CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Dustin threw himself into work for two days straight. Eli was busy tending to Cass and the new baby, so Dustin worked from sunup to sundown herding the cattle, fixing posts, baling hay, and chasing down rogue calves. It was just him and Old Clyde and the dogs, since Jordy had left. He’d offered to stay behind, but Dustin and Clyde said they could handle it.
In a way, it was good to be overwhelmed with work. Every calf that ran into a patch of nettles, every cow that needed antibiotics shots because it’d caught a cold, every busted fence meant another moment he didn’t have to think about Annie leaving him. He could push down the sense of betrayal he felt, the despair at knowing she was gone. He could ignore the hollow ache in his chest.
Nights were the worst.
His bed was cold and empty, his sheets still carrying her scent. Down the hall, Cass and Eli’s new baby wailed and was quickly appeased.
So he worked and he tried to forget.
After about two days of this, though, he got sick of it. He pitched hay in the barn and when Moose ran up to him and offered his paw, cocking his head, his first thought was to tell Annie about it. Then, grief and despair hit when he realized she wasn’t there. He pulled out his phone, thought for a moment, and then texted her.
DUSTIN: Are we not speaking or can I say hello to you?
ANNIE: We can absolutely talk, of course. I don’t hate you, Dustin. I just think it’s best if we figure out what we want before we charge into anything. Please understand.
DUSTIN: I’m trying. I miss you, though.
ANNIE: I know. I don’t want to say I miss you too because then this all sounds crazy.
DUSTIN: You said it, not me.
ANNIE: You always know how to make me smile. Btw, Morgan is a feisty one today.
DUSTIN: How’s she doing?
ANNIE: Have we decided it’s a girl now? I’m still pretty sure it’s a boy.
DUSTIN: Call it cowboy intuition.
ANNIE: Sounds good to me.
ANNIE: I like this. I like talking to you. We . . . we can be friends, right?
Even though it killed him to think of them as “just friends,” he sent her back an answer.
DUSTIN: Absolutely.
After a few more days, Eli began to leave Cass’s side for longer periods of time and returned to helping out the others. It was a quiet period for them right now. The calves were old enough to not need constant monitoring, the weather wasn’t too bad, and birthing season wasn’t for months yet. Things settled down.
Which was good, because Dustin needed to leave. He talked to Eli and Clyde and told them he had to get some stuff taken care of before he figured out what he was going to do. Clyde just slapped him on the back, and Eli gave him a knowing nod.
“When you come back, we’ll have a spot for you,” Eli told Dustin. “If not . . . that’s all right, too.”
Dustin nodded, because he didn’t know if he’d be back. After a few days of being alone again, one thing was certain—home wasn’t Price Ranch, or a boat in Florida. Home was Annie Grissom, with her freckles and her wry smile and her big heart, and he wanted to be where she was. Without Annie at his side, he was feeling that restless itch, but unlike before, this time it was impossible to ignore. It wasn’t that he hated being here, he realized.
He just didn’t want to be away from her. Didn’t matter if it was Painted Barrel, Wyoming, or the beach in Florida.
But because Annie needed him to be sure, he was going to do everything he could to ensure that he knew his own mind.
So Dustin packed an overnight bag, grabbed his damned boating pamphlets, and headed to the airport. He bought a ticket to Fort Lauderdale, Florida, just like he’d planned to do so for so many years. It was time to put his money where his mouth was and experience the dream for a few days to see what he thought of it. Before he’d met Annie, a boat on the coast seemed like the ultimate adventure. He’d have no home except the one with a sail, no one to answer to, and nothing but sunshine all year round. He’d live on the beach and soak up the rays, fish to his heart’s content, and then when he was tired of the faces there, he could move along to somewhere else.
He tried.
He really tried.
Fort Lauderdale was perhaps a poor choice, though. It was crowded. It was touristy. He met Marcus Salter and toured the sales yard. He eyeballed a few different boats, but the drive wasn’t there. He couldn’t pull the trigger on buying the boat, and it was clear that the salesman was disappointed to see his sale walk away. Marcus suggested that Dustin check out the Florida Keys, instead, so he went to Islamorada.
It was beautiful there, no doubt. Palm trees dotted the landscape, and the beaches were gorgeous, the water Caribbean blue. Even in the fall, there were beautiful women on the beach, but he found he wasn’t all that interested in them. He found himself watching the young mothers escorting children on the beach, instead, smiling when a child delightedly picked up a shell.
He talked to one of Marcus’s clients, a businessman who’d cashed out his nest egg and decided to live a freewheeling life in the islands. The man was about twenty years older than Dustin, and the meet-up between them went badly. The man chased after women half his age, drank too much beer, and bragged about his boat. He invited girls to sit with them, and all of them wore bikinis, giggled a ridiculous amount, and eye-flirted like there was no tomorrow. Good Time Girls, like he’d always looked for in the past. Girls that wanted no commitment, just some fun.
Dustin hated it. He hated all of it.
Was this the company he had to look forward to, then? Tourist traps and crowded beaches filled with people he didn’t like?
He excused himself early and went back to his hotel, where he emailed Marcus to tell him that he’d changed his mind entirely, and then he texted Annie.
DUSTIN: How’s my baby today?
ANNIE: Morgan is bouncy today. I swear she’s kicked my liver a hundred times in the last hour.
DUSTIN: So you agree it might be a girl, then?
ANNIE: Just for today. Tomorrow we’ll see.
DUSTIN: And how’s Morgan’s mom?
ANNIE: Tired. Trying to figure out my options for employment.
DUSTIN: Do you need money? I can send you some.
ANNIE: Nope, I’m good. :) Just mostly restless.
DUSTIN: I know how that feels.
He didn’t tell her he was in Florida, watching his restless dream wither away before his eyes. He didn’t want her to feel pressured or that he had an ulterior motive.
ANNIE: My mother thinks I should get in front of the camera for a plethora of ‘pregnant woman in supermarket’ type roles. Hit that window while I have it, right? And my friend Katherine knows someone that needs a dog trainer in Vancouver for the next two months. Seems their last trainer broke both his legs in a skiing accident and now can’t work until he gets some mobilization again. I haven’t said yes to anything, though, but the boredom is killing me.
DUSTIN: You could do dog training. Or even dog walking. Whatever it is, you’ll be awesome at it. You’re smart and clever and anyone would be lucky to have you.
ANNIE: :)
ANNIE: Thank you.
ANNIE: I haven’t figured anything out but I do have options. I’m just . . . not sold on any of them.
DUSTIN: I hear you.
ANNIE: How about you? How are you doing? How’s Moose?
Moose was back with Eli and the others, no doubt pining away that Dustin was gone. Well, not entirely. The dog had latched on to Cass recently, fascinated with the new baby. He hovered protectively near her, his herding instincts kicking in. If Dustin decided to leave the ranch, he’d go back for Moose, but for now, he was content to leave him with the others.
DUSTIN: Everything’s great here.
He wanted to tell her that he missed her. That he loved her. That Moose missed her, too. That Cass hoped she was okay and was saving baby clothes for her. That he had been to see his boat and his beach dream and had been unimpressed. He had so much he wanted to tell her . . . but he wasn’t sure what to say. Their “friendship” was fragile, and he didn’t want to fill her phone with how he really felt. So all the I miss you and I love you and Nothing’s the same without you messages he wanted to send remained in his head alone. Eventually, he just texted back with:
DUSTIN: Hope you’re enjoying LA. Tell Morgan I miss her.