Waking Up

Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there’s love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.

~Ella Fitzgerald

I met my husband Paul on an online dating site. When he first read my dating profile, he said it was hilarious, which was music to my ears. I had a lot of fun writing it, and I was glad to hear that he enjoyed it. But when he went so far as to encourage me to pursue a career as a writer, I emphatically told him that I was “not a writer.” I definitely enjoyed penning my quirky little jokes for the dating profile, but I did not think of myself as a creative person. Therefore, pursuing a writing career was a whole other animal I never even considered. Well, at least, not in the last two decades…

In high school, I fell in love with the written word, and the desire to be a professional writer was certainly inside me. But I quickly squashed that idea after countless people convinced me that I would end up as the stereotypical “starving writer.” Given the economic challenges that my family faced as refugees when I was growing up, the thought of becoming poor terrified me.

So, after I graduated from high school, I said goodbye to the possibility of pursuing a life as a professional writer and earned a bachelor’s degree in business. After college, I started a career in the healthcare industry, eventually becoming a project manager. I didn’t think about writing again, even after Paul consistently encouraged me to do so. He said I had a knack for it, but I didn’t listen to him. Long ago, I had already convinced myself that this wasn’t my path in life.

But one night, I had a vivid dream that would change everything. This dream involved rebirth, kindness, the joys of life, and rediscovering love. The next morning, I awoke to remember that it was Valentine’s Day. What an apropos moment to have a vision of love, I thought to myself. Was this a coincidence? Was it divine intervention or fate? At the time, I honestly had no idea.

I told Paul about the dream, and he just smiled, saying, “You need to write a screenplay about it.” This time, I listened to him.

I began to write about my dream with furious determination. The words seemed to pour out of me like a river whose waters were overflowing. My words turned into a love story, and the love story turned into a full-length screenplay. By the time I finished, I had crafted a love story about a man who is figuratively “reborn” when he discovers his true calling in life. He goes on to create a new, meaningful life for himself and begins to see new possibilities that he never saw before. In retrospect, I suspect that the story was actually about me.

This dream also served as the catalyst for several life-changing decisions. I decided to take some time off from work to learn the complex art of screenwriting. For the first time, I attended writing events and befriended other aspiring writers who encouraged me to keep pursuing my creative endeavors. I connected with film executives and pitched them my story ideas. For the next five years, I would write up a storm. Even when I wanted to take a break from writing for just a few days, my creative mind would not allow me to stop. There were nights when I literally could not sleep until I wrote down the ideas that flowed into my mind. Eventually, I stopped referring to myself as a project manager and started introducing myself as a writer, which was a significant emotional paradigm shift for me.

Last year, I took a job as a copywriter and blogger. For the first time in my life, I would actually get paid to write, which was extremely gratifying. Professionally, I had started anew at the age of forty-eight. At a time when most people were planning for retirement, I was beginning a new life adventure. It felt completely terrifying — and completely right.

At this point, I have completed five full-length screenplays. I am in active discussions with a film production company; I hope to sell my screenplays and have them produced for TV or film in the near future.

My journey has been exciting and wonderful at times. At other times, it has been frightening and frustrating. But, honestly, I absolutely love being a writer, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m still waiting for my big break, but I am hopeful because I know that this is the right path for me. Nothing worthwhile is easy. That’s why accomplishments are so fulfilling; we appreciate all the blood, sweat, and tears required to achieve them.

I never thought that a dream could completely change the course of my life for the better. But then again, I suppose that when I decided not to follow my dreams, my dreams decided to follow me.

Today, when I look back at my previous career in healthcare, I often have a difficult time recalling what it felt like. This is quite surprising since I spent over twenty years working in that arena. At times, it feels as if my healthcare days were a temporary detour. Even when I thought I knew how my life was supposed to unfold, perhaps this monumental dream was meant to tell me, “Do something else. Change your life.” Consequently, I believe my dream was a message from my true self because it finally awoke the writer who was always quietly living inside me.

— Kristen Mai Pham —