This book would not exist without two people. It is the brainchild of my agent Doug Abrams, of Idea Architects. Doug first approached me ten years ago and then kept after me, patiently but persistently, until my life had settled down enough for me to be able to take on the task. Without Doug’s unwavering belief in the message and value of this book, his experience and expertise, and most of all his unflagging support and encouragement, you’d be sitting there holding nothing in your hands right now. (And maybe wishing there was a book to explain why you were doing such a strange thing.) Since this was my first attempt at a more mainstream, nonacademic book and style of writing, Doug’s colleagues Aaron Shulman and Lara Love Hardin were invaluable in shaping my prose to be less technical and more accessible, as well as in discovering fascinating stories that illuminated key points.
But even so, no progress would have been possible without the practical and emotional support of my wife, Monica, which enabled me to buckle down and get writing. She took so much at home onto her shoulders, and off mine, giving me the uninterrupted time and space I needed, nearly every morning without exception for several years in a row. She read drafts of chapters and gave it to me straight when things weren’t clear or if one chapter wasn’t as interesting as another. Her constant love, support, and encouragement—and no small amount of patience—were essential. Just as water doesn’t exist without both hydrogen and oxygen, this book doesn’t exist without both Doug and Monica.
Our daughters, Danielle and Lexie, also gave a lot of support and encouragement even though I was working on the book through several summer vacations in a row. I look forward to making it up to them in the near future. And while they may not have realized it at the time, I was paying close attention to them and learned a lot about human nature in general and childhood in particular watching them both grow up.
Great thanks also to my colleagues who have stuck with me through thin as well as thick over the past decade (and in several cases much longer): Margaret Clark, Ran Hassin, Ezequiel Morsella, Gary Latham, Norbert Schwarz, Dan Gilbert, Sandra Murray, Marcia Johnson, June Gruber, Todd Heatherton, Gene Borgida, Tim Wilson, Roy Baumeister, Peter Gollwitzer, Gabriele Oettingen, Simone Schnall, and Ap Dijksterhuis. And several others generously gave of their time and expertise to help with specific topics and issues covered in the book: Harry Reis, Wendy Wood, Benjamin Karney, Margaret Shih, and Shira Gabriel.
My editor at Simon & Schuster/Touchstone, Trish Todd, and her incredible colleagues and staff also bolstered me with enthusiasm and cogent guidance, improving the initial manuscript in significant ways throughout the editorial and publication process. From start to finish, I could not have been in better hands. I’m very fortunate that they believed in this project and devoted so much time and energy to bring the book to you.
There are of course many other people to whom I am indebted for their guidance, support, and partnership over the course of my academic career—and because this book covers much of that career, which in turn was influenced by my childhood and adolescence, I would be remiss not to acknowledge their significant contributions. But there are so many to thank over that long span of time that I can only do so here through a blanket statement of my deep appreciation for all that they have done, along with making a firm implementation intention to give them specific thanks and recognition when future opportunities arise. So to my sisters and mother, the memory of my father, my fellow students at the Universities of Illinois and Michigan, my colleagues and graduate students at NYU and Yale—thank you all. It won’t be the last time you hear that from me.