he?

“She doesn’t strike me as a woman who wants to be rescued.”

“I wasn’t rescuing her! I love her.”

“You tell her that before you tried to make her decision for her? Before you sent her brother who, as much as I like him, has been a dick to her lately?”

No. No, he had not. “What was I supposed to do? Call her up and say, hey babe, your ex is here, want me to send him over?”

“What do you think she would have done?”

Declan glared at Adam. “How the hell should I know?”

Adam stood, shaking his head, his eyes flaring with heat. “You love her, you should know her. What would she have done?”

“I don’t know. Shown up to kick him in the balls?”

Laughing, Adam nodded. “Probably. She sure as hell wouldn’t have called her brother to deal with her past and her problems for her.”

She didn’t want anyone dealing with her problems for her. She was okay having someone to face them with, but he hadn’t done that. He’d stripped her of any choice like he had the right. He’d made her feel weak and incapable when she was the strongest, most capable woman he’d ever known. He’d let insecurity render him stupid so that at the height of his fear, he’d worried seeing Keith would make Sophia want to reunite with him. But she knew her own worth, and there’s no way she’d go back to that clown. Or put up with Declan if he was going to prove himself to be one as well.

The breath he took hurt his chest. He felt like someone had punched him with brass knuckles right in the center of his ribs. “I need to fix this. I need to get her back.”

“Maybe we should start by fixing the disaster you created upstairs so you can figure out how to do the rest.”

Declan nodded. Clapping Adam on the shoulder, he tried to ignore the urgency racing through him. Sophia needed space. She’d asked him to go. He’d already ignored her wishes once, cutting her out of her own decisions. He wouldn’t do it again.