Empaths have the gift to feel. We feel the days of the week, other people’s emotions, the vibration of objects and emotional pain, intensely.
To “feel” is what Empaths do. It is their most powerful and important gift. We feel deep empathy. We experience powerful intuitive feelings. And we understand others by the way they feel to us.
The ability to gauge everything by the way it feels helps us navigate our way through life. It also protects us from having to make bad choices and decisions.
To some, feeling everything so powerfully may feel more like a curse than a gift. Until we understand and learn to control it, this gift will indeed seem to be a curse.
The Empath’s ability to “feel” could be likened to the psychic gift of clairsentience; known as the ability to sense subtle energy in inanimate objects. But we also sense energy in people and places.
Humans are all sensory beings, but the Empaths’ senses are heightened. We receive sensory stimuli like everyone else, but process much more information than the average person and get flooded with many external sensory perceptions.
Empaths possess a sense that isn’t recognized by most, although it could be classed as a sixth-sense. The ability to feel other people’s energy means being flooded by sensory stimuli; from their thoughts, emotions and physical state. This can cause the Empath an energy overload when around others.
The Empath’s ability to experience other peoples’ emotions and energy is very real! But because it is not always recognized and understood, it is difficult for others to understand.
The non-Empaths of the world also feel other people’s emotions. They can sense a bad mood or a hostile atmosphere and they may know when another is upset without being told, but they do not feel it a fraction as powerfully as an Empath.
Many Empaths go through life feeling weak because of the way they feel. Even if they tried to convince the world they are powerful and brave, it is not how some felt. What I want to let you know, before we go any further, is that if you are an Empath you are stronger than you could ever imagine. There are few who could go through life feeling all you do and still get up to face another day.
The barrage of emotions we endure can make us appear fragile and defenseless. And because we don’t understand or know how to control them, they become our Achilles heel. We may try many techniques and practices to get back in control of the powerful emotions we experience. If they do not work it can lead to a sense of failure.
Empaths can become over-stimulated by people’s energy and emotions. It has nothing to do with being weak or a failure. We are just being exposed to too much stimuli.
The sad fact is many Empaths become reclusive because it is easier to stay hidden away, than to deal with the energy and emotions we have to face when out in public. But I hope, by the time you have finished this book, you will know exactly what to do to harness your inner-power and get back out in control.
Part of the Empath’s journey is differentiating between our emotions and others. Knowing this helps us deal with other people’s stuff. It allows us to understand our own feelings and know how to act on them accordingly.
An Empath can be happy and relaxed one minute, enter a public place and within seconds feel angry, sad or anxious. These sensations are coming from others. If unaware of their Empathy, these feelings may lead to phobias of public places.
If you are an Empath, you have experienced other people’s emotions for most of your life. But you may only come to recognize them in adult years. You will have sensed these emotions in many ways. For example: you may walk into a crowded room and notice a heavy tension, even though everyone was smiling. Or on entering a shopping mall detected a wall of emotions which made you claustrophobic. Or perhaps, you may have experienced when with a friend, who has the tendency to be negative or angry, a throb in your neck (proverbial pain in the neck) or an ache in your mid-stomach (solar-plexus region).
The above are just a few ways you may experience other people’s energy and emotions. There are many others. It is easy to take on another person’s pain and mistake it as our own. Once you learn to recognize them, being able to differentiate the energies and emotions coming from our external environment makes life much easier.
Because we pick up other people’s emotions it is important to use discernment when gauging a life-changing situation, especially if it involves another person.
When making a choice that involves another we have to be extra vigilante with our approach. This is because we can pick up their “beliefs” and take them on as our own. These beliefs can be positive or negative and lead us to a decision based on their opinions.
Having a positive attitude is no bad thing. However, if we pick up good vibrations and excitement belonging to another it could lead us into making the wrong choice. Take for example: You have always wanted to own your own business and a friend decides they want to come in on it, as a joint venture. It is not something you wanted, and the initial thought makes you uncomfortable. But the friend is super enthusiastic and excited about the whole project and you mistake these feelings for your own. Before you know it you enter a business partnership you realize was a mistake.
When something is not the right decision, you always get a bad vibe in the solar-plexus region as soon as any proposal is mentioned. We may ignore this message or our ego may shout over it. But if you want to be sure if something is the right choice, always listen to your first vibe.
Ask the questions you want to know the answers to then gauge how it feels. This approach can be used before taking any action.
As an Empath you can be swayed by other people’s ideas, opinions or thoughts. You may be swayed, but always listen to your intuition. It has more power than you know. Your true-self will guide you in the direction you are meant to go.
Building your intuition is simple. If you would like to learn more, my blog has many articles on how to develop Empath intuition: www.theknowing1@wordpress.com
When entering a public place, it is easy to recognize when taking on others’ emotions. It is more difficult to discern what we feel when alone. We can still experience an onslaught of negative emotions or strange energy coming from others when there is no one around.
Falsely identifying with emotional energy is easy. We can get so wrapped up in a tornado of angry energies that we do not question their origin. But how can we tell when they do not belong to us?
The question to ask is where are these emotions coming from? Depending on what you are experiencing in life should depend on how you feel. If you have been in a troubled place it will affect your emotions and thoughts. But if your life has been steady with no particular ups and downs, and you are experiencing a torrent of negative energy, you could be experiencing some kind of psychic attack.
Psychic attack generally happens when another is having bad thoughts about you. More often than not, it will be a close friend or family member having a bad day and using you as their mental punch-bag.
To determine the origin of certain angry emotions takes investigation. When you first feel negative emotions, say to yourself: If these emotions are not mine, leave now! If they don’t belong to you and are coming from another, they will lose their grip. When you feel them subside distract yourself immediately. Emotions turn into thoughts and once your thoughts are involved there is no getting away from them.
As the late great Wayne Dyer would say: ‘We don’t attract what we want, we attract what we are.’
If we want abundance and a fabulous lifestyle we need to get in this mindset before we can manifest it. If we feel poor and are angry with life, we will attract more situations to keep us in this mindset and not the fabulous lifestyle we want. It is called “the law of attraction”. It is something most have heard of but are still not sure how it works as an Empath.
If we are in a low-mood, we will attract this type of energy from others. If we are happy, grateful and positive, we will attract situations to make us feel more of this.
As Empaths we are hardwired into picking up strong emotions. If we are in a dark-place in our mind, we will attract more of this from others, even from a distance. For this and many other reasons we need to keep our vibration high.
If it was easy to stay in a positive, abundance-attracting mental-space we would all be happy millionaires by now. The way we feel is not just affected by what we think. Our moods and emotions are affected by our environment, our diet, and lifestyle choices. These factors all affect the way our hormones and brains work. Until we reset the chemical messengers of our brain we will not get or stay in a positive place. The great news is once you know the steps to take you can reset theses chemical messengers and this alone will turn your life around.
What Do Our Feelings Tell Us?
Everything is energy vibrating at different frequencies. People, cars, houses, trees, the birds and the bees, all possess their own unique energy signature.
Objects and beings are not the only things with an energy signature, so do human emotions: Right and wrong, good and bad, dark and light, and truth and lies, all present a unique vibration. These are felt in certain ways by the Sensitive. When attuned, we can evaluate most situations by the way they feel to us. This can help when making important, life-changing decisions. For Empaths, interpreting these feelings also goes by the name of the “Knowing”.
When we are tuned in, the truth or the right choice feels fabulous, uplifting, sparkly and fresh! Lies, or the wrong choice, feel flat, heavy, uncomfortable and uninspiring! Choices carry with them high or low vibrations. Taking heed of these feelings and learning to differentiate their meanings can propel us forward in life. This allows us to make life-changing decisions by how something feels.
Fear is not a bad thing. But it can hold us back in life.
On our journey as an Empath it is important to recognize if a fear belongs to us or to another.
Fear is a powerful emotion. It is the emotion we pick up most from others and often take it on as our own. The best way to discern between your fear and another’s is to check if you had it before being in their company. Example: You may take a flight to Florida and are excited about the trip. That is until you get in the company of the person sitting next to you on the plane. The other person hates flying and is terrified but is trying hard not show it. Suddenly you are scared and panicky. You don’t question if it’s anyone else’s fear because it feels so real. You now think of nothing else but this fear and it takes away the joy and excitement you had before. The next time you fly you remember this fear and start to feel anxious when on the plane. Before you know it, you have developed a fear of flying.
If the fear of a situation wasn’t there before being in the company of others, it probably won’t belong to you.
Fear creates negative emotions: Negative emotions create lasting memories. If someone or something caused an intense fear, every time we are with them, or in a similar situation, the memory of the emotion will be reignited. This is why it is important to distinguish whose fear we are in.
A phobia caused by another person’s fear will wrongly hold us back in life.
If in doubt to whom the fear belongs, make the statement: If this fear is not mine leave me now! Say it out loud or in your head. If it is not your fear, it will start to shift.
Not all fear is bad. Some fears protect us from danger. And some fears keep us on our toes. The fear we want to address and banish is that which keeps us locked in a place we long-since outgrew.
Pressures of social and tribal acceptance are some of the biggest “fear hurdles” humans will overcome (Sensitive or not). Fear of being rejected for being different or not fitting in can make many of us live a lie. How many of us changed our looks or personality, just to fit into the so-called norm? And how many of us stay in jobs that make us unhappy, just because of the money or credentials? We can be so desperate to be accepted by others we hide our own brilliant and unique selves behind a lie. We create prisons out of the worries we have of what others think… Or at least the ego does.
Some time ago, I cleared out my old computer files. Whilst sifting through, I came across an article I had saved but not got round to reading. The article was about a woman’s realization of how she’d been imprisoning herself with her fear of failure. I will call her Sue.
The business Sue owned generated no money and had never made her happy. It was bleeding her dry. But because she was so worried about being seen as a failure, she fought to keep it open. By holding onto it, Sue was getting more in debt. Her fear of failure, coupled with the fear of being seen as unsuccessful, prevented her from hearing the quiet voice within telling her it was ok to let it go. Instead, Sue listened to the loud irrational voice of her ego telling her failure was too shameful and she needed the business to justify her place in society.
When Sue eventually listened to the quiet voice and filed for bankruptcy, she experienced a huge relief and freedom she had long-since yearned for. Finally, she saw it was her own judgment, shame and fear of failure that had kept her imprisoned and not the business itself.
One of the most empowering things anyone can do is allow ourselves to be wrong. Everyone makes mistakes in life. It doesn’t matter what others think of what we do or don’t do. It is no one else’s business. And it is ok to be rejected for not fitting in with others’ expectations. As long as we are doing what we want to do. And as long as we are trying to be the best we can be. The mistakes we may make on our journey are ours. The so-called “failure’s” in life are some of our greatest learning gifts. We cannot buy experience.
We may be put off attempting anything new because of fear. This is because we either fear being judged or fear failure. Staying within our comfort zone is what keeps many of us secure, yet it is a place of absolute un-fulfilment. Because Empaths feel everything so powerfully they may avoid taking any giant leaps in life. The sheer overwhelm fear causes can stop us moving ahead. But it is in our leaps forward that take us to the most unimaginable places.
Empaths need change, excitement and adventure to help them grow and advance in life. When fear holds us back it really does hold us back!
Comfort zones are at hand for us to rest in for a while. They are not meant to be a permanent fixture. Nothing will shrink our energy more than being stuck in one. By stepping from our comfort zone, we face our fears and it will bring amazing transformative changes.
If you previously stepped from your comfort zone only to find your fear did not go away, it is likely for a reason. This type of fear maybe a sign you are off-balance hormonally or it may be protective.
I love skiing. But I suffer with an incredible fear of sloping heights. Which means skiing is a traumatizing event for me. I tried many times to overcome this fear, with no luck, it just builds as the skiing week goes on. I realize it is partly due to being “over-stimulated” as an Empath. But I do not see this fear as bad. I believe it protects me from myself. Skiing is a dangerous sport in which you have to be very vigilant and aware for safety reasons. If I did not suffer with the fear of heights, I would probably enter my daydreaming state whilst hurtling down a slope; when I should be paying attention, and thus have an accident.
Another fear I had, but overcame, was a fear of public speaking. This is not an unusual fear, many possess it. When I published my first children’s book, I had to stand in front of whole schools and give talks to the children, teachers and, sometimes, parents. At the first three talks I gave, I thought I would pass out from nerves, but by facing my fear I overcame it. I still get nervous before going up on any stage, but I know I can do it. Overcoming this fear gave me an extreme sense of accomplishment. I faced my fear and lived to tell.
A fear many of us live with is irrational fear. This type of fear can affect our Empath mindset in many ways and can have been triggered by a traumatic life-event. Death, divorce, job-loss, or from having too much stress, can all trigger irrational fear and anxiety.
When Empaths go through traumatic life-events, such as a death of a loved-one, it affects us much worse than most. The devastating events can have a ripple-effect which last for years. If we are often filled with dread and fear with no present reason, it may be caused by a ripple from our past. Excessive emotional distress causes havoc with all systems of the Empath’s body, but mostly with the brain.
If we suppress painful emotions they do not go away, they transform into irrational fears. Stimulants like alcohol or caffeine, other people’s emotions, stress and our diet can all trigger this irrational fear. All emotional pain and fear will be experienced much more powerfully by the Empaths, and for this reason they need more time to come to terms with any emotional setback. I will cover this subject in greater detail in Secrets 6 and 7.
Fear has many reasons in our life: It may be there to protect us from a certain path, it could be an obstacle to overcome or an imbalance we need to heal. For the Empath to find their true path and emotional freedom, it’s important for them to discern their fears before this can happen.
One thing Empaths do too much of is thinking. Thoughts can take over our lives. It is a habit most of us need to get under control. However, what I want to make you aware of here is how we take on other people’s thoughts and interpret them as our own.
I use the term “thoughtbombing” as a way to explain the ability to dive into another person’s thoughts. I’m sure you have heard of photobombing, well, thoughtbombing is the same concept but instead of diving in someone else’s photo you are plunging into their thoughts. The trouble with thoughtbombing is you may not be aware you are doing it.
It took a long while to realize I was thoughtbombing. I didn’t think it was possible. But if there’s one thing this life has taught me: anything is possible… especially with thought!
We cannot see or touch thoughts but we know they are there. Thoughts are energy; they create our reality and determine how we interpret the world.
Because we are all connected by a Universal Mind or Cosmic Consciousness, it should could as no surprise that we can tap into other people’s thoughts (consciousness) and mistake them for our own. Empaths are open and receptive to other people’s energy, fact! We see this in the way we pick up other people’s “emotional stuff” and take it on as our own. The same thing happens with thoughts.
Thoughts are picked up in the head. The unaware Empath will pick up thoughts easily, but if our crown or third eye chakras are too open or out-of-balance, we can end up with an overload of thoughts seeping in. (More on the chakras later).
Benign thoughts do no damage. But when they are dark, marauding or angry, they will cause harm. If we often pick up thoughts in the shape of strong opinions, we may find they shape our life and become the voice within our head.
Thoughtbombing is easiest to recognize with those we are close to, but it can also happen when we are positioned nearby to someone with whom we are not acquainted. For example: imagine being stood in a queue when suddenly you start visualizing eating a lamb-casserole dinner. This may not seem unusual to some, but you stopped eating lamb years ago and have never been keen on casseroles. This is a classic case of thoughtbombing. Picking up another person’s plans for dinner and then taking them on as your own.
Ways to Recognize Thoughtbombing
Mentioning to a friend or loved one your thoughts and they tell you they were thinking the same.
Finding yourself having negative thoughts about someone with whom you have no qualms. This happens after spending time with one who has an unresolved issue with said person.
Suddenly liking something you didn’t.
Having the urge to do something out of character.
Thoughts create our reality and shape our life. Our thoughts can make us happy, angry or sad. They are part of our belief system and behind our decisions. They can lead us into trouble or out of danger. In life, our thoughts hold the reins. The last thing we want to do is allow another person’s thoughts to create our reality.
We have on average about 48 thoughts per minute or 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day… That’s a lot of thinking. Negative thoughts will often take precedence in our mind. This is because humans are hardwired into having more negative thoughts than positive. It’s a condition called negativity bias and stems back to our survival instincts from caveman days. We can brood for hours on dark menacing thoughts whilst positive ones can be fleeting and go unnoticed. And yes, this also happens with negative thoughts that don’t belong to us.
We have a 17 second window in which to engage or deny a thought. Thinking bad thoughts now and then isn’t such a bad thing. It keeps life interesting. The problems happen when we
get caught up in the negative thought process; it shapes our life into something we may not want (remember the law of attraction).
Another problem about negative thinking is that our body is listening to these thoughts, and it will react to everything we think. Negative thoughts turn into powerful emotions. Strong emotions impact the endocrine glands which compromises the immune system. Thoughts also trigger responses within the limbic system in our brain. This can cause devastating effects in our emotional life (more on that later).
Allowing the body to be harmed by negative, repetitive thoughts is unnecessary. And if the negativity has come from another person it is preventable. Being vigilante of when we are thoughtbombing is important. Stopping our self from doing it is essential… Other people’s thoughts are none of our business.
How do we prevent thoughtbombing? To better understand this I’ll explain how projection works. You are now aware as an Empath that you pick up emotions, pain and thoughts from others. But, you may not know how you project yourself out into the world.
An aware Empath, who knows of their ability to project, will avoid sending out negative energy in the way of thoughts or anger. They understand others will be on the receiving end (what goes out also comes back). They might, however, project positive energy into a low-energy room/space to help raise the vibration.
Unaware Empaths can project their low-mood onto a crowd of people. When we project our mood, in a peopled place, it becomes evident when others mirror us. It is called emotional contagion. It is similar to yawning, see one person doing it and you suddenly develop an urge to yawn. But with projection the energy exchange is not seen.
No matter how in control of our Empathic abilities we are, there will always be times when we switch off our awareness. When this happens we can project untamed energy out into the world. Negative emotions can lead to vexed thoughts and vice versa. What goes out comes back. If you send negative thoughts out, you will then pick them back up with interest.
Thoughts that are fleeting do no harm when they are few second-long flickers. It is when they are repetitive, angry or resentful that they become damaging. To an aware Empath these thoughts feel dreadful and we will do anything to stop or control them. When we know the thought’s origin it’s simple to do. It is not so easy to control when we are unconsciously thoughtbombing.
I already mentioned how we pick up on another’s thoughts when we are near them. We do not have to be “connected” to the other to pick up the thoughts when they are close by, but thoughtbombing from a distance happens mostly with those we know.
A thoughtbomb from afar may be caused by someone who has an issue with you or vice versa. A friend or family member, for example, may believe you have not given them enough of your time and they are angry with you. They then think about you negatively and, being an Empath, you pick up on these thoughts. You may not notice these thoughts do not belong to you and linger on them for longer than 17 seconds (all it takes to catch hold). Getting caught up in these thoughts, you may focus on them more and feelings of anger then well up about the person involved. You then project this anger back to the person involved. They receive this and get angrier and their thoughts get darker. Before you know it, you are both having a full-on negative thoughtbombing war!
It is easy to become embroiled in a negative thought-loop belonging to another. The same thought will repeat over and over. Being someone else’s thought can make it difficult to break the cycle. We only cut off from thoughtbombing when we identify that the thought does not belong to us and break the psychic connection. The best way to determine a certain thoughts origin is to question it:
Did this thought pop up out of nowhere? A negative or random thought that does not belong to us will often come into our awareness out of the blue.
Does it seem like your way of thinking? If the thought is angry or negative and you rarely think that way, it probably isn’t yours.
Is it a long-since forgotten issue? If the thought is relating to someone or something from your long-forgotten past, it could mean the other person involved is festering on it.
Is the thought relating to a family member or friend of whom you would not be thinking? When a person keeps popping into your awareness in a negative way, whom you’ve not seen or had any dealings with in a while, they may be having bad thoughts about you.
Does your mood quickly change? This is a classic thoughtbombing experience: feeling happy then suddenly being taken down by a random thought that pops in your head. This is often because another is having unpleasant thoughts about you.
Once you notice your ability to thoughtbomb, you need to switch off and disengage from anything negative that does not belong to you (remember the 17 second thought rule).
Empaths are a very misunderstood bunch. People find it difficult to figure us out. This is because we appear to blow hot and cold. We often wear on our face what we feel inside.
To avoid overwhelm, we may disengage from others. We can appear aloof, disconnected, disinterested or distant, especially when we have taken on too much. When we retract from the world for our protection, people can take this as a rejection or an insult and mentally attack us.
Explaining to others why we are so distant doesn’t always work either; unless the other is open-minded. Most people understand life only from their perspective and will see a situation by how it affects them. Others may assume if they don’t need “time out” why should anyone else?
We cannot control others or get them to see things from our perspective. We also cannot stop them from having thoughts. It is a natural part of life to have negative thoughts about others. But as Empath’s we can access mental spaces others can’t, and become embroiled in thoughts we shouldn’t. It is imperative we recognize when we are thoughtbombing, so we can stop it and block it.
If your thoughts become dark or wayward ask: does this belong to me? Once you recognize a thought does not belong to you disengage from it and, in your mind, see it recede back. If you do not send it back it will sit in your energy field, where, if you’re not mindful, you can access it again. An Empath needs to stay in a high vibrational space if they want to remain in balance. This is difficult to do if we are dipping into other people’s negative thought patterns.
‘Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts’
Buddha
Learning to stop negative thoughts within seventeen seconds is important for all Empaths; whether they belong to us or not. Our thoughts turn into emotions and our emotions turn into stress. Stress will switch on our sympathetic nervous system SNS (fight-or-flight) which can cause all kinds of imbalances and Empath fatigue. If we cannot stop them, we need to distract our self from reoccurring thoughts. Here are ways to do that:
Sing a song, out loud or in your head
Recite poetry or a limerick
Get a crossword out
Focus on your breathing and count back each breath from three hundred or practice pranayama
Give yourself a complex equation to figure out or go through the alphabet backwards.
Do some vigorous exercise, dance or do a full body shake
See ‘5 Ways to Stop Emotional Overload’ in the Tools section
When the Empath is out-of-balance thoughts become erratic, this is something that can be addressed and avoided.
Once you have finished reading this book you will have all the tools you need to transform your life and become in balance. Your thoughts will automatically follow. Controlling negative thought patterns and unconscious thoughtbombing then no longer need be a problem.
Empaths have a gift, but it is easy to understand why it may not be seen that way. Once we are aware of how this gift can be compromised we take back control. Gaining a greater understanding of how people affect us takes us a step further in that direction.