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The constant tattoo of the pulse monitor was hypnotizing. Rowan finally fell asleep. He was exhausted from pacing and worrying. He was comfortable enough in the recliner. Still, he was aware of the nurses’ comings and goings in the night. He was restless, sleeping in short spurts, stirring at any change in the ambient noise.
He awakened when the nurse came in to do the morning vitals before the shift change. She seemed oblivious to his presence. He watched her work and was surprised when he realized Lauren was staring at him. The head of her bed had been slightly elevated. Her thousand-mile stare aimed in his direction. He waited until the nurse was gone before he rose.
He felt his countenance lighten with relief, but she turned her head away. It was almost as if she still was not there. “Hey,” he leaned in and kissed her forehead. “It’s just me.” He brushed her hair back off her brow. She didn’t protest, but there was still no response. He sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand, gingerly. “It’s okay. You’re safe now.”
Lauren’s hand wrapped itself in his. He found her eyes meeting his. The light came on and it was as if the morning sun had just broken over the Rocky Mountains. Rowan’s heart seemed to swell in his chest at the beauty of it. “How are you feeling?”
It took a moment for her to answer. “I have a headache.” She swallowed hard. Her voice cracked.
“I can have the nurse get you something for that.”
“Where am I?”
“You’re in a hospital,” he said, intentionally omitting details. “Do you remember what happened to you?”
“Did I fall down?”
“It was a little more than that,” he said. “Don’t you remember?”
“Tell me,” she said.
“We don’t know what happened, Lauren. We were hoping you could tell us.”
“Did I fall down?” She repeated. She gazed at him as if he had all the answers in the universe. Her eyes looked as innocent as a child. His heart broke.
He gazed at her swollen fingers. “Not that we know of,” he said. He decided there was no need to push her any farther. This was more than they’d gotten so far, and he was grateful that she was back with them...for the most part. “Can I get you something to drink? You must be hungry.”
“Bahati fed me,” Lauren said.
“That was yesterday,” he said. “It’s almost time for breakfast. You need to eat to get your strength back.”
“Can I have a cookie?” she asked. Rowan couldn’t help but smile.
“I’ll see if I can find you one. Want milk with that?”
“Sure,” she said, glancing down at her arm, wincing when she realized she couldn’t move it.
“What happened?” She glanced back up at Rowan.
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t you remember?”
“Did I fall down?”
She was obviously still very loopy. There was no point in going through this with her over and over again. “I’ll go find you a cookie.”
“I love cookies. Can I have some milk with it?” She let out a breath dreamily, her eyelids dropping as her head rolled to the side.
“Sure.”
* * *
Rowan returned a few minutes later with a carton of milk and a package of graham crackers. He’d hoped for Oreos, knowing they were her favorite, but they didn’t have any and one of the nurses suggested they might upset her stomach.
“I hope you like these,” he said, unwrapping the package.
She didn’t stir at first, and when she did, she gazed at him blankly. “Rowan?” Her voice was gruff, different than it had been just a few moments earlier. She winced, trying to move her shoulder, her face twisting in pain. “Where am I?”
He furrowed his brow, taking her hand. “Don’t you remember?”
“My head is killing me.” She pulled her hand away and put it to the side of her face. “I feel like I got hit broadside by a truck.”
“You were hurt very badly. But we don’t know what happened. We hoped you could tell us.”
“Where’s Bahati?”
“She went back to the hotel to sleep,” he said, glancing at his watch. “It’s just after six in the morning.”
“I have the feeling I’m supposed to be somewhere,” she said, putting her hand back in his. “What day is it?”
“It’s Friday,” he said. “You’ve missed a few days.”
“I have?” She arched her brow. “My shoulder.” A deep moan escaped her throat. “It hurts.”
“Your arm was nearly ripped out of the socket,” he said. “The bone was broken too. Doctors had to do surgery.”
“Oh wow,” she leaned her head back on the pillow, squeezing her eyes closed.
“Do you need something for pain?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “It really hurts.”
“Okay. Hold on. I’ll get help.” He rose and stepped out to the nurses’ station. He returned a moment later with the nurse in tow.
“Welcome back,” she said, watching her patient cautiously, as she checked the IV. “How’s your pain?”
“It’s bad,” Lauren said through clenched teeth.
“On a scale of one to ten?”
“Two-hundred-ninety-four,” she said. “Maybe three hundred.”
“That bad, huh?” The nurse mused. “I just switched the morphine pump to manual. You just press this button as you need it.” She tucked the control in Lauren’s hand. “You can have a small dose every fifteen minutes, but there’s a limit, so go easy. This should be more than enough to take the edge off.”
Rowan could tell the pain medicine was reaching her. She seemed to melt, her jaw relaxing. She inhaled deeply. “Mmm,” Lauren managed. “Are those for me?” She saw the graham crackers on the tray.
Rowan nodded at the nurse as she departed, returning to his spot on the foot of the bed. “Yeah. If you’re up to it.” He handed her one.
She nibbled on it, letting her hand fall back to her lap as she chewed the bite, then lay the cracker back down. “Maybe not yet.”
“How about some tea or maybe some ginger ale?” Rowan suggested.
She shook her head. “Maybe just some water,”
As if in answer, the nurse came in with a pitcher of ice water and a cup and straw. “How are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m kind of queasy,” Lauren said.
“I’ll get you some ice chips,” the nurse said. “It’ll help. I promise.”
* * *
Bahati arrived in time to help with breakfast. Rowan sat in the corner, feeling helpless. He resigned himself to the fact that he wasn’t needed and announced his intentions to go and get a cup of coffee.
The ice had helped. Lauren was actually able to keep down some toast and tea. Bahati coaxed her into eating some tapioca pudding but the eggs and oatmeal went untouched.
“I don’t think anyone’s done anything with your hair since you got here,” Bahati said, running a long hand over her raven tresses. “Want me to brush it?”
“No,” she said. “I’m just going to close my eyes for a little bit.” She yawned.
“You’ve earned it,” Bahati said.
* * *
Bahati and Rowan paced the halls the rest of the morning. Jean-René stopped by with the disc and stayed only long enough to talk logistics before the crew left on the next flight back to San Diego. They would start analyzing the evidence they had collected. After all, there wasn’t anything else they could do. There wasn’t much Bahati and Rowan could do either, but they needed each other, and when Lauren was feeling better, she would need them too.
“I can’t believe she doesn’t remember anything.” Bahati said.
“It might be more merciful this way.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t imagine what she’s been through.” He ran a weary hand over his scalp. “I just think it might be better that she doesn’t remember.”
“In the long run, she’ll need to know,” Bahati said. “It’ll drive her crazy. You know how she is.”
Rowan nodded. “I do.”
* * *
Lauren was sitting up and trying to get out of bed when Rowan returned from the cafeteria. “What are you doing?” he asked, rushing over to stop her.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” she said. She was groggy and moved slowly.
“No, you don’t,” he said. “Lie back down.”
“I do,” she insisted.
“Lauren, you’ve got a catheter and you’re hooked up to wires and an IV. You don’t need to go anywhere. You have to stay in bed. You’re going to hurt yourself.” He took her arm blocking her from getting up. She surrendered.
Lauren lay back, gazing at him. Her face was void of emotion. “Where’d you go? I missed you.”
“Pacing the halls,” he said.
“Why?” she asked, her brow furrowing.
“I’ve been worried. You were gone for 10 days,” he said. “I thought I’d lost you forever.”
“I was just sleeping,” she said, looking confused.
“Lauren?” he hesitated. “Do you remember anything that happened to you in the last, say ... two weeks?”
“I ate some Jell-O,” she said. “It was green ... or was it red?”
“That’s it?” He arched his brow.
“We went...” She hesitated. “We went camping.”
“Why?” he asked. He was testing her.
“Because. Because ...we like camping?” He shook his head. Lauren furrowed her brow. “We were looking for something,” she said. “But ... I don’t remember what it was.”
Rowan’s breath came out in a ragged gasp, his knees no longer holding him as he sat down hard. “It might be for the best,” he said, softly.
Lauren looked at him blankly. “What do you mean? What happened? Did I hit my head?”
“I wished to God I knew. But ... I’m glad you don’t. I just want to take you home and put this trip behind us.” He leaned on the rail and her hand came to rest on his head. He took it and pressed it to his lips, looking at her fiercely.
“You said I was going to be okay,” she managed to smile. “I will be. So will you.”