Kabir puffed hard at his cigarette as he paced the terrace of the small inn. He badly needed some distance from Qiara. All the years away from her had changed nothing. He still lusted after her like a callow youth with raging hormones. He still wanted her with a ferocity that took his breath away. Nothing had changed and yet everything had. The moment he had chosen to leave her at the Deer Park that rainy night without an explanation, it had been all over. It had taken all his willpower and some not to follow his heart: take her love and give himself up to her. She might desire him now, but she would never trust him. Something in his soul yearned for her trust, her forgiveness. That was the last thing she would give him. I’ll never forgive you for leaving me! Her words closed in on him like the darkness all around.
He flicked the cigarette angrily towards the far end of the terrace and took in a huge gulp of the fragrant night air. It was a clear night, and he could see the lights in the distance. Unlike that long ago rain-soaked evening when he had told his mother about his feelings for Qiara. He had been so excited about his life ahead with her. He was about to step out of the house to meet her at the Deer Park, when the door burst open bringing in the spectre of the past he had left behind. His dreams of a future with Qiara were smashed to smithereens. But the shock was too much for his frail mother. He had been torn between going after Qiara and taking care of his mother. It had taken him a long while to get over the unfairness of the choices that life had thrown his way.
The past would never let him alone, he thought bitterly. And there was nothing he could do to change it. He needed to focus on the task at hand and his priority should be to keep Qiara safe but at arm’s length. That was easier said than done!
He loped down the stairs to the room and found Qiara sleeping peacefully. He slipped between the sheets, trying not to wake her. For a moment he was desperately tempted to snatch her up in his arms and make sweet sensuous love to her. But he turned his back to her resolutely and settled in for the night.
Feeling the mattress sag, Qiara’s eyes flew open and for a moment she was totally disoriented. Kabir was inches away from her and she wondered if the bed-burning lovemaking had just been a wild, erotic dream. Her body, though, was sending her different signals. She could still feel his brand of possession and recalling how she’d been driven insane with lust and longing made her feel warm and tingly yet again. Even though he had been as aroused as her, he had been a sensitive, thoughtful lover, as she had always known he would be.
She almost reached out and cuddled him, but stopped short. A romp in the bed and she’d forgotten the pain she’d felt at his betrayal? She squeezed her eyes shut as the warmth seeped away. She willed herself to sleep again but it had abandoned her, just like Kabir had all those years ago while she waited for him at the Deer Park. The memories came wafting down and her tired brain gave up the struggle to keep them away.
As the wedding guests began to leave, she had announced to her mother she would stay back in India and finish her studies in Delhi. Her mother was aghast at her decision and tried to reason with her but she had fought tooth and nail, wanting nothing more than to be with Kabir. Finally, when Mamma had put her foot down, she had blurted out the truth – the reason she wanted to stay back in Delhi was Kabir. Mamma had been gentle with her but her arguments hadn’t worked. She threatened to run away and that’s exactly what she’d done.
She’d waited for Kabir at Deer Park, their usual rendezvous. But he hadn’t shown up. Instead her estranged father had. The man she’d seen for only a few weeks in her entire life. He dragged her home and all but locked her away in the room till their flight to London was confirmed. On the day of their departure she had raved and ranted, cried and pleaded, but none of it made any impact. She and Mamma flew back to London and Kabir simply became a cry in her heart she never could get rid of.
As sleep finally took over, she dreamt of Kabir’s soft kisses, her mother’s pleas and her father’s rage. The ache of loss and loneliness penetrated deep into her psyche making her cry out. Out of nowhere hands gathered her up, and she snuggled into the warmth with relief. The hint of a familiar scent wrapped her in its comforting embrace. A whisper-soft kiss touched her forehead. She let go and a deep sleep took over.
Kabir hugged her close to his heart and his throat wrenched painfully, as he heard her whisper his name in her sleep. Perhaps, this is what is known as exquisite torture? She filled his arms and yet he could no more than watch her as she curled up trustingly. Gnashing his own turbulent feelings, he committed to memory every curl of her hair, the rhythm of her breathing, the feel of her soft skin and the intoxicating scent of her.
The hours passed as if in a flash. Now, she was stirring awake softly and sweetly. Her eyes fluttered open like the petals of a blooming flower; her sleep-drugged gaze taking in his presence, a little confused at first and then widening as recognition flooded in them. Then, she was propelling herself away, leaving his arms bereft of their precious possession.
‘Did I sleep in your…’ She stopped herself from completing her question.
‘Good morning. You’ll be happy to know you don’t thrash about wildly in your sleep. Only sometimes…’
‘What?’ Her eyes grew wide with alarm.
‘You snore a bit…’
‘Nooooo,’ she shrieked. ‘I do not.’
He let out a loud guffaw. ‘Very softly, but you do. It’s kind of sweet.’
‘Snoring is NOT sweet. And why did you…’
‘Why did I what?’
‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’
‘I was enjoying myself too much.’
‘What!’ Her eyebrows arched skywards.
‘Sleeping Beauty was probably named after you.’
She glared back, the last traces of sleep vanishing. Her defences were slowly going up and Kabir had to fight back the feeling of loss that suddenly came over him. Squashing it ruthlessly, he pretended a nonchalance he didn’t feel.
‘What? No comeback? Or perhaps you’re not a morning person?’
Her brow furrowed in annoyance.
‘Does it make a difference? As far as I’m concerned, last night was a big mistake.’
‘Whoa! That’s one cliché I hadn’t expected from you.’
Her eyes were blazing hot now.
‘No? I’m sure you’d prefer the one where the stood-up girl grovels to be taken back after a romp in bed?’
Her words cut him to the core. He grabbed her before she could turn away.
‘Believe it or not, I have gone through my own personal hell for what happened that night.’
‘A backhanded apology if I ever heard one,’ she tossed at him. ‘If you think that will melt my heart, you have another think coming.’
In a trice he strode around the bed and blocked her way. He wanted to do this right, for once. But he had no idea how.
‘I’m ready to grovel for what I did back then, Qiara. But I don’t regret what happened last night, not one bit.’
Her breath hitched but her eyes were cold to his appeal.
‘Too late for grovelling. You left me hanging and as I told you, I will never forgive you for that.’
He grabbed her hand and crushed it in his large palms.
‘It was hard for me not to take what you were offering and run away with you. But there were too many things going on in my life, too many responsibilities.’
She tried not to wince at the blow his words delivered.
‘I’d have just been another one. A burden.’
‘You were never a burden.’
His forefinger streaked a path up her smooth arm, till it reached the butterfly-in-flight tattoo near her collarbone. He traced it gently with the tip of his finger and looked deep into her eyes.
‘The only time I felt free was when I was with you. But at that point, no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t go with you. You would never have understood why.’
‘I never thought you were a coward,’ she challenged. ‘You could have told me to my face.’
Her eyes held a glimmer of tears at the remembered pain and he wished he could wipe away the hurt.
‘I’m not proud of what I did, but it was something which was beyond my…’
‘What’s the point of reliving the past?’ she cut him short. ‘We have both moved on.’
The cell phone in his pocket buzzed urgently startling them. He pulled it out and glanced at it. Zayed.
‘I need to take this call,’ he said.
‘Go ahead,’ she shrugged. ‘I’m going for a shower.’
After an hour on the road, they stopped for a quick rustic breakfast of fresh-off-the-tandoor parathas and alu sabzi. While she had silently devoured her meal, Kabir kept smoking, pacing and making calls. His demeanour had changed completely – and he gave off a very obvious stay-away-from-me vibe.
At one level she was relieved, at another it irked her no end. She wanted to get over the past and at the same time she wasn’t ready to let go. She wanted to make him suffer just the way she had all these years. But try as she might she couldn’t stop thinking of those deep amber eyes as he’d fingered her tattoo and talked about the only time he felt free! Whatever did he mean by that…and why the hell was she giving his words so much importance?
Whatever there was between her and Kabir had ended ages ago and yesterday was an aberration. One induced by fear, fatigue and a fragile hold that the past still held over them. For a few crazy moments she had let go and indulged in her wild fantasies. She should let it rest there.
She pushed away from the table and walked towards the washroom which was spilling over with chattering women who had disgorged from a bus. As she waited for her turn, her phone beeped.
She had missed several calls and messages. Alarm zinged through her as she answered the call. It wasn’t a number she recognized.
‘Hello, who is this?’ she asked tentatively.
‘Madam, it’s Rishi. Where are you? Are you in Jodhpur already?’
Her pulse began to pound as the close shave with the stalker in the train flashed before her. Could she trust Rishi Mathur?
‘Um…Rishi, there has been a slight change of plans. Actually…I got a call from London yesterday and I was told to cancel my trip to Jodhpur.’
Rishi’s voice crackled through.
‘Oh! So where exactly are you now? We need to meet…’
There was a beat of silence.
‘Madam, things are not looking good for you. You are in a lot of danger.’
Despite the uneasiness that was spreading like dense matter through her veins, she tried to sound calm.
‘Danger? What do you mean?’
‘The cops are looking for you. There was an IB officer who was asking all kinds of questions. And there’s something else. It’s urgent and I can’t discuss it on the phone.’
The menacing tone of his voice was spooking her but she tried to stay calm.
‘I think you’re being unnecessarily paranoid. If it’s all that important, I think you’d better tell me now. I don’t have all day to spare.’
She hoped her brusque, no-nonsense manner would help her get her way. The babble of voices around her was making it hard for her to concentrate. She walked out of the long queue of women to get a bit more privacy. A bus honked as it swept out of the driveway.
‘Madam, are you not in Delhi? Who are you with?’
Rishi was definitely pushing all the wrong buttons.
‘If you have anything to tell me, just do it now.’
Her fingers clasped the phone tightly as she waited for him to respond.
‘Ma’am, believe me, I have your best interest at heart. Please, you have to listen to what I have to say.’
The menacing tone had been replaced by a desperate plea and she wondered what his game was. She needed time to think this through. Could it be a trap? Or was she genuinely in trouble with the cops?
‘I have to rush now. I’ll call you soon.’
Her thoughts swivelled to Kabir. Clearly, he knew more than he was letting on. Did he know more about Rishi Mathur and yesterday was he only trying to cross-check her story against Rishi’s?
She put the phone into her backpack. Her fingers brushed against an unfamiliar object and recognition coursed through her. Oh no! She had clean forgotten about Khanna’s tablet!
A few minutes later she walked up to the motorbike where Kabir was impatiently pacing up and down. He turned to her and fixed those amber eyes on her. Right now they were cool and distant. Up until last evening all she had wanted to do was get out of his path as quickly as possible. Frankly, nothing had really changed since then, except of course for a totally, unnecessary, unwanted, estrogen-charged interlude. She had to stick to her decision of cutting all ties with him and making him a confidant was not on the agenda.
‘There have been a couple of developments,’ he said, ‘and we need to be on our way.’
A sliver of anxiety cut through her. ‘What developments?’
‘The gunman was shot dead last night in the hospital. Apparently, whoever had ordered Khanna’s assassination was worried he might blurt out the truth to the cops.’
Her eyes grew wide. ‘Oh!’
He continued, ‘The other thing is Rishi Mathur has gone underground.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He was under police surveillance but he seems to have shaken off the cops.’
‘Oh wow, and you want me to believe you didn’t know about it?
‘What the hell are you suggesting?’
‘Rishi just called me and it seems like you are hiding something from me.’
‘Really?’ His eyes were hooded. ‘What did he say?’
She filled him in on their conversation and with every word she uttered, his jaws tightened and eyes darkened ominously before he snapped, ‘Give me your phone, please!’
She handed it to him without argument. He pulled out his own phone and dialled a number.
‘Zayed, Rishi has tried to make contact with Qiara.’
His voice was low and authoritative.
‘He’s using a landline number.’
He read out the number from Qiara’s phone.
‘It’s a local number. You will need to track it down. We’re heading to Jaipur. Will call you from there.’
‘What’s the plan?’ Qiara asked the moment he cut the line.
‘You will find out soon enough.’
She didn’t budge from her spot, while he strapped on his helmet and waited for her to put on the helmet he thrust at her. ‘You want a written invitation or what?’
She didn’t move as she debated with herself about her next move.
Kabir glowered at her. ‘You’re not telling me something. Come on, spill it.’
Deciding it would be silly to hold back vital information from him, she fished in her backpack and thrust the tablet at him.
‘This is Ranveer Khanna’s tablet. I picked it up from his office before I fled.’
‘And you didn’t tell me about it?’
‘I meant to…but what with everything going on, I clean forgot.’
He flicked open the tablet but the screen remained dark. He let out a frustrated breath.
‘Great! The battery is probably dead. Come on, let’s get to Jaipur and see if we can revive this and get some leads.’
‘So, what’s the plan?’
For a moment he just stared at her.
She stood her ground, arms crossed across her chest.
‘Why do I have the feeling that you never had any intention of taking me to Jodhpur?’
His amber eyes turned a shade darker and he echoed her words.
‘What with everything going on, I clean forgot.’
A rush of anger flooded through her.
‘Fine, so we are even. We can part ways, you get on to Jaipur and try and nail Rishi. I’ll find my way to Jodhpur.’
‘Do you even realize what you’re saying? Rishi probably has tracked you down at this very moment. And if he’s connected to the people who have kidnapped Reshma…’
‘Tracked me down?’ she cut him short.
‘I bet your mobile phone has been switched on all along.’
‘Oh my God!’
She pulled out her phone and pulled out the SIM.
‘It’s too late for that,’ he said calmly. ‘Besides, you don’t think I’m stupid enough to take you right into the danger zone, do you?’
Her eyes were flashing fire.
‘Don’t give me that bullshit. You could have been upfront about it.’
‘Use your head, Qiara, not your heart! I know you want to get to Reshma, I want her to be safe too. Let the police do their job…’
‘As if!’ she exhaled angrily. She took a deep breath, counting to ten, willing her temper to subside. ‘You know exactly what will happen when the cops get involved. It would be a massive waste of time…I’m not the criminal here.’
Kabir waved the tablet at her.
‘First things first; let’s get this device working. Come on, let’s move.’
Even if Kabir wasn’t upfront with her, she had no doubt about one fact – he was one of the ‘good guys’, whereas Rishi was an unknown entity. The knot of tension in her stomach was beginning to tighten.
Kabir stabbed at the ignition.
‘Qiara, one more thing…I won’t let you out of my sight.’
‘I seriously think you should give your bodyguard act a rest,’ she fumed.
‘And you can keep arguing about it till the cows come home.’
She so wanted to stamp her feet and throw a hissy fit, which given Kabir’s current mood would be totally pointless. She took a deep breath and clambered up behind him.
He revved up and rode out leaving behind a cloud of dust. She needed to put some distance between her and this maddening man and she had one hour to work out a plan before they reached Jaipur.