The One You Really Want

The temperature wasn’t exactly tropical - it was only the end of March, after all - but at least the sun was out and doing its best to cast some warmth on the proceedings. And when you were sitting naked on one of the brass lions in Trafalgar Square - well, let’s face it, every little bit of warmth helped.

Ignoring the laughter of the pointing, camera-clicking tourists who had congregated around the lion, Mia proudly shook back her hair and watched the two policemen as they headed across the road towards her.

‘You’ve had your bit of fun. Are these your clothes?’ Reaching for the neat pile at the base of the statue, the skinny one said, ‘Just climb down and put them on, there’s a good girl.’

Mia smiled. ‘Yes, those are my clothes. And this,’ she held up a small tube, ‘is my Superglue.’

The two policemen looked at each other. The skinny one took out his walkie-talkie. The burly one said, ‘Is this a joke?’

‘Not a joke at all.’ With her free hand, Mia indicated the banner stuck to the side of the lion. ‘I’m protesting on behalf of the animals who have to endure appalling conditions while they’re being transported from one country to another prior to slaughter. They’re crammed in together so tightly they can’t move, they aren’t given enough water, they—’

‘I meant have you really Superglued yourself to that lion,’ the burly policeman said wearily.

‘Oh yes.’ Mia beamed down at him. Having chosen a fairly ladylike side-saddle pose, she had sparingly dabbed the glue onto her bottom, the palm of her left hand and the inner edge of her right knee.

‘You’re going to be in trouble,’ the skinny policeman pronounced. ‘We’ll have to arrest you, love.’

After an hour-long workout in the gym, Nancy was puce in the face and sweating profusely. Back in the changing room, more than ready for a long cool shower, it wasn’t until she unzipped her sports bag that she discovered the top had snapped open on her shampoo bottle, leaking shampoo all over her towel. Lovely.

As she made her way through to reception to pick up a fresh towel - yuk, Cyanide Sadie was there behind the desk checking bookings - the door to Connor’s office crashed open. Connor, standing in the doorway, bellowed, ‘My God, what have I done to deserve this?’

He looked as if he should have steam shooting out of his ears. Zena, the new part-time receptionist, said apprehensively, ‘What’s wrong? Did I make a mistake?’

Raking his tousled hair, Connor said, ‘I wish. The only mistake around here is the one I made when I said Mia could move to London. I’ve just had a call from Trudy Mulholland. One of our members,’ he explained, because Zena was looking blank. ‘She thought she should let me know that while she was stuck in traffic going round Trafalgar Square, she happened to notice my daughter sitting on top of one of the lions.’

‘She had some kind of banner with her,’ Connor went on. ‘And there were police there, and paramedics, not to mention a crowd of people gawping at her.’

‘I’ll have to get over there.’ Patting his pockets, searching for his keys and cigarettes, Connor said, ‘God only knows what she thinks she’s playing at.’

Sadie shrugged, her magenta curls bouncing around her shoulders. ‘I didn’t say it would help. I just thought it’d be a laugh.’

Perspiration was drying on Nancy’s face, tightening her skin like a face mask. Her droopy T-shirt and baggy jogging trousers stuck damply to her body. With no make-up and her hair tied back she felt clammy and disgusting and undoubtedly looked worse. A shower would take five minutes—

Sadie snorted with derision. ‘That girl doesn’t listen to anyone. She’s out of control.’

The Bentley was perilously abandoned down a side street on double yellows. Racing across the main road and up onto Trafalgar Square, Nancy panted, ‘I thought they’d have got her down by now.’

‘I don’t believe this. She’s got a bigger audience than Posh Spice. MIA!’ Connor yelled over the heads of the massed onlookers. ‘What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing? Get down from there THIS MINUTE.’

‘She’s my daughter. She’s stark naked. I can’t look at her.’ Grabbing Nancy’s arm, he said urgently, ‘You tell her to get down.’

‘She can’t get down,’ sighed a burly policeman. ‘She’s Superglued herself to the lion.’

‘I know how you feel, sir.’ Burly nodded sympathetically. ‘I’ve a teenager myself. Nightmare.’

‘We’ve tried, sir, with blankets. But she keeps ripping them off. One of the paramedics is going to try and fix up a screen. How old is your daughter, sir, may I ask?’

It had been Nancy’s idea to drape the banner - announcing that Animals Have Feelings Too! - around Mia’s body.

‘Your dad’s embarrassed,’ she told Mia. ‘This way you won’t be naked but you’ll still get the message across.’

‘It’s his job to be mad.’ Nancy smiled as she tied the ends of the banner - a white sheet daubed with red emulsion paint - over Mia’s shoulder. ‘He’ll get over it. In a few years.’

‘Ouch.’ Mia winced as the paramedic with the solvent-soaked gauze swabs attempted to peel her skin prematurely from the bronze back of the lion.

‘Right, that won’t slip.’ Double-checking the knot was secure, Nancy said with relief, ‘I’m getting down now.’

‘I know. It’s higher up here than you think, isn’t it? Thanks for coming along with Dad, by the way.’ Breaking into a grin, Mia eyed the hideous jogging bottoms and crumpled T-shirt. ‘Especially at such short notice.’

‘At least I’m wearing clothes,’ said Nancy. ‘Anyway, thank your lucky stars. If I’d said no, he’d have brought Sadie instead.’

It took another ninety minutes to free Mia, by which time she’d been interviewed by three journalists, offered a deal to pose for a top shelf magazine and witnessed her father threatening to punch the guy who’d made the offer.

Pocketing a parking ticket and escaping being clamped by the skin of his teeth, Connor drove with Nancy to Charing Cross police station in Agar Street where Mia, now under arrest, had been taken.

They loitered outside the building and Connor smoked yet another cigarette. He saw that Nancy, drinking coffee from a polystyrene cup, was looking tired.

Connor, overcome with guilt, said, ‘Look, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.’

‘After Mia’s one-woman show this afternoon,’ Connor said fervently, ‘I can promise you, I’m beyond embarrassment. ’ A split second later, realising his unintentional gaffe, he waved his arms. ‘Oh hell, I didn’t mean you are embarrassing. You look fine, honestly. Very . . . natural.’

From the expression on Nancy’s face he sensed that this was wrong too. Bugger, why did he always manage to mess things up when he was with her?

‘I’m a mess.’ Nancy fiddled self-consciously with her fringe. ‘Still, never mind. Anyway, I really don’t mind waiting. Mia shouldn’t be long now.’

‘I owe you one.’ Eager to make amends, Connor said, ‘Tell you what, why don’t I treat you to dinner tonight, to make up for all this? How does that sound?’

There was an odd look in Nancy’s eyes, one he was completely unable to read. Finally she said, ‘It sounds as if you’ve forgotten you’re seeing Tabitha tonight.’

Bugger, he had too. Having left a message with Tabitha’s answering service earlier, letting her know what was happening, Connor reached automatically for his mobile. ‘Look, Tab won’t mind. I’ll just give her a ring and—’

What? That wasn’t what he’d meant at all. Connor opened his mouth to say so, then abruptly closed it again. Nancy wasn’t remotely interested in him and the thought of the two of them having dinner together was, quite clearly, a chore. Plus, she thought he was trying to chat her up - which he was, of course - and resented the fact that he was being unfair to Tabitha. Friendly, cheerful Tabitha whom she had introduced to him in the first place.

‘Of course,’ Connor feigned delight in a last-ditch effort to redeem himself. ‘Fine! Great idea.’

‘Really, you don’t need to thank me.’ Nancy sounded either upset or irritated, he couldn’t tell which. ‘Anyway, I’m busy tonight.’ Balancing her coffee on a window ledge, she rubbed her arms.

‘Here, put this on.’ Removing his black suede jacket, Connor draped it round her shoulders. Standing in front of her, holding the lapels, he watched Nancy avoid his gaze.

His phone chose that moment to start ringing. Nancy fished the mobile from the pocket of his jacket and handed it over.

‘Don’t worry, I hear Holloway’s fab these days, better than any five-star hotel! Joking,’ Tabitha said brightly. ‘She’ll be fine. Crikey, at least she had the body for it. Wouldn’t catch me cavorting naked in public! So, are we still on for tonight?’

Connor raised his eyebrows enquiringly and mouthed Sure? at Nancy, who was close enough to hear every word.

Shaking her head, Nancy turned and walked over to the waste bin to dispose of her empty polystyrene cup. As he watched her, Mia emerged from the police station fully clothed and minus her banner. Spotting Nancy, Mia raced over and flung her arms round her.

‘Yes, great. I’ll pick you up at eight thirty. I’d better go now,’ said Connor. ‘Mia’s just come out.’

‘No problem, we’re busy here too,’ Tabitha said cheerily. ‘See you later. And give Mia my love.’

Relieved, Connor eyed the raw patch on the palm of her hand and said, ‘They probably thought you’d suffered enough punishment.’

‘Were you scared?’ Nancy indicated the police station behind them. ‘When they were questioning you in there?’

‘Nooo.’ Mia looked scornful, then broke into a tiny grin and said, ‘Well, maybe just a bit.’

‘But I did it for a reason. I had a point to make and I made it.’ Mia’s silver-grey eyes shone with pride. ‘And I tell you something, if I have to do it again I will.’

‘Let me tell you something.’ The note of paternal warning in Connor’s voice prompted Mia and Nancy to exchange amused glances. ‘You’re my daughter, you’re sixteen years old and you bloody well will not.’