Two months after I returned to Chicago, I received an e-mail from my husband, Patrick, saying he would be in town and asking if I would be willing to meet him while he was here.
I agreed, and we arranged to meet at the lakefront several blocks from the house.
My feet had healed enough to walk over, and it felt more personal that way. As I approached our meeting point, I wondered how I would feel once I saw him. Looking up in the distance, my question was immediately answered. I saw Patrick walking toward me—not the monster I felt he was the last time we were together, but just a guy who seemed vulnerable and scared. A guy I actually loved.
Moments later we came face-to-face, and he put out his hand for me to take, which I did. We started walking and didn’t say a word to each other for a long time. Finally we made our way over to a park bench and sat down in the shade.
“How are you, Sonia?” he finally asked.
“I’m peaceful, Patrick. My pilgrimage healed my heart.”
He was quiet for a long time.
Then he said, “That’s great. I’m so proud of you for doing that.”
A few minutes later, I asked, “How are you?”
He was again quiet for some time.
“I’m sad,” he finally replied. “I miss you and our family.”
I listened. I could tell it was true.
After a while he said, “Do you want to try it again with us?”
I looked out at the water, feeling for the answer. It came easily.
“Sure, Patrick. I’m willing.”
“We’ve had so many difficulties before. We hurt each other so much.”
“Yes, we did,” I said, “but I’ve forgiven all that. I hope you can as well.”
“I can.”
He paused, and then asked, “Do you think we can work things out?”
“I don’t know,” I answered.
“How should we even begin?” he asked. “It seems like a lot.”
I took a breath and thought for a long while.
Then I said, “I have an idea. Do you want to walk the Camino with me?”
Walking home alone after our conversation, I thought about what lay ahead between us. I’ve always been a big believer in happy endings and worked so hard to bring them about, so the thought that we might be able to reconcile was seductive. But now I knew in my heart that even if things between us did come to an end, I would still be happy. And that gave me freedom and peace.