As You Lean Into The Light (Heavy Soul, 1997)
Paul and Me
ONE NIGHT I got very drunk, very sorry for myself. Suddenly, with no warning at all, my past caught up with me. This is not a good thing to happen, for my past is a horrible place to visit. As a child, I went without love and support; I was beaten physically and verbally. My teenage years were spent in care. As I got older, I began to deal with the loss and the pain, keep them at bay. I was good at it, too, but for some reason, on this particular night, the pain poured out, uncontrollably.
I was with Paul and his partner at the time, Sammi, in a West End bar, and I remember thinking as I spieled out my grievances, ‘Shut up, Paolo, just shut up.’ But I didn’t. I wanted to know the answer to the question that haunts all orphans: why me?
Months later, I went to visit Paul in the Bath studio where he was recording part of the Heavy Soul album. He played me this song. I loved its fragile nature, the depth of its emotion. His statement that if he could he would bear the pain of his friend was highly moving.
‘Did you like that?’ he asked when it was finished.
I replied in the affirmative.
‘Good, I’m glad. I really am, because I wrote it after that night. I wrote it about you and that night!’