Between Here and There

Just a thin veil between this world and that world of beauty and love. Just a thin veil that hides the view of our Spirit loved ones above.

~Gertrude Tooley Buckingham

I saw him standing at the side of my bed, watching me. He was surrounded in light and looked as handsome as I remembered him from years ago. He was so close, yet I couldn’t touch him. He looked radiant, with his singular smile and penetrating dark eyes. He was dressed in his favorite beige suit with the brown tie I had given him as a surprise gift.

I awakened from my dream at 4 a.m. believing this love from my past was right beside me.

When we first met, I was a performer who had just closed one production and was auditioning for another. To make ends meet, I took a temporary secretarial job at a local hospital that was rich in community history. My office was a throwback to the twenties, with furnishings and décor to match, including a Double Dutch door. I felt so comfortable in that environment, as though I belonged.

On the day we met there, I heard his deep voice from the hallway as he greeted other employees. It was familiar and comforting, as though I had heard it before. I remember my back was to him when he spoke. “Good morning! What’s your name?”

I turned, and time froze. He and I talked about that first meeting many times because we both felt a passionate connection that could not be explained. We just knew that somewhere between here and there, our paths had crossed. I replied, “My name is Elaine.” He quickly responded with one of his memorable smiles. “Oh, you don’t look like an Elaine. Hope you don’t mind, but I need to call you Lainie!” From that moment, I chose to be called Lainie by everyone.

That was an intense year. We were inseparable! Words didn’t have to be spoken; we just knew what the other needed to say. We felt complete, like old souls who found each other again, and we were the only two who existed. We couldn’t wait to be together.

He was nearing the end of a very messy divorce before I came along. He shared his reasons as to why he had left his wife. He was sorry to have caused her heartache, but he knew it was the best decision for all.

He proposed to me while we walked along the boardwalk at the ocean. An incurable romantic, he pointed to a few stars in the sky that November night, wondering if there were two souls on the brightest one who were in love with each other as we were. We talked for hours about what made us happy and sad. He shared that he never found happiness with his established career and longed to pursue another. I told him he must listen to his heart and follow his dream to be happy.

Then he asked me, “What would make you happy?” Without having to think about it, I answered, “Being with you forever!”

Our plan was to marry as soon as his divorce was finalized. He would leave his career, and I would leave mine. We would build a new life and family together and live happily ever after. But sometimes our life stories have different endings.

The next day, his soon-to-be ex-wife and their little children visited my office. She sat across from me and asked for his schedule, knowing I kept his calendar. She looked tired and distraught and then began crying uncontrollable tears. While catching her breath, she shared their plans to divorce. Then she said, “He’s found peace and love, and I am heartbroken to let him go.”

That, too, was a moment that moved my heart. She and the children left my office, and I followed a few minutes later, leaving my job and him behind. He tried many times to reach out to me, but I never responded. Ever since, there’s been a little empty place in my heart where I knew he belonged, but still, I moved on.

I hadn’t thought of him until a song I heard years later brought back intense memories. I played that song, “My Favorite Year,” over and over again. Its melody and lyrics brought us back together in my dreams, my music, my writing, and my thoughts. I tried finding him, but to no avail. Yet, somehow, I felt he was thinking of me, too.

And then, like a miracle, my dream brought him to me. He whispered that he loved me, and he knew I loved him. His vision gave me peace but frightened me, too. I felt he had died and wasn’t able to move on without sharing that he knew how much I loved him. A few weeks later, I discovered what I feared most. His obituary was long and fulfilling. He divorced, but never re-married, dedicating his life to his children and the career I encouraged him to pursue. He had an incredible life! But more incredible, he died on the day I dreamt of him.

I know this was not just my dream, but our dream! I believe when I pass, he’ll be waiting for me. Between here and there, love never dies.

— Lainie Belcastro —